Searching

[Dagos Terrek]

Dagos wandered around the temple grounds, lost. It seems that’s all he ever was these days, lost. Of course he knew his way around by now but even after months of calling the Order home, he could not shake the uncomfortable feeling one has when they don’t know where they are. He had lost so much on his way to the JedI. His brother, his home and his identity. So much of who he was, was tied to Haruun Kal, to Ragos and now who was he? Dagos Terrek Padawaan with out a master. Dagos Terrek JedI without a purpose. Dagos Terrek a man with out a home. Dagos Terrek a child lost at sea.

For weeks, he had hid in the temple, losing himself in the archives trying to learn what it meant to be JedI. trying to find something that spoke to him, something that would prove he was headed down the right path. Constantly he was plagued by doubt, blinded by guilt. How could he know if he was on the right path, if he could not see his own feet?

His brother’s death hung over him like a rainstorm. It followed him every where, there was no doubt the others could sense his shame, could see his guilt. He could not face them, let them see the truth of his past, surely if they knew they would call him murderer and cast him from here. If that were to happen, he would be truly lost.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Passing by the temple grounds, Thurion was on his way to another council meeting demanding his attention. While on his way, he stopped briefly to look upon the youth he'd picked up on such distraught thoughts and feelings just now. It didn't take a genius to see the lad was hurting, and he quickly made a mental note of him before his duties commanded him to proceed to the Council chambers.

Unfortunately, his attention during the meeting was somewhat divided due to the young man he'd happened upon from earlier. Once the meeting was concluded, he stepped outside the chambers with a slight hurry in his steps, hoping to catch him once more. Even as time had progressed several hours, the young man was still in the same place out in the temple grounds, the disturbed look upon his face still present.

As [member="Dagos Terrek"] sat on one of the benches, Thurion merely walked up to him and spoke. "Pardon me, lad, but might an old man rest his legs here in your company?" he asked semi-seriously, as he did feel an awful lot older compared to the teen. Being a father tended to put on a few extra years as well, it seemed. Without really waiting for a reply he took a seat beside him, letting out an audible aaahh as he did.

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

“Of…Of course, Master.” to say he was flustered would be a complete understatement. The last person he had expected to see today was Master Heavenshield, Grand Paladin of the Silver Guardians, a sitting member on The Silver Council, founding member of The Levantine Sanctum and a hero of the second Sith invasion of Coruscant.

He was a true master. The force flowed from his in waves, it pushed and pulled like the current of the ocean. It washed over him and threatened to drown him in its power. The young man was talented and his potential was vast, but compared to the Master JedI next to him, he was nothing more than a row boat caught in a hurricane.

The older man, but he wore his burden or his gift, so effortlessly.

Dagos tried his best to calm his unease near the Master JedI but it was no use. He was neither strong or focused enough to alleviate his doubt or his guilt.

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

The lad's outward appearance switched from utterly distraught to that of a star-struck fan, much to Thurion's amusement, but it only lasted for a moment before returning to his brooding state. "It seems I am at a disadvantage, my young friend. I do not know your name, I'm sad to say. Care to enlighten me?" He kept up his lighthearted facade, despite the worry he felt for the padawan.

As he awaited [member="Dagos Terrek"]'s response, he leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head, opting for a relaxed stance to combat that of the youth sat beside him.

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

“Apologies, Master. My name is Dagos, it‘s nice to meet you.” he introduced himself to Master Heavenshield, who had just gotten himself comfortable. From spending his time in the archives, Dagos had learned a fair bit about the Jedi seated next to him. His skill was renown, his exploits bordered on the fantastic. Truth be told he did not know the Master personally and things can be lost in translation but, it was safe to say Dagos looked up to the Master as an example of the kind of Jedi he could become, if only he could move out of his own way.

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

"Well then, [member="Dagos Terrek"], allow me to say it is a pleasure to meet you." He closed his eyes and merely let the moment pass them by in silence. For a moment it would look like he was about to fall asleep, but his senses were very much focused on the youngster at his side. He listened to the ruffling of leaves in the wind and basked in the sunlight, allowing himself to find inner peace in the span of a minute.

Eyes still shut, he then spoke. "I detect an unstable emotional state in you, young padawan. Seems a shame that one should be so distraught in a place so serene, don't you think?" He opened one eye slightly to glance over at him after having spoken.

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

“Yes, Master, I agree. I came here to find peace but it seems I wasted my time.” he smiled politely as he talked. He did not want to seem like he was dumping his problems on Master Heavenshield.

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

"Well, we can't have that", he uttered casually as he sat back up, eyes now fixed on Dagos'. "You know, I wouldn't be a very good 'master' if I were to not hear those who aspire to become such. Answer me this: Why are you here? What do consider your purpose here?" Thurion opted for a very laid back facade throughout it all, although careful not to cross into an arrogant one. He didn't want to scare the young man away.

Extending his hand a nearby branch on one of the trees above their heads began to shiver and shake until a piece of fruit dropped down into his open palm. "Careful", he merely said before taking a bite out of the juicy apple, referring to a second apple set to drop into the lap of the padawan.

@[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

@[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

Dagos plucked the apple right out of the air as it dropped from the branch. His mouth curved into a small smile, proud as he was of his display of dexterity.

“Honestly, Master, I have no where else to go.” Dagos could of made up something, told the Master Jedi what he wanted to hear or avoided the question all together, but something about Master Heavenshield elicited the truth, it could have been his status amongst the order but more likely Dagos, was just tired.

“My purpose eludes me. At home things had been so simple. But here, I don’t know, it’s like learning to walk all over again.”

he fumbled around with the apple in his hands, plucking the leaves and twisting the stem.

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

He continued to play with the apple in his hands, vividly aware of how uncomfortable he was. He should not bother Master Heavenshield with his problems, it was his own burden to bear and over come, but how? He needed help. By the force, he wished Ragos was here. But Ragos would never be there again. He was dead and Dagos may as well slit his throat himself. His chest tightened when he thought of his brother.

“I’m sorry, Master.”

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Taking a large bite of the fruit in his hand, Thurion listened to Dagos' words. "Learning how to walk is the beginning of learning how to run, my friend. When you can run, you can learn how to jump. Once you know how to jump, there is no limit to where you can or can't go."

When the young man apologised, he merely shook his head in protest. "No. You never have to apologise to me, Dagos. I want to hear everything you have to say, be it about yourself or the most trivial thing in the galaxy. Every words holds some meaning, for good or bad. It's up to you to decide which."

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

The elder Jedi, offered what words he could to Dagos. He heard them, and only half trusted them to be true. He knew what the master was saying was right. Dagos just needed to have patience. But was he not patient these last months, hidden away, trying to feel comfortable, trying to find his place? Maybe, the time for waiting was over, maybe it was time for him to do something, but what?

“You’re, right Master. I, should have more patience. Coruscant wasn’t built in a day.” he smiled, trying to reassure himself as much as the other man, that he had taken the advice to heart. It was not easy, he knew the true reason he was failing. His brother’s death and the guilt it caused him, weighed on his mind constantly, he could not sleep, he could not focus, he was so far behind on his studies and his training, it was no wonder Master Ru, planned on leaving. He was failing her as much as himself.

“Master? Have you ever had something, you wished you could tell someone. But had no one to tell it too?”

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

His facade faltered when Dagos asked his question, putting his feet back down onto the ground and assuming his normal, more stoic posture. "Everyone does. Not a single moment goes by without any of us wanting and wishing we'd told that person that one little word, or take back things we've already said. I would say it's human nature, but so many other species than humans commit this mistake. Maybe it's the nature of the Universe that we make such mistakes, to be flawed in some ways?" he asked philosophically.

He then lowered his gaze somewhat as he continued. "I wish I could've told my master not to go that day when she disappeared back on Teth, many years ago. I wish I could've persuaded my brother to come with me when he instead chose to sacrifice his life to save me before I even started out on becoming a Jedi. Likewise, I wish I could've persuaded a childhood friend not to leave the comfort of Coruscant. But you see, all these things I regret have helped shape me into the person I am now. Do I still have regrets? Every waking moment, but I know that had any of these events occurred differently, I might not have been here talking to you. I might be dead or joined the Dark Side, for all I know."

He gave his golden beard a good scratch. "The point is, you can't dwell on these things. The past do not dictate what happens now. Only you can, here in the present."

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

He did not argue with the master, nor did he truly disagree. He did struggle to accept it how ever. There was truth, obviously. Dagos would give anything to be able to change what had happened back home, he would in moment sacrifice all he had, all he was to have Ragos be alive.

But where would he be then? At home? Keeping his family safe from akkdogs and rival tribes. Ignorant, to the galaxy around them? Would that truly be better? It would certainly be easier, happier even, but here with all its hard ships and the guilt, he was in a position to protect not only his family but everyone’s, and he was taking it for granted, wasting the gift Master Ru had given him.

“Thank you, Master. I will think upon what you have told me.” he said before taking a bite from his apple.