Ships in the Night

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker's hands anxiously tapped along to the ticking second hand of the mechanical chrono on his wrist. Three, two, one.. negative one, negative two, negative three..

Seconds later, a fluid hiss sounded behind him. He stepped back from the command station and gave a respectful nod to the chief officer of the bridge's night watch as he relieved Tucker of his duty. Instead of exchanging the typical pleasantries that he would have with the arriving shift, Tucker began walking out with the leaving crewmen.

"Jordi, Cooper, a moment more of your time if you will. Follow me."

The chief security officer and bridge technician exchanged a quick glance before silently nodding in response to the captain's request. Tucker clenched and unclenched his fist to the rhythm of the three sets of bootfalls as they made their way through the pristine, white halls of the corvette. They stopped outside of the closed door of the vessel's least useful resident - a man Tucker normally gave a pass for several reasons, but he would no longer let his own personal standing with the man to stop him from doing what needed to be done.

Tucker tried to open the door with the normal lock code, but as expected, it did not work. With a sigh, the older man gave the door three firm knocks.

"Vaun, open up!"

 

[Mereel Vaun]

The soft blue glow of a T-visor was the only thing that illuminated the dark room. Knocking on his quarters' door and the old man yelling stirred a groggy Mereel from his sanctuary of sleep, and his brown eyes slowly blinked into focus as his brain slowly processed what his friend was yelling on the other side of the door.

He heard the bottle roll out of his left hand and across the ceramic floor tile, but he didn't feel it leave the grip of his left hand. Not like that meant anything, there was a sensational void where his left hand had once been, and the only time he ever felt anything in his hand or left arm was when the phantom pains crept in to remind him of his incompleteness and inadequacies.

Both of which were things he was already fully aware of at the moment.

Ever since she had left, he had received no reprieve from the prison of his mind or the pain from the open sore of his heart save the bottle or merciful unconsciousness. He had fully embraced almost all of the worst creature habits from every phase of his life: alcoholism, drunken outbursts of violence, recklessness, seclusion, slothfulness.. the only thing he hadn't resumed was hiring escorts, and that was only because he knew that would merely expand the void that was his heart.

His room was thoroughly sound-proofed on the interior. Since normal yelling would be pointless, and he certainly wasn't going to get up to go answer the door, it was a good thing he had fallen asleep under the protection of his helmet. He set his external audio emitters to their max setting.

"Go away."

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker exhaled an agitated sigh as his command was responded to by the Mandalorian Jedi. It sounded like the kid was standing out in the hall with them, speaking at a normal conversation's volume.. which meant that Mereel was wearing his helmet, with its volume on maximum setting.

"Well, gentlemen. We have our answer. Cooper, slice it open."

"Right away, sir.

The technician walked over to the door panel console and pulled a computer spike off of his belt. About a minute later, the door to Mereel's quarters slid open.

"Thank you, Cooper. You are dismissed."

"Thank you, sir. Good luck."


Cooper gave a respectful nod of the head, turned on his heel, and began walking down the hall towards the crew quarter section. He was a good man. Every crewmember aboard the Iviin'yc had good qualities about them. It was his job to make sure of that. Even the man he was about to confront had good qualities to him, and it was his own duty to see those restored - as a Captain and a friend.

"Out of the frying pan Jordi.."

Tucker straightened his uniform, adjusted his ceremonial blade, and marched into the dark room with the Iviin'yc's chief security officer trailing close behind.

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Sickening white light flooded the chamber and temporarily blinded Mereel. He had blacked out with his back against the wall facing the entry door to his quarters, waiting for someone who would never return. He lowered his helmet's audio transmitters in anticipation of what was to come.

The first thing his eyes saw weren't a pair of golden irises, or shoulder length blond hair, but the grizzled features of an elderly man and the military uniform that the ship's captain so proudly boasted. Mereel's shoulders raised as he saw Tucker, accompanied by Jordi Sabri, the ship's head of security.

His helmet was angled upward at his guests, but underneath, he couldn't get himself to look either man in the eye.

"I told you to go away."

Still not truly looking up, Mereel pointed an accusatory finger at Jordi.

"And why'd you bring him?

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker and Jordi both came to a halt when they saw the crumpled man sitting alone in the darkness. The only sources of light in the rim were the blue of the Mandalorian helmet's visor on Mereel's head and the light that had followed their entrance into Vaun's quarters. Tucker's nose sniffled as it adjusted to breathing in the alcoholic reek of the room, but otherwise he showed no signs of discomfort as he began analyzing the crestfallen man now before him.

"Aye, that you did." His tone was solemn as he confirmed that he had heard what Vaun said. The man may have held the title of "co-captain", but he held no authority over Tucker. His eyes constricted as they followed Vaun's finger to Jordi, and he began staring daggers at the Mandalorian.

"You know damn well why I brought him here."

Surprised by the amount of venom in his own voice, Tucker stopped himself before pressing on. His fists clenched and unclenched three times in an attempt to relieve stress.

"Are you going to use the force to push me away, or will you let me talk to you, son?"

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Now incapable of even looking at either of them in any sense, Mereel's vision sank further. He began watching a stained splotch on the floor, where he had previously spilled a mug of tihaar after already downing the two flasks he usually kept for emergency purposes on his belt.

He was ashamed of what he'd done, but using the force to levitate Tucker out of his room so that he could lock the door was hardly the thing that weighed down most on his conscience.

"What are you going to do? Stun me into submis -

Yes. In a moment of extreme, sober clarity, he realized that that was exactly something that Tucker would do.

"Fine. We can talk, but I may not listen."

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker's own shoulders raised as the Mandalorian began to call into question what he would have Jordi do if he was unruly. Fortunately for everyone involved, Vaun quickly wisened up.

As a sign of good faith, Tucker nodded and turned to Jordi. "Thank you chief security officer, you are relieved."

This time, it was Jordi's shoulders that tensed up, "Sir, respectfully I think -"

"You are relieved. Close the door on your way out."

"Aye, aye, Captain.

Jordi gave them both a nod of the head, although Vaun a somewhat weary one, before turning and slowly walking out of the chamber. Tucker breathed out an exhausted sigh as all of their company had now left them, and he stared half-inquisitively and half-annoyed into the Mandalorian visor.

"What the hell is wrong with you?

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel's shoulders sank as Jordi left his quarters. Everything about him at the moment was a mess. His clothes were stained with spilled beer, he had dirty laundry littered haphazardly about his bedroom, dishes were piled up in his sink, and under his helmet, his beard had grown untrimmed.

It was hardly a state for the Iviin'yc's crew to see him in. He felt resentful towards Tucker for making another one of the crewmen see him in it. Mereel's helmet tilted up from the floor and he finally looked Tucker in the eye.

Scorn laced his voice as he responded to Tucker's question, "I have a headache. My back hurts from leaning against this wall for a day straight. My legs are asleep. I threw up five times in two hours.. do you want me to print you a list?

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker rolled his eyes at the pathetic form leaning against the wall. His nose was still getting used to the heavy musk of alcohol, but his eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room.

It was a mess.

Dishes went unchecked in the sink, some clothes had made their way out of the bedroom and onto the floor of the common area, and a few kegs, undoubtedly empty, were positioned randomly about the room. The Captain's eyes didn't linger on any of the many out of place objects strewn across the room though. Instead, his eyes refocused on Mereel, or rather, the dim glow of his Mandalorian helmet's visor.

"Get over it, you pansy."

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Any malice or shame that he had felt were instantaneously eviscerated from Mereel's being. Tucker wouldn't know it, but the man had chosen just the right word to completely disarm him. The perfect word to cut him down.

At first it was just a single sniff. Then two sniffs. Then his nose became runny, and suddenly it became much harder to breath and swallow. He fought to choke back the tears before they formed.

In the end, he failed to keep water from streaming out of his eyes. "Pansy.. That's something she always used to call me."

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker didn't roll his eyes again, although the Force knew he had a very strong urge to do so. His stare at the man hardened and his resolve steeled. Mereel hadn't said it outright, but the root of the issue had been exposed. Fortunately, it was the root he had expected it to be going in.

A moment of silence passed as Tucker saw several beads of water emerge from under the Mandalorian helmet to rush down Mereel's bare neck. He clenched a fist as he struggled to keep any sympathy from setting in. A time for that would come later.

"I call you a flower and you start balling like a little girl? Get a hold of yourself, Vaun."

A trained form of indignation filled Tucker's naturally austere voice, his shoulders pulled back, and his chest puffed out. The old man's body was naturally preparing for one of the fights that had at one point so often accompanied what he used to lovingly call his 'morale grilling sessions'.

"You've been locked up in your room for the past, what? Week and a half? Two weeks? Whatever the case, you aren't facing your issues like a man. You're hiding, running from your problems like a child."

 

[Mereel Vaun]

He wasn't drunk. Hungover, and a little inebriated yes, but not drunk enough to cope with the words of the man he had considered to be a friend. The Iviin'yc was Mereel's bastion and, with the assistance of several bottles of drink, it was the first and only place he could take refuge from both his own mind and the harsh reality beyond the four walls of his quarters.

And now the man truly in charge of keeping his retreat in order was standing over him, throwing him under the bus with a commanding presence. He saw Tucker tensing up, as if expecting a physical fight, but the man wouldn't get one. However, Mereel was more than happy to provide Tucker a verbal battle. Emotionally, he was the equivalent of a wounded animal trapped in its den, and he was all too eager to lash out at the man on front of him to defend himself.

"Get a hold of myself? You have no idea what the hell I'm going through, you old coot!"

Mereel's words were practically a growl. Tucker had got his blood boiling.

"The only thing you've loved in decades is this ship. If either of us needs kriffing help, it's you."

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Being called an old coot was far from being out of the ordinary, and that particular insult hardly phased the rigid demeanor of the ship's Captain. However, any and all sympathy he had harbored towards Mereel was lost though when the man brought love into it.

Tucker clenched his right fist. His knuckles turned white and his hand shook for a brief moment.

"You know why that is."

The old Captain's voice became faintly hoarse and quaked slightly as he uttered the words. The Mandalorian had twisted a particularly sharp knife in his heart, one that still hadn't fallen out even after thirty years. Unlike Mereel, he didn't lash out at right away, instead he simply struggled to get his voice back in check as he stared into the cold, blue helmet visor.

"Take your helmet off, son. I want to see your eyes so I know you're still listening to me and not ignoring everything I say in your unearned self pity."

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel pried off his helmet quickly and threw it on the floor beside him. The T-visor rolled across the floor and out of the living room, leaving him and Tucker in near complete darkness. The lack of light concealed the look of shear contempt on his face as he glared at Tucker.

"'Unearned self pity?" Mereel spat on the ground and shook his head in disgust.

"That woman told me she loved me since Carida - knowing full well that she had already gotten herself pregnant from another fucking man after that.."

Words became choked and he bit down on his tongue in an attempt to hold back the tears with physical pain, but it didn't work. A few tears rolled down his cheeks and he sniffled back snot. He put his right hand to his head to wipe away the water and prevent Tucker from further seeing his emotional distress.

"And another Mandalorian no less - just to rub salt in the fething wound."

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker almost snapped when he heard Mereel spit on the floor, but then his limited sight and hearing picked up on something.

Without the light of Mereel's visor, it was difficult to see through the darkness, but he could see the silhouette of the man decently enough to know that he had moved to cover his eyes with his hand. From all the sniffling and choking up of the voice Mereel was doing, Tucker put two and two together with ease.

He decided against snapping, but he wouldn't let up just yet.

"If you think she did it in purpose, drink yourself to death now, get yourself killed in battle, do whatever it takes to move the hell on. I will not tolerate you dragging the morale of this crew through the mud any longer."

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Completely taken aback, Mereel's right hand limply fell away from his face. Water ceased streaming down his cheeks, but tears and snot pooled in the corners of his eyes and in his nose respectively as anger once again took the reigns of his mouth.

"Oh, gee. I'm so sorry that I "dragged the ship's morale through the mud'. It's not like my own feelings haven't been dragged through the muck as well during all of this."

He wished that the room was flooded with light, just so that Joshua could clearly see the terrible look on his face as he spewed his sarcasm at him.

"If only I was a more considerate of other people's morale, then maybe she wouldn't have slept with another man, huh? Is that what you are saying, Captain?"

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Unrestrained sarcasm laced with malice wasn't exactly the response that Tucker had been expecting, but he would take it over the man just going quite and completely refusing to listen to him. Despite essentially telling the man to go off himself, Tucker did, in fact, wish to see Mereel recovered.

Unfortunately for both of them, the Mandalorian hadn't answered his question in any way that could help him. Since the question was the most important one he could ask the boy when it came to his broken relationship, he had to ask it again.

He unclenched his fist and looked through the darkness where he knew the man's eyes would be, "Tell me son, do you think that she would do that to you on purpose? Do you think that she just said that to hurt you?"

 

[Mereel Vaun]

His eyes turned to ice as Tucker's eyes stared through the darkness and into his own. He dashed away the water collecting in the corners of his eyes with the back of his fingers. This was something he had thought about thoroughly on his own, but now that someone was here actively questioning him about it, he had to provide an answer.

For the first time since Tucker had entered the room, Mereel lowered his defenses, "Tucker.. I don't know what she would or wouldn't do on purpose. She told me that she loved me since the day I was captured on Carida, but then she slept with someone else, she didn't tell me about her first son, and then she left me alone with my thoughts when I found out she was pregnant with the other man's kid.

Maybe she wasn't trying to hurt me on purpose, but she sure as hell did a good job of doing it."

 

[Joshua Tucker]

Tucker could tell before Mereel spoke that he had struck a chord with his question.His shoulders tightened up and he clenched his fists again, but it proved to be the second time he was unprepared for one of Mereel's responses. The older man's chest sank as he breathed out a sigh. He remained silent for a few seconds, his mind retreating into contemplation.

It had been many years now, but he knew what it was like to love and be loved, and he knew what that looked like when he saw it in others. While he had never formally or informally introduced himself to Mereel's girlfriend, he had seen her walking around the vessel with Mereel on several occasions. He was kind of impressed that they had never talked since she had spent a few months on the Iviin'yc now.

If she ever came back aboard the ship, he would make it a point to meet her, but currently such a meeting was the least of his concerns. His duty and primary concern was restoring the man in front of him, with or without the desert chick the Iviin'yc had picked up nearly a year ago on Anaxes. Tucker adopted a new strategy for the conversation, one that would soon uncover what Mereel wanted to do concerning himself and the woman.

"Then be done with her. From how you describe it, it sounds like you had a.. how do you say it, "osik" girlfriend. Write her off and be done with it. You can do better than that."

 

[Seo Linn]

There was a noise from under the door and knock to indicate some attention was needed. Whoever delivered the flimsiplast sheet had left right it had been dropped off. As a regular crew member, she felt this message needed to be known, but not draw any additional attention to herself. The job done, this crew member faded back into the job of running the ship and would remain secret to everybody except Captain Tucker until he called her out.

If the note was picked up, it would be seen to be a letter addressed to Mereel from Seo. It was actually hand written and the lettering was quite neat. Not at all flowery and full of curly queues, but rather what you might expect from somebody whose writing needed to be easily read. The words though were totally different.

"There are not enough words to say what I feel right now. I am just as ashamed of this as I was about Aodhan. This child is not yours and if there was any way to change that I would. It is with a heavy heart that I understand you don't want me around any longer. This has been made clear to me and so I have faded away into the shadows. Those words I shared with you on Lorrd mean everything and are all true.

"My actions have put me to shame and thus you as well. The worst shame is mine though and I will bear my mark like I have before.

"Almost from the day we met I have felt drawn to you. Maybe when I came up with those silly names it was a sign, but now those dreams are shattered. No matter many times I can say I am sorry, it will never be enough. What happened can never be fully forgiven and now there will be a constant reminder of it.

"Through everything just remember this, if it were possible I would still be your wife. I told you that on Lorrd and I love you still. Nothing is going to change that my pansy. I hope you can find it in your heard and mind to allow me back into your life. That would mean everything to me.

"You are my one and only cyare and nothing will change that. Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum."