Show me how to Feel

[Kiskla Grayson-Matteo]

Kiskla had a terrible emotional spectrum. She ranged from placid, to irritated to uncaring and sarcastic. Recently she’d broadened slightly and decided that she was affectionate to love someone. Or so she told him. Slowly but surely, the headstrong Kiffar was being moulded by the ever-changing current of time.

She was just deciding it was time to amp up the pace. To be an effective leader, she wanted to know what those around her felt. She’d always had a knack for mental persuasion — but understanding? Hardly. It was only ever a surface scrape into the straights of others.

Speaking of others, there was one who Kiskla was sure understood the depths of the emotional icebergs. [member="Rosa Gunn"]. The woman had been plagued by grief after the fall of Coruscant. This wasn’t to say Kiskla had been ignorant to the devastation, but the bowels of her soul hadn’t been weighed by the burden.

“Rosa,

It’s been some time since I saw you on Anaxes. You said you were moved to come back after Coruscant fell.
In our interactions, you've always spoken with such insight into emotion and feeling.

I’ve been deaf to the grander scheme of things for too long, and it’s time I learn to open my ears.

Can you help me hear?

Gratefully yours,
Kiskla Grayson.”

She wrinkled her nose slightly at the send-off. It perhaps sounded a little too…romantic. “Gratefully Yours”. Hmph. Kiskla wanted to learn to feel, but she didn’t want to learn at that depth. And no offence, but certainly not from Rosa Mazhar-Gunn. Either way, the transmission was now circling through intergalactic cyberspace until it met with the correct recipient.

 

[Rosa Gunn]

Arda

Water sighed as it slid up the beach, tickling as it curled round her ankles. Standing with her feet set in line with her shoulders, hands clasped behind her back Rosa listened. She listened to the whispers of the great ocean, its secrets great and many. To the birds whose shrill cries rang out as they fought a battle of their own. She heard the occasional clunk and groan of the Rose, as the metal warped in the growing heat. Taking a breath she plunged further into the force, extending her reach. Somewhere on the other side of the island, a hammock was swinging gently in the wind, normally it would be weighed down by her husband, but work had called him away. A smile curled about her lips as she lingered for a moment before pressing on.

There was a hum of emotion, to the west and south, tremors that rumbled in the force. Rose stopped listening to what was around her and listened instead to the hum. The wars were a constant source of noise and the force tried desperately to call her towards it. She drew away from the noise, away from the darkness and back to her island on Arda, where darkness couldn't touch her. Opening her eyes she chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment, lost in thought. How long could she remain selfish? How long could she ignore the cry for help? And if she went, what difference could she possibly make?

Doubts riddled her constantly as she questioned everything that was laid before her. Exhaling a sigh, she moved back inside her ship, damp feet leaving wet footprints along the floor. Something was chiming inside. Padding barefoot to the cockpit she slid into the pilots seat and brought up the waiting message. A laugh escaped her, Kiskla's timing was almost perfect.

Kiskla,

It's good to hear from you. I would be more than happy to help you hear, in return, perhaps you can help me with something. It will take me a couple of weeks to reach you.

Force be with you,
Rosa Gunn

*~*~*~*~*

Tython
Two Standard Weeks later

The hum was louder here. Perhaps it was because she'd set herself apart from the republic for so long that she was no longer used to the noise. Either way, as the Rose touched down on one of the temples landing pads, she took a moment to still her heart and mind. The least time she'd come here, she'd come face to face with Darron, and for the last time. To many people were dying. Darron, Je'gan even sweet Boolon. Friends all of them, and all of them gone.

Her mind wasn't quite as still as she wanted it to be as she disembarked from the cool ship into Tython's warm sun. A smile found its way to her face and she shrugged her personal qualms aside as her eyes settled on [member="Kiskla Grayson"]. She moved forward and drew the woman into a brief hug. "It's good to see you, Kiskla."

 

[Kiskla Grayson-Matteo]

The weeks couldn’t pass soon enough. In that time, there had been a memorial hosted for both [member="Adele Adonai"] and [member="Boolon Murr"], and the others that had fallen in Alderaan.

It seemed these memorials were being erected and the flames burning far too often. Too many souls lost. Too many bodies turned to corpses.

[member="Rosa Gunn"] arrived on the Jedi’s home planet — a place rich in The Force and history. Without her usual resistance, Kiskla allowed the limb-driven transaction to transpire, and she returned the friendly gesture with an appreciative squeeze. Halfheartedly, she hoped that this lesson in emotion wouldn’t leave her wanting to embrace every individual she ran into. This was going to be a little scary.

“You too,” she smiled despite the odds when she pulled away. “Thank you for coming all this way, two weeks is a long time to travel. I really appreciate it, and I won’t make you wait any longer.

There’s so much going on, with the divisions of Jedi interests — all the sects and organizations, etcetera, the One Sith are bringing a lot of mental tempests and, I —“ she sighed “I need to know more about this realm of empathy. I wasn't trained in it, and it's not exactly something I'll stick to if I try and venture into it myself. ”

 

[Rosa Gunn]

Rosa nodded. She'd met one of these tempests on the astral plane, wrestling with her to free Turin's mind. She'd heard reports of many jedi falling prey to Isolda's ways. "I've met one of these tempests. Or at least a part of her." she sighed and shook her head. she began to walk, footsteps leading the pair across the open grounds rather than heading inside.

"Empathy wasn't something I learnt, it was something I was born with. My father helped me hone the skill so I could shut it off but no where near as well as i needed to. Darron helped with the rest. For me, its constant and at times like this its not something I would wish on anybody, but I will do what I can to help you." She paused for a moment as they reached a path the carried them above a courtyard. Below them young padawans were dueling, training sabers clashed together loudly. On was confident, his strikes true the others footwork was off, a strike caught the back of his leg and he hit the ground, flash flushing with anger.

"Most people, when looking for emotion in others, look for visual clues. Changes in the eye, in the colour of their skin, body language. There are some, who are good at hiding that emotion, because their job depends on them being the controlled center. Like you." she looked at Kiskla "Tell me what you see when you look at these two."

[member="Kiskla Grayson"]

 

[Kiskla Grayson-Matteo]

"Thank you." Kiskla could understand what [member="Rosa Gunn"] was saying. There were qualities that some were born with -- it's what made the galaxy so dynamic. If everyone was placid and mirror images of each other, who knows what the universe would turn out like. Too, the Master's understanding of the stoic poise the blonde often had to project was appreciated.

Her strides slowed with the brunette's, and her light eyes cast downward to a familiar scenario. Two students, furthering their combative knowledge by jousting with each other. In times of war, most Padawans preferred to occupy their time advancing their physical abilities. Kiskla was trained to fight, her agility had always been perceived by her Masters to be honed to become a weapon. It was from this, that she made her observations. She could see their muscles flexing, their reactions happening before they knew it. Precognition indicated that a sting would occur before the Padawan knew it. She could see his muscles contort with displeasure. It was something she could identify with: frustration.

"Confidence and frustration." Kiskla replied, resting her hands on the sill that overlooked the training area. She was sure there would be a deeper understanding than that, but it was her immediate perception, and therefore her immediate answer to the empath.

 

[Rosa Gunn]

Rosa leaned her back on the wall. "A good perception. An easy one to make because there are plenty or visual signals."

"The first perception is not always the right one. Its an old lesson, but its one people often forget. Eyes can deceive you, people can hide emotions, but they can also visibly project one when in fact they are feeling something else entirely. Its not always voluntary either." Closing her own eyes she stretched her senses towards the dueling pair.

"Tell me what you feel." she asked. She needed to see where Kiskla was in her abilities before she could work on progressing them.

[member="Kiskla Grayson"]

 

[Kiskla Grayson-Matteo]

"I..What I feel?" Kiskla felt reduced to her premature years as a Padawan. [member="Rosa Gunn"]'s instruction was ambiguous. What she felt based on her reflection of the people below, or what she felt from the students below. She decided it would make sense to go with the latter, because that had been the subject of their conversation up to now. It was just the fact that Kiskla had a very curious, and wandering mind that the former had even entered her conscious.

She leaned against the barrier, pressing her palms into the concrete as she focused not with her eyes, but with her ethereal senses. She could feel the excitement and rush that flooded the small arena below as the two leaners picked up their training weapons once more to resume their practicing. From the visual cues she'd gotten before, she'd seen the reactive flinches and assumed pain and frustration. Now, she was not looking at them. She was reaching out, groping for an empathetic thread to travel down. She could hear the scuffling as their feet as she sought to feel deeper. "Enthusiasm," Kiskla spoke finally, still looking ahead blankly. She was imagining how she'd begun her first reading with psychometery -- she'd read about Kiffar who could read into the emotions of the past. She planned to do this, on top of only seeing the visuals of a former story. "Desire, impatience."

 

[Rosa Gunn]

Rosa nodded slowly at Kiskla's assessment. She was only scratching the surface, expanding on what visual cues she'd had, but it was a start. "Not bad." she commented finally before starting to walk again, leaving the two young duelists to their practice. "In order to be able to feel without stretching too much, you will have to be able to silence yourself and let go of your own emotions. " she smiled at the Grandmaster "Being calm is one thing, feeling nothing is another entirely.You have to be quiet to be able to hear well."

She bit her lower lip and stopped coming to stand in front of Kiskla "I realize that some of this may sound patronizing, and I apologize, but the basics for this really are that. They are basic, we are going back to lessons that would have been taught as a padawan. The simple lessons are often the ones that are disregarded and not built upon as people transgress from Knight to Master, so do not take any of this as criticism."

[member="Kiskla Grayson"]

 

[Kiskla Grayson-Matteo]

“Rosa, if you were to criticize, I’m sure I’d not be left in question.”

She offered the woman a gesture that mirrored a wink, and shrugged her shoulders. Kiskla received much criticism, mostly for things that she hadn’t actually done — and she shouldered it with stoic comprehension. Being told that she was less than perfect with something she was completely terrible at before any sort of training was definitely something she could handle.

“I’ll try it again.” She decided aloud. “In silence — something that does sound like my Padawan years.”Her master’s HK droid had always referred to her as a blabbering meat bag. Probably where her irreversible distaste for droids had stemmed from.

Inhaling slightly, Kiskla took in the immediate surroundings on both meta and physical levels. With an exhale, she pushed it all out in a cleansing fashion that she had to undertake before any sort of high-level dive into The Force — but not the total emptiness she’d demanded of herself to ward off [member="Darth Isolda"]’s touch on Alderaan. Total kumite.

Moments of silence passed, and Kiskla forgot where she was for a moment. Fluidity, pure liquid formed as a blend between the emotional and the physical. She regarded the Padawans below.

They were primal, provoking their natural urges. One felt fleeting torrents of anger, which in turn gave him a fleeing of increased sense of power. That anger soiled to confidence quickly. Frustration blended to higher motivation. This was still the surface. She watched longer, and lent her own self and understanding to them as they moved, minds and bodies in perfect symbiosis. Their physical caused an equal reaction in their mental, and visa versa. Their martial performance soon ebbed away, after Kiskla steadied her consciousness. Between both leaners there was a common thread: fear. The fear of injury — a foremost internal emotion to overcome in the inaugural foray into discovering one’s ability as a warrior.