Silver Leaf

[Jairdain]

Things had very suddenly changed again for Jairdain. The Sith Empire's attack on Commenor had come as a surprise to her and the royal family. She had gotten lucky though and escaped the planet without being harmed physically. The actual trauma was mental and she was lost once again.

Not as lost as she had been in the past, but without a clear purpose this time. What she needed now were her friends and companions from the past. Those that had been there for since she had joined the Jedi. The most important of those people was Yuroic and she needed him. More than anything in the galaxy, Jairdain needed that man.

From friends to lovers and back again...their own relationship needed work. And Jairdain wanted to set it right between the two of them. What might happen, she did not know. They had both changed over the years and she did not know if he even wanted to see her again. With the hope he wouldn't turn away from her, she sent a message to him and now prayed to her gods he choose to come.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

Things had not gone to plan for Yuroic. His life had been turned upside down and he was now struggling to deal with his addiction, the battle on Commenor was lost to the Sith Empire, while there had been losses on SJO it hadn't been severe. His family were safe for now as he helped the order continue to support others and increase their territory. However, his addiction had returned, nowadays, he was using unsafe spice from sketchy dealers. His body was paler, weaker and his beard was now a ragged mess. He threw on his green robes as he leaned on the sink as he inspected his mirror-self.

His eyes were bloodshot mess, with heavy bags as his arms shook in weakness. Yuroic couldn't cope with his need for spice, walking away from the mirror, he stumbled forward as he heard his datapad bleeped with notification. Yuroic stumbled around, falling over and ended up crawling towards to the datapad. Yuroic held back his need to vomit, he saw that Jairdain had wanted to meet him once again. He groaned deeply, laying on his back, he wanted to see her but like this, this was not the man she knew. This wasn't the man that he wanted her to see him as. But one thing crawled back into his mind, Jairdain had offered to wipe his mind, could that be something that could work?

Yuroic sent a reply that stated he would make the effort to visit, Yuroic mustered his strength and stumbled around as he made his way to the refugee area that the Silver Jedi Order created. There were plenty of Commenor and Galactic Alliance's folk who had fled the systems, some of the Galactic Alliance people had gone back as the Alliance in Exile, there was hope that Commenor would pull themselves together as a rebel force. Yuroic knew that the Silver Jedi Order would back their plays. Stepping closer to Jairdain, Yuroic lifted the hood back to reveal his pale, rough appearance.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

When the reply came in on her datapad, Jairdain wanted to cry with both pleasure and pain. Never one to entirely keep her emotions closed and supressed she did do just that. They did not last long though and she awaited him in the small area that had been made for her. While she might be a Silver, she was far closer to the people of Commenor these days. So the Master stayed with the refugees and assited them as best she could with the help from the Jedi.

She felt his coming into the area. Of everybody she knew, Yuroic had been a part of her life longer than anybody else. Through the Force she followed his approach and opened herself to him. He had been a rock for her and now it was her turn to be his.

When he entered her room, there was no hesitation in her action. He may have been reluctant to come, but she would welcome him. Rushing to his side, Jairdain enveloped him in a fierce hug and she held him close for several long moments. Those tears threatened to well up again, but she controlled herself this time.

"Yuroic..."

Nothing else was said and​ she did her best to let go of him. Even if she was meaning to be his anchor, Jairdain was torn herself. Between what had been and what was reality. Those old feelings she had for him were still there and now suddenly she wasn't sure what she wanted from this meeting. Knowing he was alive was something huge to her. The fact he had come meant the world and this was not going to be a wasted opportunity to do something. It suddenly became clear to her that he needed her as well. Maybe they would never be lovers again, but they could certainly never be enemies.

"I..."

She stopped herself and let go of him. Motioning into the room, there wasn't much furniture, but a chair and a bed. Sitting down on the bed, she gave him the choice of where to sit.

"Thank you."

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic passed Commenori people, some who recognised him from the battle, he was greeted by several people who thanked him for helping on the front lines. This was bittersweet, his efforts to help the Commenori people on the front lines were purely selfish in his attempts to gain revenge on a Dark Sider that was happened to be there. So, Yuroic awkwardly shook hands as he moved through the crowds. He could sense the presence of Jairdain through the many people here. He pushed forward to her as he pondered on what he should have wiped from his memory as he stumbled to her, letting her guide him to her private room.

Entering her room, he noticed how clean it was compared to the ruinous mess of his own room. In his own room, it was littered with dirty clothes, trash and spice was littered in packets around the floor. Yuroic moved forward, stumbling over his feet as he feels his body grow increasingly weak from the lack of spice and withdrawing as he grunts and collapses onto a nearby chair. His mind was attempting to understand what she was saying as he felt his stomach cramped in agonising pain as he looked up to Jairdain. He couldn't resist his need for spice, the voice had put him and others he cared about his family in danger. He needed to forget.

"I came. I. I need... I need to forget everything till I dis... disappeared." Yuroic stammered as he looked at her, pain and self-hatred were evident on his face. "Help. Mmm... Me."

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

At first the fact there was something wrong with Yuroic was missed by her. So caught up in her own needs, Jairdain had not noticed. Eventually the reality of the situation broke through to her and she kneeled next to the chair he had crumpled into.

Reaching out with the Force, she would attempt probe him to find out what was medically wrong.

"My love...what have you done?"

Then his words came through to her and she sat back on her heals to gaze at him through the Force. He had all her focus and sympathy. What he said had been something she offered to him months ago when they had been reunited then. At that time he had declined the offer and now he asked for it. It was well within her abilities to do something like this, but was reluctant suddenly.

"Why?"

I​ will do as he requests no matter what the answer is, but I want to know why.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

He heard her speak to him. He was ashamed of the things he had done for spice, things he had done to those he cared about. His attacks on Asaraa and Allyson when they had wanted to only help confront his problems. The fact was that his problems could not, would not, be confronted. He would have to confront Arisa to help with that but he could not. She was gone and not even one with the Force, it made him worry where she went after her death. Yuroic looked at her, "I have done so much bad. I hurt people and I made them suffer all because I need spice. I put lives in danger by going out to fight when either high on spice or withdrawing from it. I cannot stop using."

Yuroic groaned as he wanted to throw up but couldn't, it had been days since he last ate and he hadn't drank in awhile so there was nothing to vomit. She questioned his reasons for wanting to forget. Could she not see the harm that memories were playing on him?! Could she not tell that leaving him to remember his misery and pain was spiralling him down a path of addiction and death?! Perhaps she did see all this but didn't think it would work, but it was his own option now. He needed this to work, he needed to forget and live his life, his best version of himself.

"I cannot be the person everyone needs me to be if I remember the evil that I have done. I need to forget ever meeting my parents, losing my arm the way I did and Arisa's death. I need it all gone. I need to been trained by a fake master, who passed from old age, who've I mourned but dealt with healthily. I need to be a Jedi once more, no addiction to spice, no mission to Zeltron. I studied in the archives after losing my arm in a battle with a Sith. I have come to terms with this, but I decided to help the Order in non-violent methods." His story was weak, he was sure Jairdain could make better memories for him but it was best he could do.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

There was a reason Jairdain had asked him what she did. She needed to know exactly what Yuroic wanted to taken away from him. As he continued on into what he wanted her to put in its place made her feel torn. She would do what she could for him though. What she dreaded was him not knowing who she was. With his request, he would have no memory of what they had been. Their love would never have happened, but maybe it was one of the things that brought him into the situation he was in now.

Jairdain suddenly felt very guilty of initiating the break up that had happened between them. Deciding on something though, she could not fully erase his memory of her. However, she could alter it. He said he wanted to have been brought up Jedi with a fake master who was passed. Not anybody that had ever been real. These details though could be researched and learned though. Records had been kept of the various masters and if a fake one was given to him, he could learn of her altering.

Very slowly and with great care, Jairdain would attempt to cleanse his body of the poison. The addiction it had to the spice and remove the chemicals from his blood. When she had been poisoned with Sith poison, Jessica had cleansed her. She did the same for him. If it worked like it was supposed to, all traces of spice would be gone.

An addiction was also partially a mental issue. So the first step she took in playing with his mind was make him forget he even had it.

"I need your help, Yuroic. Think of everything you want to forget. I'm sorry to make you do this."

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic felt Jairdain relieve him of the pain of withdrawal. It was something he often did in the early days but eventually he made himself suffer as his punishment for getting addicted and dependent on the drugs. He breathed slowly as he adjusted himself, he still looked rough and felt awful, but it wasn't physical pains anymore. There was still the mental scars, the scars that would not go away any time soon unless he went forward with this. It was extreme and Yuroic knew the risks of it backfiring and ending up still remembering everything down the road but he couldn't sit around and take spice all day. He wasn't the same man as before. He never wanted to be this man, this monster, this weakling.

She asked him to focus on his memories, the ones that he wanted to rid of. It started with Arisa, her death, her training of him and the deep feelings of respect and love. A love that one would have to their parent. From those pain filled memories, he moved onto battle of Mirial, the pain of losing his arm and the various ongoings that happened during that battle. He included his relationship with Jairdain, he saved memories from their friendship but he didn't wish to remember their dating lives. These were closely linked to other more painful memories, tied to his spice addiction and the suffering of his losses. He remembered what he did to his parents, to Allyson and Asaraa, he also thought about the day on Zeltron and the beginning of his spice addiction. Yuroic also pictured all the moments he took spice and the things he did while on them. Remembering the day at the zoo, his explosion and self inflicted pain.

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

The more clinical aspects of curing Yuroic weren't painful for her. In a mental way it was because she could imagine what he went through while addicted. As empathic as she was, she did feel what he had gone through, but kept it separate as much as she could. These were not her feelings, but his and she needed to remember that. What he felt about himself was irrelevant to her right now and soon enough it wouldn't matter to him.

As the process continued, it came to light what he desired of her. Some of the details were more difficult for her to erase and those she molded into something he could believe. Arisa was not a person he had become close to, but just another Master of the Order. Next detail he focused on was Mirial and he loss there. The fact the Jedi lost the engagement couldn't be wiped but what role they both had in it could be altered.

The circumstances to his injury were changed and his real reaction to it were taken away. When he brought their own memories into the mix, Jairdain started to cry herself. It was something she knew should be done...she did not want to. Yuroic wanted to clear up his life and as she took his memories, she realized just how much she had failed him.

At a time in her life when it had been some of the darkest for her, he had been there for her. Yet when it had been for him, she was not. This had lead to him going down the path he now wanted to recover from. Her tears flowed freely and she was sorry for her failure to him. Maybe it was better this way and he would never know of it. So in the end, their relationship was stripped from him and they had been little more than friends.

Her work continued smoothly after that or as smoothly as it could considering how torn and hurt she was feeling. After everything was said and done, she sat back on her heals and looked at Yuroic through the Force. He would be able to see some of the pain she had just gone through for him, but his mind would be clear. He had a new life in front of him and his past had been changed. Time would tell on just how well she had done in filling in things or if she had again failed him and that memory would return to him.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic felt his memories be wiped away, his mind clearing out of the painful moments in his life as he sat there, his eyes glazed over. Blankly staring forward, he felt the false memories be implanted and embedded, how they mixed seamlessly into the memories he did have outside of those that he wanted removed. It was all strange and completely different from what Yuroic thought the experience would be. He was unsure how to feel until even all that became forgotten. Yuroic the addict and depressed Force User was replaced by Yuroic, the Jedi Knight. Respectable and brave with a slight humorous side that often was done at the worst of times. Sitting there, Yuroic remembered the passing of his Master, the old man had told him to stay strong and that was what he would do.

Waking from his trance, Yuroic looked over to Jairdain and was surprised to see her weeping. The events of Commenor must have upset her more than he realised. Yuroic stood and weakly walked over to her, he had been ill with a flu, it was not much fun but he couldn't help it and felt sure that he was on the way to recovery now. He grasped her hand and gave her a warm smile. "Hey, everything will be fine. Commenor will recover from the Sith invasion and the Silver Jedi will assist you guys in any way we can. You know that." He wiped her tears away as he sat by her and frowned at himself, this flu had ruined the physic he once was, he needed to get back into shape once more. "In the meantime, we can hangout some more, you can show me some of new powers and I can teach you some combat though I might ask to wait till I recover from this flu."

[member="Jairdain"]

 

[Jairdain]

She expected there would be some confusion in Yuroic after she completed her work on him. Due to her being upset by her own feelings, Jairdain had the feeling it wasn't done perfectly. The woman was afraid slightly of what things will be like when her deception was learned. It could destroy any chance of a relationship with Yuroic. Even that of friendship.

So now that his mind was cleared of his issues, Jairdain still had hers. Without Yuroic knowing of their past, there was no easy way for her tell him just what was going on in her mind. Of course what happened on Commenor upset her along with the fact her fiancée was missing. So she would only be able to speak to him of those two things. Her own feelings of being torn in two by what she had just done would have to be buried and faced later.

Attempting to put on a strong face even though she felt like her heart was shattering again, Jairdain allowed him to help wipe her tears away. This gave her the chance to get herself under control, but in her fragile state, when he mentioned the two of them hanging out more...there were two reactions within her. One was to push him away and the other craved it.

Coming to a compromise with herself, she looked at Yuroic while still hiccupping a little from her tears before being able to speak.

"Thank you for your help on Commenor, Yuroic. It is something we all appreciate. As for teaching or learning some sort of new skill or fighting, it would probably be best to wait until you're fully recovered from the flu."

Sometimes even mental lessons were wearing and he should be on the road to recovery quickly. This delay would hopefully give her the chance to recover as well.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic tried to sense what was the issues that Jairdain was feeling, however, it was impossible to for him to focus on her problems as his mind was still mending from the memory wipe. He gave her a warm smile as he attempted to offer her a small amount of comfort. "I'm fine with waiting, feels like it has been so long since I have been able to think this clearly." Yuroic admitted as he leaned back and tried to gather his thoughts and mind. He felt slightly disjointed as if something terrible plagued his head but nothing seemed to be the cause of it. Whatever his illness was, it must have been severe.

Yuroic rose unsteadily to his feet as he stroked her hair. His heart raced looking at her, something primal wanted him to comfort her, give a comfort beyond friendship but Yuroic shook his head, that wasn't proper. He had sworn himself off relationships, his childhood left all those kind of feelings unavailable to him. They felt foreign and forced, not natural as others saw them. Yuroic looked at Jairdain, as he attemlted to understand why those feelings were there. Came down to her just being attractive, it was simple, but lust was not what either of them needed right now. "I best go, I need to sort myself out and inform the Grand Master of my soon to be recovery, sure she'll have some tasks I need to do."

[member="Jairdain"]