Simple Gifts

[Riamah]

To say things had changed for Ra since she met and spoke with Josh on Kashyyyk was just a blatant understatement. Not only had she been questioning her ideals, code she followed and several other things, something he had said proved true. The sith had taken from her the life she had known.

Almost as soon as that happened, she had severed all her ties with that empire. No longer could she support those that would take pleasure in death and destruction. What that made her now though, she was still unsure. No longer sith, she had essentially gone rogue. There was no way she could fully give up how she grown up and that dark influence still clung to her slightly.

That code he had suggested to her those months ago she had started to incorporate some of. Love still eluded her, but that was never something she had searched for. Always thinking it was a myth, she now knew there were various types and aspects of love. The love one felt for family or a friend she did know. Love that went hand in hand with primal passion was what she was unaware of. If one went searching for it, then it was less likely to be found. So she didn't even think of it.

What had made her think of inviting Josh to visit her on Vjun was as elusive as that emotion. Maybe it was bring them closer or update him on what had happened in her life. In reality, Ra was alone and craved company and companionship. Of course she would not keep him here if he didn't wish to stay, but she hoped he would agree to visit.

There was plenty of room here and the invitation was sent to him for an extended stay. Something far more than a simple business meeting. This would be an opportunity for them to connect further and break her out of her self imposed chains. Those chains she did not know even there.

If he accepted her invitation, an old man named Vincent would meet him when he arrived and welcome him to Bast Castle.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

With recent events unfolding, if Josh was not on mission, then Jason came along. It was as simple as that. He had heard rumors of what had happened to Ra's company, and thus he did not hold qualms with bringing Jason with him. There was still apprehension of course, but Ra already knew what would happen if she tried to harm him. His eyes did not lie. If she showed even an inkling of doing him ill, daddy would replace the Jedi, and Ra's head would roll along with everyone who served her. Jedi and daddy were very different people.

So along came Josh, with a two year old in his arms. The child had short blonde hair, the same color as his father's. And the same brown eyes, as well. They were alike in basically every single way. One might even wonder if the child was a direct clone and not a direct offspring, but he was. Either the mother had similar traits, or Josh had the dominant gene. Who knows?

At the entrance, the Jedi would bow his head to the man that had come to meet them.

"We have come to see Lady Ra'a'mah."

 

[Riamah]

The old man was a former slave, but was now a free man. If he had wanted to, he could have left, but Vincent had nothing left and devoted himself to serving Ra freely. His whole life he had been a slave, taken from his family as a child and he never remembered being free then. As he grew up, he had fallen in love, had a family of his own...all slaves as well, but he had outlived them somehow. When Ra had found him, he had been an almost broken man. She took him in, gave him his freedom and he remained by his choice.

Free or not, that haunted look of a slave had never left his features. However, he was as happy as he had been in his whole life. Opening the door for Josh, he invited them in and instructed him to follow. This would be the first time a child had been in the castle and he hoped he didn't make too much of a mess he would need to clean up.

"She is expecting you. Would you care for anything to eat or drink? Your guest has arrived, Miss Ra."

Guiding them down the halls, he would take Josh to the library and open the door for him. Whatever the answer was on food or drink, Vincent would return or not within a few minutes.

In her own home, what Josh would see was an almost different Ra. When they had met before, she had portrayed a professional business attitude. Here she was far more relaxed and more open. The other changes with her would come out in the upcoming conversation.

Standing up from her chair when they entered, Ra was surprised to see he had brought Jason with him. Not at all unhappy, the welcoming smile was a far more genuine one he had received on Kashyyyk.

"I don't think I have a chair that would fit him, but have a seat if you want. Did Vincent ask if you wanted anything?"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Water for the both of us, if you might" He would request with a gentle bow of his head as he would be guided down the halls. "Well, she certainly has quite the place. Would make me almost envious" He would admit with a light smile. Not that his family home was bad, but it wasn't anything like this. But he also kind of liked the simplicity of his home... Easier to know where everything was. And he was able to get to Jason quickly if he needed something. More functionality for him than a larger home.

Ra seemed far more... Relaxed, this time as he glimpsed her. As he sat down, seating Jason on his lap, he would study her face. She seemed to be at peace, in a way. He wasn't sure why, but perhaps he would find out in time.

"He did, he's been sure to be a gracious host" He spoke calmly as he would bow his head again. "It is good to see you well, Ra. Or well, I would hope things have been well" He added with a light smile. "This is Jason, by the way" Josh would add as he motioned toward his son, who instantly shyly buried his face in his father's chest.

 

[Riamah]

Giving a nod at the answer to have water, Vincent would return with that water for the two of them and some caf for Ra. Setting the drinks down on the desk, Vincent would then leave, closing the door behind him. Standing up, Ra would offer Josh and Jason their water first before picking up her cup and returning to her seat. With these physical actions, it might be gathered Ra did not use the Force to accomplish every day tasks.

"I hope your journey was smooth?"

While not phrased as a question, the tone in her voice would indicate it was.

"Welcome to Bast Castle, Josh and nice to meet you Jason. The pleasure is mind as well to see you again."

Even with his buried in his father's chest, the appearance similarity was striking and unmistakable. ​Looking into her cup for a moment, Ra looked up to Josh before speaking again. There was no façade on her face or in her body language.

"I will say life has been better, but you were right about something when we spoke." Now she paused again and showed some of the humanity in her, the one he hadn't seen before in anything more than a flash or a glimpse. "The sith destroyed the government of the Coalition, Josh. However, I do not know if it was because I had started cutting my ties or because they are simply bloodthirsty savages that enjoy causing pain and destruction."

There was some pain in her voice and maybe some heat. No real anger though.

"Needless to say, I have severed all my ties with them..."

Gold eyes looked into his brown when she said this last part.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

As the water was passed to them, Josh would hold out a hand toward it and close his eyes. He immediately began checking for poisons, and using his senses to try and gauge that it was safe to drink. While it was a normal habit for him, he was doing so in even more detail now with Jason present. Not that he didn't trust her, of course, but it was just normal for him, especially with Jason involved. Of course, considering his warning before and the conviction behind it, he doubted Ra would try to poison the kid. Granted, she hadn't seen him in action either, but it wasn't hard to find out by a simple search through the Galactic Net that the Silvers had since their last meeting appointed him their Battlemaster.

"A pleasure to see you again as well, Ra."

Placing his hand down, he would listen as Ra would go on about how the Sith had destroyed the Coalition, and she had severed her ties as a result.

"Can't say I'm surprised" He would admit with a casual shrug. "You knew what they were like. You knew the risks of working with them, and what could happen if you left. But at the same time, being away from them is far better than working with them. The further away you are from them, the better."

Still, his eyes showed some sympathy, though he didn't voice it. He couldn't help but feel bad, considering he'd had family who had struggled to get out as well.

 

[Riamah]

In a way it was almost humorous to Ra. Something many people had a difficult time doing...admitting when they were wrong. She had done just that and Josh hadn't rubbed it in her face and took the information in stride.

If he had not scanned the water, it would have been a great surprise to her. So she took no offense at the precaution, but did not comment on it at all. She listened to what he had to say and couldn't help but agree.

After taking a drink of her caf, she set the cup on the table next to the chair and made a rather vague gesture to indicate where they were.

"Vjun is close to them, but I don't feel they will be coming here. If they do, I'm sure I would be evicted if not worse. Now I'm not asking for a place to hide or sanctuary of any kind. While I may have cut ties with the sith, what I was raised still clings to me. That will always be there, I think."

In an effort to change the subject, Ra looked at Jason and her face changed to one that might be seen as caring and she looked back up at Josh with a smile.

"He looks like you. I imagine he's going to grow up to be a heartbreaker."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

With the water clearly not poisoned, Josh would hold up the smaller cup to Jason that he kept for him in case refreshments were offered to them. Jason wasn't old enough yet to drink from glasses and he wasn't going to expect every establishment to accommodate for a small child, so Josh took proper preparations to ensure the child was properly accommodated for as he had brought a small cup of his own that he could drink from. Holding up the small, bottled cup once he'd filled it, he would hand it to Jason who would immediately recognize what it was and begin to drink from it. Once Jason was doing well with the sippy cup, Josh would take a sip of his glass as he would listen to Ra's response.

"I'm sure it always will be. But whether it takes hold of you and sends you back to them or not is up to you. It's your responsibility... And your choice."

He smiled lightly at the comment about Jason. "I'm sure he will be" Josh responded. "I'm hoping that he'll be able to pursue what he likes, uninhibited, too. I haven't told anyone besides the mother this, but I'm not intending to subject him to Jedi indoctrination like I was when I was young" Josh would admit. "Some people might think less of me for that, but I'd rather Jason not have to suffer the way I have. Especially if he doesn't want to. The final decision should be his, and he's not old enough to make that decision."

 

[Riamah]

Watching the interaction between father and son was something Ra had seen so very little of in her life. Not once had the man that raised her treated her like a father was. Instead she had only ever been a tool to him to be used to accomplish his goals. When she wasn't a tool, then she was his apprentice. If asked how she was raised in terms of ideals, it had been more as a Bainite. One master, one apprentice.

She snapped out of those thoughts of her past and back to the present when Josh started speaking. A look of almost offense, but more one of a stubborn woman that made up her mind than anything else. There was no heat of that offense when she spoke.

"I'm not going back. My hands have been washed of them. As for the ideals, they aren't mine either. Only the ones that make sense."

It ended with a small smile. As Josh continued, she nodded. It had been all he had known growing up, but had made a choice as an adult to stay.

"That is wise of you, Josh. What if he happens to go down a dark path? Would you accept that choice of his?"

Letting out a small sigh, Ra didn't know how he would answer, but really was curious. Taking a sip of her drink, she raised her other hand to indicate she had more to say and lowered it with her cup.

"If he were to choose that path, it will not have been me to do it."

Trust had to be gained, she knew this. Hopefully, Josh was getting a better feel for her and would know when she spoke, it was truth. There was no purpose in lying and deceiving people. Lies stacked up and eventually crumbled. Ra was not about to let that happen.

"What does his mother think?"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Well, I suppose that's good. Sith don't make good family anyway... What, with their inclination to murder their own family members and all" He joked with a light smile. Seems after years of dealing with them, Josh seemed to find what they do on average. Not all of them, but a good average. "But tell me, what ones exactly make sense? Is it the lie of freedom? Or the promise of power that inevitably corrupts you?"

He had suggested her code lightly based on a little bit of the Sith Code, but he'd done that with just her personality in mind... None of the Sith code made all that sense, really. So he was a little confused on the matter. Regardless, he listened as she questioned him on what would happen if Jason took a dark path.

"Then I'll guide him back to freedom. I will not take his hands off the wheel... Simply guide him to where he should be driving so as not to be locked up at all. My wish is not to indoctrinate, but to guide."

He took a sip of the drink then, as well as ensuring that Jason was good with his own, before he would simply shake his head when she would ask what the mother thought. He didn't answer. He clearly didn't want to talk about it.

 

[Riamah]

Even if there was humor in his voice, Josh made sense anyway. Sith did not make a good family. The way she was raised was a good example. There had been no love ever expressed to her and was something foreign to her. Why when he suggested the code he had before, that was one part that didn't fit her.

In asking what did make sense, Ra took a sip of her drink as she thought of the sith code in her mind.

"As I said, only parts and not the whole. Through passion strength can be gained. The personal passion one has for something makes them stronger...unless."

Suddenly Ra appeared rather defeated and at a loss for words. She knew what she wanted to say, but the words eluded her. Perhaps she was still too close in time to everything that had happened. Not yet fully able to give up her code, but wanting to, just knowing how. Her cutting the ties and talking to Josh hand in hand with the actions of that empire had brought her to this point.

"Same can be said for the code of the Jedi. Some of it makes sense...sometimes even more than others. Look around you, in here is works from all sides and views. Even some more esoteric ideas. Maybe I should just mash them all together."

Not being entirely serious about that, he might see a glimmer of her humor. It didn't show often, but here she could be herself. No need to hide behind a façade or wear a mask like she when they met.

"You make a good father. I just wish I had one growing up like he does."

Taking the hint, Ra would not push the issue of Jason's mother. Without a clue of what happened, it was obviously a painful subject for Josh. Hopefully in time an answer would be provided, but nothing now.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

The Jedi Master would shrug when she would bring up the Jedi Code making sense in some ways and needing a bit of mash-up in the others. "The Jedi Code is a bit dated, but it has it's merits" Josh would admit. "I mash it with my own code of honor, of sorts... Though I've never actually pieced it together into words before. Emotions are a part of me... Emotions make us human, and us being human is why we are able to feel the empathy we need to be able to be the Jedi we need to be. So if we have no emotion... How can we be human, how can we feel empathy, how can we be the Jedi we should be?"

He let that hang for a minute, before going on. "See? Even the Jedi Code has it's flaws. Though the Sith Code has mainly flaws, and... Basically just a word or two that are sorta kinda decent" He added as he moved his hands around while he spoke. "The thing is, you gotta kinda figure out what makes sense to you, what doesn't... And what leads you to do the right thing. As a Jedi, I want to do the right thing. But to ensure peace... I need to be able to have that empathy that comes from emotion. But emotion can also be a problem, as we've discussed before... It's all about controlling it, and not letting it control you. Thus by controlling emotion, embracing one's human side and empathy... You find the peace that the Code claims you can't have with emotion."

He knew she was jesting about mashing them, but... There was a point there. One needed to find what to believe in, even if they needed to mash a few things together.

But she still in some fashions didn't seem to want to let go of the past. Of the Sith. As he took another sip of his drink, he thought that bit over.

"Passion can bring strength, and it can also bring ruin. Like emotion... It is something you need to control" He spoke. "I have passion for my work. I have passion for being a father. They lead me to strength. But passion can lead to being overly ambitious, to holding selfish desire that can constrict you, overwhelm you... Consume you. Thus why the Sith love it so much... They do seem to love to play with that fire, thinking they can tame it. Unfortunately, all they get is burned... Chained up... Constricted... Quite a kinky game they play, but they're really not capable of handling the dom in this case... They just think they can."

A devilish grin crossed his lips at the playful little innuendo, though there was a truthful point in there all the same. He was definitely a bit more... Loosened up and free, in a way. Like some sort of barriers had been lifted compared to before. Though it faded when she noted him as a father and his features softened again. He took a deep breath as he bowed his head. That "father" word had changed him in an instant, and it stressed how important being one was to him.

"Thank you" He spoke. "I'd like to hope I'm a good father... Because honestly, being a father may be one of the only things I have left" He would admit softly, closing his eyes a moment. "It's all I got. If I'm not good at it... Then I don't deserve to have it."

 

[Riamah]

"So many people take these codes by words alone and don't think beyond that. To the other meanings of them."

She remembered having a deep and wonderful conversation with a Jedi Master before she had her memory returned to her about that code. It had been something that meant so much to her. Then he disappeared and hasn't been seen again. Ra wondered whatever happened to Master Dune and if he would ever be found or return from wherever he was.

"Honor. A single word that means so much. That word holds more weight with me than almost any other. Probably kept me from losing to the dark entirely if I'm going to be honest with you."

Looking away from him for a moment to her cup, she looked back up before continuing.
​
"Empathy was something I only recently really learned about. That might be one reason I called myself sith. It seems to be something they lack for others. You're able to put my thoughts into words far better than I can, thank you. Passion is good, but push too far and lose control. Maybe I walked a thin line, but failed to fall. With that failure, I have been able to cut my ties and change or at least start changing."

Liking to see the playful spirit of Josh, she grinned at his words and thought of dom part. Giving herself a mental shake, Ra ​wondered what was going on with her. For one of the first times in her life...even in her own home, she was confused about some things. Codes, emotions, thoughts were the main things. Her future as well and what might happen.

"Why would being a father be one of the only things you have left?"

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He listened while she spoke, a light smile crossing his face. Empathy. Empathy was the key thing between light and dark, he felt. Empathy was how the Jedi were able to operate, but many tried to shut that empathy out along with their feelings and emotions. Emotions could be dangerous, but they were a key to empathy that the Jedi needed. To shut them out... It took away one of your most important aspects as a Jedi. You could not be a Jedi without empathy. You just couldn't.

"Indeed" He spoke, agreeing with her then about the importance of empathy. But he took a deep breath, looking away a moment when she asked why fatherhood was all that he had left. "The Jedi Order of old betrayed me, the Republic betrayed me, took everything from me, broke my spirit, shattered my confidence, and made me nothing but an empty shell after they got all they could from me" He would admit. "I will never be able to be the Jedi that I was before. I will never be able to serve, no matter the Order, with the same level of dedication I once did. Especially now that I am a father.

I was a son, a brother. I am now no longer either.

I was a husband, and being a husband was something that meant the world to me. It was something that I was proud of. That was what I was for years before I lost that as well.

I cannot be the best and most loyal Jedi and I cannot be a loving husband.

So what else am I? What do I have left?

Jason. Jason is what I have left. Being a father is all I have left. And I would sooner die than lose him."

 

[Riamah]

Not sensing anything other than truth from Josh's point of view, Ra listened to what he said in answer to her question. He had been part of a family, in a way. That was something she had never really had. One of her dear friends had adopted her as a sister, but at times Ra didn't feel all that close to her. That might have been due to her calling and that was changing.

"Family, that is not something I am very familiar with. My parents were killed when I was too young to remember them and I was picked up by the man that raised me as his apprentice. Maybe he had killed them, he never told me. Either way, I never knew the love of a parent. He raised me one way and then he died. With his death, a new future was in front of me and perhaps he tried to keep me from following in his steps."

She had wondered why when he died he had taken her memory. Even the name of the planet they had been on...was still a mystery to her. At this point in time, was that even important?

"When he died, he took my memory away and I wandered around. Was eventually picked up by a man that got me started in business. Then he was killed. What he did teach me was honor. That code of business that I follow more closely than I ever did any other. Unspoken and unwritten, but taught to me by somebody that was almost like a father. I kept on doing what he taught me, progressed to what I am today."

Giving him a half a smile, this was a sad topic to talk about, but it felt natural.

"I said before, I'm not going to hurt Jason or you."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

The blonde-haired Jedi Master would listen as Ra would give her response, as she would talk about how she hadn't ever had the concept of family - having lost her own a long time ago and being brought to the Sith relatively quickly. He supposed he could understand her plight a little better at that, though it obviously didn't mean that escaping that life had been impossible, as he'd made clear, once she knew that said life was wrong. "Oh, he probably killed them. It's what they do" He half joked with a casual shrug, despite it being a rough topic, he was clearly trying his best to keep it as light as possible. Though it was clear that the Sith were a sore spot for him in the almost bitter way he talked about them. Clearly, they had taken much from him. Though he had already told her as much.

Taking her memory away though? He couldn't help but nod his head lightly and almost chuckle at the irony. "Sounds familiar" was all he answered, indicating they'd done it to him too. Of course, he had regained his eventually, but it had taken time.

Though when she would state that she had no intention to hurt him or Jason, he shrugged his shoulders.

"I know you won't. Because you already know that I'll kill anyone that tries."

A Jedi talking about killing people was... Different. But Josh wasn't a Jedi when Jason was involved. He was daddy.

Jason had finished his drink and had ended up falling asleep against his father's chest, as Josh would shift to make Jason more comfortable as he would wrap his arms around him protectively.

"Family is something that when you have it, you never want to let it go. It is a wonderful thing, to have that sense of companionship and understanding. Knowing there are people that you don't need a reason to talk to... It's just there. They're just there. And they will always be there. The more I reflect back on what I have lost, the more I see family as essential... And when you lose it... You lose a part of yourself."

 

[Riamah]

It was possible the man that raised her had killed her parents, but it didn't matter now.

"Something about my upbringing. I wasn't ever told I was sith. So perhaps I never was and just wanted a place to fit in. A poor choice on my part for sure, but they managed to drive me away totally. When the Dominion fell, they had been beaten by the sith. Well, I already told you why I even joined the current empire. We don't need to go through that again."

Tipping her head curiosity showing on her face, Ra did not pry when he said the memory wipe was something familiar to him. She should have asked, but chose not to. Leaving the decision to him on if he answered the unspoken question.

There was no further need to say anything else on the matter of Jason. She had already given her word, even if Josh didn't trust it totally. In mention of family, Ra did have a small understanding. It made her think of the man she always and possessively thought of as her captain. The man that had been killed in front of her when he was trying to do something good. One thing had been a success that night. Ra had rescued an orphan and taken that little girl to the orphanage she thought she had grown up in.

"I wonder what happened to that little girl?"

It was spoken without her even knowing. She had visited that girl a few times and provided for her care to grow up.

"I wish I had family then."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He quirked his brow when she would mention a little girl. She hadn't mentioned one before, or gave any sort of indication of what she meant. He searched back on their conversation in his head, hoping to maybe find an answer, but there was none. He turned his attention then to the sleeping Jason in his arms as he would take the cup before it could fall and he would place in on the table, shifting again then to make sure that again, he was comfortable. He would do this constantly throughout the conversation, showing an obsessive attention to detail when it came to Jason.

"Little girl?" He would inquire then, deciding to just ask. He took a breath then, when she said that she wanted a family. "Well, find one. It's what I did" He joked, grinning cheekily in turn. "Could adopt. Or find someone who's willing to share a life with yours and make one. Just try to find someone you can bear for a good hundred years, aye? As well as one who actually wants to stick around and be there in their child's life, instead of giving up a few years in because they can't be assed."

 

[Riamah]

Not knowing she had given voice to her thoughts of that girl, when Josh asked, she would tell him of what happened.

"Before I became the merchant I am today. When I still thought the Jedi and Sith were myth and didn't know I could use the Force, a man that was very dear to me was killed. His name was Treylon and he was as close to a father figure I ever had. Took me in off the streets, taught me how to be a businesswoman. Among the many things he passed on to me was the fact that one's word once given should never ben broken. That man taught me honor.

"Well, the night he was killed, he was trying to do good and rescue or save some people. They escaped and got away, but the thugs that were after those guys shot him. There was nothing I could do to stop it. During the fight, a fire had been started and there was family that just wanted to get out of their home before they died. The only person to escape death was a little girl named Xian.

"I caught her as she fell out the window of the burning house. Her family was lost in the blaze and I took her on board my ship. The one from my captain that had just been killed. From there in a daze I brought her to Coruscant, where I thought I had grown up in an orphanage. Paid for the care of her that Treylon had saved up and left her there.

"Time and again, I've visited her. Moments of thought have crossed my mind to adopt her, but then my life takes a sudden fall. I couldn't provide the stability she would have needed to be a mother."

Noticing him move now and then with Jason, Ra didn't think she could adopt Xian now either. Her life had been thrown into turmoil again and things were changing for her. The government she was with had just fallen and their support was more limited.

"Who would be willing to spend their life with a woman that travels for a living?"

It was partially said in jest, but there was truth to the question. His other comments hit with her. If that person was ever found that could put up with her, then she knew she could put up with him.

"If a such a person is out there me, I haven't found him yet."

Unless he was sitting across from her. Meeting his eyes, Ra looked at him as she spoke.

"Would you like a room made for the two of you? Jason is tired and you are welcome to stay here."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Interesting story" The Jedi responded once she had finished her story. "It appears that you've had a care for children since you were younger. Makes me wonder how you stood being a Sith for so long, standing by knowing that your kind slaughtered children, generally unnecessarily. I don't think I could have done what you did" Josh would admit. He took a deep breath then as he would take another drink of his water, checking to see if Jason was seemingly comfortable before looking back at Ra.

"I'll admit a little secret to you, as you've been hospitable to me, and... It might teach you something. Let's say that myself and another Jedi were on a mission, and we came to an impasse where when to get to where we wanted, we had to deal with a village barring us passage. Let's say that I wanted to try to find another way past, and my co-worker... Decided to kill them. He strikes, he strikes without discretion, without mercy... Without differentiation. I watch a child fall by his feet. A death of a child only because it fit our agenda.

Do you know what I would have done?"

He let a silence hang in that moment.

"If a Jedi working with me were to be so much like one of the Sith, that he would commit an atrocity such as that simply for an agenda... For a mission...

I would have killed him on the spot."

He stared at her a moment, letting that too, sink in. His eyes were cold, his expression was completely serious.

"To do something that atrocious, to an innocent child... The mission means nothing. The agenda... Means nothing. No mission, no agenda is worth the life of a child. I will always put doing the right thing over a mission or an agenda... And to an old school sort of Jedi, and to the Sith... That would make me flawed."

And then he would smirk, lightly.

"It's funny. A long time ago, serving the Jedi Order, the Galactic Republic as a young man... All I wanted was to be the best little soldier ever. The best Jedi ever. The most useful, the guy that followed orders to the letter. I was a weapon, Ra... I was a servant. To them, that was all that I was. I would not, back then, have killed a fellow Jedi if he killed a child. I would now.

And that's because you need to remember something... You are you. You do not belong to anyone... Or anything. Jedi, Sith... Factions, governing bodies... They do not own you. You are human. You are a person."

He motioned down toward Jason.

"That is what -he- taught me. Getting to be a husband, a father... It has taught me so much about life... So much about what I have been missing. So much about where I went wrong. The Republic Jedi would have said I was doing right... You know. Until they stabbed me in the back the moment the "agenda" fit it. But I'm with the Silver Jedi now. Sure, they don't do that kind of thing, but if they did... Well, it wouldn't hurt me if they did. If they stepped out of line, I'd take care of it. I am not someone's to command... I follow orders because I want to. I make the choice to, as a person.

That's something that you needed to learn when you were with the Sith, Ra... Nothing that you follow should conflict with what you feel is the right thing to do. Nothing should control you, or make you any less of your own person. Whichever venture you take in the future... Remember that well. That is a road to much pain, and a road where people will think less of you because you refuse to be a cog in a machine... But it will be a road that leads to happiness. I thought at first, that not being a blind, rose-tinted goggle wearing servant of the Republic... I would be miserable. I felt aimless, I felt hopeless, I felt like I had no direction for years.

But when I finally MADE SOMETHING of that freedom, of that life I had been afforded...

I became happier than I ever could have been in the life that I chose to leave behind. Always... Make the most of your freedom. Always do the things that you wanted to do... No constraints... No regrets."

When she would ask her question though, about who would be willing to spend their life with a traveler, and then said she hadn't found them, he would chuckle a bit.

"Here's a better question. Who would be willing to spend their life with a man that travels for a living? A man who has to get patched up more times than he's home? You look at me, you see me holding the kid, and you think I have it all together. I don't. I've had partners... But they just look at the big, tall guy with the battle scars and they want something... But that something is temporary. People get bored quickly. Especially when the reality hits that the reason the man's in shape is because he's gotta be out and about for long periods of time. These folks... They want the reward but never the commitment. They come... They stay for a year or more at most. Then they're off for the next source of entertainment. That's all they see when they look at me. Momentary entertainment. They see Jason, and they don't see the little angel that I see, they see him as an accessory, or a pet to play with for a little while and then head off when they're bored."

He gave a bittersweet smile then.

"I'm a man who plays for keeps, but I'm also a man who's got a few jobs to do. Not met many folks who'd think I'm husband material. Some do... But change their mind. But I keep hoping... I've had a few failed performances, years of my life down the drain... But I don't let it get me down. It gave me Jason, which I'm grateful for, and I'm confident that down the line... Something will come up."

His smile was real then, as he tried to at least be a bit light to keep the mood as such.

"And if not? Well... I have Jason. I have someone that gives my life meaning... With or without a wife. And I'm okay with that. Always have hope... But never let it consume you. Always prepare for a long time, or not at all... Because when you do get it... Well, it's nice to always have a pleasant surprise, right?"

He nodded his head when she offered to prepare a room. "Aye. But I'm not going far from where Jason's resting. If he's not on my ship, at home or in the Temple, I am not far behind him. I hope you can bear with me on that."