Sleepless comfort

[Sanya Val Lerium]

Jedi temple on ossus ​

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Sanya's eyes burst open, the realism of her nightmares wrenching her awake for the third night in a row. She lay still and quiet, turning her focus inward to ease the pounding of her heart as she silently recited the opening line of the Jedi mantra.​

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"there is no emotion, there is peace."​

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A since of calm settled over her, washing away the irrational terror of her dream. All the war's had been taking it's toll on her mentally, she wasn't cut out for war but if it ment saving lives she would do what had to be done regardless.​

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she rolled out of her bed and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. She looked up to see her reflection in the mirror studying her reflection. even now, eighteen standard years later discovering her true identity amongst the Jedi, she still felt alone.​

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sure she made a friend, someone who she trusted and in someways depended on it still did change how she felt. if it wasn't the nightmare haunting her, it was the thoughts of sera that blessed her mind.​

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Fatigue was taking it's toll, her face had became pale with dark circles under her eyes that stared back at her. Bracing her hand on either side of the sink, she lower her head and let out a long, low sigh, her gray, shoulder length hair falling forward to cover her face like curtains. After several seconds she stood up straight, using the fingers of both hands to sweep utility back into place.​

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Moving slowly, she made her way across the small living room of her apartment to her dresser. She grabbed her robes to wrap around her, leaving only underwear on underneath. she made her way across the living room again to the door, she stood there for a moment and let out another long, low sigh.​

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"I can't do this myself" she wisperd to herself, before a single tear rolled down her cheek. She proceeded to open the door, checking the hallway to see if it was clear. her head spun left to right several times before closing the door behind her.​

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After she locked her door she made her way to Seraphina's room. she walked most of the way on the balls of her feet as the floor was freezing cold. As she approached sera's door, Sanya knocked before speaking with a low voice, "hey sera, you still up?"​

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[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

The Jedi temple was a very busy place during the day. Between all of the day to day training and the constant comng and going of other knights and masters, bed time honestly felt like Sera's only downtime throughout most of her life on Ossus. Her bed often caused her to be late to training sessions with Kana, prompting quite a frequent number of scoldings, but she simply could not help herself. This bed was truly her favorite thing on Ossus. She had left the window above her bed open to let the cool breeze pass through and circulate through the room.

Her slumber was interrupted however as her subconscious commanded her eyes to follow the direction of her ears, guiding them towards her doorway as someone began knocking quietly against it. Almost instinctively her hand sprang from under the sheets to her lightsabers that rested atop of her night stand, but then relinquished their quest once she heard the voice. Instead, she sat up against the head board of the bed and called back toward the voice on the opposite side of her door. "Sanya? Is that you? Come in." She was confused why her friend was still up this late and what she could possibly need of her at this hour.

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

Sanya entered sera's apartment, and closed the door behind her. she tightened her robes around her body and lower the hood. "I'm sorry to disturb you so late" she raised her mouth before yawning. "is there any chance I could stay with you tonight? I'm struggling to sleep"

she walked further into the room and took a seat, slumping her head into her hands. "every time I try to sleep I keep seeing the devastation of the wars. it's tearing me apart sera." she lifted her head from her hands and took a deep breath "and if it's not the wars I'm thinking about someone else. I have tried meditating but it's not working, every time I do all I see is y.. is that person" the breeze flowing into the room felt nice, it helped cool her body down.

Sanya looked over to Seraphina before getting lost in her thoughts 'why can I never keep my eyes off you?... why do I always feel nervous around you?... why can't I just admit my feelings?' Sanya forced a smile on her face "I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry for laying this on you... your the only friend I've made since been here, actually your the only one I have trusted in a very long time." sanya's heart started beating faster, she could feeling pounding in her chest. she took another deep breath to try calm her nerves.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Rubbing the back of her neck to relieve some of the strain from sleeping crooked Sera nodded to Sanya. "Sure, you're welcome to stay." She sighed, the war with the Sith was taking a toll on just about everyone it seemed. Every defeat was a blow to the Republic's morale, and was trickling down into the Jedi as well. They needed some kind of victory, and they needed it soon, else they risk upheaval and unrest from the citizens.

"You are thinking of someone else to where you are both unable to sleep or meditate? Are you having premonitions? Or reliving some past event in your dreams?" She heard the slight hesitation in Sanya's words as she spoke about whomever it was, but thought it best not to pry into her personal affairs. "You don't want to be caught on the battlefield distracted, that much I can tell you. Our enemies will exploit anything they can, and having your mind elsewhere on the battlefield could cost you your life, or those lives around you."

Sera didn't want to sound negative, as she could sense that Sanya was nervous about whatever was on her mind, but she also needed to make sure that her friend knew that during the battles to come, she would need to have all of her focus on the present, that fight, and nothing else.

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

it was so kind of sera to feel worried about Sanya, it's one of the reasons she felt this way, about sera. as much as Sanya wanted to say it she couldn't or atleast she could not say it in words. "it's someone that I see almost everyday." sanya could feel her face burn up. she quickly move on from what she was saying to answer the questions, and hope sera didn't take much notice in her blushing. "it's nothing to do with my past, everything there I've accepted and that's the past."


as for the sith, the wars she felt it would be the best to stay away for a while. hope the nightmares end soon. "I don't plan on been in any war soon. so I don't have to worry about the sith so much for now. might be best to train more, and practical my abilitys." Sanya came to this conclusion days ago, it might have been a sign that she is not as strong as she could be. if she wanted to protect everyone she had to be better than what she was. as for the other thing that kept creeping in to sanya's mind about sera 'I want to tell you.' Sanya let out a sigh 'I just wish I could say it in words... but what if she feels the same way... what if she feels a different way though. I can't think like this... I just can't. sera would understand what I was feeling, what I was thinking, what I wanted'.

"sera?" she took a breath "I... I want to say thank you for been here for me. your someone who I feel like I can rely on, I've never had that before." Sanya closed her eyes tight and clenched her teeth together. she drew in one more deep breath and exhaled slowly. "you're the person I can't stop thinking about, and I have to be honest I like you okay." she had not felt this nervous since she first came to the temple, her palms where getting clamy, her heart throbbing. "I mean I really like you. when ever I'm near you I don't feel so alone." her eyes watered up before a tear dropped down her cheak.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera remained silent as Sanya spoke. She could sense the hesitation in her voice, and she noted the redness in her cheeks as she began to spell out what exactly she had needed to talk about. The Twi'lek's eyes skimmed along the room while the right corner of her bottom lip slid underneath her teeth as she thought about what to say in response. She knew how difficult this must be for Sanya to tell her, given that it was both entirely against the Jedi code to have such feelings and attachments to another person, as well as not knowing what Sera's response would be by her revealing her feelings towards her.

"Sanya...I." She paused mid thought, to ensure what she was saying would be taken in the right way. "What you are telling me could come with very serious consequences. You do realize this, yes? But you don't need to thank me for being there for you. That's something you can always count on. But what is it about me that I am on your mind so frequently?"

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

sanya gave a small smile, although it made her feel bit better for opening up to sera she was right. she there are consequences but Sanya was ready to deal with them. "there has been many Jedi who have loved someone, and lead a successful life in the order. they delt with the consequences and they came out better for it." she has researched many times about Jedi and relationships, they always made the best stories.

"and as for thoughts that I have of you..." her shoulder dropped down and her hands gripping the top of thighs a little bit. "it's generally everything about you, both personality and appearance. the fact that your so kind to everyone it make me smile, and well when you smile it sends crazy, in a good way." she moved one side of her hair that had fell onto her face."I also fantasize about there been an 'us', and with the events that's been going off it helps me get through the day, well till I need to clear my mind that is."

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera rubbed her forhead a few times before placing her hands atop of her bed sheets, looking over towards Sanya. "It's true that there are some in the Order that have relationships right now, and aren't facing any trouble with them. There are also others that have had grave consequences, the worst of all history being Darth Vader's descent to the darkness due to his relationship with then-senator Padme Amidala."

The young Jedi Knight was flattered by the compliment, and felt very comfortable around Sanya, though she wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation that she was being presented with. "Sanya are you proposing a relationship with me? I don't really know what to say. I have to admit I wasn't at all prepared for this when you knocked on my door this late." She laughed softly before finishing. "I like you, you are a wonderful person, and a great friend. I just don't know if this is something I am prepared for right now. My last master, he...He was someone I cared for greatly as well, and when he died...Let's just say I took it poorly, and the remnants of that still affect me to some degree today. I don't want to hurt you. To say the least, I am an emotional train wreck."

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

Sanya's eyes dropped to the floor, she knew what it felt like to lose someone close. "I understand, I have been there myself." she took a brief pause "when I was alot younger I had to steal to live, and one day I got caught by a group of criminals. they tortured me in the street" she moved one half of her robe out the way to show the scar across the right side of her waist. "as they took the blade to my throat after there fun, my mother saw what was happening and exchanged her life for mine... they forced me to watch. I piece of me died that day and I've never been back to corellia since."

she had accepted that day now but it still hurt. her mother did it so she could live a full life, she saw the potential in Sanya. "although she sacrificed herself for me, she wouldn't want me to cling on to that day. she'd want me to continue and make the best of everything, and it's what I've tried doing."

the temperature in the room dropped abit sending shivers across her body "sera I'm not asking for a relationship, well not yet. I just couldn't keep it to myself. yes I love you but I still have problems that I need to get past first." she tightly wrapped her robes around herself to warm up a little bit. she spent a moment pondering about one of the thing sera said "sera? when you said not right now, dose that mean there might be a day when we could be together?"

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera sighed, she understood the pain of Sanya's past, and didn't wish to dwell on those events, as nothing she could say would remove those scars, just the same as nothing would remove the one's of Sera's past. "I'm very sorry. These are the types of things we stand against as Jedi. Not just the Sith, but for everyone in the Republic. Sometimes I think we forget that the Sith are not our only concern."

She shifted in the bed a bit, not entirely certain of how to go about answering the question of the future. She was not very well trained in precognition, so she couldn't reliably answer such a question. She didn't want to hurt Sanya, she did know that much, but she couldn't lie to her or lead her on with promises.

"I don't know, honestly. I've had to force myself to erect some very serious walls as of recent, to protect myself and those I serve with from becoming a victim of my past. I don't wish to relive that, and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone else either. My advice would be to be certain you are prepared to handle the worst case scenario. My second master, a man I briefly trained with before transferring to master Truden and before I was knighted was killed during the battle of Kashyyyk. This war has taken serious tolls on the Order, and we can't afford anything distracting us, including our affection towards one another."

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

Sanya felt guilty like she was trying to push this on sera, it was not her intention. "I'm sorry sera, I shouldn't have said anything." Sanya paused for a moment "just to say my feeling are and will stay the same, and if you ever need someone to talk with or help with something then I'll always be here for you waiting out side those walls." Sanya gave a little cheeky smile.

the room kept getting cooler and the struggle not to shiver became harder. "hey sera I'm still okay to sleep her tonight. I'd understand if you didn't want me too."

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera smiled. "There is no harm in speaking your mind, Sanya. Keeping your thoughts bottled up will only cause strife and inner conflict. Likewise i am here for you as well."

The Twi'lek shook her head and waved her over. "Of course not. I'm not bothered by you at all. Please, you may stay. Did you need to talk about anything aside from that?"

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

Sanya took of her robe folding it neatly placing it where she had been sat. "not about myself as such, but I wanted to ask how did you get brought into the the order?" Sanya walked over to sera's bed and got under the covers. she was finally warming up again 'I see why sera loves to stay in bed, it's so comfortable and warm'

although Sanya did wonder why all the beds where double beds, then again who could complain it ment she could sprawl out. yet all Sanya wanted to do was wrap her arms around sera resting her head on sera's chest.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera slid over a bit so that Sanya could lie down. The question posed was pretty straightforward. It was a memory she often recanted to others, and was a bit humorous, if not very interesting. "Well...I was very young. Around seven. I used to play with these small dolls that my father had made for me as a birthday gift. I would often find it more enjoyable to make the dolls float around in the air, more so because I simply didn't understand exactly what I was doing, and it was wildly entertaining for me. I always thought I was pretty good at hiding it from my family, but my parents knew what I was doing. They just didn't want to send me away to the Jedi for fear that they'd never see me again. My older brother Rykev wasn't amused by it at all. He often called me names, perhaps he was jealous, I don't quite know. But the act that got me sent to the Jedi was when my father had scolded me over something, something petty and I was very simply just overly emotional about it. So I used the dolls I had been playing with, and with my childlike fury, sent them in hurtling toward him in a wild telekinetic rage. That was the catalyst that forced him into contacting the Jedi. He feared that if left unchecked, I might cause serious trouble back home."

[member="Sanya Val Lerium"]

 

[Sanya Val Lerium]

Sanya moved closer towards sera. she use her hand to move her hair behind her ear to stop it covering her face. "do you think about them often, like what they would say if you saw them now sorta things?" her eyes slowly became heavier making it harder to keep her eyes open.

as her eyes finally shut she placed her arm around sera's waist, her head slid across the pillows slowly till her forehead was on sera's shoulder "sera, I never want to let you go" sanya's voice became a whisper. not long after she had finally managed to fall asleep. her dreams where not of the wars but now of her and sera holding eachother in their arms, they where surrounded by tree's with flowers and grass covering the forrest floor.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]