[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVXTmav24Wk[/media]
Please.
There it was. A corner, at least, a step of that endless corridor she had only ever glimpsed from a distance and through the curved lens that was [member="Matsu Xiangu"]. It could be said for so few these days, but her trust in the other woman was absolute. It went beyond a proving of self, reaching instead the point of
faith. She had seen only the barest shadow of black fire that waited at the end of that connection, but she took the step without hesitation.
Only in the leap from the Lion's head.....
She had to turn to face him fully to offer her left hand. The right, false, a simulacrum, crushed and shattered and
taken. Perhaps it was part of why, when he asked, when he said please, she could so immediately respond. It was easy to give when it was a choice. And while she did not understand the full extent of what he sought, when asked, Irajah had the capacity for bottomless generosity to those she considered worth her time.
Perhaps that, at it's core, was what Matsu saw in the dark haired, bright eyed woman. It was impossible to consume something that had no end. For now, that trust, that faith was transferred to him by virtue of that shared connection, both orbiting a shared star.
Smaller palm laid against his, dwarfed and delicate but firm, and holding nothing in reserve.
For most people, pain is transient. Either it exists in a single moment, or else lingers for hours. Days. Weeks perhaps. Oh, it might repeat, it might draw and cut and wrench over and over again, like the hands of a familiar lover, but there would always be a breath between peaks, the valleys that most people considered the place they lived from day to day. There would always be the alternation of the quality of the pain, room between to fill with whatever their
normal was. They did not live on that mountain peak, only experienced it as visitors. As tourists and sight seers- happily returning low to a place where the air was not thin and their chests did not struggle to draw breath and their heads did not swim.
Irajah
lived there.
It is one thing to explain, clinically, what the Gideon Virus did to a human body. To speak of blood cells, heavy with the fruit of the infection, of the way it moved from organ to organ, not consuming but shredding in its passage. The stories of fever, of hemorrhaging because the viral bodies treated the inner systems of a body as nothing more than wet, red tissue paper. How, if someone was lucky and they were weak, they would die of raging fever as meat fought unto suicide rather than be taken by an outside force turned internal. The unlucky
lingered. Until their immune system battered itself to shards against the jagged palisades and knives of Gideon, and the virus
smiled. ​For the lucky, it was hours of pain as heat burned their brain to a cinder. For the unlucky, it was days while more than merely blood seeped from eyes, from ears, from every pore until, finally a sigh and the gift of death.
For Irajah, it had been a year and a half.
A year and a half since she had woken up, surrounded by dead, staring, blood covered faces. Since she had gasped, subconsciously clawing herself away and sequestering Gideon in a cage of the Force within herself. Not enough to stop the rending of the virus- never enough for that. The trial and error as she learned to move it through her system, from organ to organ, Gideon taking
bites every time she did, leaving minute internal bleeds that blossomed to the bruises on her flesh to mirror the holes within. Even contained in a single place, it raged and marauded in its cage, tearing, rending- never consuming because it cared not a moment to
feed. Lines of fire traced the path of the virus, breadcrumbs that crisscrossed the crossroads of her body, left behind. She would keep it caged as long as she could, a day, more, and then move it again to allow the hollowed out and ravaged system to heal as much as was possible before whispering choked apologies she had to bring it back again. Every time, she could repair a little less. Every time, while the cage itself grew in strength, the organs within weakened, requiring more time between housing Gideon to heal.
Time that she simply didn't have.
Wounds half healed before Gideon came back in, the firestorm burning it raw again. Liver. Kidneys. Lungs. Pancreas. Heart. The stiffening of the pathways between, hardening as scar tissue tried to repair, to grow over, only to be ripped apart again and sent as shattered plaster circulating back through her system.
There was not a breath she took that was not
pain. The pain of an animal's frenzied gnawing at the bars of its cage. A cage of flesh and blood and bone, gnawing simply to shatter it because that was, ultimately, its nature.
Blood pooled where it had no right to settle, trying to rot within joints, above the inner curve of abdomen. And she would flush it out when she found it, but not before it could clot, to stiffen and press. More bruises, more pain.
Gideon sang a hymn, vibrating against muscle and bone. It echoed through the hollow spaces of her body, the architectural wonders that the virus had created where flesh
should be. But instead the harmonies moved between the slender latticework of a musculature that could barely support it's own weight. One mistake in her timing, one faltering moment where that cage slipped, and it would shatter, collapsing.
And then, only when it had won, would Gideon feast.
A year and a half of burning, of gnawing, of the feeling of her very organs and veins shredded from the inside. And somehow, she had smiled. Loved. Hated.
Lived. By any metric, the pain itself should have made her lie down. Give up. Say 'enough, I have had enough and my watch is over.'
There were other pains, beneath that. The burn of electricity. The crunching, shattering of bones, of blood arcing in projection spatters from the backswing, not of a knife, but of her body. The silence of the methodical tracing of runes into her flesh. They all lived beneath the immediacy of Gideon, available but, ultimately, mundane in comparison. Familiar.
Pedestrian. Shadows in the cave. There, if he reached, if he wanted them.