LOA Stepping Back

[Amelia von Sorenn]

I've always had difficulty opening up to people, or even asking for help - though it's reached a point where, to be blunt, I'm struggling. I've been struggling for some time now, and as much energy as it may seem I have (with Factory and Codex subs, and even this new Corporate Court idea), I've found myself not really enjoying my time on Chaos these last few weeks. I'll come on and it feels more like a chore, there's no enjoyment in the subs that I create anymore - there's not the "I'm doing this because I enjoy it and want to make these subs, or posts" its more of an "I'm doing this because I have to", kind of feeling to everything.

Truth be told, I don't feel like I'm welcomed all that much - and maybe it's just going through a cycle of paranoia or I've hit a low point - It's felt that way for a while. There are times where I feel like people are only tolerating me, that when I'm in a discord chat with people they're happy when I finally step away or leave. I'm not sure how to phrase it or explain it beyond the simple fact that I'm tired and I'm struggling.

For the moment, I'm going to take the time to step back and step away from Chaos. I'd like to say that if you need me for anything you can reach me on Discord, though even that I'll be stepping away from to collect my thoughts and attempt to find where I stand in the grand scheme of things.

Unfortunately, this is also going to affect my activity and any plans I had on the site - I do apologize for this inconvenience, to anyone that was waiting on me for posts or for anything involving the Corporate Court idea. I need to step back though, I need to take the time to collect myself and try and find that enjoyment again.

I'm not sure how long I'll be gone - it's something that needs to be done though.

I'm just tired... I'm sorry for rambling on, I'm sure there are a few people out there that don't care and are waiting for me to get to the point and see my leave. I don't know anymore.

.....

 

[Ingrid L'lerim]

Amelia von Sorenn , take care of yourself! <3

 

[Listib Hibin]

I always enjoyed your posts Amelia von Sorenn , even though we do not speak much. Take care of yourself, we all burn out eventually and need a reset. Take the time and don't rush it.

 

[Darth Metus]

Take care of yourself Ame! You'll be missed <3

 

[Damsy Callat]

I really,

really,

feel that, rather I have had my moments.

From personal experience, I can tell you it's better to take a breather now and let that last however long feels right than continue to push through. Sometimes, a good long break is just what's needed, especially when life gets real. Each time, it's allowed me to come back to my stories with a clearer mind, a lighter heart, and a more active muse. I hope you can find that a nice ole LOA has a similar affect on you if you want it to.

And, as everyone else says, please take care.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Amelia von Sorenn - I can also relate to your post in a lot of ways over periods in the recent year where I've been feeling the same way. It's a difficult thing to go through, as opening up about it feels like you may discourage others from wanting to hang with you for various reasons our brains like to make us believe!

Much like Damsy Callat has suggested, take the time to step back and have a breather.

Being the internet, it's far more often the case that what others are really feeling or doing, is not what our anxiety or mind is making us assume to really be happening.
As someone who has often felt the same way, I also believe that everyone on this site has their personal lives at the top of their priorities. More often than not, they aren't actually aware of how others are feeling due to the difficulty in communication and empathy via online interactions. This doesn't apply to all interactions but certainly the things we don't say/share through text or voice chat.

I myself have been struggling for muse and that feeling of belonging where factions (or groups of writers) are concerned. Submissions for Mnemosyne for example also took a nose-dive after an especially difficult period on Chaos, but I am continuing to look for different options and ways to find that love for roleplay again to the degree that I once felt. Sometimes I guess it's better to fake it until you make it.

At least by having opened up and said what you have, perhaps it will show you that you're not alone and that there are people around here that are supportive of you. The internet isn't really the best place people should come to in order to feel vindicated, but within a community such as ours, I do hope that these feelings eventually subside and you can return with the passion you once had for writing on Chaos.

 

[Srina Talon]

Rest up and take care Amelia von Sorenn . You know where/how to find me if you need something.

 

[Ala Quin]

When you find your way back to a good place and a desire to come write here again, hit me up on Discord. I am always looking for people to hang with and plot with. Would love to make your acquaintance and such.