Tell me what you think about me

[NightSister]

Alright, my turn!

So, you know how these work. What am I doing well, what could I improve on as a writer and as a character, etc. I especially want to know how realistic Aria is, in personality/emotional stability/whatever and - in particular - her skill level, because back in my early days on the site I made her pretty OPed and don't want to do so again. My thread tracker's in my bio - bear in mind that a lot of the old stuff or threads that never really got anywhere have been removed, but nothing important's been missed out.

I will listen to criticism, but I will ask that if you've got a lot of not strictly positive or constructive stuff to say then please do so in a PM. Same goes for personal or OOC issues.

You may now begin!

 

[James Justice]

[member="Aria Vale"]

I haven't had the pleasure of threading with you yet, would you mind providing some perusal material?

 

[NightSister]

Here's some of my best things:

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/96681-a-step-into-the-unknown/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/94184-the-cleansing-of-ruusan/#entry1369976
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/91675-the-inner-demons/

Everything else is in my bio.

[member="James Justice"]

 

[James Justice]

[member="Aria Vale"]

Here is what I see:

1) Grammar, ten for ten. From what I see you have a pleasant mastery and useage of English. That makes reading your posts easy and enjoyable.

2) Appropriate use of the Force. Can't tell you how much this pleases me. Your not a godawan, and you don't seem to be whimpy. Its easy to see that your teachable, open, and that you don't over power on your skills. This I like.

3) Balanced combat. As someone who has practiced martial arts and street fighting for most of his existence, I appreciate this. Your style appears to be rather consistent, fluid and appreciable.

4) Character consistency. You clearly have a motive, goals, and a major event that shaped your life (death of parents). Pretty good. I like this as you try to come to grips with their deaths and the fall out and so on.

Here is what I would like to see a little more of:

1) Non combat. Your thread with Abyss is pretty good. You have good dialogue aspects and good emotional consistency. I would like to see more of this and maybe a little less slashy slash only because, well, your good at it.

2) Perhaps more struggles? A young Jedi struggling with the darkness is a classic for sure, and a really great way to flesh out your character. I love it, and I think that every Jedi at some point should go through it at least once. But I'd like to see you do some other struggles too because your write it well. I see the struggle in verbature and again, your very consistent with your theme, hence I'd love to see what it looks like for you to try on other struggles that you deem fit.

Cheers, hope that helps!

EDIT: I almost forgot the most important part that I want to see:

3) Be with James you will never be complete until you romance James

 

[Ellie Mors]

You appear to need a foil character, and internal conflict, but that comes with time.

 

[Teynara Jeralyr]

Struggling with the darkness can be a little cliche - it's understandable, but really, what people struggle with is Jedi philosophy. It's too detached from, well, everyone else. Hard to write something that's so far removed from yourself, but it's interesting to observe nonetheless.

Now...as to you.

Your grammar and punctuation is indeed excellent, and it makes your posts very readable, as has been said. You also have a very clear approach to your detail writing: you explain, and craft a solid narrative, which helps the reader to place everything you do in context. The imagery is definitely there, and that's a rare enough (but valuable!) quality in a writer, so you're doing well.

As for Aria herself...I agree with the others that a little more development is needed. She's interesting enough, but needs fleshing out a little. Your writing leaves you with the potential to make a very nuanced, interesting character, and you've shown signs towards making her that, certainly. We must have more! The plus side is you've taken plenty of steps towards that, which is all any of us can ask. Keep up the good work