The Bandwagon Intensifies

[Nima Tann]

Why not

So, it has been a long time, and Nima has lived many things in that time. She left the Jedi, took many damages from her fights, found her mother's lightsaber which contains her soul. She is going to learn about that fairly soon. Potentially she's going to go confront her father someday. Ice, her mutant wolf pet, is still Ice, I want to write him more, reminder for me

So, I wonder what do you all think about her journey so far?

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

I’ve been writing with Ms [member="Nima Tann"] for a while now under different faces, so I think I’m qualified to give an opinion and hopefully a useful critique.

As a general note, your writing and style has really improved over time. Given you are not an English native speaker, you’d not know it from your prose, so well done! You’re also a reliable, active writer who’s very helpful and fun to write with.

Enough about that, this is for characters. So….

The Good:

• Nima shows some actual flaws, unlike many characters whose bios list weaknesses which never actually occur. Nima is painfully shy, uncertain and gets easily flustered. She’s a good, well rounded character because she has strengths as well as weaknesses.
• Ice is an adorable NPC character. He’s a good foil for Nima and gives a shy character someone to talk with.
• Nima has strengths but is not overpowered. She’s got a strong moral code and makes a new angle on a Jedi Master.
• Has the best purple lekku ever.

The Bad:

• I don’t get a clear understanding of Nima’s goals and intentions. She’s drifted from numerous groups but she does not seem especially dynamic in and of herself. She wants to do the right thing obviously, but how and what that is…I couldn’t tell you.
• I feel there is often too much of a contrast between her battlefield and peacetime personalities. It’s like they’re two different people, and whilst that can happen I feel it’s often too much of a change from the shy and uncertain Twi’lek to the confident and cold Jedi Master.
• Some points in her history feature things which seems to be there mainly to make a point and/or maim the character to push development. I find development through maiming without good purpose to be less impactful than natural progression.
• Does not let Nantaris massage said lekku enough.