Approved NPC The Bryn'adûl | Juggernaut Heavy

[Tathra Khaeus]

The Bryn'adûl | Juggernaut Heavy

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: To flesh out a particular rank of the Bryn'adûl Juggernaut Corps
• Image Credit: X | X
• Role: Juggernaut Heavy Infantry
• Permissions: N/A
• Links: [Embedded Throughout]

GENERAL INFORMATION

• Unit Name: Juggernaut Heavy
• Affiliation: The Bryn'adûl
• Classification: Heavy Infantry
• Description: The Juggernauts of the Bryn'adûl, Draelvasier warriors. The most reliable and long-standing military corps of the Barricas. The Juggernaut Heavy is in joint position with Grendadier as a second tier rank within the Juggernaut corps. The Heavies are the strongest of the young Juggernauts, layered with heavy armour and a powerful repeating weapon.

COMBAT INFORMATION:

• Unit Size: Medium
• Unit Availability: Uncommon
• Unit Experience: Trained
• Equipment:
• Armour: Verikast Juggernaut Platform 12A [Up-Armoured]
• Arms: Glaive & Radesh Automatic | 457.2mm Ammunition
• Combat Function: Juggernaut Heavies are primarily enforcers, suppressing fire experts and hallway clearing units. Juggernaut Heavies were heavy armour so that they can essentially tank enemy fire of all kinds, their armour is upgraded with several redundant layers and ammunition reserves that allow them to stay in the fight for much longer than their smaller counterparts. Juggernaut Heavies typically deploy as part of squad units, defence lines for mortar groups or as enforcer parties that support packs and Phalanx groups.

Strengths:

• Backbone: The Bryn'adûl Juggernauts are the forefront most well known enforcers of the Bryn'adûl, they are powerful and adept warriors that serve with great belief and loyalty to their core values of their culture. This means, even with lethal and even fatal wounds, they will not stop nor flee from combat without order, and will not stop until they can no longer keep moving.
• Tank: Just like any Baedurin, the Bryn'adûl Juggernauts are exceedingly tough - but unlike most Draelvasier or even Baedurin, Heavies have a penitent for violence and pain, and their heavier armour allows them to exceed many times over what other Juggernauts could take - even their higher ranking officers.
• Strength: Every Draelvasier is formidable, but the Baedurin were granted a sum of their leader's strength. Born of his brawn, an average Juggernaut is roughly twenty times stronger than a human. This strength lends to ferocious speed and deadly, lethal strikes.
• Shredder: The Radesh Automatic is an incredible powerful weapon, capable of tearing apart most organics from sheer kinetic force.

Weaknesses:

• Huge: Baedurin typically stand anywhere between 2.4 to 2.7 metres in height, they are giants. Whilst this grants them the strength of titans, it also weighs on their bodies, it also makes them incredibly large targets, easy pickings for automatic weapons.
• Agility: Baedurin are not as agile/flexible as smaller species and more lithe creatures.
• Winters' Grasp: The fire in their veins makes them strong, but it also makes the Baedurin's flesh feeble in the presence of the cold. Their blood runs hot, their bodies thriving in the sun. But it is the brightest flame that is snuffed the easiest, the cold is as deadly as any blades.
• Versatility of Arms: The Minors of the Juggernaut Corps are not equipped with such a wide variety of weaponry, using the baseline armour and weaponry thusly limited their capabilities via armaments in battle.
• Slow: With their denser muscle mass, heavier armour and weapon combined - the Heavies are significantly slower than the lighter armoured Juggernauts.

HISTORICAL INFORMATION
The Juggernauts of the Bryn'adûl have been officially rebranded as the Juggernaut Corps, encompassing a variety of Juggernaut units and force variations. One such group is the Juggernaut Heavy Infantry. The Heavy Infantry are a strong segment of the Bryn Corps, comprising of its most physically strong members inside of the first few tiers of the Juggernaut corps. They are incredibly fierce warriors, and you up-close or in range of their weaponry.

 

[Zak Dymo]

Tathra Khaeus

Just one mention here.

Arms: Glaive & Radesh Automatic | 457.2mm Ammunition

The glaive link is going to the drone NPC submission rather than to the weapon sub that I believe this refers to.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

Zak Dymo yea I gotta fix those xD On my phone, will fix it all later!

 

[Judah Lesan]

Tathra Khaeus

I will be taking this submission over for Zak... what's the status on this? You still working on swapping that link out?

Give me a ping when it is ready and I'll give everything a look over.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

Judah Lesan forgot to tag him, link is updated.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Tathra Khaeus

Thank you so much. There is one more thing. Your image credit link does not actually include the image your using. It takes me to an artststion page which has a gallery of several images, but not the one in this submission.

Please update that for me, or change the image to one from the gallery and we should be good to pass this up to my secondary.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

Judah Lesan

Link fixed, the image I'm using is at the bottom of the page as part of the star-card.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Tathra Khaeus

I apologize for taking a couple extra days to get back to you. Thank you so much for your patience!

For full transparency what follows will be listed across your other Brute submissions as well.

After taking a look at your submission, along with the other brutes you have submitted, these are extremely familiar to the Brutes of Halo, also known as the Jiralhanae as seen in the Halo Fandom Wiki here. This wiki will be referenced throughout this review. While I do not feel you have plagiarized anything, this definitely qualifies as a crossover which according to the Codex Standardized Guidelines are not allowed. I have quoted the particular guideline for your convenience below:

No crossovers. All submissions need to conform to the general idea of Star Wars. No Gundams, no Transformers, no Pokemon etc.

Before we move on I am going to give you the chance to edit these submissions so they reflect something more akin to Star Wars and not the Halo Franchise.

Here are the changes I feel will help accomplish this.

NAME:

The names are the same, a brief look at the wiki makes this clear. I would suggest another name other than brute to use.​

IMAGE:

The images you are using in these submissions are the brutes from the Halo games. Because of the similarities I would also suggest steering away from using anything related to the brutes from halo in your art. I will also suggest you play more to the description you wrote in the species submission which suggests a more reptilian look than that of a gorilla.​

​

CHIEFTAIN:

​

In all the submissions you make reference to the brutes gaining strength from their chieftain. Reading through the wiki also makes heavy references to the chieftain as a rank, and ultimate leader of the brutes. Please remove this reference or come up with different nomenclature for the leader.​

​

EQUIPMENT:

Your equipment is almost directly taken from the Halo wiki, and in fact two of the weapons listed have the same name, the spiker and the mauler. One of them, the spiker, I did point out has since been archived. I am going to suggest you use different weapons as well. (Your Brute Heavy submission is the exception to equipment.)​

STRENGTHS:

Under strengths in the description of Backbone you mention their zealotry:​

​

they are powerful and adept warriors that serve with a zealotry that parallels only the most fanatical of followers.

​

This seems to parallel the Halo wiki as well.​

​

The Jiralhanae within the Covenant were zealous beings, known for their willingness to cling to ancient, bloody traditions and many among the Jiralhanae, notably Tartarus, held an unwavering belief in the words of the Prophets and in the promise of the Great Journey…

​

This also seems to come into play here under the strength you have called Comrades:​

​

They live and breathe the ideals of the Bryn'adûl, acting on the will of their forefather, and the good of the galaxy.

​

I believe these particular strengths would hold up without this particular reference.​

WEAKNESSES:

In the weakness you have listed as huge they are standing 2.4 to 2.7 meters tall. This happens to be the center of the height range listed in the Halo wiki.​

​

ALSO AS A REMINDER:

These submissions are very similar so please be sure to differentiate them enough. The main area where I see this is with the strengths and weaknesses specifically. What would help here is expanding on them… how is a major different from a captain or a heavy, etc. They currently read as the same exact submission in this area.​

SOME THINGS I MISSED:

Please be sure you link to the Draelvasier as this is where you list the Baedurin and describe what they are.​

As I said above, I do not thing you plagiarized anything here, but this is definitely a crossover which will need some significant reworking before these submissions can be approved.

There is a lot to address here, so if you would like, I could move these to the pre-codex so that you can take your time with making the edits suggested above. Just let let me know how you would like to proceed.

Thanks!

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

UPDATE:

• Image changed and credit link provided
• Draelvasier/Baedurin linked in description.
• Glaive link fixed
• Spiker removed [will be replaced soon]
• Backbone strength's mention of zealotry replaced with a note of culture and culture has been linked.
• Comrade strength left unchanged as its accurate to Draelvasier/Bryn'adûl lore. Forefathers and the good of the Galaxy have zip to do with Halo Brutes.

Judah Lesan

 

[Judah Lesan]

Tathra Khaeus

Thanks for the changes you have made so far. I am glad to see you are making an effort, however it does not go far enough. Let me explain.

The reason it was flagged for a crossover is because you are using Halo art, a Halo name, Halo terminology, and Halo weapon names. One of those things alone or by themselves isn't a bad thing, however the fact you are using all of them together is the issue. I want to work with you on making this happen, but as long as there are this many Halo components I simply cannot approve the submission.

I do appreciate the tweaks you made in strengths and weaknesses to make these NPC's seem less like the brutes of Halo. I can see that you are trying to work with me on this!

As you are aware we do not allow crossovers and we do not judge based on precedent.

So here is where we are at:

IMAGE CREDIT: If you add the image from the approved brute submission showing what they look like under the armor, along with the current armor set (as that is still a halo brute image according to the navbar description when I click the link), we can make the image work.

PROVIDED THAT THE FOLLOWING CHANGES ARE MADE:

NAME: Please change the name. While perhaps it was not intended the name is from the games and will need to change.

CHIEFTAIN: You need to rename the chieftain. I understand you have them as the overall leader, however since that submission is currently in the Pre-Codex for edits, now is best time to make that change. note: if you are set on using chieftain than you cannot use a halo image credit. For the sake of this sub... there is only one place I see Chieftain, why not make the text read: they were granted a sum of the leader's strength.

Thanks for you patience!

I think we can get this one approved with these two quick edits.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Tathra Khaeus

I‘m going to go ahead and move the Juggernaut subs to the pre-codex.

I do understand you’re waiting on a weapon, and while I’ve asked for guidance on what you’d like to do it’s been two weeks with no answer.

Once you’ve edited the weapon in you can ask to have them moved back here for live judgement.

 

[Tathra Khaeus]

John Locke

Ready for live judgement.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Tathra Khaeus looks good and since I am no longer training!

[APPROVED]