Melee Weapon Review The Darkshard

[Naestra]

SPECIAL FEATURES

• Sentient: the weapon is possessed by the remnants of its creator’s spirit. Making it self aware and having a will of its own.

STRENGTHS

• Immune to conventional means of destruction: this blade is alchemically enhanced, making it indestructible by normal means, requiring significant effort and power in the force to undo its enchantments if one were to wish it destroyed.
• Alchemically toxified metal: Injuries inflicted by this weapon are incredibly painful, and if left untreated is fatal. The toxin works as a necrotizing agent, specifically targeting the circulatory system of whomever the toxin infects, seeping out of the veins and into surrounding tissue to cause immense pain and eventual death.

WEAKNESSES

• Wielder Dependent: The sword has a will of its own but no way to enact that will by itself. Instead relying on corrupting and dominating whomever wields it to do its bidding. A sufficiently strong willed or force-dead wielder can use the weapon without being dominated by it.
• Overt Corruption: The sword’s corruptive influence is not particularly subtle, blackening the wielder’s veins, yellowing their eyes, and the appearance of electric burns on their arms.

DESCRIPTION
(Describe some of the histories behind the submission. Give us some idea of how it might perform its function, what it excels against and what some limitations of it are. This is where you talk about your idea, flesh it out over at least a good-sized paragraph, and address some of the ways it might be used or abused. For especially powerful or ambitious submissions, a very thorough description is recommended.)

The purpose of this item isn’t to be used by a character but rather as a plot device to drive story. This Dark Artifact is sentient and corruptive, insidiously whispering into the mind of whomever wields it, and brings them deeper into the clutches of the dark side. Once the corruption has progressed enough it may directly command its wielder, even punishing them if they disobey its orders through intense electric shock.

The history of the weapon is simple. It was created by a long passed Dark Side Sorcerer, who put a portion of his spirit within the blade to evade death. He made it to enhance his power in life and prolong his existence indefinitely. And even attain a new vessel through its corruptive influence.

 

[Krass Wyms]

Naestra

Hello, I will be handling this today

Sentient: the weapon is possessed by the remnants of its creator’s spirit. Making it self aware and having a will of its own.

Sentient darkside weapons/items fall dangerously close to the darkstaff which is banned.

Immune to conventional means of destruction: this blade is alchemically enhanced, making it indestructible by normal means, requiring significant effort and power in the force to undo its enchantments if one were to wish it destroyed.

Absolute language like immune, indestructible are not allowed with chaos. Anything can be destroyed, anything can be broken. Very high/difficult would be the way to say it.

Alchemically toxified metal: Injuries inflicted by this weapon are incredibly painful, and if left untreated is fatal. The toxin works as a necrotizing agent, specifically targeting the circulatory system of whomever the toxin infects, seeping out of the veins and into surrounding tissue to cause immense pain and eventual death.

Material: phrik

Phrik is not a toxic metal, and there is no mention of what is being used to coat it in the description, materials or strengths section. So either the effect will need to be removed or it will need to be altered to include it.

Wielder Dependent: The sword has a will of its own but no way to enact that will by itself. Instead relying on corrupting and dominating whomever wields it to do its bidding. A sufficiently strong willed or force-dead wielder can use the weapon without being dominated by it.

Overt Corruption: The sword’s corruptive influence is not particularly subtle, blackening the wielder’s veins, yellowing their eyes, and the appearance of electric burns on their arms.

Neither of these are weaknesses. CHanging eye color and having a vague "strong will" should be replaced with weaknesses that balance out the strengths and that is before the standard force nullification weakness is added which all force items should have automatically.

The history of the weapon is simple. It was created by a long passed Dark Side Sorcerer, who put a portion of his spirit within the blade to evade death. He made it to enhance his power in life and prolong his existence indefinitely. And even attain a new vessel through its corruptive influence.

(Describe some of the histories behind the submission. Give us some idea of how it might perform its function, what it excels against and what some limitations of it are. This is where you talk about your idea, flesh it out over at least a good-sized paragraph, and address some of the ways it might be used or abused. For especially powerful or ambitious submissions, a very thorough description is recommended.)

Per the request in the description, there should be at least a good paragraph. The description is severely lacking and just readings like a strength more then anything as it is possibly giving the spirit a pathway to immortality. Which no character is immortal.

The purpose of this item isn’t to be used by a character but rather as a plot device to drive story. This Dark Artifact is sentient and corruptive, insidiously whispering into the mind of whomever wields it, and brings them deeper into the clutches of the dark side. Once the corruption has progressed enough it may directly command its wielder, even punishing them if they disobey its orders through intense electric shock.

This should be in the intent section as it doens't read like a history it reads as the intent behind the sub.

Overall this is a going to need a good amount of work and rewrites to be accepted, Let me know when the edits are done.