The Days of our lives! (The Drea's Revenge)

[Ryan]

The Drea's Revenge​

Heavily Modified XS stock Light Freighter​

Location: The Perlemian Trade Route


The heavily costumed XS Light Freighter with the infamous skull shaped bridge sat patiently on the Perlemian Trade route waiting on unsuspecting victims to fall into their web. The would be victims would have to be easy marks, a milk run for a smash and grab. Captain Serg Leone hadn't lived this long pecking at the impossible. He had himself a light sized ship, built for speed and to take a hit but dishing it out with caps were not in her operation mandate. She was built to prey upon the weak, like most independent Pirates fed upon.


Serg rested comfortably with his feet up upon the left hand side of the pilot's command console. His captain's chair was slightly reclined back with his weapon's belt hung off a head rest with both his blasters and sword holstered and sheathed to it. The Morellian's green greatcoat hung wide open exposing his godly chiseled abs framed in a skin tight undershirt. He sat there watching the various data screens for contacts, a task he had been at for the past hour. He didn't really need to sit there and hawk the bridge, the AI system would alert him and the crew of any incoming ships that hit their sensor range. He just loved sitting on the bridge, his ass placed upon the captain chair. There wasn't much in the galaxy Serg would hold dear to his heart but the ship was his one true love and the crew that came with it...... even the tiny fur ball Tiktok he had oddly grown fawn of.

Another reason to be straddled to the command consoles of the bridge was that it was the furthest section away from the galley where the Cook was brewing some dathomirian which craft that ranked out the entirety of the Drea. Even with the blast doors shot the damn stink seeped through.

But here he was, leading a misfit crew that consisted of a large lizard, a walking carpet, a sociopathic gerbil, a drunken nympho armed and armored to occupy a planet, a warrior like fish and a ex Pirate Queen escaping the boredom of her husband's mundane lifestyle.

Life couldn't get any better then this.......................

Oh wait it can. Serg gripped his bantha horn ale mug filled with Corellian Spiced ale and tipped it to his lips, sipping his favorite spirit with much delight. Yes, this certainly a day in a life of a pirate. Nothing but open space and plunder for the picking.

 

[Tiktok The Cook]

Shouting and snarling was echoing from the mess hall, the sounds of metal clanging against something and angry shouting sounded the presence of the cook. Latched tightly on the back of a human, foaming at the mouth with a ladle in one hand smashing against the mans head as quickly as he could was the norm. Another scum dared to dismiss Tiktok's food, this was something that the rabid ewok could not tolerate " Num, nums good!" he shrieked as he continued the beating, who in their right mind called Stink Cabbage and wamp rat liver pie rotten and unedible swill. With a thunderous crash the human was down and Tiktok was standing over him unceremoniosly urinating on the poor buggers back.

" New nums" he said as he cracked a smile and went back to his kitchen, oblivious to th eon lookers who were used to the mangy creatures antics. Tiktok went over to a pot that he had sitting on the stove and pulled off the lid, a blank look filling his face as a huge tentacle that seemed to belong to a creature to large to fit into the pot came writhing at him. It wrapped him up and started to shake him, Tiktok had crammed the poor beastie in the pot once. His ladle was smashing against the tentacle as the tentacle was slamming him into the bulkhead, then the ceiling. " Yummy fight! good nutrition" he bellowed as he started smashing it as hard as he could with his ladle.

 

[Ombo]

Location: Drea's Revenge Cargo Bay
Objective: Avoid Tiktok's cooking, practicing with trident
Friends: [member="Serg Leone"], [member="Tiktok The Cook"] , [member="Werdla Dardalab"] [member="Khrad"] , [member="Balkar Din"]
Current Mood: Afraid of Dinner (very afraid)
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Ombo scowled at the smell of Tiktok's cooking as he attempted to balance on the top of his trident. The ewok's cooking was distracting him from his current meditation. If he was to remain on top of his fighting, he would first have to be on top of his trident. It was a technique he was practicing for future combat, planting the trident in the ground and using it like a springboard to close gaps almost instantly. However, the technique required concentration and practice. He had the practice, but not the concentration. He never understood how the Ewok's cooking could be so foul, but he thanked the Progenitor that he didn't have many taste buds. Those he did were still offended nonetheless. Of course, saying this to the Ewok's face was like asking for a long, tortuous death. The Ewok had already tried to cook him once. Ombo had spit water at him, and the fat little teddy bear had fallen over with the force of the water.

Presently, he hopped of the top of his trident and slipped it back into its sheath. Instead, it was time to check on the ship. Although it wasn't necessary, years of habit caused Ombo to be extremely paranoid, and as a routine he checked the ship over. It also gave him an excuse to not interact with the rest of the crew. It's not that he didn't like them, it's just that he didn't have anything to talk about. That one woman was always hitting on the captain, and the other seemed to be perpetually drunk. The trandoshan didn't talk much, but that was probably the only thing they had in common. He didn't even go near the Tiktok. No one who valued their lives went near that homocidal hamster. Speak of the devil, he could hear the ewok screeching like a dying gundark in the mess hall. Someone must have insulted his food. He knew better than to try to intervene. When Tiktok lost it, you just locked yourself in a closet and prey he didn't find you. However, Tiktok was still the cook, and that commanded some respect. He started heading up to the captain's bridge, wishing to speak to Serg about their mission. He crept past the mess hall and ducked into the corridor and onto the bridge, waiting for the captain to acknowledge his presence

 

[Werdla Dardalab]

Hope rings eternal, as did the Mandos stomach. Well, it was less of a ringing, and more of an angry growling, but it had been a good comparison all the same. Still, La never ventured into the Mess Hall without her armour, currently the helmet was under her arm, but she was on edge and ready to change that. It sounded like [member="Tiktok The Cook"] was busy abusing some other poor bastard, which could be good or bad. Bad because if he went on a full on rampage it was best to be somewhere else, preferably several systems away. Good because he might be distracted.

Slinking in, she lifted the lid on what was supposed to be the 'any time' food. It was understood even by the little psychopath that a pirate crew kept off hours and might need food outside of the usual meal times. The sight of what she was about ninety percent certain was a humanoid toe had her closing the lid hastily.

"Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh."

A new sort of noise had her actually daring to poke her head into the kitchen. Her nose wrinkled in distaste as she eyed the man on the floor. The cooking was foul enough, but when the little bugger decided to mark his territory which he did all the time like an incontinent tomcat... She placed her helmet on her head, blessing it's air filters before continuing in, before stopping dead.

She really, really wished she could say she was shocked to see the scene before her, she was not.

"Chicken's probably easier to deal with."

She observed, watching the tentacle slam Tiktok around a few more times. It was a truly cathartic sight. She supposed she should probably help. On the plus side, if she shot it, at least she'd be sure dinner was dead for once. That one pressing point in mind, La drew her blaster, sighted, and shot. It was important to aim, Cap'n [member="Serg Leone"] got right titchy about folks shooting his ship. Last time he'd kept whining even after she took her shirt off.

 

[Tiktok The Cook]

[member="Werdla Dardalab"]

The Blaster fire made the tentacle twitch and recoil in pain back to its pot, the creature was far from dead but it wasn't coming back out anytime soon. For good measure Tiktok hit it with his ladle a few more times before casting a toothy little grin at the woman. She was always naked, except around him. She was ugly but no human woman was attractive, to much hair and they smelled bad. Of course if you were to want to smell what a trash planet that had a baby with a hutt that had a baby with a pile of vomit smelled like you would simply walk into Tiktok's kitchen, if you were lucky the food would mask his smell.

" good Eats" he said as he grabbed a caserole dish with black goo in it and handed it to the woman " You eats, Blood worms cream! Fresh.. Yummu nutrition!" the furball said with a smile. She didn't want to know where her reward came from, and she didn't want to not eat it. Tiktok turned his attention back to the pot that was starting to shake a gain, this time he turned the heat on and put a rock on the lid. He would lightly blanch the creature and serve it in slices, with Skunk beetle puree and a side of ... .well i don't know what that is but it is revolting.

 

[Werdla Dardalab]

Well. She was in his good books now. That was even worse than being in his bad books. She eyed the casserole dish that'd been pushed into her hands morosely. Blood worms were unappetizing enough, blood worm cream? Was it, was it blood worms pureed in cream, blood worms creamed, blood worm.. Okay that last one didn't bear thinking about. She wasn't sure how a person would manage it, but she was sure in the name of the most ungodly food ever concocted [member="Tiktok The Cook"] would manage it.

"Mmm, thank you."

As soon as he turned back to the pot, the Mando immediately dumped as much of the vile mixture as would fit into her still empty holster. About two thirds fit. If she knew the little beast at all that wouldn't do it. She immediately straightened and brought the dish up to helmet level, hoping that his delusional state of mind wouldn't catch on to exactly why that wouldn't work, engrossed in his 'cooking' as he was.

"Yum, so good."

When he turned away again, she emptied the rest of the mixture on the unfortunate mechanic, and flipped him over to hide it with the toe of her boot. He moaned piteously. Better him than her.

"Well! That was fantastic! And filling! Couldn't eat another bite! I'll just, I'll just go and. Go."

The Mando flashed the empty dish at the Ewok and backed out of the kitchen as quickly as possible. She tried not to turn her back on him. Particularly because she was pretty sure he could smell fear.

 

[Ryan]

[member="Werdla Dardalab"] [member="Tiktok The Cook"] [member="Ombo"]

Blaster fire had caught Serg's attention all the way to the bridge. He wrestled with the urge to investigate, the need to know and the not wanting to know fought with in his skull like like demon monkies. Like little tiny fury beasts. Like.... like Tiktok fighting his twin..... oh for frak sakes, someone let Tiktok near the armory again? That thought brought serg to a full stand. He quickly adjusted himself tossing his greatcoat off and snagging the weapons belt from the head of his chair.

While on the run from the bridge towards what he presumed the shot ranged from the galley he had buckled the belt in experienced technique. He would then cross draw the left pistol with his right hand and set the settings for stun. The last time someone left blasters un supervised was how they lost their first cook. And by rights of combat or in the Ewok's mind, he claimed the kitchen as his reward. The problem was getting the blaster back from him, turned into a lethal game of hide and seek. Thats how they lost their first mechanic.

So you could imagine how alarmed and fearful the Captain was as he thrusted forth, safety of his crew demanded his courage to face down the devil beast. Only thing that stopped him from changing the settings of his custom DL-44 heavy blaster back to lethal was that he has a unhealthy soft spot for him.

Seemed to take forver but he rounded the corner, blaster in hand and came upon the site of his mechanic, with obvious blunt force trauma to his head and covered in slop. Then there was the ever so beautiful La escaping the kitchen and the Ewok playing with the pots and pans. Confused the Captained slowed himself, his pistol still drawn on Ticktok "What in nine hells is happening here?"

 

[Tiktok The Cook]

[member="Serg Leone"]

Tiktok saw the captain barge in as he was trying to keep dinner from escaping its pot again, he had his ladle in hand the the unfortunate...meal had decided it was safer in the pot. He cocked a toothy grin at Serg " good eats, try escape! Ugly, ugly shoot it" he said pointing at [member="Werdla Dardalab"] " Give reward" he pointed at the empty pot " Blood worm Cream!" he said with deligh. He then noticed the captain was standing over the mechanic. " No Good eats, Tiktok try make eat, no like nutrition. Tiktok adjust" he held up the bloody ladle as he grabbed a squirming thing from the sink, tossed on heaven knew what and put it into the over.

" Tiktok make Cap'n specials Yum Yummies!" the rabid little weasel growled " Captain hungry?".

 

[Ombo]

Ombo started as the captain rushed past him towards the mess hall. he had heard the blaster fire, but knowing Tiktok that was probably standard cooking procedure. In fact, many a dish had the distinct taste of blaster fire scorched into it. He reluctantly decided to follow the captain to the mess hall.

When he got there, he saw Tiktok standing triumphantly over the dead mechanic with the meal-to-be in hand. It had obviously been alive moments before, just like the mechanic. Ombo had never really paid attention to the mechanic, but it wasn't optimal that he was dead. Hopefully they would be able to find a replacement soon. He scooted the body to the side with one foot as the ewok explained himself to the captain. He grimaced on the inside as he realized he'd have to eat whatever tiktok cooked sooner or later. Probably sooner.

 

[Khrad]

Khrad was lazily walking towards the sound of blaster fire. He needed to walk and stretch his legs. The ship was nice, for a human ship anyway. The pay was good, the food...questionable. The lizard would rather eat the furball than eat the food it made, but at least it was bloody most of the time. Bloody food was better than overcooked food.

Maybe the blasterfire meant Titok was dead. That would be nice. The crazy little gerbil always threatened him with a ladle. Stupid thing. Next time he should twist the ladle up and throw it out an airlock. Khrad hoped he could kill something soon.

 

[Ryan]

"OOohhhhh!" Fraking fraked fraker, karking son of a whore "Sounds...... De..... Special Tik!" FFFFFFFF FFRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAA AAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKK. Well, Serg knew then and there he was screwed unless his saber sharp mind could think of a plausible excuse to ditch the meal. His eyes dug deep at Lal and a thought brightened at the view of her curves. He could explain to [member="Tiktok The Cook"] that his captain and Lal need to practice baby making and only could do it at this time of the day. Two birds with one stone.... frakking genius...... then he over thought it. The damned rodent would more then likely insist that the both of them eat with some Ewokeese proverb about physical activity best done on full stomach and force feed them both. SO instead of dragging Lal back into the mess and forfeit sex for the next unknown chunk of time he decided to bite the bullet on his own.

He would lean into [member="Werdla Dardalab"] "The moment his back is turn get rid of the mechanic or it be in our stew tomorrow!' He commanded her before moving deeper towards the table.

Like mentioned before, Serg had a unhealthy soft spot for the bloody badger and new the creature would be wounded deeply if he refused his hard worked offering. So with a practice cold face the captain sally forth-ed with all the courage he could muster. He sat down at the main table and waited to be served. The bright side, he new he wasn't going to be hungry after this. Plus this could be enough distraction for Lal to complete her mission at hand.

"Come [member="Ombo"] , Come [member="Khrad"] ! Sit and enjoy this plentiful meal with your captain" A sharp grinned formed upon his face as he took pleasure in throwing the two under the bus.

 

[Ombo]

Ombo scowled as [member="Serg Leone"] made his announcement. The captain wouldn't survive the night, whether from a vengeful catfish or an incompetent ewok only time would tell. There are certain things that should be considered war crimes. Selling someone out to eat Tiktok's cooking was one of them. Reluctantly, he sat at the table, eyeing the still-squirming meal at hand. Muttering a prayer to the Progenitor, Ombo slid the meal down his throat as fast as he could. Only years of warrior training allowed him to keep his composure straight as he gagged inwardly. One day, one day he was going to murder the furball in its sleep. Skewering him like one of his own meals. Ombo smiled a little at the thought. Hopefully the ewok would take it as a sign he enjoyed the meal.

He darted off the second he was done with his meal. He thought about forcing the meal back out, but if it tasted that bad going in, it would taste 10 times worse coming out. Instead, he reached into his secret stash of ipo fish, straight from the markets of Manaan. He prayed that the ewok would never find the stash, hidden under two trapdoors and a false bottom. If he did, well, one of them would end up dead, and he had no promises as to who would come out on top

 

[Valkresh]

The sound of heavy snoring came from one of the crew's quarters. Other than the fact that it sounded like something was dying, it was somehow peaceful. At the sound of a blaster going off, a quick snort could be heard in reply. Not too long after, the smell of the wretched ewok's cooking made its way under the door, and a long, painful wail sounded off from the other side. Once it opened, Valkresh stood at the entrance, blaster in hand, ready to kill. Oh. Wait. He'd confused the smell with that of death. Oh well. Sighing loudly, the wookiee put his weapon away, and headed to the mess hall. That damn little furry bastard... One day his good would surely kill him. However, it was better than having no food at all. Heading straight for the pot, one look said it all. With a look of pure disgust on his face, he got himself a bowl and filled it, then sat with the rest of the crew.

[member="Serg Leone"] [member="Tiktok The Cook"] [member="Ombo"] [member="Khrad"] [member="Werdla Dardalab"]

 

[Tiktok The Cook]

[member="Valkresh"] Serg Leone Tiktok The Cook Ombo Khrad Werdla Dardalab

The Rabid gerbil smiled as the crew ate his delicious and nutritious num nums, they enjoyed the mangy little furballs cooking and he smiled as he rushed out seconds to them. They ate the first meal so fast he couldn't imagine how fast they would eat this desert, it was still squirming a lttle. Even the be fur thing came out to eat his yummy nummies and get the proper nutrition of good eats.

" Nummies" he said with a little smile before going back to a scowl after hearing a bang inside the kitchen, dinner was trying to escape again. His ladle and his skillet were in hand " Eats, eats.. i gets later ready".

 

[Werdla Dardalab]

"Aye, aye Cap'n."

She responded, barely audible and with a slight nod. Doing things when [member="Tiktok The Cook"] wasn't looking had become almost an art form. With the rest of the crew acting as sacrificial lambs, La waited for Tiktok to turn and serve someone, or add a little more spice of stink-whatever to their food before grabbing the Mechanic and hauling him away, only to drop him and assume the exact position and posture she'd been in earlier. This was repeated a few times before [member="Valkresh"] entered, and his conveniently large frame blocked her from view long enough to get the Mechanic out in to the hallways.

"Gotta space 'im, quicklike!"

She muttered, dragging him into the decomp chamber. Tossing the body in, she stepped out and sealed the door. Just before she pressed the button that would flush him out into space, and safely away from her dinner plate, the intercom next to the vent button squawked into life as it picked up noise from within the chamber.

"Uuuuh.."

"Kark! He's still breathin'?"

"Please help... I think.. his spray is reacting with something.. My back.. It's, it's melting!"

Peering through the glass window, there did indeed seem to be smoke now rising from the poor Mechanics back where the Ewok urine and blood worm cream had combined.

"Eee."

La commented in sympathy. The poor bastard. Someone should do something for him! She slapped the button, and watched as he spun out into the darkness. There. He was safe and free from Tiktok now, the lucky sod.