Private The Dread of Something After Death

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

Time was the greatest test everyone would be subject to. It was not whether a Jedi could keep from falling to the dark side once and then it was done. Time ensured that it was a decision which had to be made multiple times, and for some it was a choice they faced every day of their life. Not everyone could face it without giving in. There were those who succumbed to the siren call of the darkness without and within.

There had been at least one Lesan to do so in more recent history. The family of force users rarely talked about Judah's failure, at least it seemed that was how the old man seemed to characterize it. To Jackson the only reason he had been given as to why the family no longer trained one another was because of Jaron. The Knight of Ren had caused his fair share of damage to the Lesan reputation.

No Lesan had fallen since.

It was as though there was this expectation that their method was the right one. In their mind Jackson could not fail as long as his master was not one of them. Which was why Romi Jade had been called on.

Now she was dead.

Jackson was once again without a master.

He was meant to see Cortana Jade , but the blonde daughter, and arguably his best friend, had been sent off to Hapes on family business and duty. She would take her place, her proper place. The one her mother had held. They were a matriarchal society after all. Inheritance passed through the daughters, and why would this be different just because both were Jedi.

It meant Jackson was left to his own devices, and worse, left alone to grieve.

His mind reached out for something familiar, something to settle it. All he could think about were the questions in his mind about what would happen next. What would happen to the Enclave? Would he get another master? Was CJ going to come back? There were too many unknowns that Romi's death left in the wake of her absence. Jackson felt them all deeply.

There was one strand which seemed to reach out to him, or he to it. Jax was never certain of how it worked. He should have left it alone, but instead the Jedi began to pull on it. In the overall tapestry that the force was to him this one strand seemed out of place. It did not match what he seemed to be weaving, almost as if it was an imperfection.


The thread was dark, hidden, and yet the Jedi always knew where to find it.

Jackson pulled on it.

"She is dead."

The words came out in a quiet sob, almost a whisper. It would not matter. The person they were intended for would almost sense them as if he shouted it from the rooftop. Why his mind fixated on her in the moment was a mystery. Perhaps it was because they had shared a moment of pure honesty. It had not been Jedi or Sith, light and dark. It had just been Jackson and Revna.

Time had changed them both, no doubt. She had returned to the Sith, he had gone back to Romi, to the Jedi. They walked paths that would always diverge. Theirs would only cross but a few times, but they would never converge into one unified course.

"She is dead."

He repeated it.

"Romi is dead. My master is dead."

Jackson did not think she would respond. Why would she? They were thousands of kilometers apart. Light years spanned the distance between them. It was not possible.

He needed to check on Cortana too. No doubt she was grieving more than anyone. Jax just could not see her until her business was done on Hapes. There was so much uncertainty. That's why he had reached out to Revna through the force. She was the only certain thing he could think of. Even if they had both changed, he'd seen behind the mask. He knew her, not whatever the Sith would fashion.

 

[Revna]

Tags: Jackson Lesan
Wearing: very similar to this
Gear: lightsaber
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She knew everything was going to change.

How could it not, after the stunt that her own master had pulled at a Zambrano wedding reception? Nothing was going to be the same; the fallout from his actions wasn’t just going to affect him - but everyone around him, both the innocent and guilty alike. Such was the way of the Sith, she supposed. She’d read and heard through various learning tools the chaotic history of her Order. The Sith were always in a state of conflict, be it on a personal or galactic scale. She didn’t have an issue with this as it came with the territory. But it was one thing to read or study about it…and be involved in such moments of upheaval.

As much as she hated what had happened…it was forcing her to adapt and prepare for whatever changes would come from this. But for now, Revna wanted space and time to figure out her next move, to ponder what might happen to her as she was the apprentice of the Sith Lord who had angered rather notable figures in the Sith Order.

Everyone she knew was somehow involved in the mess. She couldn’t exactly go to her cousins, the Marrs. She couldn’t go to her Master, Darth Strosius - or even to members of his Order, like Exarch Salneva. And she couldn’t go to the Empress, whom she’d gotten rather close to over the last while. She was on her own to process this mess.

Revna had taken her ship and disappeared into the galaxy, not long after returning to Alvaria with her family in the immediate aftermath of the events at the reception. She was too volatile, too wrapped up in her own emotions and mind to be around others. She was gone before Malum had ever returned home, and she had left without saying anything to her cousins.

Revna thought about returning “home” - to Formos, but fear kept her away. She could barely handle the understanding that her own master had bitten off more than he could chew and would pay a heavy price for it, and she was afraid she’d see Strosius there. She was angry enough at him in the moment that she didn’t trust herself not to react harshly towards him.

So she simply elected to stay away for a little bit, traveling into the Unknown Region. And it was out there that she felt something…odd. A familiar voice broke through to her through the Force itself, as if spoken right into her ear, and it momentarily made her forget about all her problems.

She is dead.

Repeated, by an anguished soul. Someone Revna knew, but hadn’t seen in a while. Jackson. It made her heart skip in her chest. She didn’t understand why he was so…stricken. Someone he was close to was dead, but she was left in the dark as to who and why he was reaching out like this. Then, the voice echoed a name, Romi, and his relationship to the deceased…and everything clicked into place.

For a while, Revna did nothing with that information. She wasn’t entirely sure she even wanted to get herself involved with him again. Memories of their last time together trickled through her mind, and she shook her head almost sadly. She had grown so much since that time, changed so much.

She had become what he had feared she would be. And no doubt, he had stepped deeper and further into his position as a Jedi. Yet something ate away at her in the back of her mind. Out of all the people he could have possibly known…he had reached out to her, a Sith. Perhaps he was hoping to connect or confide in someone he felt safe with. Someone that he perhaps…trusted.

That knowledge alone was enough to soften her hardened and angry heart just enough to reach out through the Force and touch that connection established between the two of them, and she whispered his name, letting him know that she had heard him, had felt what he had poured into those anguished words.

…Jackson…

The now Sith apprentice recognized the danger, the risk, involved in what she had done. But in the moment, that didn’t matter to her. All she could think about it was how good it would feel to see a familiar face in the midst of her uncertainty. Maybe it would do them both good to see each other.

Or maybe it would be the beginning of their undoing.

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

Seconds turned into minutes, and several of those had passed before Jackson had decided that Revna had either not heard him, or had chosen not to respond. It had been foolish to think, maybe even hope that she might. They had both become what the force had meant for them to be.

He was a Jedi.

She was a Sith.

Light and Dark could not exist together, not for long. One would threaten to over take the other. Yes, they were supposed to be two sides of one coin. The force in all things was the teaching Jax knew from Romi. This was different. Jackson had seen what had been done in the name of the dark side all across the galaxy. If it was not the Sith taking Felucia and Tion, it was the Dark Empire attacking Coruscant.

At least the Galactic Alliance had proven victorious, but they would not always be so fortunate. Tython, and her sister worlds, gave testimony to the truth. Not every battle was meant to be won.

…Jackson…

He heard his name, almost a whisper. It was a whisper. The voice was familiar, and while it should not have brought a smile to his face, it did, albeit a small one. His pain eased a little at the sound of someone familiar, even if they had not seen each other in some time.

How long had it been?

His scar was no longer angry, or pink. The tissue had not been as deep as it could have been thanks to the bacta Revna had applied almost immediately. Still, Jackson could feel the ridges and valleys of the skin as his finger traced it. The scar was no longer soft, or sensitive to touch, but rather it was rough and showed signs that he had worn it for some time. Jackson had almost forgotten what his face looked like without it.

The Jedi had grown accustomed to it.

Training had seen him change in other ways. Jackson was no longer scrawny. His toned slim figure had become bulkier, more muscular. While the force did not require the padawan to have muscles in order to be strong, he found that natural strength proved helpful in combat. Jackson had seen more of it in Romi’s absence.

Romi, she had returned long enough to see Lossa promoted, then left to fight the Dark Empire. She did not need to prove anything to those that had put her on trial, and yet… Jackson seemed to think she behaved as though she needed to. There was the pain again, or rather, the void. Maybe that was why he reached out to Revna. It was not wise, but his soul felt nothing where Romi should have been.

He wanted to fill it, even if it was only temporary.

“I’m here…”

Where was here? Jakku?

The clearing where they had once met inside the crashed ship. It was still his sanctuary, still the place where he was not a Jedi, but just Jackson. She would remember. She had to remember.

“How far away are you?”

He paused before asking the next question.

“Can I see you?”

 

[Revna]

Tag: Jackson Lesan
​

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How far away are you?

Can I see you?

Those words drifted through her mind, clearer now that she had established a stronger connection to Jackson. All she gave him, for a little bit, was silence in return. Images danced through her mind, of a sanctuary where she and Jackson had spoken, some time ago. Had the images come from her memories, or had they come from his side? She wasn’t sure, but it made sense to her to think about the place.

She checked her current coordinates within her ship’s navigational system, and input Jakku as her destination. But she did not make the jump. Not yet.

…do you truly want to see me? Do you think it wise? You know what I am. Much has changed since we last saw each other…

Another silent pause, before she sent another thought his way.

…or do you not care?...

Revna considered the situation for a few longer moments, her thoughts and feelings torn on the past and present, and the immediate future. How many times had she thought about Jackson? On how he was doing? On what was happening in his life? Their paths had kept them apart, kept them as enemies…even though she had long since considered him anything but her enemy.

She’d even kept his identity and their meeting a secret from her own Sith master. To see him again would add even further weight to that burden she carried and kept hidden. To see him again would be to play with fire. She set herself up for even more pain, should her secret come out. But pain was an ever present feeling for the Sith, something to be embraced and not shunned.

Kark it, she thought, before sending the ship into hyperspace. She knew where to go, and she knew he would be there too.

…I will meet you there…

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

…do you truly want to see me? Do you think it wise? You know what I am. Much has changed since we last saw each other…

Did she need him to answer those questions?

Yes, he wanted to see her.

No, he did not think it was wise.

…or do you not care?...

“I do not care about the consequences right now…”

She knew what he would mean. Memories of their last encounter flooded his mind. They had been close, too close. All Jackson would have had to have done was lean forward just a few centimeters and his lips would have pressed into hers. They would have kissed, and had they done that, the padawan did not know what would have happened between them.

Jackson also remembered taking her back, despite the invitation to join her. They both knew the minute they left the safety and solitude of the sanctuary they had made for themselves it would be over. Had it been over? Something must have remained if Jax was reaching out now, or perhaps it was just his grief. The young man was not thinking rationally, he knew it, but he had been honest. He simply did not care about being rational, not now.

He should have reached out to Judah, but he had not. The revelation that Judah was his father had been enough to almost damage their relationship. Jackson did not know what was worse, that Judah had been just as surprised about it, or that either one of them had not figured it out sooner. That part of his life was a mess, and always would be a mess. It just made him shake his head.

…I will meet you there…

He nodded, though she would not see it. Jackson let it grow quiet between them for a moment, maybe a moment too long.

“I will be here.”

And he remained. When she arrived the moon would be high in the night sky. Jackson had taken his outer jacket and rolled it up as a pillow. His back was in the sand, arm crossed over his chest. He was fast asleep. Revna would find him where they had first spent those moments together, him teaching her the forms which cycled through life and death and rebirth. Even the damn katas had not helped him grieve. It just reminded him of his loss, the fact Romi had experienced her final cycle.

There were char marks, lightning shaped, blasted on the hull of the damaged ship. Whether it had been the anger phase of grief, or practice, it would be clear he had grown in the skill Revna had taught him. It was reflected in the length of his hair. It was longer than when they had last met, and Jackson let it flow. It fell where it wanted to.

Had it not been for his call, he might even be confused as someone that was at peace. Sleep had taken him, but not without a fight. Jackson simply did not have the energy to keep it at bay, nor the emotional resolve to win.

 

[Revna]

Tag: Jackson Lesan
​

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The connection between her and Jackson was quiet, but it was still there. Even as she came out of hyperspace and neared Jakku, she could still feel a tether. It was not as strong as hers was with others, such as between her and her Master, or between her and Sith Empress. Or even the Void with whom she had bargained with to save her own life, in exchange for knowledge. But it was still notable, and it drew her in.

She concealed her dark aura before her ship descended into Jakku’s atmosphere. No need to alert any other Jedi that a Sith had come. The less she had to worry about, the better. She settled the craft a distance away from the old wreck, and she silently disembarked and made her way under the light of the moon towards her destination, the tug she felt pulling her ever closer to the young man she hadn’t seen in a long time.

Was he a prim and proper Jedi now? Had he taken the steps into becoming a Shadow? Or had he gone in another direction? She would soon find out, as she stepped into the shadow of the large wreck, and began to traverse her way into its depths, her memory serving as her guide.

Soon, she reached the place where she had been with Jackson so long ago. She was nothing more than a shadow within the shadows themselves, her faintly shining golden eyes the only sign that she was there. Her gaze landed on the prone and resting form of…a man. It made her heart skip a beat in her chest.

A thought popped into her head, and a small devious smirk played on her lips as she silently called her saber to her hand. She released her hold on her Force stealth so that her presence in the Dark side could be felt…and a moment later, flipped the ignition on the saber, igniting the dark orange blade with a pleasant crackling hum.

But, instead of attacking the prone man, Revna simply lifted the source of light as her eyes caught notice of the various char marks around the chamber, on the hull of the wrecked vessel itself. Her smirk widened further, as she recognized those markings.

“I see you’ve been practicing in my absence, Jackson.” Revna said in a soft one a voice, one meant for someone who was not her enemy.

The light of her saber would illuminate the dark clad woman, still as beautiful as she had been the first time - but wisdom and experience had tempered her almost innocent side he’d seen last. Her blue eyes were gone, now replaced completely by the golden yellow that was typical of a Sith who was connected to the Dark side on a regular basis, and her hair was pulled back to expose the scars around her throat, no longer afraid to reveal them to others. She didn't appear soft or fragile, either. She was strong, a warrior tempered by the fires of war and conflict and bloodshed.

Quietly, she moved a little closer, her feet sinking into the sand beneath her feet, the saber casting a fiery orange glow around her and her surroundings for a few moments longer before she extinguished it, darkness descending back over the Jedi’s secret sanctuary.

“So…you don’t care about the consequences, hmm? Interesting to hear that coming from a Jedi.” She murmured softly, her gaze never straying from him, not out of fear or uncertainty of what he might do... but because she was happy to see him once again.

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

Darkness surrounded him, but not the din of night. It was the absence of the light side of the force. He knew this particular absence. Even his dreams knew. Her face came interrupted whatever scene had been playing in his mind. Jackson had been in such a deep sleep he did not know if he had been dreaming or not. He stirred, though not much. His eyes opened first, slowly.

A blood orange blade lit her face. She wore a small smile. Jackson’s hearing finally caught up to what he was seeing. The song of her lightsaber hummed in his ears, barely below the sound of her quiet voice.

“I see you’ve been practicing in my absence, Jackson.”

He nodded. Though the fresh marks had been the only way he found to release his anger. It was a wonder Jackson had not given into the dark side yet, but Romi had been a steady and guiding hand. Without her, Jax was certainly pliable. He knew asking Revna to find him could bring with it temptation, but as he said…

…he did not care.

“Some.”

She already knew.

His eyes came into focus on her face. There were scars, they had been hidden before. Still, he found her beautiful. Her eyes had changed, and her facial expressions were hardened. The innocent girl he had met had been replaced by a woman that had experienced things. What those things were, he did not know, but he could only imagine. Jackson had been through his own trials. Most of them were designed to push him further toward his path.

A Shadow.

The dark features of his clothing would make his choice clear. Despite his feelings about his paternal revelation, Jackson knew it fit. He did not walk quite as close to the line as his father did. He knew he could not get as near, not yet. Judah exhibited an unwavering commitment that Jackson did not understand. He lacked the temper which Jax had. The rage must have been something he got from his mother. Jackson was following in Judah’s footsteps, though he avoided the dark side as much as possible.

Except for tonight.

“So…you don’t care about the consequences, hmm? Interesting to hear that coming from a Jedi.”

He shook his head.

“I am not a Jedi when I am here, and you are not a Sith when you are here.”

Jackson let the words settle as he sat up on his elbows. A coy smirk tugged at his lips. Just seeing her made the void in his soul feel as though it was a little less empty. Jax was playing with fire, and he knew it. As he said, he did not care.

“But no… I do not care… you came anyway.”

He looked her in the eyes, even as her blade disappeared back into the hilt. Darkness consumed them again, but her golden eyes were as clear as the moon.

“Does this mean you do not care either?”

 

[Revna]

Tag: Jackson Lesan
​

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​

Jackson stirred upon hearing her voice echo through the darkness, and even in the dim light she could see his eyes open and regard her before nodding and affirming what she had said. She knew there was more to the marks than simply practice, but she wouldn’t press him on the matter. She knew that he would talk about it when he was ready to.

For a moment, the two of them looked upon the other, seeming to enjoy the moment of simply laying eyes on each other after so long. Revna couldn’t deny the truth, it felt good to see him again.

A knowing, slightly playful smile curled on her lips when Jackson reminded her that in this place, his sacred place…neither of them were Jedi or Sith. “Yes…just Revna and just Jackson… you and me.” She replied back in her softer voice as he shifted and sat up on an elbow and gave her a smile as he further affirmed that he did not care about any of the consequences that may come from this secret meeting between the two of them. For some reason, that honest truth made her heart flutter in her chest. It wasn’t an entirely alien sensation to her…and she enjoyed the butterfly feelings she felt.

The light from her saber disappeared as she slipped it back onto her belt, letting her eyes adjust to the shadows and natural lighting, before she made a slow and almost coy approach to his prone form. She wasn’t afraid of the man before her, and he had no reason to fear her either.

Revna stopped less than a foot away from him and quietly unclasped her cloak from around her shoulders, laying it out on the cool sand before she stepped to its center and sat down facing him, her legs crossed underneath her as she folded her hands in her lap, her eyes lowered briefly as she tried to contain her pounding heart, before she looked into his face and searched his eyes for a moment.

Up close like this, she was able to see just how much Jackson had matured in the time between their visits. He was no longer the scrawny boy, but truly a man developing and stepping into his own purpose.

“No…I don’t much care about the consequences either. But I never truly did.” she murmured, her voice just barely above a whisper, though she knew he could hear her. “...I never thought I’d say this but…it feels good to see you again.”

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

“Oh, you didn’t?”

His question was full of something that was not quite an accusation, but rather knowing. Perhaps the woman in front of him now did not care about the consequences, but the younger version of themselves cared enough to hide. They cared enough to come to an understanding that outside of the sanctuary which they had only ever met once, they would kill each other if they ever faced off again.

A small smile pulled at his lips as he thought about that moment. It had been some time. Experience had taught Jacson there were different kind of Sith, and the version standing before him was a far better alternative than the Maw. The killed for the sake of it. Destruction was not used to bring about something new as often a Sith might claim. They simply existed for total annihilation.

Something danced in his eyes, a glint of something that might be called playful. Her presence was enough to almost dull the pain of Romi’s loss, but the bond he had shared with his master was one which would never be fully replaced. There would be some sense of void in the parts which no one else could fill. No, the Sith did something else. She reignited the places which only she could touch, the parts of Jackson which had been unique to their experiences together.

“It is good to see you again as well,” he said sitting up. “Though I am also a little surprised you came. It has been a while, and I was beginning to think that maybe we had both chosen a life that would make this…” he waved his hand around their canopy… “impossible.”

 

[Revna]

Tag: Jackson Lesan
​

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Her cheeks flushed red with Jackson’s poke about her not caring about the consequences; she didn’t have to say anything in response - he already knew the truth. She did care about the consequences of their interactions, their secret meetings. If she hadn’t cared…she wouldn’t have kept it just that…a secret. The consequences of her Master or her cousin Darth Malum finding out about their unique…situation…could end with him being hunted down and killed. Or her being forced to kill him. It was a dangerous game she played, but it made this moment all the more…exciting.

She noticed the small smile that tugged at his lips, even in the shadows of the hideout, and the playful glint that ignited in his eyes. She could see him well enough, and knew he could see her in return. The lack of light other than what was provided by the celestial bodies above their heads and beyond the wreckage of the old starship seemed to almost add a sacredness to the moment of their reunion.

Revna watched the young man sit up before her; they were close now…almost touching knees. And she found that she did not care that a Jedi was so close to her. Truthfully, Jackson wasn’t the only Jedi she had encountered since their last meeting, even on friendly terms. But he was the only one she felt…a connection…with. Something forbidden for the two of them.

She gave him a half smile, genuine and reflected in her golden eyes. “I hope it is a good surprise…” Revna said again in her soft voice. “But I know what you mean. It…it was impossible, for a time. I discovered the truth about who I really was, and then I had far more eyes on me that I truly wanted. It made…wanting to see you again virtually impossible. I didn’t want to risk your safety, or our little secret. But…”

Her gaze shifted back down to her hands and a flicker of emotion passed over her face, of pain and anger. “...but now everything has changed. Or will be changing. And while I sought to be alone to face this, when I felt you call through the Force, I realized then I really didn’t want to be…alone. And you, this place, was…is…the only safe haven I have left.”