Approved NPC The Hadzuska Squadron

[AvRe]

The Hadzuska Squadron

[SIZE=9pt]OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Intent[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: An elite soldier of the Corporate Protectorate to be used in Role Play including the Corporate Protectorate.[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Image Credit[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: [/SIZE]https://www.artstation.com/artwork/kWbvy
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Role[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: A squadron of 50 elite soldiers.[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Links[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: The Corporate Protectorate[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=9pt]GENERAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Unit Name[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: The Hadzuska[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Affiliation[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: The Corporate Protectorate[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Classification[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Black Ops[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Equipment[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Raven Gauss Rifle, Wild Space Outback Revolver, Hell Trooper Armor.[/SIZE]
  
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Availability[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Rare[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Description[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: A Hadzuska soldier usually is draped in a black cloak and dark armor underneath. They wear a visor mask and barely speak. In public these dark figures stand tall and give off a foreboding presence to any that see them.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=9pt]COMBAT INFORMATION[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: They are commonly found among the Protectorate, unless in the vicinity of an official or Commander. Nevertheless they are still quite formidable in combat.[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Unit[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]Size[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Small[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Unit Availability[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Rare[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Unit Experience[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Elite[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Combat Function[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: An Hadzuska soldier typically takes a stealthy approach to their objective unless told otherwise but even then, they are still good fighters. They usually work in squads, that being said they work best as a group. They are loyal and there objective can differ to many criterias.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=9pt]Strengths:[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Strength in Numbers: [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]The Hadzuska work best in teams and can work the best surrounded by their brethren.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=9pt]Weaknesses:[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]I’M ALONE, THERE’S NO ONE HERE, BESIDE ME: [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]An Hadzuska soldier, as strong as they are, aren’t anything without a leader and squadron. This reduces there morale drastically.[/SIZE]
  

[SIZE=9pt]HISTORICAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]During the raising of the Corporate Protectorate there where many military corps listed. But when the Hadzuska Squadron was created none stood a chance, being even stronger than the praetorians. They functioned as a sort of royal guard and Black Ops for the Protectorate.[/SIZE]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Avery Regailis"]

Hey there! This is a lovely sub and I enjoyed reading about it. Below are some things I think would be good to add to it to make it even better. Some of the things are mandatory edits, which I need you to make because otherwise I can't approve the submission. The rest of the things are suggestions, tips to make your submission pop up and stand out more, but you do not have to implement these. If anything I've written is unclear or you need further explenation, please let me know

• 
  

  [SIZE=9pt]Image Credit[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: https://www.google.c...567462546288132[/SIZE]

The link you've added is a google redirect to artstation. Try adding this one instead

• 
  

  [SIZE=9pt]Links[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: The Corporate Protectorate[/SIZE]

This links me to the faction's discussion page. Please link it to the faction's main page - this place.

[SIZE=9pt]GENERAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Unit Name[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: The Hadzuska[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Affiliation[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: The Corporate Protectorate[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Classification[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Black Ops[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Equipment[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Raven Gauss Rifle, Wild Space Outback Revolver, Hell Trooper Armor.[/SIZE]
  
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Availability[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Rare[/SIZE]
  
• 
  [SIZE=9pt]Description[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: A Hadzuska soldier usually is draped in a black cloak and dark armor underneath. They wear a visor mask and barely speak.[/SIZE]
  

Required: Did you mean to add the availability here? Because it appears both here and in the Combat Information.

Suggestion: I would love to see you flesh the description out a little bit more. For instance, in how big of groups do they move? What are people's reactions when they see them passing by? How disciplined are they? What does their training look like? The more you describe it, the easier readers and people you RP with will be able to envision them properly, the same way you do.

[SIZE=9pt]Equipment[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: Raven Gauss Rifle, Wild Space Outback Revolver, Hell Trooper Armor.[/SIZE]

Required: The Raven Gauss Rifle is marked as Red Raven Exclusive in its submission. This means that in order to use it, I'm going to have to ask you to provide proof of permission to use it in this submission. This can be a marketplace purchase link, a screenshot from your PM's, or having the original submitter of that thread state here that they approve you using it.

Required: Ditto to the Hell Trooper Armor, which is affiliated with the Black Imperium.

[SIZE=9pt]Combat Function[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]: An Hadzuska soldier typically takes a stealthy approach to their objective unless told otherwise but even then, they are still good fighters. They usually work in squads, that being said they work best as one. They are loyal and there objective can differ to many criterias.[/SIZE]

Suggestion: I suggest you flesh this out as well. For example, if they can cater to many different criteria, could you list some examples?

[SIZE=9pt]Weaknesses:[/SIZE]

• 
  [SIZE=9pt]I’M ALONE, THERE’S NO ONE HERE, BESIDE ME: [/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]An Hadzuska soldier, as strong as they are, aren’t anything without a leader and squadron. This reduces there morale drastically.[/SIZE]
  

Required: I'm slightly confused by this, because earlier you wrote that they work best as one? I'm not sure if perhaps I'm reading this wrong or the phrasing before this can do with a small touch up to make it clearer.

[SIZE=9pt]HISTORICAL INFORMATION[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]During the raising of the Corporate Protectorate there where many military corps listed. But when the Hadzuska Squadron was created none stood a chance, being even stronger than the praetorians. They functioned as a sort of royal guard and Black Ops for the Protectorate.[/SIZE]

Suggestion: Some questions to help you add content to this section:

• Why were the Hadzuska Squadron created?
• Who made them?
• What makes them stronger than the others?
• Who are the Praetorians (link would be best)?
• Where do they get recruited from?
• What does their training look like?
• If they function as "sort of royal guard", then what is it about the that differs from the royal guard?
• Who do they swear fealty to?
• What was the goal in making them?

I see in this submission a great potential to be super great, with just a teeny bit of more work.

Once you've done the required edits, and have chosen which or any of the suggestions to implement, give me a tag so I can look this over again.

If you require help with anything - please tag me as well, I'm here to help you get your subs approved and be the best that they can be

 

[AvRe]

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

thank you for the help and suggestions. I fixed the things that you pointed out. as for the hell trooper armor and gauss rifle,these items were in my faction's armory, that being said i'm a little confused. i'm pretty sure that my faction's owner owns these things in some way. is there anything you'd like me to do?

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Avery Regailis"] Thank you for the edits!

The site gives people control over who gets to use the tech they create, which means that in any cases of tech not being open-market, we need to see that you as the submitter have permission to show that you're allowed to use it. This also protects your submission. For example, if you're using something from an armory, but the next day it's removed from the armory? This means your submission can get reported for using items you can't use anymore. Codex staff doesn't have the way to track of all of these things to keep it up do date at all times. As such, we need permission of usage.

There are two ways to show us this proof:

• A screenshot of the original submitter saying that you can use it. This can be in the marketplace, on board PM, or Discord DM.
• The person who made the original submissions of those weapons can come into this thread and state that they're fine with them being used.

I hope this explains the matter in a clearer way than before.

If you need any assistance or have further questions please let me know

 

[Ari Zanareth]

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

I created all the Items in question above with RC 212. I approve this usage.

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

[member="Ari Zanareth"] Thank you very much!

[member="Avery Regailis"] Thank you for your patience. Submission approved!