Jenn was quiet as she listened to her friend's words, clearly intent on apologizing for her prying later. For now, though... she could not help but smile softly at the thought of meeting Sam's daughter, even as she acknowledged the sad truth that her social skills still required some work to come anywhere close to
passable. Seeing how the mechanic's face light up as she spoke of Ara was obvious enough for her to pick up on: this little Coruscanti rat she had come to regard as her best friend was fond of her daughter, and she found her joy truly heartwarming. There was something about seeing
Sam Sheridan
smile that made her feel accomplished, knowing that the hardships she had faced were not without resolution.
But the glacial sensation of
betrayal buried even the warmth she felt for Sam, her hands digging into the edges of her seat, restraining herself from giving in to panic. Clad in beskar as she may be, her anxiety reached a level that left her truly restless, practically unable to sit still as her mind warred with itself. Her Clan was all but dead, its people scattered, the last memory she had of them preserved through the traditions passed down by those who had raised her into who she was now... for her face to be seen was a disgrace- one that would result in two outcomes, both of which were utterly inapplicable. She could either be exiled (a moot point, now that her family was gone), or she could erase all recordings of her visage and kill those who had gazed upon her.
Appalled that her train of thought had even
gone there, Jenn simply refused to entertain the thought of harming Sam.
It was all too much for her. Feelings were hard enough to deal with, but this absolute
collision course between her values and the closest friend she had ever made? That, she found herself incapable to deal with, her body shaking as those hands rested against her knees... and the memories grew that much more vivid as the mechanic shared the details of what had unfolded on that night. It was
her fault: pressured as she may have been,
she was the one who to remove her helmet for a
kiss, the Mandalorian thoroughly humiliated by the realization that she had nobody to blame but herself for tall of this. And yet, plastered as she may have been, alcohol merely dredged up her deepest thoughts and desires to the surface, loosening her inhibitions: sometimes, she found herself wondering if she could ever
be with Sam, the line of thought returning time and time again as she worked at the forge... and, in these melancholic moments, she had found herself frustratingly close to the truth. That she had
already acted on those feelings after the two of them met, hopelessly attracted to the boisterous woman's confidence and playfulness, finding in her the promise of something else than the introverted doubts and self-questioning that all but shaped her life.
She craved it, and that craving tormented her. She wanted to rest her hands on Sam's shoulders and confess that she had liked it, that she wanted more- but she was so
afraid of breaking this wonderful friendship of theirs, and the maelstrom of conflictions emotions eventually caused something she had once learned to control.
Jenn began to hyperventilate, her fragile grasp on her own emotions leading to a breakdown: she was not quite sure if she wanted to slap Sam or kiss her again.