The Musing of Slave Number 38757

[Anastasia Rade]

Dear Diary,

So I'm doing this because my therapist said it would be a good idea to write down all my thoughts and feelings. This is apparently a good media for me to discuss my "past". I figure since I'm seeing her it couldn't hurt to try this out. Here goes nothing.

I used to be known as Slave Number 38757 not Ana. I was a slave of the Graug were I worked in the mines for as long as I can remember. They used and abused me to their liking. I unlike others was never sold because they thought I was special. I never felt special more like a rag doll. Nobody cares about me.

What hurts the most is that my brother rejected me. My biological brother told me I was weak because I want to live a normal life. I don't want to be emotionless or cold. I want to be loved! I don't understand what's so wrong with that.

Anyway, bye for now I'll be back with more and maybe I'll even talk about the present. It's a happier topic.

Ana

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Hi Diary,

I have decided to write in you once again. There are a few people from my past I believe ought to not be forgotten. If it wasn't for these brave men and woman I won't be standing here today. It's because of them that I am able to sit in my bed and write about my troublesome past. I want to make them proud of me just as I wish to make Azrael proud of me.

Maize helped me learn to speak. She saw I was having trouble so when the guards were not looking she would point to things which were mostly rocks and tell me to sound out the words. I remember the day they caught her as if it happened yesterday. I was only five and they beat her to death in front of me. I cried and for my tears I was also beaten.

I guess diary this is why I don't really cry anymore. Showing emotions of any kind has gotten me nothing but pain. Things are changing though and I want to feel.

Till next time...

Ana

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Diary,

I know it's been a very long time since I have last written but I just have not felt the need to do so. Things in the present are going really well and I'm happy. I want to live in the now not the past but something has happened that has jogged my memory a little.

The Mando's have always been kind to me and treated me as part of their family. I thought family meant more than credits to them but I'm wrong. There was an invasion and they were on the other side. They say it's just business and I want to believe that. It's just they said the same thing. I don't know what to think I'm a little confused.

Ana