Private The Path Forward [Jasper Kai'el]

[Balun Dashiell]

Location: Hurikane Jedi Temple
Tagging: Jasper Kai'el

The Tingel Arm Coalition was burgeoning, and Balun Vale had found his purpose within their ranks. He didn't have a clear understanding of his role, but he knew he was using his training to serve the greater good. He was aiding others in the Outer Rim Territories, alongside kindred spirits who were prepared to fight so that those who couldn't were spared. The Jedi Temple of Hurikane was their first triumph, liberating the Temple from its criminal occupants and gradually restoring it to its former glory. It was now a sanctuary for the living and a training ground for Jedi, those who could serve the Outer Rim.

This did, however, present a slight dilemma for Balun Vale. He had left the New Jedi Order to pursue a life of independence and to pave his own path in what being a Jedi meant to himself. Leaving one Order and simply moving to join another didn't sit right with him; in fact, it made him feel as though it would be an insult to the New Jedi Order to choose another over those who had raised him for the first fifteen years of his life. His decision to leave had been based upon conviction; it hadn't been due to any fault of their own, and so the notion of joining another Jedi group sat kinda funny within him. Balun wanted to continue to work alongside the Tingel Arm Coalition, and he believed this was where he was needed, but how that would work remained a question that he wanted to discuss.

Such was the reason for his request to Jasper Kai'el for a chance to properly meet the man and voice his thoughts. Balun was no Jedi Knight and certainly inexperienced as a fighter compared to many others he knew, yet Jasper seemed to be one of the leading figures behind the Tingel Arm Coalition's movements, alongside that of Fynch , another man, however, more of a Rebel if anything else. If either of them were like to understand how Balun felt, it would no doubt be Jasper who would hopefully offer him some advice and direction in how he would best serve the Tingel Arm.

Reaching the Chamber of Planets on the Temple's second floor, Balun knocked on the doors and waited outside in the corridor. The Chamber of Planets was to the Jedi Temple on Hurikane, as the Council Chambers was on Coruscant. A place of meeting at the height of what used to be the Order's foothold. Moving to the nearby window and looking outside, Balun waited patiently, visually recalling the fight that it took to free the Temple from its previous occupants.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Hurikane
Tags: Balun Dashiell

Lightsaber
​

The door of the Chamber of Planets would open, revealing the Jedi Master that Balun was seeking. Jasper gave the young man a warm smile, gesturing for him to follow.

"Caught me at a good time," Jasper noted. "I just got the lights working again. Would've been awkward to have a chat in the dark, yeah?"

There was an air of casuality in his stance, perhaps even the slightest bit of whimsy. He was no stranger to standing in rooms of authority, but there was certainly something more pleasant about the room being one of his own designs. Standing on the council came with the weight of an entire order, one that Jasper more and more could not help but feel teathered to. Still, he did have a responsibility here, just as he did as the Sentinel of Harmony, and Jasper was going to see it handled the only way he knew how...

Maximum effort.

"Speak your mind," the man offered, leaving the floor open to the padawan. "I think I have an idea of what you're going through, but I think it'll be helpful to get it off your chest first. Makes the process a little smoother."

 

[Balun Dashiell]

Balun walked into the Chamber of Planets and was welcomed. He looked around the room as Jasper Kai'el explained that he had only recently turned the lights back on; "Oh, that recently, huh?" Balun replied, his hands falling into his pockets casually as he looked back to the Jedi Master. "Nah, the place is looking like it's coming along. Shame we don't have a lot more Jedi to give us a hand" he added with a half smile, glancing back towards the entrance. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how many among the Tingel Arm Coalition were Jedi, but he had seen other Force Users around.

When Jasper mentioned that he had an idea of what Balun wanted to discuss, it brought the younger man's attention back to the present reason for being there. "Right...-Yeah", he mumbled a little as he tried to reorient himself, searching for the words that echoed his prior thoughts; "I guess I'm trying to figure out where I best fit in with the Tingel Arm Coalition. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is where I want to be....-But it's also been quite random, my involvement. I know I'm not a ranking Jedi or a soldier with any commendations, but I suppose I'm trying to figure out my job..." his voice trailed as he reconsidered whether a job was the right analogy for what he was thinking.

"I guess I feel more like a kid who's following all the adults, which sucks, honestly" He shrugged. He was being honest, and he knew it probably sounded immature but it was the best way he could put it; "I'd like to be doing more. To have some responsibility as well. I know I'm young but I've been on my own for a while now, I know how to handle myself".

That was mostly true. He wasn't the most skilled fighter, but he was a survivor and had done pretty well so far. Setting aside the war and carnage that he faced on Coruscant, he had been present for the reclamation of the Temple here and with the others on Targonn, there to provide overwatch from the skies with his S-91x Starfighter. Balun was nothing if not committed.

"Oh, and I dunno if I'd cut it as your typical Jedi. I mean, I was trained on Coruscant, but I'm not as tight-arsed with the rules and all that. Living here on Hurikane probably isn't a good idea".

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Hurikane
Tags: Balun Dashiell

Lightsaber
​

"That's fair," Jasper noted with a shrug, "But, let's be fair between the two of us, you weren't asked to show up. Or fight. These are decisions you've made and seen through on your own. That seems pretty self suficient to me."

Balun thought he was stuck as a kid, following a parent. That was certainly something Jasper had felt before, especially when people had directly called him a child for trying his best to live out the Jedi life. His mind went back to Denon, when those rather rude vigilante people had told him to 'go home.' Yet he chose to stay. It was the persistance in achieving goals and to stand in the face of adversity that made a Jedi. Balun was clearly at a sore point with the New Jedi Order, but no such thing was out here.

This was the place to learn who he was.

"You're job is to be a Jedi," he expressed with full transparency. "You protect the weak, you defend against evil, and you uplift the people. For now, that's probably going to look like patrolling the rim and keeping invaders at bay. I think the Wardens of the Sky are a good model to follow. There is light here that is worth defending. We're all called to do that... it's just a matter of finding your place in it all. At your own pace." A soft smile appeared on his face. "I'm sure I'm a weird individual for such a thing to come from. I mean, walking away from the New Jedi Order after being a member of the council has certainly been... well, divicive for some."

It perhaps made it seem as though Jasper was completely lost on where his place in the galaxy was. It was really more the opposite. This was the path to where he was meant to be. That perhaps gave him an idea of how to guide Balun.

"Would it surprise you to know that I left the New Jedi Order twice?"

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"That's fair," Jasper noted with a shrug, "But, let's be fair between the two of us, you weren't asked to show up. Or fight. These are decisions you've made and seen through on your own. That seems pretty self suficient to me."

Balun gave a curt nod, "Well yeah. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be here. This is where I want to be" he agreed, reaffirming his confidence in that the Tingel Arm Coalition was where he felt he was meant to be.; "The Core Worlds are well looked after, whereas the Outer Rim Territories are way larger and there's less Jedi and law enforcement to go around" he added, giving his justification for choosing the Tingel Arm over their former home.

"I don't really know anything about the Wardens of the Sky, but I know how to be a Jedi. I'm just not as..." his voice faltered for a moment as he considered how to best compare himself to those of the New Jedi Order, "Well, I'm more lax with the rules. I don't follow the Jedi Code, so much as I do my own ethical code. I was trained by them, I know their ways but it was a life I was born into, not one that I chose. Not like here with the Coalition, you know?" He concluded with a rhetorical question. Balun believed that Jasper Kai'el would understand the sentiment well.

"I'm sure I'm a weird individual for such a thing to come from. I mean, walking away from the New Jedi Order after being a member of the council has certainly been... well, divicive for some. Would it surprise you to know that I left the New Jedi Order twice?"

"Chit, I didn't know you were on the Council?" Balun exclaimed as he stared back at the Jedi Master. Jasper was younger than what Balun assumed most Jedi Council members usually were, and he was much more chill. Knowing that he had been on the Council suddenly gave the younger lad a bit more of an idea of just how experienced Jasper likely was.

"What made you decide to leave, if you don't mind me asking?" he asked shortly thereafter. Truth be told, it was comforting to find someone else who, Balun assumed, could relate to his decision to leave the Order and seek out his own path. He guessed that most people just accepted it because in their minds, he was young and didn't know the decision he was really making, but Balun had always known. Maybe one day further down the line, he would once more find himself a part of the New Jedi Order, or maybe not. Regardless, he would find his place on his own terms. Not decided for him by his parents, who had never wanted anything to do with him.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Hurikane
Tags: Balun Dashiell

Lightsaber
​

"Chit, I didn't know you were on the Council?"

Jasper couldn't help but laugh at this statement. He had been so famous in the Core, a home grown war hero who proved that the every-man could make it. It was refreshing to meet someone who was less aware. He liked returning to that little world before his time in the war where he wasn't known.

"I like you, kid," he remarked with a grin. "But yes, I served on the council after the Brotherhood of the Maw fell. Sentinel of Harmony."

He gave a faint sigh.

"Why I left... well, it's complicated," Jasper admitted. "See, the first time I left was a 'self-imposed' exile, so to speak, back when I was a kid. I didn't ever find a proper master. They were short in supply due to the casualties from the Maw. I thought the only way to prove myself was alone. So I set off to find my place in the galaxy, only to wind up back at the steps of the Temple. My place was to be a Jedi..." And now? Things were even more complicated. "I'm here now as a Jedi still," he affirmed. "Some... don't truly understand that. The New Jedi Order is not the sum of all Jedi, just the Order of the Core. The Core can stand on its own. I gave them resources to rebuilld, but other than that... well, I was no longer needed. The only thing keeping me on Coruscant was, ultimately, obsession."

Jasper drew a potted plant from the window, a flower firmly seated within the soil it held. He handed the pot to Balun, placing it within the young man's fingers.

"The Jedi Code can be tricky," Jasper stated. "I wager you follow more than you recognize. We are not encouraged to cut ourselves off from emotion like many have come to believe. These things are natural. They would not occur if they were an afront to life. Obsession, however..." he ran his fingers along the petals. "Hold onto something too tightly and you may strangle it. Life is a delicate thing. To love is to nurture, but grasp what you love with an iron fist and you choke it out. You can't force someone to love you, force a plant to grow, force people to need you. You only risk tearing that which you care about to pieces. Children will grow old and leave, lovers will grow distant and no longer feel as they did, brave souls will march off to die... To follow the Jedi Code is to be encouraged to love, but to act with a clear mind when the time comes to set what we love free."

A gentle smile came to Jasper's face.

"I left the New Jedi Order for that reason," the Master noted. "I didn't want to let go. To that end I neglected to realize the lives that I could have preserved here in the Outer Rim. I still love the NJO, but I stand here now having let them free for our paths to drift apart."

And that was the truth of being a Jedi. Or at least, it was to Jasper.

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"I like you, kid," he remarked with a grin. "But yes, I served on the council after the Brotherhood of the Maw fell. Sentinel of Harmony."

Jasper wouldn't realize it, and even if he did, he wouldn't understand it: this was one of those moments where Balun's deep-seated beliefs subtly undermined the compliment offered by the Jedi Master. Although he didn't consciously resent or mistrust adults, he had never truly believed they approved of him. How could he, when he had been given up at birth?

Balun had kept everyone, except Nouqai Veil , at a distance due to his core belief that he wasn't good enough for his parents to love and care for. Accepting approval from anyone else felt impossible. It wasn't an emotional reaction or a deliberate choice; after many years of facing life alone, it was simply his reality.

It was easier not to comment but to listen. Staying quiet didn't require anything more of him.

"See, the first time I left was a 'self-imposed' exile, so to speak, back when I was a kid. I didn't ever find a proper master. They were short in supply due to the casualties from the Maw. I thought the only way to prove myself was alone. So I set off to find my place in the galaxy, only to wind up back at the steps of the Temple. My place was to be a Jedi..."

"I get that, pretty well, actually," Balun commented, knowing what it was like to find one's path independent of all others; "My Master..." he paused. They had only spent a short amount of time together, and it was difficult to know if he counted as an Apprentice given that he hadn't seen Julius Sedaire since his arrival on Corellia. "Well, let's just say he isn't the hand-holding type", Balun summarized briefly and respectfully while keeping the conversation casual.

"I left the New Jedi Order for that reason," the Master noted. "I didn't want to let go. To that end I neglected to realize the lives that I could have preserved here in the Outer Rim. I still love the NJO, but I stand here now having let them free for our paths to drift apart."

"So...-Let me get this straight. You left the New Jedi Order, because you didn't want to let them go?" Balun frowned as he tried to sum up what Jasper Kai'el had said, or rather how Balun had understood it. "Doesn't that just mean you would up losing them anyway? I mean, you make it sound like you did the exact thing you wanted to avoid?" he continued, trying to understand the Jedi Master's line of thought.

Letting go of your attachments, robust ties that could strongly influence your actions, to rise above them, these were familiar lessons taught to Balun as he was growing up...-But it was one thing to talk about theories and guidelines, rules meant to encourage Jedi to be aware of their boundaries and influences; What Jasper sounded to have done though...-"Are you happy with the choice you made?" He soon asked, wondering how he could be when his heart had obviously wanted something different for himself.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Hurikane
Tags: Balun Dashiell

Lightsaber
​

"I haven't really lost them," Jasper remarked. "They're still exactly where I left them after all. I can go visit any time I like... but I can't lead them. Not for a while. Think of it as... a necessary break. They need to live their lives and I need to live mine."

Jasper gave Balun a somber smile.

"Sometimes I find being happy can take a backseat to what is important," he noted. "I was happy to be with people I considered my family, but to that end I left people who needed me out here to go without protection. And my commitment to defend every Jedi under my watch... well, its an impossible task in truth. I was driving myself mad. I should have always trusted in their ability to stand on their own two feet. Learning to let go of something is more than just a Jedi thing, I find. It's just a part of life. Being a person. Maybe that's what makes it so difficult. Sure, I may love a student, but what do they gain if they never learn to live their own life? Just, consider that one student as hundreds."

He sighed, giving a shrug. The truth of the matter was that everything was more complex then it seemed at face value. Him leaving was, over all, the most important decision he had to make. It would determine a lot for the lives he had the power to save. Perhaps it was hard to see that, but he hoped it was a lense that he could help Balun see through.

"I have people with me I care about still," Jasper remarked. "My padawan, friends from the Alliance... and now I have a new tribe to see through safely. I hope to serve here with the same effort as I did with the NJO, and most importantly I hope to grow to love the people in this place. Help nurture them and build the foundation that leads them to freedom. And when my work is done, should I still be alive, I'll... just keep going. Give my heartfelt farewell when they can stand on their own and foster something new."

Jasper shrugged a little.

"Maybe an orthodox Jedi wouldn't spill their heart out to so many," he admitted, "but I've accepted that I'm not exactly here to make theologians happy. This is about the future..." A gentle laugh escaped his chest. "Maybe I'm just naive. I can't say my foundation is... well, a very stable one. I'm still learning a lot about what it means to be a man, a leader, a brother, father... I mean, what do you do when those things aren't emulated for you. Even so... I understand that my role is to prop up and support the people around me. Wherever the Force takes me."

Balun was on a different road. Jasper knew that. Even still, they had a common ground to stand on. After all, perpendicular lines were destined to cross once. They're was something that had brought them both to this place. It was just a matter of finding the core of it all.

"So how about that?" Jasper asked. "Clarity or more confusing?"

 

[Balun Dashiell]

Sure, I may love a student, but....

These few words stuck with Balun, a Jedi Master speaking so strongly of a Jedi Student. Did all Master's feel so strongly about their Padawan? Was that what drew Nouqai Veil to become an apprentice under Darth Assimilus ? Back when she had first told Balun that she had been granted the honor of an apprenticeship, Balun had made fun of her. It was some time ago now, but he had seen it as another adult with the authority and control to tell her how to live her life. Did the Wookiee Jedi care for Nouqai the way that Jasper Kai'el spoke with such admiration for...-Whoever his Padawan was to him?

He shouldn't have focused solely on those few words, but that sentiment stung beneath the surface. Was a Master more than just a teacher? Balun hadn't experienced this. It had been months since he first met Julius Sedaire , but this kind of talk was so far out of sight from anything Balun could see in his future, that it was a little gut-wrenching. Did Masters care for their students like his family was meant to care about him? Meant to, but didn't.

A silence fell over him, and this time he could not hide the way that his emotions entwined with his presence in the Force. He was usually pretty good at keeping a mask over how he truly felt. Either using dumb humour or jests to compensate for the feelings that he felt beneath the surface. Jasper had caught him off guard by speaking so honestly, and with the truth of his feelings conveyed in his words.

The Jedi Master continued to speak, and while he made his point known, Balun tried to concentrate on his words rather than the pained voice in the back of his mind, that little doubting devil on the shoulder that threatened to remind him of the dark beliefs he had formed about himself over the years. You're not good enough. You won't make it. No one cares about you. His jaw visibly tensed, his gaze averting, looking elsewhere for a distraction from these gnawing thoughts.

"So how about that? Clarity or more confusing?"

"I'm not sure. A bit of both, maybe" Balun finally answered, though his eyes remained to the ground for the time being; "Sometimes it feels like the more I hear and learn from others, the less I actually know" he gave a feigned smile, small and forced, an attempt to convey anything but how he was feeling. Regardless of his Jedi training, Balun was seventeen years old. Like every teenager, he could be impulsive, emotional, resentful and distant. He did his best to be a good person, but that always meant focusing on the needs of others which was something he found far easier than tending to his own needs. Being able to provide help to others was a welcome distraction, and it always came easier for him to try and advise someone else rather than do what was required to properly care for himself. Or about himself.

"Talking about the New Jedi Order though. I guess I had it easier. My only true friend turned to the Dark Side and left the Jedi shortly after I did. She was the only reason I had to stay there, and before I did leave she had become newly apprenticed which meant she was busy with her Master at the time. It's easier to leave when you've got no friends" he forced a chuckle, this time it came rather more genuine, although in expense of himself.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for this to become about the past. I was meant to ask about where I fit in with the Coalition. Jedi Stuff I get, but what does that look like when I'm only seventeen. No one's going to just listen to a kid, regardless of whether or not they have a lightsaber".

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Hurikane
Tags: Balun Dashiell

Lightsaber
​

It's easier to leave when you've got no friends

"Yeah," Jasper nodded with a sigh. "I... very much understand that."

It's why he had left in the first place all those years ago. With nobody to ground him, Jasper was left to his own devices. It was easier to slip away and have nobody notice his absence.

"Well... where you sit now at seventeen is a strange pocket," the young man admitted. "At seventeen I fought in a war. Won awards for saving lives. Yet even so, there was always someone ready to bark 'go home, kid.' The truth of the matter is you can't really get past the mistrust in your abilities. You just gotta do it anyways. Earn the recognition by showing people what you're made of first hand."

There was no phrase more that Jasper had dispised then 'go home, kid.' Maybe he had been out of his depth, but he always put in the effort to stand alongside the Knights of the order, even if he was weaker. Some people simply didn't understand that, and as time marched forward he realized it was a losing game to try and argue with people like that.

It wasn't about satisfying theologians.

"So forget satisfying what other people think of you, just for now," Jasper told him. "Do you think that you're worth being listened to?"

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"So forget satisfying what other people think of you, just for now," Jasper told him. "Do you think that you're worth being listened to?"

Balun stood there, looking off to the side, carefully considering Jasper Kai'el 's question. It was a good question, not one he'd been asked. "I wish I could say yes, but I dunno. When I'm out there and trying to enforce the law with adults much older than me...-It's hard to believe that they'd listen to a seventeen-year-old, you know?". He had been trained by the Jedi, but not everyone understood what it took to train Jedi, including the maturity that was quickly fostered within all students with the likelihood that they would be facing complex realities and influences out in the field of duty.

There was more to it, of course. Balun hadn't been given much reason to believe in himself, a combination of his choices following the absence of a family and a lack of personal identity. Because of these core beliefs, he alienated himself from the New Jedi Order, yearning for a stronger connection to a parental figure, which the Jedi discouraged.

"I reckon I'd have more luck with people my age. I don't feel like adults would take me seriously, but I feel like I can get along better with younger people.", he added after further thought. While he found it difficult to trust adults, he often saw younger people his age as victims. Being told what to do and how to live. Balun had become quite rebellious in his early teenage years, and unfortunately, some of his tutors had copped it when they tried to teach or advise him when he was in the wrong. His resentment was complicated, but it was never personal; rather, it had been shaped from his earliest years, when he had learned how he had come to be with the Jedi.

"Is it normal for Jedi students to be acting on their own at my age, without the supervision of a Master?" he asked. Having left the New Jedi Order before he had received an apprenticeship under a Jedi Master, Balun's experience beyond the Jedi Temple had been limited. It wasn't until he was out on his own, that he had the freedom to explore life in the Galaxy. He had never truly known the process of an apprentice, one that was progressing towards Knighthood and what the average age for a Jedi to be out there doing what he himself was doing nowadays.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Hurikane
Tags: Balun Dashiell

Lightsaber
​

"Is it normal for Jedi students to be acting on their own at my age, without the supervision of a Master?"

"Sure," Jasper shrugged. "I did. Most of my peers did. It hardly mattered if we were making the wisest choices, or were skilled enough to keep ourselves from getting killed. When we felt we should fight, we fought. Our conviction told us we were right. Maybe we were. I'm... at an age where I can look back on how wise the decisions I made truly were. I stand beside a lot. Others not so much. I don't regret them though. They were an important part of learning how to stand on my own. After all..."

He gave Balun a little bit of a more serious look.

"You can't defend anyone if you can't defend yourself," he stated. "If this is your path you wish to walk, walk it with pride. Just make sure you don't lose yourself along the way."

Jasper turned, flexing his mechanical fingers. He had come to learn this well enough. There was only so much of himself left that he could sacrifice for the greater good. Young Jedi were so eager to throw themselves at the world and defend the innocent, but a dead Jedi could save no lives. He had seen his own friends burn fast and bright before his very eyes. Some didn't even make it to adulthood. It had been their choice, but there was always a better course of action.

One that saw more lives preserved.

"Sorry about the doom and gloom," Jasper apologized with a sigh, giving a smile. "I swear I'm not a complete downer. There's a positive light to all things if you know where to find it. I think you should focus on meeting people and hearing their stories. I find that's the best way to earn trust. If you show folks you value them, they'll value you. Can't do that if you're sulkin' all the time."

Which brought them back to this moment. Jasper gently scooped the plant he had handed Balun back up and returned it to the window sill, pushing it into the sun.

"I'll be here to foster Jedi regardless," he insisted. "No matter the age, no matter the problem, no matter what they think a Jedi is supposed to be at that moment. You have a perspective on the galaxy... now meet new people and challenge it. Your story is intertwined with the people you encounter. Go let it be written, then return to me. I'm eager to learn about what it is you find."

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"You don't have to be sorry", Balun gave a polite smile, "It's refreshing for an adult not to be sugar-coating it", he replied. The Jedi Lifestyle was difficult, which he had been reminded of since day one. Still, while he had previously been guided by the Jedi of the Temple on Coruscant, nowadays, it was just him and his moral compass.

"I'm glad there will be more Jedi in the Outer Rim. The greater their numbers, the better it is for the Galaxy..." he commended Jasper for his commitment to leading a new Order. "I will visit occasionally, but I like the freedom to choose. Not having to answer to the Council or any other Masters. I like to go out there and do some good without needing anyone's approval or there being a certain way I have to go about every assignment".

The Jedi held a certain code of conduct, things they could and couldn't do. For example, Nouqai Veil and her ties to the Sith. Balun would be questioned if he were seen associating with a Sith Spawn and her Sith friends.

It wouldn't matter that Balun trusted Nouqai more than any other person alive; the Jedi would be on his case. This way he could use whatever tactics necessary, participate in rebel activities and choose his allies based on their character and not just their political allegiances or alignments.

"I don't know if you heard, but we cleared out an old military base of Spacers. I'm calling it The Nest. I'm going to base my activities out of it, but I could use a team to help clear it out and get it back up and running again. It's got everything we could need" Balun informed Jasper Kai'el , pulling his datapad from his belt and activating the device to bring up the underground facilities schematics that they had mapped out. "It's got space for training facilities too; it could be valuable to the Jedi".