The Small Things

[Nora Lithos]

The days following Eshan had been bitter amongst the Order. Many had seen their homeworld almost utterly destroyed and others had seen death on a whole new level that they, as new members, had not anticipated. The hardened backbone of the Lotus had gone through it with their moods up, but not everyone had been so fortunate. The winds howl whistled through the campus grounds as Nora hurried her way over towards the dormitories. She wasn’t late but at this point she hadn’t been known as someone who had ever been late and there was no intention for her to break that pattern.

Of course, she didn’t actually have anywhere to be. This visit was a surprise, or as much of one as she could muster for the third day in a row. With her messenger bag gently bumping behind her she passed through the stone arch and into the courtyard of her dormitory. People curiously glanced over at her as she passed and she gave each and every one of them a warm smile that radiated more warmth than one would expect from someone who had seen death on such a grand scale no more than a few weeks ago. It wasn’t that Nora was cold as much as overly excited about something else. The weight of Eshan did rest on her shoulders but she had more interesting matters to attend to.

Swinging open the doors to the dormitory she began to count down the numbers until she finally hit her target. A hand knocked twice against the door before she barged on in to Nylea’s room.

“Nylea!” Nora exclaimed happily, almost too happy. “I have something to show you.”

“Please, come with me.”

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

Nylea had lost track of the number of days that had passed since slipping into the daily routine she was in now, nor did it mean much to her to begin with. Spotting her outside of her room was almost like a ghost sighting as she would only ever come out to get the bare essentials. The rest of her time was spent in quiet solitude, her mind unable to hold back the unending flow of thoughts that would quickly overwhelm her and cause her to shut down. If there was any consolation, then it would be that Nylea had no tears left to cry.

The woman had not been the same since returning from Eshan and the reason why was not too difficult to understand, either. Losing her entire family in what felt like a blink of an eye had been a devastating blow to an already battered and bruised heart. Though thanks to [member='Tellu Talon'] she had been given family once more, it did not ease the pain in the here and now. All she would come to love and cherish met their cruel demise eventually, her past had taught her that time and time again. Perhaps all who carried the name Talon were cursed in the same way. Perhaps a solitary life was best for everyone, herself included. Perhaps-

Then, two knocks on the door to Nylea's room snapped her out of the world in her head and when the door nearly flew open, it was Nora who stood in the doorway. There was one person who seemed to be different from everyone else, someone who despite nearly meeting her end, was still very much here. The source of one of the few tiny sparks of hope the echani still had now. The amount of energy the arkanian showed wasn't returned, though, Nylea had little left. Sitting on the side of her bed, her head turned towards the door and Nora. Her silver locks were completely disheveled, looking like her hair had not been tended to in days, the bags under her eyes were made even more prominent as it contrasted with her pale skin and the way she looked out of her eyes told the story of a defeated woman.

"Hi, Nora," she responded in a flat and somewhat quiet voice. The reason why Nora had come to see her didn't seem to be met with much enthusiasm. "I... Sorry, I am feeling quite tired. I did not sleep very well and..." A short moment of silence followed. "I am sorry. Perhaps some other time."

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Talon"]

“Nope!” Nora said and quite forcefully wrapped her hand around Nylea’s arm to force her back on her feet. “I am aware of your situation, and I know that grief takes time, but I would not be doing my job if I didn’t make sure you get out of this room for at least ten minutes.”

And Nora really wanted Nylea to see what she had found. That alone made for a super energetic Arkanian. Besides that people were getting worried with what Nylea was doing shutting herself in like this. Nora knew that feeling quite well, and given the situation could even understand it to some extent.

“I get that you don’t want to go, but people are worried and I think it would do both them and you some good to see the sun again.” Nora continued to dig through Nylea’s drawers to find a brush, or anything like it really. “I did this too, and I had to leave due to a burnout, remember?”

Nora sighed and approached Nylea again, hand placed on her friend’s shoulder, eyes staring deep into her friend’s soul. Or as deep as pupilless eyes could. It was an Arkanian thing.

“Nylea, please.” She said, again emphasising the others. “You are not alone in this and others can help you. I can help you, even Karl can. He has lost people too, we all have in one way or the other.”

“So please, don’t do this. It has to stop.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

Though Nylea didn't show any resistance to being pulled onto her feet, but when she was it didn't make her demeanor much more positive. Instead of sitting in mostly silence, she now just stood there somewhat awkwardly staring out in front of her and the near-emotionless look on her face had not changed whatsoever. Nora's energy was close to overwhelming and with her own distinct lack of it she felt a sensory overload rapidly approaching. The echani was thankful for the fact Nora cared about her, but truthfully at that moment she wanted to be left alone by the entire galaxy. To just not exist for a while, until she felt strong enough to keep her old demons at bay again. Force knew they had been wurming their way into her mind again.

But as soon as Nora mentioned the fact others had been worried about her, Nylea's look on her face turned to one of guilt. There was enough pressure on all the members of the Sacred Lotus as it was already and had their own problems to deal with, yet once again she became a burden rather than someone to relieve the burdens of others as she had promised herself to always be. With that came doubt whether she was good enough to be worthy of the title of Jedi and member of the Sacred Lotus. After all, nobody had a use for a mess of a person like she was. Though Nylea was convinced she had no tears left, she had an awfully hard time holding them back.

"I..." The echani choked up against the lump that formed in her throat as she watched Nora look for something in her drawers, likely a brush or something like it that could make her look presentable to the outside world. "Sorry. I am so sorry. I did not want anyone to get worried about me, I-" She stopped herself, not wanting to burden Nora with her personal doubts and struggles with self-worth. A hairbrush was pushed into her hand and the arkanian intently looked her in the eyes, and what she said afterwards was perhaps not interpretend in the way it was intended.

"You are right, I am hardly the only one who is going through this right now. I need to stop being like this." What gave her the right to, if others did not have it? If only she knew how change that.

A few seconds passed before Nylea went to look at the brush in her hand and nearly dragged herself towards the mirror in her room, though much time would not be spent on straightening out her hair. It still looked quite messy and the sloppiness of the ponytail undid any improvement it would have made. Afterwards she turned around and wordlessly looked at Nora, waiting. Though she still very much wanted to stay away from the world outside of the four walls she was currently surrounded by, it felt even worse knowing it caused others to worry.

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Talon"]

“Hey, everyone has a right to mourn.” Nora said and wrapped her arms around Nylea. “We understand that much as well. You aren’t at fault in any way and I didn’t mean for it to come off so… Harsh.”

She let her friend go and grabbed the brush to put it aside. Sloppy or not the ponytail was just fine the way it was, it was the gesture that mattered more than anything with these things and the fact that Nylea would show herself outside of her room at all was sure to bring joy to a great many people in the Order, Nora included who undeniably was working as a blunt instrument for it to happen.

“We also know that you have suffered before this, we know that you have lost more than most in the order, and that is why we want to be there for you.” Nora grabbed Nylea’s hand and began to gently lead her towards the door. “Everyone loves you, Nylea. I love you too, as a friend and someone I can rely on when things get rough and it would not be right of me — of us — if we didn’t return that favor to you as well.”

Stopping just a single step shy of the door Nora opened it up and held it open, letting Nylea be the one to make the decision to come outside or not.

“Would you please take a walk with me?” Nora smiled at her friend. “Just for a while before you went back?”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

When Nora hugged Nylea, the echani didn't react for a few moments before returning the embrace. She had to admit to herself that the prolonged and self-imposed isolation hadn't done her much good, as it had allowed her own thoughts to drag her further down. A sigh that carried with it dissapointment in herself was let out before her friend pulled away again and it was not only for that reason, but additionally for the fact that she had ousted that negativity towards Nora. She didn't want to burden anyone else with her tendency to be hard on herself.

"No, no, it is alright," Nylea said in hopes the arkanian would not blame herself for the way she had acted. "You are not at fault for the way I spoke. I have been really harsh on myself again lately and need to break that habit." Setting aside the self-criticism was really just too difficult sometimes. In moments such as this she considered it to be a miracle anyone had the patience to deal with that crippling negativity. Before even getting the chance to put the brush away herself Nora was there to do it, which caused Nylea to smile for the first time since returning from Eshan, even if it was just a very slight curling of her lips. "I suppose the current state of my room does not inspire confidence in my ability to put things away in their proper place."

While Nora led her to the door however, Nylea felt some of the weight still on her shoulders press down on her, trying to keep her from going out. The two would have to stand in front of the only way out in silence for moment, before the echani would speak. "Most of-" She interrupted herself and looked away from the door and Nora. More criticism of her own behavior was put to a halt before it found its way out in the open. Although the belief that she was at fault for most of the suffering she had been through in her life, that simply wasn't relevant now and if it was, she didn't want to get into the topic. Luckily, there was one thing she could say that did feel appropriate in that moment. "I would have been even more of a mess if I did not have everyone around me. You in particular." Her head turned back towards Nora again. "So, thank you. For being an amazing friend."

The incorporeal blockade that prevented Nylea from stepping through the doorway was still there despite this. As she turned towards it she froze for a second, realizing that everyone else would see the mess of a state she was still in. But, perhaps it was better for them than seeing nothing at all. "You had something to show me, right? Well, I do not want to keep you waiting." As pathetic as she thought it was, the first step she took was exceedingly difficult.

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

Nora beamed at Nylea’s compliment. Warmth and happiness burst from her lips and cheeks as she was given special mention in the list of people who made Nylea less of a mess, and as far as being an amazing friend went Nora would accept the praise wholeheartedly. As difficult as Nylea may have found the first step, the second and the third would hopefully be easier. Nora followed by her side as they went. As soon as Nylea managed to pop her head out she would find that a few heads along the corridor began to look over in their direction, and the further out they got the more heads seemed to show. Most of them smiled, though some of the children who wouldn’t know better seemed more curious than anything.

“Yep, something to show alright.” Nora said and continued to lead Nylea out through the courtyard and with time further away from Sanctuary itself. The destination was the forest, and in the forest a small clearing. For what purpose was not revealed to Nylea. Nora might not have been a master of the force, but at the very least she’d know how to throw a surprise on someone who was.

“How does it feel to be out and about?” Nora asked as they traversed the open fields towards the forest. “The warm breeze and the cold temperatures…”

“Where I come from we only had cold breezes and cold temperatures, you know.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

The first step was hesitantly followed by a second, which in turn was followed by Nylea sweeping her eyes all around her to see if anyone else saw her. The moment her gaze met the figures of fellow Sacred Lotus members she quickly turned her face away from them to hide it, hoping they had not seen that she was still very much looking unkempt. Fortunately for the echani they were not in the way of the courtyard, which Nora began to lead her to and she followed behind her. In truth she was still unsure if she was completely alright with going outside yet, but turning back wasn't an option any longer. Perhaps with Nora there was never really a choice to begin with, though. Sometimes that was a good thing and Nylea hoped that was case this time as well.

When the two made their way out of Sanctuary and began their walk towards their destination, Nylea took a deep breath in an attempt to shift the focus from her own mind to the world around her, but it was proving to be a difficult task. Thoughts continued to eat away at her, but she did have to admit that no longer confining herself to her dorm was helping at least somewhat. "I am still a bit uncomfortable," she said in response to Nora's question, "but I will need to take it step by step."

When the arkanian mentioned her homeworld, Nylea was reminded once again of the fact that they had never talked much on the topic. "What is Arkania like? How does it hold up to Monastery?" The woman looked down at the grass underneath her feet and as the breeze blew past, it gently rocked the blades back and forth around her. There was something soothing about it, though it was difficult to lay a finger on why that was. "I have not asked you that before, but I have been wondering for a while now."

[member="Nora Lithos"]