Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Factory Denied The Sword of Hatred

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Viridian

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V
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
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PRODUCTION INFORMATION
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
  • Classification: Sword
  • Size: Average
  • Weight: Heavy
SPECIAL FEATURES
  • Cutting Power
  • Can Absorb Lightning / Dark Side Blasts
  • Sapient: The sword is self aware, and chooses it's wielder.
STRENGTHS
  • Shock Wave: By means of the Force Crystal put into the hilt of the sword, the blade itself is capable of releasing a shockwave of raw Force energy. This can normally be done once every 5 posts unless it has absorbed energy prior to that, in which case, it can be done once every 3 posts. The Shockwave has a range of 30 Feet in the direction the person is facing when they make a slash with the sword.

  • Energy Absorption: Because the sword was infused with Tutaminis, it is able to absorb energy directed at it. However, this is limited to one thing, and one thing only; the energy of the Dark Side of the Force. As such, this would be useless against blasters, or Jedi.

  • Call to Hand: The sword can be summoned to the hand of the wielder by means of the "Fold Space" power.

  • Able to Clash with Lightsabers: Due to the Alchemic Treatment of the sword, the sword is capable of clashing with most Lightsabers. This property was one that was painstakingly installed during the creation of the sword.

  • Fear Aura: This ability is one that was instilled in the sword inspired by the “Mind Tricks” Jedi used, and the abilities Sith had. This ability makes weaker willed individuals cower at the mere sight of the sword when it is out of it’s scabbard. (Requires OOC permission to use on Player Characters, and personal NPCs.)

  • Self Aware: The sword's self aware, and can communicate telepathically with the wielder.

  • Fold Space: The sword when the user needs it will appear in their hands after they communicate telepathically with it.

WEAKNESSES
  • Dark Side Beacon: The sword is a weapon that was created utilizing the Dark Side of the Force. As such, the Dark Side essentially ‘oozes’ off the blade. This prevents most forms of suppression or cloaking from concealing the sword from the eyes of anyone. It means you can’t hide the nature of this sword, or hide when utilizing it. It’s very visible to Jedi, Sith, Grays, and any Force Users.

  • Force Nullification: Due to the age of the sword, Force Nullification would not just nullify the Force when this sword is exposed to it. No, it would do something more than simply negate the abilities of the sword. The sword would crumble to dust due to how old the blade is, meaning it simply would be useless dust, and unable to be used for pretty much anything.

  • Force Light: Force Light would also be able to negate the abilities of the sword - destroying it outright because of the age of the blade. Cleansing it would render it unable to exist due to the old age of the sword.

  • Limited Range: The “Fold Space” has a limited range for teleporting the sword into his possession, namely the ship of his must be within the same hemisphere of the planet in order for the Fold Space to work to bring it to him. This is a limitation of the sword that he loathes because of what it means for him.

  • Cutting Power: This does not have the cutting power of a Lightsaber.

DESCRIPTION

A sword made by one of his species on their original home - a weapon they attempted to make to rival the power possessed by Jedi and Sith alike because of the fear they had of them. They feared that the Jedi and Sith would come as an invading army, and oppress their people, dominating them with the power of the so called “Force” which the Veldorians at the time believed to be an exotic energy field. To counter this, many wood carvers and blacksmiths gathered as well as those adept in the Force. They worked together to begin creating something, a weapon they could use to fight Jedi and Sith alike in order to save their own hides from such individuals should they choose to misuse their powers. As a precaution against abuse, a Veldorian who made the sword transferred his consciousness into the sword.

The first thing they installed in the sword was taken from a myth of the Aing Tii existing, the ability to teleport to the hand of the wielder should they want the sword to do so. This took many attempts to create the blade, a great number in fact. The second alteration to the sword was a slot at the bottom of it where they could plug a Force Crystal in order to allow it to send a shockwave of Force energy at someone when a crystal was plugged into it. This slot was imbued with the ability to draw energy from the Force Crystal for said Slash Wave. Yet, that was not the only change done to the sword when it was worked on. Knowing most people would laugh off a wooden sword, the third change was an aura of fear, an aura that would make people run for the hills with their tail between their legs. This change was made in order to provide the sword a nature as a “monstrous weapon”, and a Dark Sided One at that. Yet, the mere act of making the sword caused it to be a beacon, and not of the light side, but the dark side of the force. While the Veldorians did not believe in the existence of sides of the force, they knew others would believe in the existence of such.,

Still, the blade was deemed not good enough by the crafters because it was not strong enough to pose a threat against most of the Jedi or Sith. Tutaminis was employed when the sword was made, imbued into it so it could absorb blasts of dark side energy, including lightning. This in turn would allow it to release said energy as shockwaves to cause the enemies to have a reason to turn tail, and run from the blade when it was drawn.

During the evacuation of the planet due to the Bryn'adul invasion, the sword was stolen from where it was kept by Viridian. He has had it to this day in his possession.
 
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Krass Wyms

Jedi Tech Division
Factory Judge
Viridian

The sword has a consciousness of it's own.

There is nothing explaining in your sub where this sentience comes from. Either remove it or explain.

Well-rounded: It possess the quality of many other Sith Swords.
Cutting Power: This lacks the cutting power of a Lightsaber, as well.

If it is a sith sword then it would be made to cut. Is there a reason why it is dull and unable to preform the basic function of a sword?

No Mind Tampering, Thank you!: Due to the way the sword was created, it protects the user from telepathic assaults, mind altering substances and the like by causing the user to get more adrenaline pumping through their body to counteract such effects. It also protects them from Zeltron Pheromones.

Much like the sentience there is no detail or basic explanation of how such a powerful mental shield was created in the sword. Explain or remove please.

Like Run, Scoob!: The sword projects an aura that makes people want to run from it when it is unsheathed, an aura that makes people want to flee with their tail between their legs.

An aura of unease is a strong and potent sith ability. It is pretty much the only one you at least gave a half hearted amount of work to explain. It can stay but link to it from the wookie please.

Absorption: Rather than simply grounding Lightning or similar powers, it can absorb them.

There is next to no explanation where tutaminis was added to the blade to let it absorb energy. As previously explain in detail or remove.

Release: When the sword has absorbed Dark Side Lightning or similar darkside powers aimed at the user, it can return them as an arcing wave of Force Energy in the form of a slash.

There is little explanation for where shockwave came aside from "they added it" this will need detail or removal please.

Summon to Hand: The sword can be summoned to the hand of the proper user.

Again no real detail for this being here. Folding space is a powerful Aing-Tii technique and they were not ones to teach just anyone. Substantial explanation will be needed or removal.

Ancient: Without the Force, this ancient wooden sword would crumble to dust.

this can easily be combined with force nullification.

The sword will not work if the user doesn't feel anger to the opponent they're wielding it against. In fact, the sword will become too heavy for them to even lift.

Please explain both parts of this, one how the sword registers the proper amount of hate towards someone and two how it becomes heavy.

Overall this sword is a mess of just tossing things into it and requires substantial edits and rewrites. You need detail and I honestly wouldn't want to do this but a description of no less then 1000 words should you wish to keep all of those features detailing them and not just repeating the same thing over and over. Or remove them and we can go from there.
 

Krass Wyms

Jedi Tech Division
Factory Judge
Viridian

Alright now for round 2

As a precaution against abuse, a Veldorian who made the sword transferred his consciousness into the sword
Self Aware: The sword's self aware, and can communicate telepathically with the wielder.

As previously requested you were asked to explain this... a sentence does not explain it. Having sentience in a force weapon is a powerful effect. It was something only some of the strongest sith lords could do transferring a part of themselves into their artifacts.

Fear Aura: This ability is one that was instilled in the sword inspired by the “Mind Tricks” Jedi used, and the abilities Sith had. This ability makes weaker willed individuals cower at the mere sight of the sword when it is out of it’s scabbard. (Requires OOC permission to use on Player Characters, and personal NPCs.)

An aura of unease is a strong and potent sith ability. It is pretty much the only one you at least gave a half hearted amount of work to explain. It can stay but link to it from the wookie please.

You were asked to link Aura of uneasiness as it is the closest exaple of what you want and couldn't be bothered to do that. I am providing the link this time but inthe future do as the judges instruct.

Knowing most people would laugh off a wooden sword, the third change was an aura of fear, an aura that would make people run for the hills with their tail between their legs. This change was made in order to provide the sword a nature as a “monstrous weapon”, and a Dark Sided One at that.

Again this is not informative or giving any detail it is just another example of "and I added this" with a halfhearted attempt.

Energy Absorption: Because the sword was infused with Tutaminis, it is able to absorb energy directed at it. However, this is limited to one thing, and one thing only; the energy of the Dark Side of the Force. As such, this would be useless against blasters, or Jedi.
Tutaminis was employed when the sword was made, imbued into it so it could absorb blasts of dark side energy, including lightning.

That is not how tutaminis works, it absorbs energy. You have still provided no details about it aside from your standard "they added this" Again you were instructed to add detail and did not.

Shock Wave: By means of the Force Crystal put into the hilt of the sword, the blade itself is capable of releasing a shockwave of raw Force energy. This can normally be done once every 5 posts unless it has absorbed energy prior to that, in which case, it can be done once every 3 posts. The Shockwave has a range of 30 Feet in the direction the person is facing when they make a slash with the sword.

1 all measurements are to be done in meters not feet. 2.
The second alteration to the sword was a slot at the bottom of it where they could plug a Force Crystal in order to allow it to send a shockwave of Force energy at someone when a crystal was plugged into it. This slot was imbued with the ability to draw energy from the Force Crystal for said Slash Wave.
This in turn would allow it to release said energy as shockwaves to cause the enemies to have a reason to turn tail, and run from the blade

This explains next to nothing with the only detail being now "we did this as well." You also just have it starting to repeat something you were asked not to do.

Call to Hand: The sword can be summoned to the hand of the wielder by means of the "Fold Space" power.
Fold Space: The sword when the user needs it will appear in their hands after they communicate telepathically with it.

The first thing they installed in the sword was taken from a myth of the Aing Tii existing, the ability to teleport to the hand of the wielder should they want the sword to do so.

You went from half to just one sentence explaining how they managed to do a powerful ability from a species that didn't interact with the galaxy and didn't teach. No detail or information how they learned about this skill that the Aing-Tii don't teach people, or when they were interacted with just "we wanted it so we added it."

Overall this sword is a mess of just tossing things into it and requires substantial edits and rewrites. You need detail and I honestly wouldn't want to do this but a description of no less then 1000 words should you wish to keep all of those features detailing them and not just repeating the same thing over and over. Or remove them and we can go from there.

For the amount of power you had I asked for 1000 words to get you to slow down and organize your idea. You barely did half of that with a count of 492. You did not even the bare minimum asked of you for edits, didn't address anything or you just did a half effort to the information. This is a mess still and is going to require substantial edits still. Actually it is going to require all of the edits to be addressed.
 
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