Private The Unbearable Reality of Imagination

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: Standard Queen's guard athletic attire
Location: Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes
Tag: Romi Jade


Oof.

The last punch at the padded mannequin had been one to many. Brandyn pushed back on his heels, before rocking forward and resting hands and forehead on the dummy. He was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. It occurred to him that he had never exercised with this intensity. Surely he as just working some angst out. His meeting with the Queen had yielded more responsibility but also the impression that she was wanting more out of the arrangement than had been said. This left Brandyn a little uneasy. She was Queen of the Consortium, what would she be cautious about requesting of someone that was very much in her debt.

It's nothing, Brandyn, he told himself, unconvincingly.

It wasn't just the strange turn of events with the Queen that had him unsettled. He had been this way ever since Enarc. Ever since meeting a Sith for the first time. His invesitgations for the New Jedi Order into the terrorist cell on Enarc had proved to be disastrous. Ralia had died.

Ralia, he thought, conjuring an image of her face - she was annoyed at him of course.

He punched the dummy, which was a mistake, as the mannequin bounced back and whacked him in the head.

"Ow...idiot," he said, chastising himself or the dummy, he wasn't sure.

He couldn't have saved Ralia. He knew this. But still. Guilt ate at him. As well as lingering fear over the visions he had seen. Surely, the darkness truly lied, but still he found himself questioning what truths were being twisted to show those visions, and how much the truth would still hurt.

Stepping away from his personal leaning post - the dummy - Brandyn began to unstrap his hands. He understood now why Master Vanagor would exercise when needing to relieve stress. Although, he may now have felt good for the exercise, he could already envision the next day as he would undoubtedly struggled to get out of bed.

"Just another failure to add to your ever growing resume," he muttered to himself.

Life as a Jedi was not what he had dreamed it would be. People he cared about actually died. Innocent people suffered. The image of his sister's dead at his feet still haunted his every waking hour.

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[Romi Jade]

Location | Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes

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The cadence of her hills clicking followed -- she'd been walking this corridor searching for something.

Despite all her time spent on Hapes, and haven't even been its watchman at one point she'd never actually took time to explore the layout of this facility. Of course none of that mattered anymore up until now. She was here.

Somewhat lost, but leaning into it as she openly explored, she figured that with all things she'd get where she needed to be. She followed the feeling.

She'd been in the background for a bit, haven't forgone any Jedi activity in order to tend to her family. Though, she still maintained connections to others and would often be asked to provide counsel. She'd gotten to know members of the Sal-Soren family, even those amongst the Jedi ranks, after a brief interaction with Briana -- Jade considered her a mentee of sorts, having seen much of herself in the girl.

Apparently, she'd been doing much better since then and especially with the help of Master Noble who was also a good friend of hers.

It'd be no wonder Jade would be called on again, if only for a simple check in.

She came up on a room just some couple of feet ahead.

"Ow...idiot,"

She sauntered in on the tail end, standing just within the frame.

"Everything alright in here?" she smirked before making some leeway inside.

Brandyn Sal-Soren

 

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: Standard Queen's guard athletic attire
Location: Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes
Tag: Romi Jade


"Yeah, don't worry...there is nothing super valuable in there to be concerned about," Brandyn said, referring to his light head injury, before he turned around.

When he did turn around, he found his stance stiffen a little, eyes growing wide briefly before he settled into his burgeoning calmness around those of higher station in the Jedi Order. Was it the luster of the Order that was waning or was it that his training as a noble was finally starting to kick in as his mother would have wished it to do years earlier? It was hard to tell. Both, maybe? One more than the other? Brandyn didn't know yet.

"Master Jade," he said politely, but through his heavy breathing, "apologies. I was not aware that it was you."

He pointed at his head. There was no wounds to see, except maybe to his already flagging pride.

"Just getting what I deserve for hitting a punching bag my head was resting on?" He said, continuing to unwrap the tape on his hands, "I can leave the facility to you if you are here to work out?"

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[Romi Jade]

Location | Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes

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She started a slow space, a back and forth motion just to brush about the room. "No no, I probably should've knocked or something. I'm the one that should be apologizing, you were in the middle of something." She stopped her pacing and leaned up against a pillar.

"Punching bags do sometimes punch back, though i'd hardly say you deserved it." She smirked and then let the room settle.

"Actually, I'd like you to stay. I-I came looking for you." She could visibly see there was something creeping on the far edges of his mind, it was seeping through into his body language. That sort of energy manifests itself in other places, often times we try to put it off...but the Galaxy has its way of showing regardless.

"I'm glad nothing got damaged," She pointed at her head, really meaning his. "I figured we could chat. I'd like to know how you're doing...with everything?"

Brandyn Sal-Soren

 

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: Queen's guard athletic attire
Location: Queen's Guard Training Facility
Tag: Romi Jade


He did a decent job at hiding the fact that everything when tense when Master Jade revealed her purpose for being here. She was a Master of the Order. She had every right to check on Padawan. She had every right to check on him. That did not mean that he initially welcomed it. Rather, he recoiled from it.

"My mother asked you to come and talk to me," he said, sounding irritated, "didn't she?"

Brandyn allowed the annoyance to wash away as he focused in on the Force. Soft, feathery tendrils of Force energy grappled for his emotional harshness and pulled it away.

"I'm sorry, Master Jade," he said, in barely more than a whisper, "I guess I probably do need to talk to someone. Even if I don't like to admit it."

Crumpling up the hand strapping tape, Brandyn tossed it into the refuse, before turning and leaning against the wall. He kept a fair distance between himself and the Jedi Master, perhaps indicative of his not to hidden desire to keep his thoughts to himself.

"My mind was so easily manipulated. And it cost Ralia her...everything," he said, struggling with the words as he went on, and avoiding eye contact with the Master.

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[Romi Jade]

Location | Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes

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"She-she did. I think she was just concerned...figured I'd check in on you."

She didn't need the Force to feel the tension associated with his realization. She just hoped he would be open to it; she wouldn't force it at all.

"I'm sorry, Master Jade," he said, in barely more than a whisper, "I guess I probably do need to talk to someone. Even if I don't like to admit it."

"Well, I do want you to know that this is entirely in your court. If you decide at some point you'd rather not talk about anything anymore then we'll stop. Just know i'm not here to pry..."

"My mind was so easily manipulated. And it cost Ralia her...everything," he said, struggling with the words as he went on, and avoiding eye contact with the Master.

"Ralia? Tell me about who she was to you..." she prodded, gently.

A beat.

"You mentioned you were easily manipulated? How so?

Brandyn Sal-Soren

 

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

Brandyn did not say anything for quite some time. He tried. But each time his mouth opened, only a sigh or groan came forth. His mind was plagued with images of Darth Wallgof holding Ralia by the throat and throwing her dead to the ground. Brandyn's own failure wracked his mind. He had been weak. His mind manipulated by the Sith that only wanted to toy with him, prove that he could have killed him in that moment but left him alive only to torment him through his failure.

Brandyn pushed off the wall he was leaning on, and walked over to a small bag which contained the few items he had brought with him.

"Ralia and I...didn't get along too well at first," he said in a strained whisper, "you know. I was this brash...young Padawan...probably still am...she saw me as dangerous, foolhardy...unrealistic. I saw her as strong-willed and pigheaded. Over the past few years, Master Noble has had us work together on a number of occasions. We butted heads. Probably always would have to a degree..."

Things never to be.

"...I started to see her annoyance at me as something else. Perhaps jealousy. She didn't come from as privileged a background as I. But she was capable. Focused and determined. Once I found out that she knew how I had come to the Order - I ran away from home, I started to wonder if maybe she resented my admittance into the order as if perhaps I had not earned it like she had."

Brandyn strapped his bag up, and slung it over his shoulder. He was preparing to leave, but really didn't think it was wise just yet. It was the act of doing something that kept his emotions in check.

"I backed off. Bit back less. Over time...I guess we grew closer...trusted each other...I could see her beyond the bristly exterior. She really was...quite...beautiful," Brandyn said, his voice cracking a little at the admission of his gradually developing attachment to the the Twi'lek, "we encountered a Sith while investigating a protest on Enarc. The Sith used some sort of mind manipulation technique on me. I saw visions. Visions that torment me to this day. While I was distracted with his...bloody lies...Ralia tried to take him on. He killed her."

Balling up his hands. Brandyn felt the anger of the moment rising in his chest again.

"He could so easily have killed me. And yet...and yet he let me live. To torment me. To soak in my failure...I wish he had killed me as well."

| Romi Jade |​

 

[Romi Jade]

Location | Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes

There was never a right thing to say...in her time teaching students dealing with trauma, maneuvering such conversations required delicacy in getting to the root. She could see upon his entire person that this was eating at him.

"He could so easily have killed me. And yet...and yet he let me live. To torment me. To soak in my failure...I wish he had killed me as well."

"He ensnared you, and you're allowing him agency still?" She threw out the question, "You're still stuck in his trap...playing his mind games. The fact that you wish he'd killed you as well is a disservice to your friend's memory Brandyn, and that there is the entire point..."

"Wallgof is betting on you being stuck here..."

A beat.

"You owe Ralia..." she pushed a little bit.

Brandyn Sal-Soren

 

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: Queen's guard athletic attire
Location: Queen's Guard Training Facility
Tag: Romi Jade


Even before Jade spoke, Brandyn already rued his last words. He didn't really mean them. It was just a feeling that needed expressing. He didn't long for death, more he longed for release from the guilt and the shame of his failure. He had always had a flair for the melodramatic.

Jade was right though. He was letting the Sith win. The name was new to him. He supposed that Jade had intelligence on the event, and would have known the Sith's name from there. Wallgof. Sounded so much more innocent than most Sith names he heard. Like a Duke Wallgof could have been just as likely a title as Darth.

His hands had been relaxing with her words, and his understanding of not just his initial but continued failure to see the Sith's manipulation. But at the mention of Ralia deserving more, Brandyn felt tension rise again.

"She deserved someone stronger. She deserved someone that could protect her. What I owe her is that it never happen again in my presence," he said, words sounding harsher than intended, "if I can't prevent things like that...then what good am I as a Jedi? All this training is a damned waste of time!"

He felt instantly ashamed at his outburst, but had seemingly dug himself into a pit of frustrated anger.

He knew this wasn't a good look. But the still youthful young man had always dreamed of being a hero. Of saving the ones he loved cared for.

"All I want to do is forget her. Then it wouldn't hurt so much," he said, in a whisper, finally admitting what he had been trying to do these last two weeks - preoccupy himself in an attempt to forget his fallen friend. He had clearly failed.

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[Romi Jade]

Location | Queen's Guard Training Facility, Hapes

"She deserved someone stronger. She deserved someone that could protect her. What I owe her is that it never happen again in my presence," he said, words sounding harsher than intended, "if I can't prevent things like that...then what good am I as a Jedi? All this training is a damned waste of time!"

"Maybe." She shot back, she let the air between them settle a bit. She herself had relaxed, swaying in her stance with folded arms. "But what does she deserve now?" She poked. "I hate to break it to you Brandyn, but unfortunately there's going to be feth ton of things you'll fail to prevent, Jedi or not. But, our journey is a different one."

"There's something to gain, even in loss...and to be a Jedi is more about sacrifice than anything else. However, those sacrifices have to mean something..."

A beat.

"Forgetting Ralia now would just be a disservice to yourself, you've come to one of many crossroads where everything you've learned up until this point is being put to the test. You've gotta keep going for her, for her memory. Because once regret seeps in...you've lost the battle."

Brandyn Sal-Soren

 

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: Queen's guard athletic attire
Location: Queen's Guard Training Facility
Tag: Romi Jade


Maybe his father was right. Perhaps he wasn't cut out for this. His emotions were to tied to the people he worked with. Perhaps a Jedi had to be cold, and distanced. Uncaring. Perhaps it was just the first time someone he knew had died, and he was taking it hard. Maybe, just maybe, Master Jade was right.

"How do we do it?" He said softly, head bowed with the weight of grief, "keeping going out there. To do the things we do, knowing that each time we do them...could be our last...or our friends last."

He thought of the old Jedi, and their rules about attachment. Perhaps the were right?

"I feel...weak...that it has hurt me so much," he said, eyes now filled with tears causing him to quickly turn aside and avoid Master Jade seeing, "it had no purpose. No reason. He could have let her live. He could have just left, like he did moments later. But he just wanted to torment me. It is so easy to hate...Master Jade...so easy, when your friend is dead at your feet. Do I stop caring for people? Stop having attachments? Become cold, distant and paralyzed by the fear of what might be."

He grabbed a towel. It wasn't his. But he needed some action that asserted his control over the situation. Turning, he moved to leave the room, pushing past the Jedi Master if necessary.

"Thank you for trying, Master Jade. I'll be alright, eventually...I guess."

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