This is it, this is my hell. And I'm strangely ok with it

[Dredge]

Wandering around in the wasteland of Aurum surrounded by Graug, the ex supreme overlord and failure of the horde Dredge brooded. Brooding was not always a talent dredge posses but in these last few years he seemed to become very very good at it. "Plan to attack the Moross crusade I said, it would be a good idea I said. Oh yeah really smart dredge, while you're at it give power to a freaking plant lady and fox!!" Rolling his eyes the Yuuzhan Vong walked past a Graug that was gnawing at the bone of some dead animal, or another Graug really at this point Dredge didn't even care. His empire was gone, he was a laughing stock in the Yuuzhan Vong community and generally he considered himself a waste of space. Growling at him the more feral Graug clutched his bone and took up a more defensive stance to defend it. "Oh what are you going to do!? Huh chew me to death! In case you haven't noticed Paul I'm all you got! Your colony threw you out here with me and there's not a lot of options!" Pinching the bridge of his nose Dredge heaved a heavy sigh and looked down at the Graug.

"I wish life was as simple as yours Paul. You see a bone, you chase the bone. You eat when you are hungry, you sleep when you are tired and then you use the world as your toilet. Life would be so much nicer." A small bit of anger welled up in the Vong as he looked up at the sky and yelled "Instead I'm stuck here! In the space boonies where everyone plays the banjo! AND IS KARKING RELATED!!" Kicking dirt at the feral Graug dredge screamed in frustration before tripping and falling on his ass. "Gods where did I go wrong?" He asked himself looking off to a temple far away, his "friend" dropping the bone next to him sit up besides him like a giant Great Dane

 

[Dredge]

Looking at him with what could only be described as a grave lack of mental capacity, Paul looked at the temple for a moment. The temple, just another Graug structure was just one of many mounds of dirt the now leaderless insects had erected on this world. After the Vong had allied with the Graug Warlord and friendly neighborhood sociopath, Darth Vulcanus, the warlike monsters took it upon themselves to burn the women and defile the churches of anywhere they saw fit on Aurum. They might have never succeded in building the great Graug Empire that their former leader had wished for, but they had done a spectacular job at making their colony worlds a great many times more comfrotable to anyone who enjoyed the more luxurious company of their brothers and sisters.

This particular monument to the ass-end of fashion was a temple erected to the once powerful leader of the Graug. Vulcanus had brought his armor, sword and ship all to Aurum after the fall of his New Order. By that time he was but a fumbling old man with dementia and a bad case of peeling skin. He had ordered his Graug to build the temple in his name and then just never came out again, it was general opinion that the crazy cake-ruining bastard had subcome to his curse while inside. Even still, his essence tainted the site and Paul could sense it just as much as any Graug.

The feral Graug whimpered, soaking the ground with nasty feral-person excrement. With sad eyes, like that of a puppy trying to bribe a belly rub from you with sweet looks, Paul nuzzled Dredge to go in the opposite direction.

 

[Dredge]

Looking over to Paul Dredge shook his head to his scale covered comrade and shook his head, with anger in his eyes he spoke with malice dripping from his words. "Paul the day I give you a belly rub is the day order my men to fire upon my own nuclear reac-" thinking back dredge paused and looked down with shame in his face. "Just get on your damn back." For the next thirty seconds the horrifying act of giving a Graug a belly rub would not be described. Picking up what shattered pride he had left off the floor Dredge needed to get away from Paul, far far far away from Paul. Lifting his hands to his face dredge took a quick whiff of them then immediately turned a shade of green before ejecting his lunch onto the ground which Paul soon after began to eat, yum. Every bone in Dredge's body screamed to kill this creature, but sadly that mangy mutt was all he had.

That didn't mean he couldn't get his own space, seeing how disturbed by the temple he was Dredge had to go to it. If he wouldn't follow he was not going to let that mutt follow him. If he kept walking then he was sure Paul would stop following eventually. "Well Dredge what's another bad choice going to do?" Standing up dredge coughed and began to walk towards the temple in the distance. It was going to be a fairly long walk and more than likely something would try to eat him along the way, but hey nothing ventured nothing... well in this case lost.

 

[Dredge]

Something had a grudge against that Vong, somewhere there was a bearded man floating on a cloud. From this cloud, the dick with the beard, would constantly and without mercy spew forth in the ex-overlord's direction a constant flood of shit from a hose connected directly to his divine septic tank. That much was proven when the mangy and feral Graug slowly began to trout after him like a dog worried he was going toget hit with a newspaper for doing business on the floor again; or in Dredge's case on his hand while he was sleeping.

As the overlord approached the temple, he saw before him two Graug guards posted at the entrance. Naturally, as they were Graug, they probably shared less than half a braincell between the both of them; yet they had somehow managed to grasp the game of cards they were playing.

"You no play fair, I eat you when you sleeping!" The first growled, throwing his cards on the ground

The second Graug simply shook his head, his eyes looking at the cards in his hand.

"No question why they kick you out, you think you better than Horde Mother!"

The second Graug looked up at him with a distaste unusual of that for a species who, even collectively, had the average intelligence of a household mop. "I do say, are you suggesting that I find the rule of a dead woman halfway across the galaxy as terrifying? Ole' boy you make me embarrased of my species, we must learn to raise ourselves to a higher state of mind on our own if we ever hope to achieve-

The Graug suddenly halted his speech and looked in Dredge's direction, his eyes lighting up with shock. "Oh cheerio! A vong overlord in our presence! This is quite good, yes quite good indeed!"

"BAH!" screamed the obviously less-than-advanced individual of the two "He is a demon with no soul, he no light and he no dark!"

Standing up and throwing the deck of cards at the half-speaking Graug, the creepily well versed Graug ran up to the Vong overlord. The monster wore not the armor of the Graug, as was usual for the species, instead he wore tattered pieces of cloth that suggested he may have been trying to piece together a bath robe from scattered materials.

"I do say, the warlord spoke so highly of your race good sir!"

 

[Dredge]

That... that was not something you saw every day. The place was guarded, this was not good. Dredge thought maybe he could turn around now and ditch Paul. Live to suck another day, and then that's when he looked over to Paul to see him cleaning himself in the nether regions. Death it was then, "You had a good run dredge, well not good but it was something at least." Putting on his big boy boots Dredge coughed and mustered up whatever commanding tone he had left inside him. "You two! I have come to pay honor to Darth Vulcanus, as leader of.." What was he leader of exactly? The feral Graug named Paul and the dirt? Picking up where he left off he spoke again "As leader of the New... Horde.. Reformation... Treaty Pact Organization." He paused for a moment and confirmed what he just said "As leader of the NHRTPO I order you to stand aside and let me pass." Smooth dredge, real smooth he thought to himself.

Well this was it, he was going to be killed by two Graug on a destroyed and crap filled world. By slow poke Gonzales and Batman's Butler, it wasn't how he thought he would die but at least it was better than the last two times he had kicked the bucket then somehow managed to escape death. Actually now that he thought back it really didn't make any sense, he had been killed by mega man, a green Jedi lady, came back as a woman then was now for some reason back here and that he really didn't care to remember. Clenching his fists in nervousness he looked over to Paul and saw him licking himself up his leg some more. Shuttering he actually longed for the sweet release of death at the moment strangely

 

[Dredge]

"Ha! You do make me laugh, good sir, but I doubt that someone of your massive incompetence could possibly be elected of such a prestigious organization" The Graug laughed with a mighty beating of his lungs, "I am Sir Mig, royal assistant to his late majesty Dark Lord Vulcanus. It is a pleasure to meet someone as loyal and gracefully submissive to our warlord as you!" the Graug said excitedly, his robe blowing open in the breeze. He didn't seem to much care though...nope...he kinda just let it blow. Well, that was an extra sprinkle of creepy and disturbing that didn't need to exist.

"Why you no tell him to go! He no need be here and he brought Fug back!" the barely sentient guard shouted, pointing a sharp claw in the direction of Pual who was all too excitedly cleaning himself.

"Leave the poor chap alone, Maxus, he was dropped as a youngling!" Mig snapped at his companion, it didn't seem to do much good. Instead of stopping, Maxus ran up to the feral Graug and stuck his nose directly in his face as if coming in for a kiss.

"GAH! WHY YOU SO GROSS, FUG!"

There was a dead silence for a moment as sand and dirt blew across the barren planet. Paul, or Fug as these Graug seemed to know him, simply looked back at Maxus with a dull gleam. Then, with a great deal of enthusiasm and surprise, reached out and slapped his tongue across Maxu's right cheek.

"AH, LICKY, LICK!" Maxus hurled himself backward, his arms flailing as he rolled on the ground like a obese man who had lost his footing. "Stop-drop-roll! Clean face with ground!"

The vein exploding in Mig's head could almost be heard past his long sigh. "I do apologize for Maxus. Do believe me when I say that the Warlord was expectin you'd come, please follow me inside"

 

[Dredge]

Ouch, that hurt. More so than the explosions, the getting shot, stabbed, almost cut in half by a giant Mandolorian named [member="Strider Garon"] who was probably jacked out of his mind on too much testosterone an Mountain Dew to even remember. Hell even the decapitation at the hands of the Jedi hurt less. That one hit Dredge right where he lived, which to say not a very good place at all since he lived in a dumpster down by the river. The old Dredge would of had him flogged then beheaded where he stood, but this dredge was more tame and broken. So to say the least he just silently wept inside over his own feebleness and followed the Graug inside. Stepping inside the temple Dredge looked up at the massive structure, the temple had been built atop the ruins of the ancient Jedi temple Dredge had destroyed when he first arrived. The entire place was light with torches that glared light upwards towards the massive walls. Every ten feet to his left and right were statutes of Darth Vulcanus in all his dark glory.

"Wow what an douche." Dredge said aloud continuing to walk along. "In love with yourself much Krag?" Quickly tucking tail behind him was his always faithful Graug, Paul. He had somehow managed to get past the idiot of a guard and follow dredge into the temple. Well this was certainly a waste of a Saturday. "I hate my life." Dredge said to himself still looking up to the statues. "Why couldn't I have gone out like this? Have giant statues of me plastered on the wall for all to see!? Maybe I didn't put enough heads on spikes?" Thinking to himself aloud there wasn't much he could do besides follow the damn Graug and hope he would kill him after he got to crap on Krag's grave.

 

[Dredge]

"I'd say not, my good sir" Mig replied to Dredge's mindless chatter to himself, "I'd say it's because you've had your head on a spike too many times. But cheerio, the warlord doesn't hold grudges for but a few decades or so." Mig babbled as he brought the shrivled hearted overlord through the corridor. The walking seemed to last forever, the statues of Vulcanus getting a litle more provocative the farther they went in. Everyone knew Krag was losing his mind, but it didn't really sink in until one found statues of him backfliping while naked.

Paul just sniffed the air as he strode next to his master, his naked form enough to choke a hut. Literally, choke a hutt like it was a broad on a leash. "Fug! I make you eat on face!" came the dull minded screams from outside as Maxus finished up fillthifying the ground with his ugly, ugly face. As he stomped in you could almost see the dumb in his eyes as it glared down the hall and at the pants-less backend of Paul.

Dredge didn't seem to care much though, he was just following the stuck-up lizard man infront of him. The smart mouth had apparently led them into the room where Krag sacrificed goats to the dark lord Cthullu. Candles were lit across every wall and strange symbols were scrolled across the stone; it was like stepping in the room of a presidential assassin.

"Righty-o then, here is what I was supposed to show you!" the Graug with the tea-sipping accent exclaimed, his claws gripping the lid of a chest set in the center of the room. As he threw it off, something all too familiar was cast with light. The dark armor of the late Sith Lord.

 

[Dredge]

This was it, this was Dredge's hell. Stuck with Dumb and Dumber and a Graug who was too smart to be true. Dredge had done a lot of bad things in his life but to deserve a fate such as this was one only reserved for Sith Lords and people who say ATM machine. Every fiber of Dredge's being told him to go for the Graug's blaster strapped to the back of his leg and either kill himself when he grabbed a hold of it or hope the Graug would kill him. Maybe he would spare tearing off his arm and beating him to death with it before he bled out. This Graug would have more mercy than that right? Reaching forward with slippery fingers Dredge was going to do it, anything was better than this. Oh the sweet release of death was calling his name for like the third time and it was going to be final this time. But just before he could do it he came upon it.

There it was, Vulcanus's armor. The towering folds of metal and leather stood above a stone tomb, it's quality still in pristine condition as it almost glinted off the torch light. It brought back memories, horrible and fond memories. For a blood thirsty sociopath Krag was the closest thing that Dredge had as a friend in his previous life. And he was gone now. Sighing Dredge looked up and down the grave before saying something that he meant from the deepest part of his heart. "F@%# You." He said in a comical manner before going off some more. "We had it all! Money power! Bitches! Oh the bitches! But you had to ruin that by summoning a dark star in the middle of my asteroid field! Provided that yes I did fire upon my own nuclear reactor which in retrospect wasn't a good idea. But it was mostly your fault! Eighty twenty!" Dredge yelled before pointing his head down again to sigh In almost a sad manner, right now he'd take Krag over these merry band of idiots.

 

[Dredge]

The room fell silent, a dark silence that could only prelude the next barrage of fecal matter from the cloud man's hose of suck. Would he spare Dredge one second of humiliation and feelings of deep personal loathing. In summary, there was no mercy in this dojo.

"Power...unlimited power. Wear me, lesser, do it" came a drifting voice, one that seemed to stretch from the next realm into this one. It was totally Sixth Sense level shit, Ghostbusters level at minimum. "Everything you have lost, I can restore." came the crackiling voice from the direction of the armor.

Paul, in true useless style, scurried across the floor and took shelter behind a buldging bicep that originated from a statue of Krag doing a hand stand out of a cake.

The wind itself seemed to whisper one phrase over and over to Dredge...

"Do it"

 

[Dredge]

And the crazy train had left the building. Now the armor was talking to him, a perfect way to end a perfect day, it was honestly one of the creepiest things he'd seen in a while. Thinking about it Dredge thought back to everything he had lost at the hands of others, and at the hands of himself. His empire, his life on multiple occasions, his friends, what little respect he had if any. They were all things he longed for once more, he might never get them back but this might be the answer. The answer to all his problems, no more eating out of the garbage, no more having to sleep next to a feral Graug to fend away the winter's cold. It could all be his once more! Running up to armor Dredge decked Mig in the face as hard as he could sending him to the floor. "I'll do it!" He yelled as he began to frantically put the oversized armor on his body

In less than a minute Dredge was strapped into the armor and looked more stupid than he already did. The loose armor rolled over him and the armor smelt like someone had died in it. Clutching the heavy sith sword Dredge stood there like an idiot grinning waiting for something to happen. Silence, only silence as seconds began to pass by awkwardly. "What the hell?! Come on work! Give me my empire back you stupid piece of bantha cra-" and just like that dredge was cut off by something. He felt something slither all over his body as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and a veil was cast over him for the transcending of a very old and powerful evil.

 

[Other Space Kaiden]

The darkness slithered through his veins, serpant tendrils of evil that had been released into his very essence as soon as the armor was set upon him. The veins of the Vong turned as black as night, piercing though his tattered skin as would ink from a tattoo.

"Great Scott..." was all that Mig could manage as he watched the armor shake violently upon its new owner, its metal and leather warping around the body of Dredge as a python clinging to its prey. The once sadly loose configuration was quickly trading in for a fit tight enough to squeeze Dredge's insides through his rectum like links of sausages. Soon, the whites of Dredge's eyes turned to black holes that seemed to threaten every soul in the room.

The stone at the Vong's feet turned a deadly red and the air seemed to heat as if they were all within a massive oven. The only thing louder than the girly screams of Paul were the tortured cries of Dredge as he was torn slowly from the inside out, his essence giving way to another. As steam rose from the rocks at his feet and the armor began gowing hot, the Graug all ran for cover and dove for the cover of the statues.

Dredge's screams shook the ground, an eruption of pain from his body that would topple even the mightiest of walls. "GAAHHHHHH!!!" the burning soul continued until the armor gave one last quake and Dredge's head fell limp.

Mig shook like a leaf, his head barely rising over the steam that rolled across the floor like the fogs of a chilling graveyard. In the midst of this graveyard fog stood Dredge, his head down to his feet and his eyes dark and lifeless.

"O-overlord Dredge, my good sir?" Mig gulped as he stood to his clawed feet and slowly inched closer, the dead scilence answering him. "Sir?" he shuttered, his hand slowly reaching out to touch the man's arm. Still no answer, only the deep, rapid thumping of his own heart.

"Dredge-

The vong's hand shot out like a bullet, grappeling the Graug by the throat. A blood curdling scream followed as the very flesh of his throat was burned away in a thick cloud of black smoke.

The boiling hand threw aside the barely concious Graug, his throat still searing and blackened as the Vong reached into the chest beside him and withdrew the final piece of the armor...a dark helmet adorned with the spikes of a dragon.

"Dredge is gone" the voice growled as the Vong turned a sulfuric eye in the direction of the Paul and Maxus "I am Vulcanus"

 

[Other Space Kaiden]