Time spent, time earned.

[Gabriel Sionoma]

He had spent some time getting acquainted to this academy, learning about the history or lack of it. The paint still felt fresh, in it's own way, molten splashing against the foundation. For information rendered and services provided when they were asked of, he had been granted some leniency. Similar to Chevu, confined to the Temple with some freedoms here and some freedoms missing there.

But it was nice to stretch about, be a bit more active, and breath something besides the stale air of the prison. The alchemic bars had a metallic hint to them, similar to aerosolized blood, and it reminded him far too much of the home he once had. Trapped in a body he couldn't control, in a mind he couldn't control, and locked away to the slowly shrinking area of the brain where he did have some form of autonomy. But even then, the threshold between one mind and the other was murky at best. The sort of thing that's hard to explain, as he discovered with Jacen.

But the temple garden was the sort of reprieve that he needed. Shackled with similarly alchemized cuffs, he padded slowly through the grass. He could feel the eyes on his back as he lifted his hands to a tree, tilting his head as a caterpillar moved across the mid vein of a leaf. Squinting, he watched it inch across the surface of the leaf before finding it's way to his palm. As he brought it close to him, he ran a finger across the bristles on his back, smiling at the offended reaction. There was never time to smell the roses, not when one wages war. Things were more important in that time and activities that didn't render amusement for the Sith Lord were swiped from the board, piece by piece. Until there was nothing left by death and madness.

Reaching up to a branch, he placed the insect against the branch, beneath a shielding leaf. He had spotted an incredibly vigilant sparrow a few trees over, eye balling with a sort of perceptible nonchalance. Acting as if no one had noticed. Gabriel smiled as he looked up, watching it hop from limb to limb. He wasn't one to get in the way after natural processes like these, but he also wasn't one to instill an advantage towards the superior. It was hard enough being a caterpillar, life spent preparing for a singular event. And once that happened, life was over in the days that followed. As if defined by a singular event in it's life. Gabriel envied that, he wished he could take all the things away just to have a single instance of villainy. Maybe then, it might be easier to explain and repent.

But in the end, it wasn't supposed to be easy. Pursing his lower lip, he approached a bench and sat down, watching the interaction of predator and prey, palming a life in his left hand.

[member="Chevu Visz"] ​

 

[Chevu Visz]

Chevu had been taught that Jedi existed as shades of the Force, that users of the Force were part of an energy larger than their corporeal forms. This theory seemed most evident in the enigmatic case of Gabriel Sianoma. Gabriel’s physical form literally belonged to another body until he was set free, an event of which Chevu herself played an important role. As fate would have it his former body was the very same form of one of the Galactic Alliance’s sworn enemies, the Wrath of the Dark Lord of the Sith. As this misunderstood man waited in the Sullust temple gardens for her, the Mirialan Knight mused on the secret that she’d been keeping from her peers in the Alliance: she was expecting, and the father had the face of a hated Sith Lord.

Dressed in her street clothes, hair swept back in a loose pony tail, she made her way through the gardens, looking for him. When she saw him, reflecting on a bench, the hammering of her heart could not be stilled. He wore no control collar, which seemed to signify a tipping point of trust for the Alliance where he was concerned. Taking a deep breath, Chevu approached Gabriel, her hand absently on the barely noticeable swell of her stomach, and sat next to him, grinning.

“I hardly recognized you without your collar.”

Ugh. The Mirialan inwardly cringed. Ice-breakers were never her strong suit.

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

He brightened up, noticeably, as she approached and sat. He nodded and laughed softly. "I know, I had gotten so used to it I'm having phantom collar feelings." He said as he smiled, looking towards the leaf in his shackled hands. "I was just thinking about how odd it is. With being trapped in another's mind, you would think I had so much time for thought and reflection. But it was hardly the case. If anything, I was distracted from my own thoughts, presentation of such horrible things took away what internalization I could muster." He turned to her. "And now that I sit here, it gives me the opportunity to understand that we, as a civilization, have so much trouble thinking about what isn't directly in front of us. We are inherently myopic."

He pressed his finger across the mid vein of the glabrous leave, pushing down on it's natural curve. "But it's a gift as well. Our attention span so brief, it gives us the spontaneous reaction of seeing something, or someone, we care about and remembering such feelings. As if for the first time." He cradled the leaf in his palms and placed it within her green fingers. "You look beautiful, Chevu. How are you feeling?"

He considered telling her that she had the appearance of a glow, a sort of motherly harmony. But it wasn't his place to remind her of something she seemed sensitive towards. He would be the ear that listened, the shoulder to lean on, and the hand to hold. But he couldn't force her to face this unless she was prepared to.

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

A pair of nosy padawans scurried past them, miserably failing to avert their eyes, and Chevu waited for them to pass before she answered. She would share her news with her peers, but in her own time. There was so much she wanted to say to Gabriel now that they were alone, but the words were fugitive. Chevu looked down at his cuffs and frowned.

“I’ll talk to Grand Marshall Rhen about those. Not sure how successful I’ll be, but it’s worth a shot.”

It seemed excessively cruel for him to be shackled like a beast, and she would let Master Rhen know it. She understood the caution with which Gabriel was viewed, but not only had he given Master Voidstalker a wealth of information on the Sith, but he’d also helped with a Gos Huttan raid on slavers and a relief effort on Fondor. How much more did the man have to do to prove his worth to the Alliance?

A rosy blush bloomed on her face when he told her that she was beautiful. “I’m feeling...good,” she said after a minute pause. It was the truth. She and Coren had made amends, provided she put a few light years between the two men.

“A little tired though. I’ve been having nightmares about what I saw on Coruscant. The death and destruction. Your brother’s scowl as he glared at me with his good eye before he left the scene of the battle.”

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

He sensed an unease about her since her initial arrival. Like a tuning fork, repeatedly smacking against him, he was increasingly becoming attuned to her feelings. Perhaps it was his natural intuition, bolstered from a life time spent watching, but her words struck a chord with him. The sort that he couldn't brush off for having been, once again, a part of an entity that had hurt her. He frowned and furrowed his brow, apologetically concerned.

"I know...I was there. One of the last events I recall before being removed." He rubbed his hands together, as if trying to wash the blood and regret from his hands. "I...he...killed several men on his way out, escaping through the secret routes that connected the temple to the vending district." He looked back to Chevu. "I'm so sorry that you had to see that. Even more so that it haunts you now. We are alike in that way."

He looked down towards his shackles and smiled. "It's not so bad Chevu, it could be much worse. At least they are allowing me time to move about, to see you. I'm grateful." He said warmly, appreciative for moments like these. Peaceful and pleasant, close to her now and with a virtue of nature he had never truly known in his former life. He felt like an adult absent any childhood, clinging to what he thinks he may have enjoyed. Plants, they seemed to bring him enjoyment.

He chewed on his lip, looking up towards that sparrow, before spotting a scurrying little creature through the grass. "I'm sorry about your punishment, being removed from your rank. I wish they could have seen things from my perspective."

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

As he spoke, she watched a hummingbird collect its dinner from the nectar of a nearby flower. When he was finished, she gazed up at him, dark brown eyes brimming with regret.

"I'm sorry for bringing up Coruscant," she said. "I forgot that you had to live through that, too. I hope the battle made a difference, but I-I just don't know. So many dead. And for what? Did the Galactic Alliance even make a dent in the One Sith machine?

When Gabriel apologized for her punishment, she twirled the leaf by its stem and laughed.

"I wasn't deserving of that rank in the first place," she admitted. "It was meant for the Jedi Master who freed me and took me as his student, a Sullustan named Master Oomomo. He was supposed to be one of our Marshals when the Galactic Alliance was founded. Unfortunately he fell ill, so the distinction went to me." She shrugged. "I wasn't ready for it, and I guess I proved that."

Turning to Gabriel, a worried expression came. She didn't know how he would react to what she was about to say, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She took his cuffed hands in hers, squeezing them, hoping it would soften the blow.

"I'm not ready to raise a child, Gabriel," she said. "The Alliance needs me on the front lines."

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

"I disagree...about the rank." He said, obviously feeling as if the view he had of Chevu differed from those around him. Even she had been beaten back by these insecurities provided by his actions. But who was he to state justification for his opinion, he was merely a prisoner with a few freedoms sprinkled through his stay. As she took his hands in hers, both for the shackling, she spoke of her beliefs towards her pregnancy. He couldn't help pull the corner of his lip back, half expecting such feelings from her. It wasn't the first time she had expressed her worry in this regard. Except now it came in words and in her aura, tepidly stretching out to impact him.

He studied her while she confessed, knowing that it couldn't have come easy. She had seen his memories, seen the mistakes he had made and the opportunities missed. He had even become fixated on the salvation of a child that resembled his own, running through Fondor. He was moved impossibly so by the sentiment and overwhelmingly struck between his own selfish desires and how much he cared about Chevu. He paused in silence, looking down towards grass sitting beneath the Mirialans feet. Smiling shallowly, he caressed the interior of her palm with one of his thumbs.

"The alliance demands that you fit the mold they cast..." He said as he lifted his hands to her face, brushing a stray raven black hair behind her ear. He focused on it before meeting her gaze again. "I will always support the choices you make, Chevu." He was thrown away, his child may face the same fate and this time, he couldn't blame anyone but himself. "No one can force you to be ready for this. It's a path you must walk freely, not be dragged along." He inhaled and squinted, moving his focus back to the garden as he felt a brief wave of sadness come over him. For the first time, he felt remorse for an action not yet taken.

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

Chevu saw the sadness in Gabe's eyes. She could feel it in his aura. Her heart ached for him in that moment. He'd lost his children. They'd been stolen from him, and now he felt he would lose this child, too. She urgently needed to clarify things for him.

"Don't get me wrong, Gabriel, I will have the child," she insisted, putting a green hand on her belly. "I just...how can I possibly give it the care and nurturing it needs?"

Chevu let out a long exhalation. What were her choices? To give the child a good home and a caring family, or to be the child's neglectful mother?

"I am sure that we can find someone to give it the love it deserves, maybe even here in the ranks of the GA?"

A little voice in her head berated her. How could you give away your child? His child? You made your bed, now you should lie in it.

"I want you to be part of the decision, Gabriel." She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. "Please."

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

He would be lying if he didn't admit that he was relieved. The way she spoke, his mind drifted to the darkest possibilities. And the chances that this child may have been forever removed from the universe, he grieved. What potential impacts, what changes they may foster, forever snuffed out with a choice of a mother and father.

As she kissed him, his hands drifted to her chin, tilting her head upwards, as he experienced the brief moment for the eternity that stood between every moment that preceded it, and therein followed. As she said please, he stayed close, placing his forehead against hers, not truly prepared to pull away from the vacuum that her absence might create. She could sense the grief wiithin him, he understood it vicariously, and it wasn't his intent to project that on her. But he couldn't stop feeling, no matter how much her Jedi Code or the code of the New Jedi Order might dictate. No, he felt with every fiber of his being, the sort of emotions that once earned taunts and jeers from a masochistic brother.

Opening his eyes, his hands drifted down to her stomach, hands wrapping around the slight swell of her stomach. "I...lo..." He squinted and closed his eyes, trying to imagine a life where Chevu didn't exist. He felt the pain of that dearth, a planet growing cold as the sun peters off and out of the galaxy. But he couldn't bring himself to admit his true feelings, not for the words that would so easily characterize it. "I care for you deeply, Chevu. And I care for the being growing inside of you. We will do what's best for the child and for you." He wasn't the most suitable candidate for father, he knew, as his past had dictated. No matter how much he may have wanted it, he had a history. And even he couldn't seem trust himself with such circumstances.

He smiled and kissed her once more, the same sort of soft gesture she might have grown accustomed to. "Thank you for wanting to include me." Some might feel it odd, to give thanks in such circumstances. But he knew of his fortune. In her presence now, in the Galactic Alliance, and free. He had much for which to be thankful.

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

Chevu had not paid attention to the Jedi code or tenets in months. She'd been following her heart and listening to her emotions, and had not found that doing so opened her up to the dark side as Master Oomomo had insisted it would. Sure there were times when the Mirialan balanced on the precipice, but training with Coren had opened her eyes to the possibilities that there was more to using the Force than blindly following the Jedi code.

Gabriel's acceptance of her decision filled her with hope that perhaps this was the right thing after all. Perhaps she didn't deserve the self-flagellation?

Selfish, selfish girl.

It wasn't as if Chevu didn't entertain the notion of being a mother. She had tried to imagine a scenario where she and Gabriel raised the child themselves, and in that scenario, she'd always ended up in that cabin on Arkania, tending to their warm and comfortable house. In her imagination she seemed content and safe, but also stuck in another woman's life. Sylvia's perhaps. It was not the life of a Mirialan Jedi Knight who had dedicated herself to fighting for those who were oppressed all over the galaxy.

"It hurts," she admitted. "But it seems to be the best thing for the child."

When Gabriel kissed her again, a soft gesture, she returned it with more ferocity than the first one. A hand snaked through his long braided hair, and yanked, bringing his head closer. Her other arm wrapped around his torso, pulling him to her so that their bodies could meet. She bit on his lip, tugging it, as she finally pulled away. It wasn't an appropriate place for such a raw display of need, especially for two beings on probation, but Chevu couldn't bring herself to care.

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

The fire of her kiss, the same that he recalled her speak of on that night on Taris, and later showed him. He felt the burns of her ferocity as she weaved fingers through his braided hair. He would have wrapped his hands around her body, fighting the urge that such actions might lead to, but his hands were still shackled. Instead, his fingers curled around the leather fronts of her jacket, pulling her against him with a jerk to match the pull of his hair. He smiled at the display. Not because he knew it was coming, in fact he had wondered if she would ever feel the way she felt about him on Taris. He had no expectations but for everything that had gone on, she still had that passion burning fiercely. She wasn't so easily downtrodden, even in these circumstances.

As he fought the appetite to mingle with her on a much more carnal level, he pulled his lips away from hers. His fingers would trail upwards, tinkering with her neck line and the particular fall of her hair that he was so fond of. He eyed her flesh, what was apparent, placing the back of his palm against the pulse of a prominent vein. "To hurt is the condition we must all endure, Chevu." He said with a smile. "To Love, to Hurt, to Live...you can't have those things without the others. It gives us perception of the extremes so that we may appreciate them." He frowned slightly, following the texture of her neck. "The right choices are often not easy to make. If they were, everyone would make them." He tilted his head, his shackled hand moving down her chest, just over her heart. He smirked, pulling the corner of his lip back for just for a moment. "Your heart is strong. But it can still hurt. And it can heal." He said quietly, palm against her shirt and chest.

Once upon a time, he had been catalyzed by her likeness to a specter of his past. A woman in a house in the snow. But for the small moments they had spent together, each lasting a life time, he now understood her for the woman she was and not just who she reminded him of. She was strong, passionate, and vulnerable. But most importantly, she was Chevu Visz. And she claimed his full attention.

"Have you spoken to anyone else about the child?" He said, concerned that she might be bottling this up in fear of how she might be treated.

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

As they kissed, Chevu felt the charge between them, that thing that overtook them on Taris and caused them to collide like two rogue meteors. It continued even as he ran his hand along her skin and reassured her. His words turned on a light inside of her. They gave her a new and different perspective, one from someone much more experienced than she. She liked that aspect of him. Sometimes she felt like an insignificant mote in an infinite universe, a tiny thread in a cosmic tapestry. Meaningless and small. Gabriel's words made her feel like something more. They made her feel understood.

When he asked her if she told anyone else about the baby, she frowned. Her eyes brimmed with remorse. Should she have told someone ? She didn't know how this stuff worked. She couldn't tell Coren. He'd already flipped out enough.

"I haven't told anyone else," she admitted with a downward twist of her lips. "I suppose I need to tell the Marshal and Grand Marshal. I guess I've just been so focused on our operations and my training. Is it bad that I haven't told anyone else?"

She looked down at her stomach, which showed a small but clear bump underneath her tank top.

"It's not going to be a secret for much longer." she admitted.

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

"No." He stated matter of fact. "It's not an easy discovery with which to contend. You are just now truly dealing with it. No one should blame you for managing your own thoughts, prior to expression." He would have wrapped an arm around her, bringing her near to comfort her, but the shackles once more combated his expression. He simply took her hand in his, kissing her fingers before resting them in his lap, starring quietly out into the garden.

He looked up, the trees seemed to stand frozen in time. Despite the biodome, the wind wasn't constructed, just still. He enjoyed this room far more than he expected. He pressed his fingers across her knuckles again, moving her green skin and welcoming the softness of it. "To have children is a natural thing. But you know what else is natural?" He looked over to her and smiled. "Fear." He looked over to the caterpillar, still clinging to life upon the branch. "We should never succumb to our own fear but to deny it...that diminishes it's power. And it has power. Take that caterpillar." He nudged her towards the green spec along the branch. "It knows of it's weaknesses, it's acknowledgment of fear creates an atmosphere of survival. Survival that leads to growth. Growth to change. True change." He shook his head slowly. "You are worried now, even fearful of the future. I am too."

He lifted her hand again and kissed her fingers. "Your acknowledgment of your own worry has given you moments of consideration, perhaps more than you would like. Consideration for how people will treat you when they find out. But..." He smiled as he turned to her. "If you weren't worried about the circumstances, I would be worried about you. But this process is entirely natural. You have people around you that care for you, love you, no matter how they respond to your actions. I'm sure that when you tell them, they will remember that."

He looked down to her stomach and smirk, shaking his head. "And no, I don't think it will be a secret for much longer."

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

“I’ve tried meditating on my situation so that my emotions haven’t clouded my judgement,” Chevu said, shaking her head. “The guilt is worse than the fear. Am I a terrible person for wanting to give away our child? I can't help but worry that this decision will haunt me and will destroy the child's self-esteem."

She watched the caterpillar traverse the leaf. The insect was such a fragile little green thing. So beautiful, but vulnerable. Her chest rose and fell with the heavy sigh.

“I found a Sullustan couple on Pirin. Educated, cultured and kind. They can’t have children themselves, and they would be happy to take the child. And they’ve assured me that I...that we can visit him or her anytime we want. Do you want to meet them? We could make a day trip out of it, if the Marshals let us leave?”

It was the best solution she could think of, but maybe he had other suggestions. Other worries still plagued her. The Mirialan turned towards him, her dark eyes full of worry, jaw tight.

"Do you think that if your brother finds out about this child, he will come for it?”

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

"Our...child." He said it thoughtfully, with a slight smile on his face. It hadn't occurred to him that this was the first time she had taken possession of the progeny. Up until this point, it was merely a child. This child. The child. But now, it was theirs. "Would that I could live my life without regrets, not see my mistakes when my head hits the bed." He said with a tilt of his head, frowning slightly at her from the corner of his eye. He licked his lips, pursing them out as he thought. "You are a wonderful person, a beautiful person. But you are confused, unsure of the future. You say guilt, I say fear. Fear in the unknown of the path you take, fear that it will weigh on you that you will know the child lives happily...but could've been happier with you." He looked back towards the tree and inhaled loudly. "Fear that you could have been a truly good mother, but threw away that chance. Whether this is guilt for yourself or guilt for our child's predicament..."

Exhaling, he sniffed and flared his nostrils. "You aren't the weak one here, Chevu. I am." He said as he turned to her. "I've never been truly by myself, I honestly don't know if I can stand it. I don't know if I even truly know who I am. Nearly every act I've ever made has been tainted and corrupted." He pressed his hands against hers, looking down. "My dreams are haunted by thoughts of Tormund and Samson. Fires that never stop burning, snow that never seems to melt. I have made mistakes and I have fear. Fear that I might make the same mistakes that I made in my past." He focused on her hands, on her stomach, anything he could. He would try and take his own advice, reflect inwardly. But he had no reason to not show this side to her. He had been through more than most, he could only be strong for so long. And in his own way, it was to show for this shared experience. That while he may have lived through this before, he was living through it again. "I think you would make a wonderful mother. But I don't know if I'm suitable to be a father. I am..." He searched for the word. "...damaged." His eyes open widely, as if something of a revelation.

He paused as she asked about his brother. In truth, Reveance would kill the child just to hurt Gabriel. That much, the man knew. But he merely shook his head. "No, Reverance will never know of this. I wont allow that." Certainty and stalwart defiance. This was their child, not Reverance. He had no right. "He'd be in the ground before he had an opportunity."

[member="Chevu Visz"]​

 

[Chevu Visz]

It pained Chevu to hear Gabriel speak of his mistakes and weaknesses, but she was hardly one to give him advice. With the life that he’d lived, tucked away in a dark corner of the Wrath’s psyche, he had experience beyond even her elderly Sullustan Master who’d stayed in his little corner of the galaxy for his long life. In other ways however, it seemed that Gabriel was as young as Chevu. He had only begun to start living as his own person in his own right.

“You need time to live your own life Gabriel. To be who you are and not just a shadow of your brother. Children will...complicate that for you.”

He hadn’t answered her question about the Sullustan couple. She supposed that was her answer. She would bring up Pirin again when the time was right, but for now, it seemed to be pouring salt on a very raw wound.

“We’ll keep the children the best keep secret we can,” she reassured him, laying a green hand gently on his thigh.

“Reverance will never know.”

[member="The Revenant"]

 

[Gabriel Sionoma]

He inhaled, re-centering himself as he anchored himself to the words of certainty. "Life is going to the edge of our own knowledge and having faith in the leap that follows." He said, almost to himself, as he looked up to Chevu. "If you want meet this couple, I will happily come with you. Our child will deserve the very best and your heart deserves ease." He said with a smile and tilt of his head. "But I must say...I can be very critical at times. But enough about such topics..." He said as he stood up, his shackled hands held out as he turned, offering his arm. "The body is new but I have phantom aches, cramped in my cell. Walk with me, I would use my time from my confinement in activity and the very best of company."

He looked up towards the ceiling of the biodome and exhaled. "You never gave me much details about your life on Arkania. I'd love to hear about it."

[member="Chevu Visz"] ​