Private Tis But a Scratch

[Ryv]

Korriban didn't go exactly as planned.

Then again, the New Jedi Order hadn't expected to find most of the Sith Brotherhood wrapped up in a ritual meant to tame the planet rather than at the forefront of the fighting. A month on Felucia wasn't enough to keep them involved. So be it. The Jedi tried to make the best of a bad situation. They paired off, each group assigned a different objective, no information directly shared. Only a meld connected them all—a means to aid one another across the windswept planet. That same meld proved to be their lifeline. So many Jedi backed into the corner, surrounded by darkness on all sides, those connections were necessary to stay afloat. If not for a miracle, well, Ryv wagered they'd all be dead.

Would death have been better than what he experienced on Korriban?

Deep within the Temple of Sacrifice, he delved side by side with the once-Grandmaster, Coren Starchaser. The duo took the worst job. Not a surprise considering their station among the Jedi. It was probably the worst bet they could've made, facing off against two Dark Lords. Neither Jedi lacked in willpower or skill, but on Korriban of all places? Amidst a storm generated within the Dark Side? From the beginning, they knew it was going to be tough. Ryv didn't care then. Did he care now?

He looked to the bandaged stump attached to his left shoulder. Hours in surgery saw a replacement prosthesis built into the remnants of his arm. The smooth, reflective metal cupped the muscle, rose beyond the bicep, and curved up and over the shoulder. The medical droids mentioned potential cybernetic installation, but he waved them off. The kiffar wasn't ready to say hello to his third left arm. Not yet, the wound was both literally and metaphorically too fresh. It wasn't easy to accept the truth of his dismemberment the first time around, either. He spent well over a month in a hospital room, eyes locked on the distant Coruscanti horizon as speeders soared past the window day and night. His friends came to visit. They made it feel as if the seconds ticked by much quicker with them around.

But now? Now Ryv couldn't be sure what he'd do.

Maynard and Loske were still on Felucia last he heard. Most of the other Jedi were being treated in other parts of Prosperity. It hurt to know his friends were wounded somewhere nearby while he couldn't get to them, especially in his current predicament. Left to his own devices, eyes locked on the wall across from the bed. His mind drifted to his Knighting ceremony and the day Wyatt named Ryv Sword of the Jedi. He fought tooth and nail to live up to the title.

Was the Sword supposed to leave his Jedi behind?

"No, probably not," Ryv grimaced. His hand shifted to scratch at the bandaged remnants of his arm. The cool metal irritated his scarred flesh. He sighed and sat up in the cot, eyes closed as he drifted into silent meditation.

Ripley Kühn ​

 

[Ripley Kühn]

Since Korriban, Ripley had lived in chaos. The knight had been lucky, no real injuries, just the occasional nightmare where the Sith lord popped up again with her fuzzy blanket. With so many others recovering, she had answered the call to help where needed, days filled with whatever tedious tasks the Order had to have done.

Finally, a day had come where the Jedi just didn't have any use for her. They had caught up on the post-war scramble for the moment, and Ripley was free to go about her normal business. As soon as she saw those words on her comm she had made haste for the medical bay of the Prosperity. The rumors of the fate of the kiffar had spread like a wildfire since mere hours after the invasion, each growing more ludicrous. He fought a sith army alone. Coren Starchaser and the Sword had turned on each other midbattle. He had died at the hand of the former dark emperor. The last had almost made Ripley lose her mind, even if she knew it wasn't true.

A point from one of the nurses steered Ripley in the direction of his room, steeling her nerves on the approach. She didn't know what to expect, her tab keeping only garnering limited information, but she was sure it couldn't be good. Her hand pushed open the door that was just barely cracked, finding Ryv perched on the unkept cot, eyes shut. She let out a sigh of relief; he was okay, he was here. It took a few moments for her eyes to find where his arm should have been, but when they did, an emotional hurricane erupted inside of her. Anger. Dread. Sadness. They swirled around ominously, threatening to overcome her.

She finally forced herself to take a step forward, beyond the threshold, a slow stride carrying her to the chair next to his bed. Her joints felt encased in sap, not entirely responding to her commands. Ripley's gaze took in the sight of him, as she gathered the strength to say something, anything.

"Ryv," she attempted, but it came as no more than a whisper. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "Ryv... hey."

 

[Ryv]

Ryv opened his eyes.

The room wasn't the same. His bed disappeared, and he was on his feet again. The walls were gone, water enveloped his feet up to his ankles. An azure sea stretched out in front of him, likely infinitely. He'd been here before. At least, he assumed he had. The kiffar couldn't place anything or anywhere else in the galaxy that held such a distinct lack of anything while still feeling like everything all at the same time. He took a step forward, and just like last time, the water parted around his feet but remained calm. His senses told him the surface should've broken. That's how water normally worked. Wherever he was worked differently, but he already knew that.

"I always end up here," he muttered. "There something out there trying to tell me something?!"

His call echoed across the endless expanse. He waited for several minutes, eyes cast on the distant horizon in hopes something would answer. Nothing came. Ryv pressed on.

"Pop? You out there?"

Another question. Again, no answer.

"Yeah... I didn't think so," he trudged through the water. Each step carried him forward, the only direction he knew in such a strange place. "You know, old man, I used to be mad at you. Then you just, I dunno, appeared? Started talking to me again, helping me, guiding me through all the responsibilities of a Jedi Knight. Now I'm leading my people to war, and you're quiet. I mean, fuck, man, look at me!"

Ryv lifted his good arm and pointed to the scarred, ruined stump that once housed his other. For whatever reason, the Jedi Knight paused again and waited. He allowed his anger to fade away before he continued in his solemn journey to nowhere.

"I dunno what you want from me. Hell, I don't know what anyone wants from me anymore," he ran a hand through his hair and huffed, his brow furrowed. "There is no way we can sit out of this war. Bryn gotta go, Sith gotta go. Yet, I'm the goddamn warmonger because I haven't forgotten what they've done to the galaxy? I hate this, dad. I really do. How can I lead a generation of Jedi who've grown lazy cause their precious worlds aren't under threat anymore? How have the likes of Heavenshield and his rejects turned the Jedi away from what it means to fight for peace?"

Each question rang out, echoed around him by the strange nature of his surroundings. No answers came. They never did.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Be patient. I've gotta think, trust the Force. It just seems like every decision I make is the wrong one," he finally stopped walking. When he looked up, everything appeared the same, from the crystal clear water to the deep cerulean sky.

"Ryv..."

The kiffar whipped around immediately. A familiar zeltron stood ahead of him, or where he'd been. He stepped closer, his hand outstretched.

"R-Ripley? What are you doing here?'

"Hey..."

Ryv reached out, his hand raised to cup the zeltron's cheek. He made contact with her flesh, and the world melted away around him.

His eyes snapped open, maybe a split-second after she spoke. He looked up at her in momentary confusion before noticing how distraught she appeared. Without thinking, the Jedi Knight took her by the hand and carefully guided her to sit beside him on his cot. Confusion slowly faded away, replaced by an odd assortment of excitement and anxiety. He sat up straighter almost immediately, eyes full of mirth, but his two amber orbs fell away to the blanket beneath them. For a few seconds longer, he mulled over her presence in his mind, only to look back up at her after coming to a conclusion of some kind.

"Hey there, Ripley," he allowed his fingers to fall through and around hers. "Are you okay? You look a bit worried. Anything I can help with?"

Ripley Kühn ​

 

[Ripley Kühn]

As he came to, the look of disorientation on his face was apparent. For a moment the zeltron wondered if she should have let him be, but that concern faded as the kiffar pulled her in. The strange disconnect between Ripley and her senses began to fade as she settled next to him. Her cobalt gaze fell away as he took the moment he needed, before returning to meet his.

"I... I just didn't know what to expect. No one could tell me anything for certain and, oh gosh, the gossip, and my mind just kept jumping to the wor-"

Her voice broke off, unable to bear the thought of it again. Her fingers tightened around his as her other hand clumsily wiped the tear that had escaped her eye.

"I had felt you in the meld on Korriban, and I knew, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't stop to figure out what, I just had to keep going. Then so many were wounded after and I had to fill in, and it kept me so busy, I kept wanting to come down here but I couldn't get a moment, and then I would just lie awake at night wondering if you were okay..." Her voice trailed off before finishing in the quietest of whispers. "I'm so damn glad you're okay."

The knight's eyes fell away before she closed them for a moment, collecting herself. The emotions had been building up, and all sense of control had been lost upon seeing him. Her resolve strengthened a bit as she realized she wanted to be strong for him. It didn't matter how she felt about it all- he was the one who had a loss to grieve. Finally, she turned to face him again before speaking once more.

"How are you holding up?"

It felt like a stupid question to ask, but one she needed to nonetheless.

 

[Ryv]

Ryv squeezed her hand as she spoke, offering silent support as she worked through her emotions. At the sight of her tear, he wished he still had his second limb. It would've been easier to wipe it away and ensure everything would be fine. Unable to do so, the kiffar just kept quiet and allowed her to work through her varied thoughts. His thumb gently caressed her hand as she spoke, his eyes locked on her, all while he exuded an aura of comfort towards the zeltron. While he didn't want to smother her emotions, he was more concerned with her breaking down before him. That exchange would send him tumbling down his own rabbit hole of emotion.

When her eyes shut, he acted. He pulled his hand from her grasp and reached up to cup her cheek as he had in his vision. He wiped away at the faint line of dried tears. A smile met her as she opened her eyes back up.

"I'm okay. This isn't the first time I've lost it. I doubt it'll be the last time, but I'm not too worried about it," his hand remained for a few seconds longer before it dropped back to her hand. "I'm sorry no one let you in on what happened. That's partially my fault. I haven't updated my list of people the Order is clear to communicate medical stuff too. I like to keep these sorts of things private. Makes it easier to focus on me, rather than all the people who need me back on my feet."

As he spoke, Ryv stretched out across the cot and laid his head against the pillow. He flexed his feet and wriggled his toes, the motion nothing more than a habit for the kiffar. Almost reflexively, he allowed his hand to drift from her's, up her arm, and down her side to rest on her leg. His attention settled on the room's ceiling. The stark white surface lacked anything of interest, but the Jedi Knight seemed transfixed on whatever he saw.

"I'm glad you've been helping out. With people left behind, injured, or worse, well, we're stretched thin," his nose twitched once, then twice. His face bunched up as if trying to ward away whatever irritated him, to no avail. "Don't push yourself too hard. There's only so much you can do during all this. We're at a state where, uh, hmm, I guess the best way to put it is... Well, sink or swim. I don't want the process to be impossible for the folks joining up with us nowadays, but we can't baby them. The New Jedi Order is at the forefront of this war. All we can do is our best. If its not enough, we gotta make peace with that."

He shrugged, the gesture a bit one-sided. "How are you holding up? Korriban was rough for everyone. Do you need anything?"

Ripley Kühn ​

 

[Ripley Kühn]

The touch was brief, but it brought a sense of comfort that wrapped around her like a warm blanket. The intensity of it all fell away, and she shook her head at his words.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. I can understand needing that time to recoup away from prying eyes. You have to think about you while you're healing, not everyone else."

Her head pivoted to steal a glance of him laying back. He seemed troubled, but Ripley thought it better not to inquire. If there was more than what he was saying, he could share with her when he felt ready. Her gaze returned to the rest of the room, the plain, stark interior making her wary. Medical facilities often gave her the creeps, knowing how much pain and death these walls had witnessed. Her fingers drifted to fidget with the sheet beneath them, considering his words.

"I dunno. I'm alright, I guess. You know, I got off pretty easy. I somehow ended up with the one Sith who wasn't interested in fighting- they wanted to wrap me up in a blanket, though? The whole thing was real weird." A quiet laugh came at the ridiculousness of the memory, though it faded quickly. "I wasn't really prepared for Korriban itself, I don't think. Like, I've felt the call of the dark side before, but not like that. I didn't know a planet could be evil. When the meld broke, everything felt hopeless. Like no matter what we did, their empire would still stand strong as ever, and we would have made no difference."

Her head shook once more as she tried to push the thought away.

"Like I said though, I'm alright. It just was a strange experience, all in all, kind of gave me a new perspective. Nothing for me to complain about when others had it worse."

Ryv ​

 

[Ryv]

"Thank you," Ryv patted her leg and smiled up at her display of patience. He hadn't realized how much he'd wanted someone to give him space and respect that need. When she looked down his way, his smile grew even wider as if to tease her.

Given his position in the medical bay, he lacked his usual attire. His jacket and t-shirt were replaced with a layer of bandages woven around his scarred torso. Since he opted not to have a cybernetic installed, his left arm's remnants were also bound in bandages. The metallic prosthesis fitted in place to eventually accept the replacement limb peaked out from the wrapping. The sleek, silver surface reflected the iridescent white light back at the ceiling above them. Aside from the occasional scratch at the irritated skin, the kiffar seemed mostly unphased by his situation. This wasn't his first time in a hospital bed, nor would it be his last.

"They didn't want to fight you? Just... wrap you up in a blanket?" he tilted his head to the side, a mix of confusion and amusement present on his face. "That's kinda funny, not gonna lie to you."

He fell silent at that and listened to the rest of Ripley's recap. Korriban was an awful place, truly one of the worst he'd ever been. He couldn't blame her for how she felt in facing the red planet directly. The Dark Side hung heavy over Sith-Imperial space, but nowhere was it worse than the ancestral homeland of the Sith people.

At least he had some experience with his brief trip through Dromund Kaas years earlier. He knew what somewhere bathed in such baleful powers would feel like. That empty, cold feeling that settled on his body, squeezing the warmth away inch by inch. It became a struggle just to stand on your own two feet.

"Not that I don't dig that confidence you put out, Ripley, but uh, it's okay to let those walls down around me," he withdrew his hand and propped himself up onto his elbow. "Korriban sucked, really did. And yeah, I lost my arm, some folks are missing, but that doesn't change what you went through. If you don't wanna talk about it, that's cool. I just uh, well, you know... I don't want you to go this alone, I guess. My first time out in Sith space left me really messed up. I still have nightmares about all the crap I experienced out there while on the run."

Carefully, Ryv leaned forward and nudged his way past her arm to lay his head on her leg. "You know, between you and me, I wouldn't mind getting a blanket around you either. Though, I think I'd just wanna cuddle. I have a feeling Sith blankets aren't great for that."

Ripley Kühn ​

 

[Ripley Kühn]

Another chuckle escaped her at the lame excuse for a pickup line. Charming, but goofy.

"Keep trying and your wishes may come true." She threw back teasingly.

Her hand floated to the side of his head, pink fingers twirling his hair around themselves as she let silence fall over them. There had been many a night where her own dreams were filled with unspeakable horrors, the entire landscape out to get her. In her waking hours, she was much more aware of the darkness, even in places where it had been all but absent before. It breathed down the zeltron's neck, a constant reminder that a single misstep was all it took to start that path.

"I, uh... I appreciate it. But the same goes for you. This isn't the first time you've lost your arm, but it's still okay to not be okay about it. I wouldn't think any less of you for that." She let out a deep sigh, searching for words. "It's just, even when Ieft the Jedi, the light was still always there. It guided me, comforted me, made me feel like I wasn't alone, even on my worst days. I didn't know what it was like not to have that, until Korriban. And every day since, I have not been able to shake that feeling. The light is still there, but now I see the darkness, too."

Ripley's voice was small as she finished, fingers still playing with the kiffar's black strands.

Ryv ​

 

[Ryv]

"Wishes coming true, huh?" Ryv looked down at the blanket beneath the both of them, a wry grin on his scarred face. "If I wasn't worried about you beating the shit out of me, I'd go for the blanket hug. But uh, I have one arm, so I guess it wouldn't be the best play."

He chuckled at the self-deprecation, no inherent malice towards himself in his words. Humor always helped him cope. Something about the feelings that flowed through him as he laughed dulled the bad. Someone like Auteme probably could've explained it to him. A release of certain chemicals within his brain to help regulate the emotions, shifting the focus from negative to positive. Unfortunately, the people who did know tidbits of information like that never got around to explaining it to him. Then again, that likely had something to do with how quietly he handled his depression. Better he faced it alone than let the galaxy know the Sword of the Jedi just couldn't keep it together.

"Well, since you want me to be honest, I'm not okay with losing my arm. The way it happened was... Pretty awful," he shifted his position, his head nestled a bit closer to her body. His gaze settled on the bland ceiling for the second time. "The monster, Vulcanus, he just, uh, grabbed it. Like, reached right past my lightsaber after I cut his eye out and just snagged it. Dude didn't even miss a beat. Ripped the fucking thing right off. Probably the most pain I'd ever felt in my life."

Ripley's touch sent shivers down his spine, though he tried his hardest not to give it away. He enjoyed the feeling of her fingers as they danced in between thick strands of his black hair. It calmed him. He hadn't felt a touch like hers since his mother's. She always knew how to cut through the built-up tension after a difficult day of training.

Funny he'd found it again, after Korriban of all place.

He looked up at her face, framed delicately between the deep blue tresses cascading down around him. Her familiar scent struck him. Flowers, alongside a hint of something sweet. It enveloped him entirely. He found his mind wandering to open fields of multicolored flora. She moved among them, her typical attire replaced by a simple, white sundress—the pink of her skin a stark juxtaposition of the soft fabric that hugged her frame. He looked down at his hands, one cybernetic, the other flesh. Rather than the brown leather jacket he favored, it looked like he opted for a simple tank-top and a pair of sweats for the day.

Nothing about the scene made sense, but Ryv didn't care. He allowed himself to frolic through the meadow behind her. Their laughter bubbled forth and echoed all around them. The way she dodged around the flowers rather than trample through them brought a smile to his lips. She was perfect. The most beautiful woman in the galaxy, and in that moment, wherever it was in time, she was his.

Ryv blinked.

The cold, boring room returned to him. He felt her body against his, the warmth exuded by her helping fight the chill. His hand twitched. He lifted it, studied it, wondered why his fingertips trembled and questioned why the dozens of small scabs hadn't yet scarred over. Everything else beyond his hand fell away. He flexed his fingers and closed the hand into a fist. Muscles pulled taught along his arm, the skin growing tight over them. The tension remained until he released his grip at the sight of his knuckles whitening.

Reaching up, Ryv's hand slid behind her neck and gently cupped it. He craned his neck and sat up while he gently pulled her down. The feeling of her hair rolling down his cheeks was a welcomed one, though not quite as welcome as the soft touch of her lips as they pressed against his. Amber eyes closed, the world beyond their kiss wholly irrelevant to the kiffar.

Ripley Kühn ​