To find purpose

[Mantic Dorn]

It had been truly dazzling to experience what had happened in Mantic life recently.
Not to mention his newest padawan, the former sith [member="Rafeesh"]

While he felt he must now trust him this was a crucial time for the prospecting jedi. And Mantic was responsible to bring this man back to the light. It was by the word of the grand master, [member="Corvus Raaf"] herself that the honor had been bestowed upon him.

They had talked before, thorough. But now it was time to start the hard work for Rafessh, to start his path on redemption and relearn all that had been forgotten. The jedi could not feel but a tint of sorrow over it all. If only there had been a way for Rafessh to have resisted the urge to join the dark side all those years ago. If only...

Waling down the hall ways of the jedi temple on Ossus Master and padawan performed a brief tour of the place. While soon they would commence in depth philosophical and force aligned discussions one needed to settle practical matters as well.

"Padawan" Mantic began as they walked through the library. It was the first time he had called him that. It felt, odd, yet not unfitting.

"While I will do everything that is in my power to help you. Here is where you can find refugee on your own. I expect that you spend most of your free time in this place to try and study ion the theory of living a life in servitude." they took a few more steps.

"Yes, servitude. We are jedi, not here to claim domain over others, but aid those whjo try to rule in justice. We fight, we kill, we hunt. But not for our own gain. We do these things to do what we can to not give the darkness too much space."

"I expect you know this but it can not be repeated enough times. you need to wake up hoping that today is a day when you can aid the universe. you must seek that light in yourself where the joy of others is your greatest reward."

"It will take time padawan..." he finally added as they were leaving the library behind them and steered their feet toward the sleeping areas.

 

[Rafeesh]

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqmbz8W1-tA

Rafeesh had found life once more interesting. That was more than could be said for the past years he since he had left the cryo sleep. At first he had found interest in exploring this new galaxy, trying to understand what had occurred during his absence. However as time had gone on, Rafeesh had felt as if there was little purpose in this exercise of life. He had begun to wander aimlessly and that was probably one of the largest reasons that he had joined Mythos. Of course he didn't completely regret that part of fate, after all if it had not been so he would not have found himself here among the Jedi.

Speaking of the Jedi the temple here was truly fascinating. He was intrigued at the new building, himself having originally been taught in the Temple on Coruscant and then later on Tython. He was surprised that it seemed to small, but then again that may have been because those places he had studied in had been so thoroughly imbued with the Light Side that one could feel it upon entering the area. This place did not have quite the same ancient and well founded feeling, but it felt young and vibrant. He hoped that that had translated to the Jedi as well.

Padawan. A term he had not heard in well over a millennia. It was a comforting term, much pleasanter on the ears and soul than apprentice. Rafeesh had missed that word for quite some time, without ever truly realizing it. He was glad to hear it again, even if it meant that he was little more than a youngling.

Rafeesh was glad to be shown the library. It was a place he looked forward to spending time in. He nodded as he replied slowly, "I hope that I will be able to live up to this. How will I know if I am ready for this?"

He still wondered if perhaps he would never be a Jedi. But then what would he be? A Sith? No he wouldn't be accepted again, he had betrayed them once and now was doomed to death if he returned. He wondered if he would ever be anything like the Jedi of old... or even as he had been once. He could vaguely remember more of that past, it all seemed so dim except for certain times which popped out at him. His actions as a Sith especially stood out to him, as marks, scars on him that would only grow uglier and more painful as time went on.

He felt guilt for it. His weakness and his fall to the Dark Side. He wondered if the feelings would ever fade, dull in their sharpness. He marveled that the Jedi had even forgiven him, after admitting to killing and turning Jedi. He didn't deserve it. He knew that. But they why? Did they see light in him? Or was it merely to keep one more Sith from fighting the Order? He couldn't answer that.

[member="Mantic Dorn"]

 

[Mantic Dorn]

As they rounded yet another corner they left the hallways behind them and a garden opened up. Jedi had tended this place for ages and it was a perfect place of harmony, each and every plant serving as a thread in a great fabric creating an air of a room made out of bushes and trees with branches bent upward to form a green lush ceiling.

"You must not worry yourself about failure at this time padawan. IF you fail the light it is because you, or possibly I, was not seeking it with a true heart." he smiled at [member="Rafeesh"] and took a breath as he came to a halt in the garden.

There he turned toward the former sith.

"Search your feelings. How do you believe the future will find you? If you ask that which is your truest form deep inside yourself."

It was an open question, one with many possible answers and interpretations. But Mantic wanted [member="Rafeesh"] to challenge himself. To learn more about himself without Mantic telling him who he was.

 

[Rafeesh]

Rafeesh thought for a moment. How will the future find him? Would he be a Sith? A Jedi? Neither? Would he be true to his decision to be a Jedi? How far was he willing to go? Would he always believe as he currently did?

He tried to not think that hard. He didn't want to destroy his hopes so soon. He understood that in reality he would have difficulty. He bet that he would find this more than difficult. He hoped however that he would be up to the challenge. He intended on becoming a Jedi, but did he want that with the deepest part of his heart, his soul? How would he respond to tribulations in his quest? Would he hold true even in the face of death?

"Am I a Jedi?" He asked as he looked around. He felt the surroundings, he could feel the light side all around him. He could feel the Jedi way practically pouring outward, into those that walked through. He hoped that if he spent time here the dark side would weaken within him. He hoped to throw off those chains that had pretended to set him free. But then he thought, would he ever fit into that perfect Jedi image? He had ruin his chances when he had become a Sith. Right?

No matter how much a bastion of the light and the Jedi he became, would he still be held back by his past? "Will I be truly and fully accepted? Will the Council trust me? They must know of my past, right?"

He turned to look at [member="Mantic Dorn"], feeling somewhat torn. He had always believed that the past had made him who he was, but that meant that he was less than these people who had never given into the dark side. He wondered if he could ever even be close to what Mantic was. He was an almost perfect example of a Jedi, as far as Rafeesh could see. Compared to him Rafeesh was a failure, so he saw himself.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic could feel the conflict in his new padawan.
He could easily sympathize with him on this.
When they had first met [member="Rafeesh"] was reeking with a dark hunger to cause fear and pain to Mantic.
Their journey together had been a most surprising and eventful one so far and up until this point Mantic himself had been asking the same questions as the former prisoner.

Looking into his eyes the jedi could however sense the light in him. Hidden over centuries it still harnessed a power no less then in any one else. They had s long road to travel before that power could be used properly though. And the road would carry temptations. This much was certain.

"No padawan, I would refrain myself to call yourself jedi until we entrust you with a lightsaber again." Mantic pressed a hand unto Rafeeshs shoulder.

"It is not the weapon in itself, but rather the symbolic value it represents. Namely that you are prepared to do battle and die for the sake of those we protect."

"But never doubt that the order is placing its hope in your redemption my padawan." Mantic continued before [member="Rafeesh"] was given time to reflect.

"Powers like ours are tempting to use for own purposes. I am no exception and because of this I have dedicated my heart to servitude. When your heart is dedicated to the same virtue, we will cast aside your old blade and forge a new one. A symbol of hope that you can bear before the council and complete your redemption."

Mantic was not pretending this was all going to be easy. But these were matters that required strict procedures less mistakes would be made.

 

[Rafeesh]

Rafeesh allowed himself to believe that. He could remember the Jedi of his day accepting Sith who turned with only the slightest of suspicions. Had things not changed in all of these years? He stopped himself from questioning the Jedi anymore, the only one who deserved to be questioned was himself. He was the one who had failed to be a Jedi when it had mattered most. It was he who had turned and ended many Jedi, not the Order. It was Rafeesh, who had failed the Jedi, not the other way around.

He had chosen this path, he had chosen to become a Jedi. He had made that decision millennia ago... no... he had not. He had been handed over to the Jedi as was customary then, an infant to become a Jedi. He had made the commitment to hold to the Jedi way, to uphold their way of life. He had to fulfill his promise, the one he had made before the Jedi Council of old. Before Bela Kiwiiks, Syo Bakarn, Tol Braga, Orgus Din, Jaric Kaedan, and Satele Shan. He had made an oath before them to fight the Sith and uphold the Jedi. He had lied to every single one of them...

Guilt flowed over him for a moment. Those great masters and he had lied to them, unintentionally, but had done so nonetheless. He had turned his back on them and fought against them. He wondered if they had ever forgiven him. "I will be a Jedi. Let destiny play its games." He promised the dead Jedi. He wondered how long it would be until he could fulfill this promise and perhaps at last gain forgiveness.

"Do you think the Jedi forgave me? Those that I killed I mean and those that knew I had turned." It was a moment, one of those many moments in a life when it seemed that everything stood on the edge of a knife. His conscious was adamant that he could not be a Jedi, yet his soul told him he could be.

[member="Mantic Dorn"]

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic motioned for them to continue and as they walked through the garden he was silent contemplating on his answer.
Naturally guilt and regret must be a heavy burden for his padawan. One that might be his hardest obstacle to overcome.

"Jedi are protectors of life, yet we do not hesitate to take them ourselves when we deem it necessary." he began as they exited the garden finding themselves on a more narrow forest path.

"Death is not something distant to us, and much like a soldier we agree to that it is one aspect that will be part of our lives. We must however not consider it natural to end it before its natural course has run through."

"We have all felt the lure of the dark side in the heat of combat, or when justice to the innocent has failed. For a jedi to turn to the dark side is the gravest of errors, we know it is not an easy matter to resist." he continued as the small forest opened up into a glade housing a barrack like structure.

"While we can never claim to know the thoughts of the dead, we can however know that for you to cast away the darkness and redeem yourself is the right thing to do. It is not often one has the chance to know such a thing by heart. This in itself is what matters to the jedi order. By accepting the light back in your life you will have done a deed that is all your past victims could hope for."

For a moment they walked in silence toward the house.

"I believe that this is the beginning of a road that fore most will give you a chance to forgive yourself. Once you have done that, the dead can do so to."

He stopped before a door leading into a small room, a bed, a desk and other simple necessities was all that furnished it.

"Your private quarter." Mantic nodded for [member="Rafeesh"] to continue inside.

 

[Rafeesh]

Rafeesh knew the first part. He had fought and killed many Imperial soldiers on the battlefield as a Jedi. He had been no stranger to death, but he had rarely been the offensive force in those battles. He had been fortunate to have somehow evaded most of those deadly situations, at a cost that had haunted him at the time. He had lost many soldiers in battles, before he was given his own unit. He had been temporary leader of soldiers on battles often enough. It had never been without reason. He had spent many nights reminding himself why he and these men fought and just as many telling himself that the enemy had made their decision and that no matter what he could not allow himself to be tricked into thinking that on the battlefield there could be any other choice than to take out the enemy.

He had felt that enticement, the dark side calling out that justice had not been handed out, or that a particular enemy had to die for whatever reason. Certainly when he had lost soldiers he had felt the urge to attack his enemies with everything he had, hoping to attack the particular man who had killed his soldier. Always he had held it in, caging it like a monster that could not be put down easily.

As he walked out into the openness and saw the living quarters building he couldn't help but feel slightly better. There was a peace to this place, in the midst of all of the turmoil that enveloped the galaxy this was a place of quiet, like a mountain in a storm.

Forgive himself. What a novel idea. How could he forgive himself? He had betrayed everyone that he had known and then some. He had killed those that would have been friends, turned those that had been allies. He, of all people, was not worthy of forgiveness, he had too much blood on him. He could imagine the souls of those he had killed surrounding him like an ocean. It was probably less pronounced than that, but it was how he felt.

When [member="Mantic Dorn"] showed Rafeesh his room, the padawan was overwhelmed with the humbling feeling of inadequacy. He didn't feel that he deserved this. He walked in and looked around, almost brought to tears. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words found their way to his mind. He turned to Mantic mouthing a thank you silently.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

With [member="Rafeesh"] turning his expression told Mantic more then the padawan might think. Mantic could not help but feel with the man who after a very long journey finally allowed his guard to drop.

If one can feel gratitude, then one is on the right path, he decided for himself standing there at the entrance of the small room. He returned a broad fatherly smile, sensing joy and light.
He folded his arms, tucking them into his sleeves and gave them both a moment to reflect on the wonder that was happening.

Clearing his throat he tried to continue with a steady voice, hints of a trembling voice fid however give his affection away.

"You must not acquire more possessions then you need padawan." he continued before ghings went to emotional.

" A material life is not a path to darkness in itself but the temptations will increase because of it. It is unnecessary. The order will provide what material items you need and the force will eventually provide comfort to your mind."

He took a deep breath.

"Make yourself at home and try to find your way around. But fore most rest. Tomorrow your training will commence."

Mantic took a bow and prepared to leave the padawan to settle in.

 

[Rafeesh]

Rafeesh took a breath as [member="Mantic Dorn"] spoke. He understood, materials, like everything else in life, had the potential to lead one astray. The Jedi were a constant balancing act, one that he would have to once more remember and accustom himself to. There was nothing of this age that interested him truly, part of him was still rooted in the past. He wondered if perhaps this was also a bad thing.

He sent the thought away, bowing to his new master. He looked forward to his new life. There was a comfort here that extended beyond the simple realm of the physical. He hoped to bask in this newfound home, even for a short time. The difficulties ahead were just that, in the future. He had to enjoy the now just as much as the future. He knew that if he focused to greatly on one or the other then he would miss out on the whole.

He had questions of course, now that the initial shock of joining the Jedi was subsiding more fully he wondered. He had so many questions, but he figured that now was not the time. He could wait, he was not going far from this place for awhile. Unless, unless fate wanted to play with him some more. He wondered if it was the will of the Force that had brought him to this time. He would have to ask, but again it could and would wait. He had to settle into this new life.

Finding his voice, trying and half succeeding to master his emotions, Rafeesh said, "Thank you. Master."