Too much loss (A New Beginning )

[Aiesha Solari]

Constancia

After everything that has happened Aiesh needed to remove herself from everything around her, politics, the Jedi.


Overwhelmed with all the emotions around her loss Aiesha dwelled on how the force surrounded her when she lossed her husband and how she found purpose all those years ago, she longed for the same now, she felt as though she was slipping and realized she needed to separate herself once again. Her heart was broken once again, she need to be alone where no one knew who she was. The force led her to Constancia the place where the Zultrons a race known to be telepathic were a race although gullible were relied on love and emotion.


I cant believe it's happened all over again, I don't know how much more I can take, all this loss, I feel so alone, I was supposed to have a treaty signed this afternoon. I couldn't even gather myself to get dressed this morning, I grabbed my robe packed my bag, without a word. I looked in the mirror and wondered what I did to deserve this, everyone I knew was gone. First I lost the love of my life, now the sith took my mom and dad, my whole family gone, everyone, my cousins.


I needed to disappear find a place I knew where I could just be alone, away form the darkness I could feel creeping into my heart. I had to leave, I didn't care where it was as long as it was away from this constant memory. I boarded my ship with my droid Zac, punched in random coordinates. I just laid in the middle of the ship huddled in a ball on the floor clutching my lightsaber ,all I knew was the jedi code.Yet there was peace was all I focused on.


I remembered Onderon being alone with nature and I was at peace, but I knew I couldn't go back there, I could feel the force taking me somewhere else, I could see A jedi waiting for me, I had to go. I kept telling myself I am a Jedi knight I must strive to find peace. Even In my sorrow I called on the force and cast a barrier to mask my essence guarding me against any dark side entity. I had to meet this man I keep seeing in my dreams. At that very moment I had hope.


I must have cried the whole time, the memories of my childhood, all I knew is that I had to find some way to let go off all those I held close to me and I know it would be the end of me,I needed help and I had no one. Where my ship landed I have no idea, but I knew the race as soon As I landed, the Zulteon took me In and cared for me.


Most days I kept to myself, sometimes I would associate with them, It was great I didn't have say much we often spoke through telepathy. It was here I tried to start over, still I struggled with my loss.

[member="Xos"]

 

[Xos]

The pain filled his heart as his mind drifted from moment to moment. But it was not his pain, it was that of another. A loss, broken, painful, and long. And...without purpose. Without goal or meaning. Something powerful and and longing. Eyes came into his vision, and a face, a human woman he saw. And in her hands, a lightsaber. But she was no sith, her heartbreak was the same. A Jedi then.

He felt like he was late, the vision seemed to blur into the present, a planet, pink and red skinned people who's emotions flooded his mind along with the woman. Along with these other...childlike appearing beings, telepaths, he could tell that. He felt himself rushed backwards out of the world, looking at it for but a moment from afar, following a path back and back into Dorin and down into his bed.

Xos opened his eyes. "So, I need to find her then don't I." The statement wasn't really said to anyone in particular, there was nobody here to hear him. He sat up in bed and robed himself immediately heading out into the planet, the early day had come. That was convenient timing, he saw the Negotiator's pilot Gra pacing with his hands behind his back staring into the sky until Xos came out waving a hello, "I've had a vision my friend."

Gra raised an eyebrow, but merely awaited the continuation.

"There is a woman on a planet somewhere, I know the route. A Jedi. And...she feels a pain, a loss I don't believe she can fill on her own. I believe she may need our help, we need to give her back a purpose to her life." Xos put a hand on Gra's shoulder, "Come, let's get the ship ready. We've got someone to help!" he said this with almost an ecstatic sense, a sort of certainty that they could indeed help her but a remaining sadness of having felt her pain.


In about half an hour the rest of the Crew of the Baran Do Negotiator were loaded and off into space, Xos standing right behind Mek pointing out exactly which route they would be taking with utter clarity and explaining the planet as he did so to further her knowledge. Zeltrons and Constancians apparently.

The pull of the force continued to call him even as they got closer to the planet, his mind and heart driven towards a goal. Soon he'd be putting on his rebreather to survive outside of his ship, and mentioning the possibility they would have to alter the ships atmosphere to allow the woman to board it should she accept.

As he stepped out onto the land outside he took in a breath, not for the air, but for the force. Every step he took from here was guided, every moment he felt himself drawing closer and as he did he called out through the force, through telepathy, he could sense the Jedi woman's presence so easily now and doubtless he believed he could speak to her through the force, "My name is Xos Drikre, the force has called me to you. I wish only to help. I'm the Master of the Baran Do, we're from Dorin. So I don't want to alarm you with my face, I know we're seen as unpleasant to some. Please, if you would, listen to me when I come to you."

 

[Aiesha Solari]

As she had done every day, finding a routine something that would give her some sort of serenity, find compassion, a balance against the sorrow.


“Today I hoped for someone to take away these memories, I feel so selfish thinking of such things.This morning I watched a holo pad of my cousin Kalon who was only twelve, I'm starting think I shouldn't come here, I have spent so much time dwelling in the past. I have to do something. I ran outside my house, I knelt down on my hands and knees, an open field for miles.

I felt energy pour out of me, I opened my tear stained eyes, every flower I could ever Imagine blossomed, butterflies swirled and twirled around me, breaking free from their cocoons. For the first time in six months I knew I was not alone.


“I can I hear you master Xos Drikre, I know who you I have seen you before, I thought you were just a dream. No the Baran Do are a beautiful people I feel at peace hearing your voice.”


Yes I heard myself speaking aloud. Finally feel something other than sorrow. I followed my instincts towards Xos Drikre, I heard the thoughts of the Zultron speaking about master Xos.I knew where he was.Then I saw him, I stopped dead in my tracks knowing my facial expressions probably gave way my excitement.


I bowed, to meet him


“My name is Aiesha Solari of Onderon, pleasure to meet you”








[member="Xos"]

 

[Xos]

He felt a sense of joy at her response, she had foreseen him as well. The force had chosen this long before it had told him about it apparently. She knew who he was, and she knew who his people were. All because the force told her so, the way it should be among force sensitives. A way of peace, beauty, and connection.

It would not take long before they could meet physically, with both of them being guided. She seemed quite positive, which certainly added onto his existing hope that everything could turn out the way it should. As she bowed and introduced herself he bowed as well, he made no attempts to hide any emotion in his voice "I am so glad I could find you Aiesha Solari of Onderon, I only wish it might have been sooner. I'm afraid that the force only gave me a vision of you today while I slept."

He paused, there would be a sense of pain and considerable empathy in his voice in what he would say next, tipping his head slightly forwards as a result, "I am...so sorry. For what you've been through. I...won't say that I know how you feel. But I may have been told a part of it. And I can't promise that I can help you fully, but for all that I have to do, I will do my best. I just hope that's enough."

Xos tried to with every fiber of his being avoid mentioning to much, but still let on that he knew some of what she had felt. He didn't want to make her hurt anymore but at the same time he believed she needed to at least have an idea of what he did. "If you would accept it, I can offer you anything I offer those I ask if they wish to join the Baran Do. I can try to help you, sure with the force itself, but first and foremost...with the heart, and the mind. I think that...perhaps we can help give you purpose again, give you at least some peace into yourself." he gestured behind him thinking of the ship, waiting for instruction or them to return, "You can come with us, or I might stay and try and help. Or ask someone to. I only know that I have to try and promise to do so."

[member="Aiesha Solari"]

 

[Aiesha Solari]

Aiesha so desperately wanted to throw her arms around him, give him the biggest hug she could possibly give, but thought it may too much.Time alone gave her a new perspective. At this very moment she looked over shoulder to the place she had desperately attempted to call home. The time had come, and she knew it from every fiber in her being.Her time here was finished.


“Master Xos, I know now why you have, I saw A vision of you In my darkest hour, Although I had some peace. I have to come to terms with my loss.I must learn to let go of those I am afraid to loose and I cannot do that hear. I wish to come with you”


………………………………………………………..


It looked behind him and saw what the force showed me earlier, all the flowers, the cacoon, transforming,into beautiful butterflies,I knew then the cocoon was me.I knew he could show me ways of the force I did not have knowledge of.

[member="Xos"]

 

[Xos]

He'd smile if it could have been perceived, she'd already gotten past the point of danger. Perhaps that was her being a Jedi, or perhaps it was just her nature. Either way, it was a wonderful sign for the future. She already knew what was necessary. It was such a special moment to him when people could find things on their own, even if others would be involved in the future.

Xos nodded his head, the joy evident in his voice as he spoke, "That is truly wonderful, you've quite lifted my spirits if I'm honest." he said clasping his hands together, before stepping to the side and gesturing with one hand towards the ship so she could step beside him, "Please, come, you can meet my crew on the way to Dorin, though, we will certainly have to get you a helmet or rebreather you can use. I'm afraid the air there is quite poisonous for most. The ship however I made sure would be acceptable."

If she'd go into step he'd make another comment with the tilt of his head, "You know, for years in the order, I was...naive, to a fault that is. I had visions nightly, saw secrets that should have made me think worse of people, but...I just couldn't accept it. I wanted to believe so much that everyone was a good person at heart that I even rejected what the force itself was so clearly warning me about. One day I just...made a decision, I meditated, for days in my chamber, trying so hard to make sure once I was done I could accept the truth, but not be destroyed by it. My pain was...far from yours. But like you said, it was about letting go. I had to accept that some people committed evil, and that no matter how much I wanted to believe otherwise, it just wasn't the case for everyone."

He sighed, he almost missed the moments when he believed in that, but it was blissful ignorance. He had to have known in his heart somewhere that it was wrong, his brain telling him that such a thing just couldn't be so. He just didn't want to believe it, "All of us must accept something, but the lessons for some are far harder then others."
[member="Aiesha Solari"]

 

[Aiesha Solari]

Aiesha knew the feel img all to well, she was still so niave, she believed down even in the darkest points of ones soul that could be saved.Perhaps it was her gift from the force where she could see the smallest spark of light. Perhaps not, mabe it was as Kos spoke of perhaps it's just a lost hope.


Throughout her life, it was the one thing that kept her still going, if she could see it someone else.Than she had no other option it be the same for her, although she carried this pain her, she had to believe there was a reason that one day she could let go and be free. At the same time it was her biggest fault, she allowed others in, giving them a pathway to take advantage of her.


Aiesha did not have those thoughts, she could sense a loss of hope in him.It gave her reason to leave with him.She knew he could help her, as she stood waiting, perhaps she could help him, allow him to hope again. Perhaps they could help each other.Yes, she knew it would be.


“We all have pain,I have dwelled to much on my past,It wasn't until I saw yo, in my dreams that I was not alone. The force used you to give me focus. I didn't realize until now I believe we can help each other.I have a lot to learn from you, certain things I have forgotten from my training, I hope there is something I can help you.”

She took one step, and than another,and looked over her shoulder, as if to say goodbye to something she no longer needed. She took a deal breath as though to release a much needed weight. At the same moment the force took the oxygen through to her lungs, she held her breath using the force as a breath control until the appropriate time where could use the breathing apparatus.


She stepped onto the ship, she turned, with her mind she sent him her thoughts through the force she sent him her thoughts.



“Thank you, there is a ray of hope in all of us"

[member="Xos"]

 

[Xos]

[member="Aiesha Solari"]

He nodded thoughtfully, teach her as the force told him to. It was as he believed it should be, if he was the extension of the force, there would be nothing truly in its path. Nothing would truly be difficult if he could fully give himself in to the force, but doing so, that was not quite as easy. Not for him at least. He sensed so much evil and it fought with his desire to make all well, and yet so many people refused to choose the light.

Xos chuckled, "Perhaps there is, perhaps there is." He said simply. He could not say for sure. He no doubt had grown from that moment, was at more peace then he was before. But he was also more...restricted. He had lost some of his youth to the pain that naivety can bring.

As they reached the ship he would call for them to get an apparatus that a human could use, they had ones for Kel Dorians but they would probably kill her due to the design specifically for them. He heard the thought as they entered the ship, responding mentally, "Truly there is isn't there." It was quite nice to have someone who suffered to have so much joy and hope in them.

While there weren't really any humans on board, the security team that Xos employed had had humans who came with them, which fortunately meant there was an apparatus available they could get to her before long.


On the way there Xos would discuss for a moment with his crew about getting back and what to do there before returning to speak to Aiesha, "We'll be there pretty soon, I just want to bring up a few things so there's no shock to you. You've been so nice so far and I just couldn't stand if I made a mess up on the way. There...never has been a human Baran Do before." he waved a hand to the side, "Well, there have been visitors, in times of emergency. And there was one time a long time ago that Jedi came and brought us out of the shadows, but aside from that, nothing. So I don't want you to be too surprised if people are a little uncertain. They're typically quite accepting, they certainly were when I mentioned the possibility, but emotions do exist with us to and sometimes." he shrugged. "There's not much to do. But more importantly, it's not optimal conditions for, well, anyone but Kel Dorians...and droids I suppose. And we'll do everything to help you but I do think when it comes to mediating, it may be best we do so on this ship where I can make it fit so you can breathe fine. The temple...doesn't really have a atmospheric alteration system. And I imagine you aren't as used to mediating with a breathing apparatus as we are."


He sighed, all the details that truly didn't help people, it felt like he was blabbering about absolutely useless things and it always made him feel like he was wasting someones time, "One day, I hope we can learn...to be extensions of the force. I believe, whole heartedly, that somehow, there is a way to be in perfect synchrony with it. And if we can do that, there will be no true challenge that cannot be overcome, just by listening. No fight will lose a life, no discussion will be misunderstood, a perfect world. Impossible perhaps, but something I can hope for."

 

[Aiesha Solari]

Aiesha felt his words..Hope She had thought at one point she had lost.Looking back she understood hope was the only feeling that had kept her going all those years. She admired Kos, taking the time to explain in a vague history to help her feel more comfortable. She tried to picture in her own mind what the planet looked like, how would she feel, she hoped she would learn to meditate with the apparatus. The thought of meditation on the ship alone felt somewhat out of place.


She wanted to visit the temples, and at least try to get to the know the people and learn from them, perhaps she would be able to teach them as well. She was surprised usually in these types of situations she would feel overwhelmed, but for the first time she had been at peace.She tried with the force to visualize their receptance of her. She had hoped they would accept her.


So many thoughts were running through her mind, focusing she kept her feelings on the here and now, probably why Aiesha did not feel overwhelmed. For a moment she had forgotten Xos was standing next to her she must have looked absent from reality.


“Thank you, hopefully the Kel Dorians will be as accepting of me as you have, one can only hope.I have a thought I would like to try an meditate with the apparatus, I don't really feel comfortable in ships. I like to keep my feet on solid ground If you know what I mean. Thank you for helping me feel more at home.”then she had a simple realization


“Oh my I'm sorry, mabe just in case we should meditate on the ship until perhaps the Kel Dorians feel more comfortable”She felt selfish for thinking it would matter where she meditated. She hoped the Kel Dorians accepted her, she felt a purpose here, there had to be a reason for the dreams and visions.


“I am sorry, just lost in my own thoughts, I don't want to come off as rude,I grateful, the first time I have been at peace for some time. Thank you”



@Xos@Salis