Private Turning Point

[Jairdain]

The last year in Jairdain's life had certainly been a busy one. Her husband had died, one of her daughters had moved into another territory entirely. Though she had seen her once since that happened. Then as she had just started to really try and recover from the loss of Yuroic, she thought she had fallen in love again. Now she was having second thoughts on the situation and decided to have a conversation with an old friend.

Both of them had recently been promoted to Grandmasters. She to one of Diplomacy and Josh to one of the Saber. Two totally different aspects but they worked well together. Leaving him a message to visit her estate on Commenor, he would gain entry easily.

This was not something she wanted to talk about in a public place. When he arrived, she greeted him with a friendly smile and hug if he accepted. Motioning him to follow her, she would take him into a room with comfortable chairs and offer him the drink she had invited him here for.

Handing him the drink, she took a seat and appeared to stare into her glass.

"Thank you for visiting. I guess I just need a friend to talk to and they seem to be very much lacking these days."

Taking a breath and letting it out, she took a sip of her drink and put the glass down the table.

"You...also lost your wife. You also know my husband died not too long ago. And I'm sure you've also learned that I am with Jax. Yes, yes, I can imagine what you're going to say. That I moved on too quickly or some such. Before that happens, you are right. I think I did too but I don't know."

Falling into silence, she honestly hoped Josh might be able to pick out what she was trying to say. Even she couldn't put it all into words that came out well.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Jairdain



Josh hadn't had a chance to catch up with Jairdain in some time, but he knew of all that had happened to her. Losing her husband Yuroic had been tragic. It had been admirable of her to be able to rally and stand up to help lead the Silvers as its Grandmaster of Diplomacy. They sure could have used her with that psychopath showed up though... Josh wasn't one for diplomacy. Well, he was but... It depended on your definition of "diplomacy", so to speak. He did not do politics. He was a man who spoke his truth, and if people wanted to act like spoiled brats, or devolve into lies, then that was their problem. But he had stated to what was once the Assembly that he wouldn't last a day on Commenor with its politics. He refused to work from Commenor, and would only come here if it was absolutely necessary. He would operate either from home, or from the Silver Rest on Kashyyyk. He had no intentions of suffering Commenor's political hellscape if he didn't have to.

Of course, there was another reason. Just not one he had any reason to tell people. But he also did not wish to come back to the world where his friends had been buried.

As it was though, Jairdain was still grieving, he was sure. So he would suffer that if it meant being there to serve as a source of comfort for her. Why else would she call him? They were friends, but he knew Jairdain. She did not typically call unless something was needed, and if it had been business related... She would have called him into the council chambers, not her personal quarters. The only thing he could guess was Yuroic-related. He had known Yuroic a long time, perhaps even longer than Jair. So if he was to serve as a soundboard for her, so be it. He supposed she couldn't exactly talk about it with her new beau...

He accepted the hug when he arrived, gently embracing her in turn. She handed him a drink, and he took a seat across from her. He closed his eyes a moment, sensing out into the drink. It wasn't anything against Jairdain, just force of habit. Especially on Commenor.

"With all the change lately, I could use some time that isn't dedicated to business regardless" he remarked with a shrug in turn. But then the reason came out rather quickly. She didn't waste any time. He nodded slowly. "I'll admit, even by my standards that was pretty fast. I moved on quickly to some, as well, though. So it's a matter of perspective" came his answer on that part of things. "But you had every right to process your grief the way you need to."

He let her continue. It sounded like her time with Jax wasn't the paradise she had hoped for, but he wasn't going to make assumptions until he had more information.

 

[Jairdain]

Taking her time to sip at her own drink a few times and allow Josh to answer, the councilor listened. Jairdain almost felt odd reaching out for help. However, Josh was about the only person she felt comfortable enough to do this to. He had helped her many years ago when she was a broken Sith and returning to the Jedi. After that, they had become close friends. Nothing in their relationship had changed and she didn't think it would.

His wife had already been gone for a while before they had met, so that meant he would better understand what she was going through. When he checked the drink she had handed him, she took no offense at the action. Jairdain was happy to meet with her friend but sorrow clung to her.

Smiling a bit of a bitter smile as he spoke, this wasn't business but how she felt had so much to do with it. She couldn't go off and become a hermit or anything. No matter how much she wanted to. The Master had a job to do and she would do her best to do it.

It seemed he agreed she had moved on quickly but pointed out it was all about perspective. If this helped her through her grief, then it was the right choice. Nodding at this, Jairdain kept quiet until she was sure he was finished.

"There is another thing that gives me second thoughts. For many years, you have known me and know I'm not one to jump into battles and wars usually. Jax joins every one he can. Yuroic died in battle. I'm not sure I can handle another loss like that."

Sipping at her drink again, she sighed when she finished and continued with the reason why she wanted to talk with Josh. Falling silent, it appeared that she looked into the glass in her hand. Just waiting for her friend to confirm what she thought.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Jairdain



He nodded along as Jairdain gave the basis of the issue. He was starting to get it, at least. Her new beau, and he had seen this in action already, jumped into battle even more often than he did these days. "That he does" he agreed with a small smile as he set the drink down. "I can see where you're coming from, of course. My first wife was killed in battle as well. I don't know what battle she went off to fight. I only received a note she had sent of her leaving to handle some business, long after her passing. Which gave me some... Admittedly, a lot of abandonment issues before the truth came out. I still don't know the whole truth of the matter, but I can tell you that I understand the fear of losing one's partner to battle. Especially when you've lost one already. Ra doesn't jump into every battle, but... She still does fight, and that worries me. Just as I'm sure I worry her when I go into battle. This is, simply put, the nature of our work."

He sighed as he took another small drink from the drink. There were bound to be issues after Yuroic's death. This was just one of them. It was clear she was still grieving, and perhaps her moving on too soon had been a factor in this issue. But it was also possible she'd feel this way even if she had waited.

"I used to operate the same way that Jax does now. He's newer to his cause, it's completely logical for him to do that. He wants to do his part. This is the way he feels he can do it, especially when warfare rages all over the place. I was in his position and understand his mindset. It wasn't until later in my career that I slowed down, found other ways to contribute. But until then, I fought until I could fight no more. And I still take to the field when I can. That's just how people like us are, this is how we feel we can best contribute until we feel it is right to leave the fighting to the young" he explained calmly. "So if you are to remain together, you will have to do so with the understanding that he, as are many other men and women, are this way. And there's no sense in trying to change him. I also don't think it's wise to let your fears cloud your judgement of a relationship's worth. We live in dangerous times. We both know there's always going to be a risk no matter what we do. And we've both had to live with the consequences of that."

He sighed. "Shmi was not a constantly active combatant. Far from it."

 

[Jairdain]

While Josh was a close friend and she was confiding in him about her feelings, she still did not entirely want to show him everything. However, Jairdain had already come this far and knew she was doing the right thing by talking with him. If there was anybody she could be herself with, it was him. So as he spoke, she listened and when he mentioned the loss of his wife, she couldn't help but tear up.

She hadn't known she also died in battle only that she had died. Listening to Josh speak about his relationship with Ra, she nodded. He didn't allow the loss of Shmi to prevent him from allowing Ra to fight. Not that stopping her would even be possible.

Tilting her head as he continued, she sipped her drink and finished it off. Setting the glass down, she felt for the table next to her before placing it there.

"Really? I would never have thought you jumped into battle so easily!"

It wasn't excitement in her tone but surprise. As he continued, her face grew serious again and she nodded along with the points he made.

"Even not in battle, a person can die any time. I understand that. Thank you, Josh. This conversation has really helped."

They probably weren't finished yet but the main point had been made and it really had helped clear her mind.

"The only time a person has nothing to fear is when they have nothing to lose."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Jairdain

He smirked slightly when she exclaimed that she was surprised about him jumping into battle, as he couldn't tell if it was legitimate surprise or sarcasm. Either was silly. Many young men threw themselves into battle when they first joined its ranks, it was the same for the Jedi and the military. It was just something that happened, and he understood that. Most likely one day Jason may up and do the same. Not a thought that he wanted to think about, but it was a possibility.

Still, at least she seemed to understand the point and it had helped her some. She made a point at the end which was very much true, and he nodded his head in turn. "Celebrate what you have while you have it. In battle or not, it can be taken at anytime."

He thought things over a moment from there.

"I get the impression you were considering breaking it off. I highly doubt there is one simple reason for it. Fear of their demise is one reason sure, but fearing their loss is in a way a show of love in of itself. You would not be so inclined to discard it if there wasn't something else. Am I on the mark here?"

 

[Jairdain]

If Josh was at all empathic, then he should be able to sense that the surprise she had was real. There was something about Jairdain that was pretty obvious, she didn't know how to entirely hide some of her emotions. Those on the surface played across her face as a movie and anybody could watch them.

Her own son was also blind and had, in reality, lead a rather sheltered life. Besides, he hadn't gone the way of the Jedi fully or even learned how to fight. Unless he kept this a secret from her. Marcus was more of a scientist than a fighter and they were both happy with the choices he had made.

"My youngest daughter has moved away already and I hardly see her. Nitya still lives on Kashyyyk and Marcus is around here somewhere. He is supposed to be the one in charge of this small parcel of territory here but the job seems to land on my shoulders more than his."

That was also fine with Jairdain, she knew what she needed to do and was there to accomplish them. As long as his people were happy, then she was too. Nodding when Josh pointed out she had been considering breaking things off with Jax, she was now having second thoughts on it. Just because she turned to him for help.

"Well, he insists on living in his apartment on Coruscant. That's not a place I can stay for long. I need nature around me and there is not much there."

It was another reason and she might as well get it out in the open.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Jairdain

“And there’s no compromise on that? I would hope he’s listening to you and facilitating proper communication. But I have no idea if there is any, if it has reached this point” the Master pointed out as Jair indicated that the main brunt of the issue was housing. This was definitely a delicate thing to deal with, and Josh wasn’t entirely sure how to approach it. He and Ra always kept due correspondence on these matters. He knew she missed Bast, and he would rather not leave the estate, but if her desires got strong enough, he’d be willing to talk and figure out what would be best for both of them.

Of course, while the estate was no castle, it was hidden away. That took care of the issue of it being a staging ground for a large-scale invasion. He supposed that probably helped a bit.

“I don’t suppose he’s willing to try and find a decently sized apartment with room for a garden of some sort?”

 

[Jairdain]

"So far there has not been any."

Then again, they might be committed to each other but there was still the chance to break things off. That was just one of the many reasons Jairdain had asked her friend to visit her. Besides, they had a few years to catch up on. It had been a long time since the two of them had really had the opportunity to just sit and talk. Not about business but their personal lives. Josh was one of the few people she felt comfortable enough doing this with and she cherished what they had.

"I'm sure you know how stubborn some men can be."

Saying this with a bit of snark, she wasn't entirely directing the comment to Josh personally but then again, it might hit him harder than she thought.

Shaking her head at his question, she wasn't totally sure about the answer.

"I have never asked that actually. So can't give you that information. However, when I have mentioned moving before, he was adamant about staying in his small apartment."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Jairdain

“Of course not. Those young soldier types never are. Hardheaded, set in their ways. It would be endearing if not for the selfishness that goes with it” the Jedi remarked with an annoyed sigh. This was worse than he had expected when first brought up. “To be honest, a serious conversation is probably going to be needed about what you want and what he wants. Neither of you should stand to live unhappy in something as simple as living arrangements. While consolations are needed in any relationship, if it’s making you unhappy, then you need to voice it and stay firm until a compromise is found.”

He folded his hands together. “I am sure he has his reasons for the apartment. Get them in detail, and detail why you feel as you do. Find something together. It might not be perfect, but so long as you’re both happy, it’ll do.”

He frowned slightly. “My wife once held a castle. One she was very fond of, very proud of. She lost it in a Sith attack, and has since lived with me in a settlement far and away from the worries of the world. Perfect for me, and perfect for raising our children without having to worry about something happening again like with her previous home. But I know she pines for the place. If she could live there again, I know she’d want to take the chance in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, even if she did, I couldn’t follow. Even past my own preferences and distaste for the presence there, the planet is not a good place to raise children, especially a Force Sensitive as young as Jason. We could not stay long, as it disturbed him greatly. And the place sticks out like a sore thumb, as she’s found out the hard way. To be honest, I wish I could give her that which she desires. But it’s not something I can budge on even if the opportunity arose, and she understands the reason why.”

He unglued his hands. “So I’ve done all I can instead, to make our current home as much a home for her as possible. I cannot give her a castle. But I’ll do my damndest to get as close as I can. It’s not perfect, but it’s the closest thing to harmony we’ve got. So work together. Find your harmony, or as close as you can get it.”

 

[Jairdain]

Everybody had their reasons for doing what they did. Whether right or wrong, there were still reasons. Jairdain had questioned her lover on them and the only answer she ever got was he felt he needed to be close to his job. Which was something she could understand. She also needed to be close to hers but was able to travel easier than Jax could. So they were stuck without any clear direction. That was why she wanted to talk to Josh.

Listening to his story, it was one she was familiar with. She had been a part of the Hand and helped settle in the castle. The memory of Ra ordering everybody to leave stuck in her mind, she was just glad her friend was able to escape and had found happiness with Josh. Knowing Ra though, she probably would have figured out something if they hadn't had their encounter on Kashyyyk all those years ago.

"I stayed in Bast too. So I'm aware of what happened there. It was a rather dark and gloomy place. Not to mention the nexus that was right there. Like a smack to the face that."

Taking a drink, she set her glass down and gave him a smile.

"The two of you work together like Yuroic and I did. I just wish it would be just as easy with Jax."

Shrugging her shoulders slightly, she understood everybody was different and each of them worked in a different manner.

"Are you just as happy with the results? Knowing she might want to someday return to that castle? I can just imagine her having a secret lair under the house or in a building all her own. She really does like to tinker around. Does she still do that?"

This really wasn't any of her business, but it had been a while since she last spoke with Ra. Something she would have to change.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Jairdain

She had stayed in Bast as well? It seemed he did not need to hide the specifics of the situation after all, then. She claimed that he and Ra worked like she and Yuroic did, and he gave a bittersweet smile at that. “Different couples will have different dynamics. You have to accept that he is not Yuroic, and he never will be. The sooner you stop trying to replace Yuroic, and finding nostalgia in him, the happier you will be.”

He bowed his head slightly. “I do not mean to sound harsh, of course. But while I am sure you understand that everyone is different, it is easy to grow nostalgic for times gone past, times you cannot get back. It is easy to unconsciously compare your current arrangements and people to those gone. It is a hole I fell in myself when I was first with Ra. I kept thinking about my deceased first wife, Shmi. I made subconscious comparisons time and time again, without meaning to. It was not meant to be a slight on Ra, not at all. It was just part of my grief. I missed the domestic bliss I once had, and I missed it greatly. To me, it was the perfect life, one I had always wanted without even knowing it. And it was torn from me, just as yours was torn from you. Perhaps I too, moved on too quickly for my heart and mind to fully process my grief. But while it took time and understanding, I came to appreciate Ra for who she is, and what she brings to our relationship. And I have no regrets. I am exactly where I want to be."

With that, the subject turned to Ra in more detail. He smiled slightly. “I have considered the possibility. If it comes to it, we will communicate on the matter. Though I don’t think she will. Nostalgia pangs will hit her, and someday when the planet is free, perhaps we will journey together to visit, in hopes of easing her grief and her pangs for it. But she has taken her role as Jason’s mother seriously in the time since meeting him, and now she is mother to Sera as well. She knows that it is not a place for children, just as I understand that a Jedi Temple is not a place for children to be raised either, as much as I had once wanted to be closer to work myself.”

He smirked a moment. “Of course, I’ve encouraged her to make the house home. So you never know what may be hidden.”

He had already seen to that. He had built the underground lair for her himself, as a surprise.