Approved NPC Tvrrist

[Renthcol]

[member="Liliane Lancaster"]

[member="Gael bar Ammon"]

Name: Tvrrist aka fur ball

Loyalties: Companion/ copilot of Captain Colton Renfroe

Role: Copilot/first mate of the Mori flacon

Development Threads: N/A

Age: 32

Species: Wookie

Appearance: a 6 foot 8 inches a tall slim built Wookie with blackish brown fur, shaggy in appearance, goldish bandoleer, and dark beady eyes. His long shaggy fur , helps to break up his silhouette in the wilderness and shadows. The blackish brown coloration of said fur also serves as natural camouflage making difficult to see in the wilderness and shadows except at very close range. His bandoleer and tribal hunter garb(skulls and bones of various animal worked into his tribal armor.) also make for very nice intimation factor which Colton has exploited when a need has arisen.

Personality: equal parts cunning warrior, and daring pirate, he like companion is very unpredictable. He can be your best buddy one moment and rip your arms off the next. He is known to have a temper, is very tradition and honor driven, but he also likes adventure and making piles of credits. His honor bound nature which is a key reason he chose to stay with Colton after Colton freed him as also put him a odds with his captain and campion on a few occasions.

Combat Function: Skilled with bow caster and trained for stealth.
Force Sensitivity: no

Weapon of Choice: Bow caster

Skills: Wookie survivalist, and hunter

Wealth: moderate

Notable Possessions: Wookie Bow caster

History: Born on Kashyyyk, trained as hunter, he was out on a hunting trip one about 15 years ago when he was captured by slavers, and sold to an Exchange(a small but brutal Crimnal cartel) crime-lord for ‘entertainment’ which tended to mean gladiatorial style fights with other creatures. It was here Tvrrist first met Captain Colton Renfroe who was working a deal the crime lord and took offence to odd against the Wookie pulled out his DL-44 and quickly dispatched several of the combatants (5 out of the six). Colton then entered to very aggressive negations (negations at blaster point) with the crime lord which resulted in a fair amount of blood shed before he and Tvrrist walked out. Colton gave Tvrrist his freedom and the Wookie chose to stay with him and the two have work together ever since that was 5 years ago. They have before quiet the smugglers snice then.

Intent: To make a companion/copilot for Captain Colton Renfroe

 

[Liliane]

Under review.

 

[Liliane]

[member="Captain Colton Renfroe"]

Hey, I'm Liliane and I will be here to review this submission.

First of all, there are a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes in the submission. Please run the whole text through a grammar/spelling checker or a word processor or anything else you can use to fix the errors.

Secondly, I would like to see at least a solid paragraph of text in both the Appearance and Personality sections.

And finally, even though I won't ask for a development thread for this submission, you have marked the Development Thread section as 'WIP'. If you don't want to add any links there, change it to 'N/A' or anything along the lines. However, if you do want to finish and include the development thread in the submission, just let me know when it's done.

 

[Renthcol]

K I'l run through spell check again and work on fleshing out a bit more. As for devilment thread I was planning on flash post to add more detail to history of how he and Colton meet and came to to partners is acceptable it people gonging a take a week or so to get it done.

 

[Liliane]

[member="Captain Colton Renfroe"]

Since there is no need for a development thread, there's no need to hurry with finishing the thread. I won't be waiting a week until the thread is done, because there really is no need for that.

However, please post here when you have made the requested changes, and don't forget to @mention me in your post.

 

[Renthcol]

new and improved version


Name: Tvrrist aka fur ball

Loyalties: Companion/ copilot of Captain Colton Renfroe

Role: Copilot/first mate of the Mori flacon

Development Threads: N/A

Age: 32

Species: Wookie

Appearance: a 6 ft. 8 in tall slim built Wookie with blackish brown fur, shaggy in appearance goldish bandoleer and bow caster dark beady eyes, white well maintained teeth. His long shaggy fur gives the appearance of bread on his face, and also helps to break up his silhouette in the wilderness and shadows. The blackish brown coloration of said fur also serves as natural camouflage making difficult to see in the wilderness and shadows except at very close range. His bandoleer and tribal hunter grab also make for very nice intimation factor which Colton has exploited when need has arisen.

Personality: equal parts cunning warrior, and daring pirate, he like companion is very unpredictable. He can be would best buddy one minuet and rip your arms the next, he known to have temper. He is very tradition and honor driven, but he also like adventure and making plies of credits. His honor bound nature which is key reason he chose to stay with Colton after Colton freed him as also put him at add with his captain and campion on a few occasions.

Combat Function: Skilled with bow caster and trained stealth +bow caster, +stealth, +strength. –Size, -rage.
Force Sensitivity: no

Weapon of Choice: Bow caster

Skills: Wookie survivalist, and hunter

Wealth: moderate

Notable Possessions: Wookie Bow caster

History: Born on Kashyyyk, trained as hunter, he was out on a hunting trip with capture but slavers, a sold to an Exchange crime-lord for ‘entertainment’ which tended to mend gladiatorial style fights with other creatures. It was here He me Captain Colton Renfroe who was working a deal the crime lord and took offence to odd against the Wookie pulled out his DL-44 and quickly dispatched serval of the combatants. He then enter to very aggressive negations with the crime lord which resulted in a fair about of blood shed before he and Tvrrist walked out Colton gave Tvrrist his freedom and the Wookie chose to stay with him and the two have work together ever since that was 5 years ago.

Intent: To make a companion/copilot for Captain Colton Renfroe

 

[Renthcol]

[member="Liliane Lancaster"]


new and improved version


Name: Tvrrist aka fur ball

Loyalties: Companion/ copilot of Captain Colton Renfroe

Role: Copilot/first mate of the Mori flacon

Development Threads: N/A

Age: 32

Species: Wookie

Appearance: a 6 ft. 8 in tall slim built Wookie with blackish brown fur, shaggy in appearance goldish bandoleer and bow caster dark beady eyes, white well maintained teeth. His long shaggy fur gives the appearance of bread on his face, and also helps to break up his silhouette in the wilderness and shadows. The blackish brown coloration of said fur also serves as natural camouflage making difficult to see in the wilderness and shadows except at very close range. His bandoleer and tribal hunter grab also make for very nice intimation factor which Colton has exploited when need has arisen.

Personality: equal parts cunning warrior, and daring pirate, he like companion is very unpredictable. He can be would best buddy one minuet and rip your arms the next, he known to have temper. He is very tradition and honor driven, but he also like adventure and making plies of credits. His honor bound nature which is key reason he chose to stay with Colton after Colton freed him as also put him at add with his captain and campion on a few occasions.

Combat Function: Skilled with bow caster and trained stealth +bow caster, +stealth, +strength. –Size, -rage.
Force Sensitivity: no

Weapon of Choice: Bow caster

Skills: Wookie survivalist, and hunter

Wealth: moderate

Notable Possessions: Wookie Bow caster

History: Born on Kashyyyk, trained as hunter, he was out on a hunting trip with capture but slavers, a sold to an Exchange crime-lord for ‘entertainment’ which tended to mend gladiatorial style fights with other creatures. It was here He me Captain Colton Renfroe who was working a deal the crime lord and took offence to odd against the Wookie pulled out his DL-44 and quickly dispatched serval of the combatants. He then enter to very aggressive negations with the crime lord which resulted in a fair about of blood shed before he and Tvrrist walked out Colton gave Tvrrist his freedom and the Wookie chose to stay with him and the two have work together ever since that was 5 years ago.

Intent: To make a companion/copilot for Captain Colton Renfroe

 

[Liliane]

[member="Captain Colton Renfroe"]

Please don't post the edited submission as a new post, you must edit the opening post with the requested changes instead. So I'm asking you to copy the whole edited submission into the first post of the thread and then I can continue the review process.

 

[Liliane]

[member="Captain Colton Renfroe"]

This is much better now and has my stamp of approval.

Another judge will voice their opinion about this submission now.

 

[Gael bar Ammon]

[member="Captain Colton Renfroe"] [member="Liliane Lancaster"]

Please go through your history once more and make it a little more coherent, as it's present wording makes it rather difficult to understand. You still have several misspellings and grammar mistakes, so please run through your submission and take care of those before we chalk this up to pending.

 

[Gael bar Ammon]

[member="Liliane Lancaster"]

[member="Gael bar Ammon"]

Name: Tvrrist aka fur ball

Loyalties: Companion/ copilot of Captain Colton Renfroe

Role: Copilot/first mate of the Mori flacon

Development Threads: N/A

Age: 32

Species: Wookie

Appearance: a 6 foot 8 inches a tall slim built Wookie with blackish brown fur, shaggy in appearance, goldish bandoleer, and bow caster dark beady eyes, andwhite well maintained teeth. His long shaggy fur gives the appearance of bread on his face, and also helps to break up his silhouette in the wilderness and shadows. The blackish brown coloration of said fur also serves as natural camouflage making difficult to see in the wilderness and shadows except at very close range. His bandoleer and tribal hunter garb also make for very nice intimation factor which Colton has exploited when the need has arisen.

Personality: equal parts cunning warrior, and daring pirate, he like companion is very unpredictable. He can be your best buddy one minute and rip your arms off the next. He is known to have a temper. He is very tradition and honor driven, but he also like adventure and making piles of credits. His honor bound nature which is a key reason he chose to stay with Colton after Colton freed him as also put him at add with his captain and campion on a few occasions.

Combat Function: Skilled with bow caster and trained in stealth.
Force Sensitivity: no

Weapon of Choice: Bow caster

Skills: Wookie survivalist, and hunter

Wealth: moderate

Notable Possessions: Wookie Bow caster

History: Born on Kashyyyk, trained as hunter, he was out on a hunting trip one about 15 years ago when he was captured by slavers, and sold to an Exchange crime-lord for ‘entertainment’ which tended to mean gladiatorial style fights with other creatures. It was here he met Captain Colton Renfroe who was working a deal the crime lord and took offence to odd against the Wookie pulled out his DL-44 and quickly dispatched several of the combatants. Colton then entered to very aggressive negations (at blaster point) with the crime lord which resulted in a fair amount of blood shed before he and Tvrrist walked out. Colton gave Tvrrist his freedom and the Wookie chose to stay with him and the two have work together ever since that was 5 years ago.

Intent: To make a companion/copilot for Captain Colton Renfroe

The yellow are all corrected. You just need to comb through your submission to reflect the changes I outlined above to make this a little more coherent. The parts in yellow are confusing and I will need clarification on. The appearance of bread? What is the Exchange? Colton freed Tvirrist and did what?

 

[Renthcol]

[member="Gael bar Ammon"]

K I think I fixed everything you out lined.

 

[Gael bar Ammon]

[member="Captain Colton Renfroe"]

Sorry for the delay.

I'm going to mark this as pending, though note that future submissions may be denied for erroneous grammar and/or spelling. Additionally, it is not necessary to tag Codex Judges in the original submission.

[member="Lorelei Darke"]

 

[Quietus]

Approved