Understand, I Beg Of You

[Lief]

The Great Keep​

Midvinter​

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9PXLTLuuSE​

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The walk through the Great Keep seemed to take an eternity this day, stretching on in earnest. She could feel her pulse quicken as she neared the throne room where he sat this day; men and women stopped at the sight of her, inclining their head out of respect, but for the first time since coming to this land she could not quite meet their gaze. Shame, was that what she was experiencing? Fear? Things she had abandoned in her youth, things which had been brought about by the laxness of her heart. She had learned to love, to cherish, to care for others and put them above herself. But it brought with it its own series of weaknesses.

A gentle heart.

Before her reunion with the Phoenix she would not have thought twice about this decision. What was her absence when compared to the plight of a people who had pledged themselves to her? Who looked to her, and only her, for guidance, for safety and protection? But she had roots here, she had a family, she had children, and a husband she loved beyond words.

The doors to the throne room were thrown open at her approach; inside light from the windows danced on the ground. Several guards stood around the room, at the base of great wooden pillars, and none broke form to look her way as she approached. It seemed as though the audience chamber had just been cleared, a small blessing from the Gods she had tried so hard to accept as reality.

Their boys were busy with nap time. Mysa was away with Théodred. For the first time in a long time they were alone with only the silent watchers standing vigil.

Once she reached the foot of the dais upon which the throne settled, Kära did something wholly unexpected. She sank to her knees, with her dress pooling around her, and bowed her head in humility. How could she look at him this moment, and speak the words she was going to? How could she tell him of her plans to leave for Force knew how long? This was not goodbye, far from it, but would he see it that way? Would he understand?

"My King" she finally breathed, her voice strong despite its lack of volume.

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

The day had been one of royal matters thus far, with the High King and Queen tending to anything from feuds between rival houses to who owns this or that goat. Such issues were but minor and a common occurrence for the king's ear, and he was happy to rule - or merely advise - on such matters so long as there was no mention of Vinterbound or any other hostile elements. Then his blood would boil and the fire in his eye ignite like wildfire, for nothing stirred his soul like the thought of his home coming under attack. It also terrified him, knowing that so much rested in his hands in times of dire need.

But he would not fail father. He would rather lose his head.

As midday came and went, he'd thought all whom had sought the king's attention had been seen to. But when the queen herself appeared before him just as he rose from the taller of the two thrones on bended knee, Thyrian's heart sank. For her of all people to submit herself to him was the last thing he ever wanted to see.

"My Queen," he replied with soft tone, towering over the White Lady from where he stood. In truth, it was impossible for him not to no matter where he stood. One look to the huscarls discreetly lining the walls would tell them to leave the two alone. He then slowly stepped down from the dais and knelt before her, lifting her face up to meet his gaze with a gentle hand under her chin. "What is the matter, Kära? What's wrong?" His brows furrowed in confusion and worry, for he could tell something was not as it should.

[member="Kära Hearthfire"]​

 

[Lief]

As she lingered there on the ground, with the sound of receding footsteps and her beloved's voice in her ears, she could not lift her gaze from where it settled.

His boots came into focus just before her, quickly replaced by his knees as he settled before her. A small exhale of breath helped to once again steel her nerves, and when he tipped her face upward she looked him in the eye and trembled for but a moment.

Were he not her Husband, she might have feared him in that moment. Not that she'd ever confess as much.

"I... Must ask something of you, My King, though it pains me to do so."

Swallowing, she finally broke composure and lifted one hand up to cup his cheek. Her eyes bore into his own, as though staring into his very soul, and her expression crumpled.

"I'm needed elsewhere, beloved... I do not wish to leave you, our home, our dear sweet children, but I heard disconcerting news from Aurum. The transmission was slow to reach me, I do not know how long they have been suffering in vain but they need me..."

She broke free from the tender touch of his hand which was holding her head in place, and turned her sights back to the ground. Her hand slipped from his cheek to her side.

"Forgive me... Please."

[member="Thyrian Hearthfire"]

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

The way she had looked at him was heartbreaking; he who had been at her side since she was but a child - he who had died for her - had never sensed such emotions within her when she would look at him. He could sense her fear for him, or perhaps more so of what he would say to her when learning of her intentions. It pained him more to know this than the words she spoke ever could. When her composure broke his did as well, not fully comprehending her sudden request.

He allowed her to resume her submissive stance with her head lowered, even though he wished nothing more than to scoop her up off the ground and into his arms. Slowly he rose to tower over her. "You wish to go back there, after all this time?" It was an earnest question, yet one that did not demand an answer. He had all but put the pieces together himself.

"You are going to our old bunker there? To finish what you started?" Turning away from her, not in disgust but rather disbelief, he gazed into the flames of a nearby brazier, allowing a moment's pause. "I thought we agreed to put those lives behind us, Kära. There is nothing on Aurum but darkness... and despair." It was there that he had lost her former incarnation, where he had died a second time by killing his only love. There were no pleasant memories of Aurum for Thyrian.

"However," he sighed deeply. "I would never keep you here against your will, Snowflake. If your wish is to seek out old wounds, then you are free to do so." Turning back to face her again, he kneeled before her once more while settling a tender hand upon her shoulder. "What pains me is that you felt the need to ask for permission. You are a Queen - you are my Queen. You always have been, long before we ever set foot on Midvinter." He reached for both her hands, his tone of voice changed from somber to encouraging, with even hints of a smile. "And my Queen does not ask permission. She takes what she wants, and damned be the consequences!"

His other hand caressed her cheek where once a horrid scar sat. "So you see, there is nothing for me to forgive." His eyes fell to her lips as his tumb gently brushed against them. "Because I will always love you, Snowflake. No matter where you are or what you do, you will always be here with me."

[member="Kära Hearthfire"]​

 

[Lief]

He was worried, she realized, that she was becoming the beast she had left behind in death. A woman blinded by power, corrupted by the darkness which had torn this world apart... Did he think so little of her? Or did he expect it to be the natural order of things? What else did he know, after all... What else did either of them know?

Very slowly she shook her head.

"You misunderstand me, my love..." came her whispered voice, "I am not returning to the past we once knew, that which we forsake. But the people there... They are my people, I brought them to that world in search of a new hope, a new life, I saved them from chains, from death... From absolute genocide. I cannot bear the thought of all that being in vain."

She leaned into his most tender touch and managed a weak smile at his words. The doubt was gone, instead a passion burned within him, words of encouragement which she needed in that moment, the knowledge that he would not in turn forsake her for her decision.

"I know that Aurum is a world of darkness, but it was never intended to be so. The City has fallen, the people are scattered and hanging on to any semblance of life they can... I have a responsibility to them, Thyrian... But that does not mean that I will forsake my duties here, either. There are several hyperlanes between here and there, I intend on having a ship created which will cut travel time down. There must be a way for me to manage both."

It was then that she swallowed, and looked into his eyes.

"Thrand should remain here, he will be King one day, he needs to know what that means. He needs to learn from his Father, and his advisers. But Theryn..." She shook her head slowly. It pained her to pull the brothers apart, but he was so sickly, he clung to his mother at every opportunity. "I almost lost him once, my love. I would never forgive myself if I left him behind..."

[member="Thyrian Hearthfire"]

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

How could he ever forsake her - her, of all people - for simply doing what her heart demands of her? The mere idea of it was beyond his comprehension, it simply did not exist to him.

But there was more to her request, and what she said next had him physically recoil.

"You would separate brother from brother, at such a young age?" The mere notion was a subject of taboo for Thyrian, who felt so strongly for the bond between brothers. This made him turn away from her as his mind went to war with itself.

"All this time I've told Thrand to watch over his little brother, only for them to be parted so soon..." He knew she did not mean to cause any harm to nor divide their family, and in truth if she had to leave for Aurum little Theryn would have to go with her. A babe should not be kept from his mother, nor she from him. It would be cruel of him to demand such of her. But his heart ached for their firstborn and how he would take having to say goodbye to his brother, so small and frail still.

"A-aye," he stuttered with a hesitant nod to her, visibly upset over the whole thing. "When the time comes..." he sighed, "you should take Theryn with you." Turning back to Kära fully he did what he could to maintain composure, only for it to break moments after. Tears formed in his eyes as he threw his arms around her, the only woman he would ever love, and slumped down to his knees with his face buried in her shoulder.

[member="Kära Hearthfire"]​

 

[Lief]

She saw his recoil and looked down in shame. It was no secret that the two brothers who now sat as patriarchs to their family viewed the bond between siblings as untouchable, especially between brothers, and she felt terrible for even considering separating them, but what choice did she have? What choice did any of them have?

You could stay... Remain here on Midvinter, with your family, send others to tend to Aurum.

But what kind of woman would she be if she did that? These past years had been spent seeking redemption, if she tossed all of that aside now she would be no better than the monster she had once been.

"I don't want to, beloved... I don't want to tear them apart. But I don't know what else to do. How can I call myself a changed woman if I leave these people to suffer? I wasn't there to protect and lead them, and look at where it got them. It won't be forever, my love, and I will ensure the boys see one another as frequently as is possible, I promise..."

Her voice broke toward the end, and her head turned down toward the ground unable to look upon him.

"I never thought it would be so difficult to love unconditionally. It breaks my heart to do this, truly it does..."

When he fell broken before her she leaned forward to encompass him as best she could in her arms, stroking the back of his hair as they sat there for a while in silence. She was saying goodbye to the home they had built, to her dearest husband, to her sweet son.

"I'll just be one hyperlane away" she whispered, though it did little to help her aching heart.

[member="Thyrian Hearthfire"]