Vague Voices

[Kaili Talith]

Spoiler: Song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDD56fRmd3E

Eyelids weighed heavy on the young girl. Four hours had passed since she had hesitantly tucked herself beneath the covers of her bed. Sleep was a rare commodity these days that had become affected by the artificial scarcity created by a young girl who no longer wanted anything to do with it. Because when Kaili was awake she was safe and when she was awake she was in control. In the deep regions of her mind she was neither, and that more than anything terrified her.

The young Talith’s eyes drowsily swept towards her window. Outside she could see the beauty of Borleias yet ever since then it had all started to feel so very far away. The rustle of the bushes, the waves collapsing onto the shore and the breeze gently carrying itself through her room. It all made her eyelids grow heavier and in a desperate attempt to snap herself out of it Kaili reached for the bottle on her nightstand only to ever so abruptly feel her arm go limp and gently dip into the soft mattress. The soft thud reverberated in her mind and with it she knew that once more exhaustion had caught up with her.

She was no longer there. The softness of her mattress could no longer be felt, the weights on her eyelids had been lifted. Her room had faded away into the void and for a very brief moment she could feel her mind soak itself in the comfortable emptiness. That was always how it began. Deep down she knew that it was a momentary respite at best. A farce in which the young girl would allow her mind to recuperate somewhat from the overwhelming neglect that she had come to treat it with.

Operating on eighteen hours of sleep -- if even that -- was not in any way manageable. Kaili’s short-term memory had taken a severe hit from the self-induced insomnia, and that was not to mention the effects it had on the long-term memory. Ever since she had returned hom she often forgot where she was and what she was doing. When people came to help her she shunned them for even trying. Nobody was allowed to go near her except her family. Those who tried would find themselves talking to an apparition. A pale, blonde ghost staring into the sunset even when there was no sun to be had.

Everyone seemed worried for some reason but she would never understand why. Kaili was feeling just fine. Her clothes had grown slightly larger and the hair on her head had grown even more frizzled since last. All pointers would indicate that in her current state Kaili quite simply had given up. On life, on friendships, on ever coming to terms with what she had done. To her, she looked like the mess that she felt like she was supposed to be.

The moment of peace was over, a familiar sense of unease fell over the girl.

She knew what would happen next.

 

[Kaili Talith]

The darkness was ever temporary. If there was one thing Kaili knew about going to sleep it was that her mind was never quite at ease nor satisfied with merely shutting itself down and turning itself back on once enough time had passed for her to wake up again the next morning. Instead it had to get elaborate, turn taunt into torture. Turn dream into nightmare and in return something so simple as sleep into the last thing she’d ever want.

Before her she could see Borleias, same as she always could when lying awake on her bed while staving off her own fatigue. The trees swayed back and forth, yet there was no wind, no rustling of leaves or even breezes carrying themselves across her cheek in a gentle caress. The growing sensation that something was wrong fell over her like a bad cold. Her heart started to beat as her hand grasped at the cover of her bed. Her arm flailed and with a tug she tore the piece of fabric from covering her body.

Once more there was no sound. No thud of impact as the blanket hit the ground. Laoöo sat up and let her bare feet down on the ground. Once again the entire room remained soundless save for the rhythm of her heart pulsating in her ear. She could feel her skin touch the cold floors, but she could not hear it. Her heart began beating faster and faster as the creeping sensation of fear swept over her. She looked at the door, then out the window. Then back at the door. Then back at the window.

Instinct had her going for the door, it told her it was the right choice.

A wary hand reached to grasp it. Her hand wrapped itself around the door handle and with a gentle twist she opened up the door, stepped into the hallway and...

The world faded away. A second passed and before long she found herself staring out the window again. The young girl was right back where she was before; in her bed. She rose from her bed. Eyes on the door she felt the panic nest itself even deeper within her chest.

What the hell was going on?

 

[Kaili Talith]

She had to calm herself, let her nerves untangle and remember what her parents told her about remaining in control. Fear was an emotion that was as bad as you made it. People didn’t choose when or why they were afraid, but they were always in control of the way they handled it. Some handled it with impassiveness, others by lashing out in anger. Kaili knew better, Kaili had to know better. She tightened the knot in her stomach and let it play out on her terms.

Arms stretched out for the door handle she once more burst her way through the doorway, once more she ended up newly awoken in her bed. She wasted no time to get out of bed this time either, reach out for the door and pull at the handle towards the hallways. Once more she burst on through, except she wasn’t waking up again. Her stumbling form came to a halt within a dark void. The door slammed shut behind her and the girl twitched.

It was all becoming too much. Breathing started to get harder, heavy, as if the very air around her had been replaced with a thick mist. The void faded to a forest, faded to an urban landscape, faded to a mountain top, faded back to the void. Sequences and voices calling out for the young girl’s attention.

“Kaili.”
“Kaili.”
....“Kaili.”
“Kaili.”

The girl spun around but saw nothing. At least not at first. Silhouettes, shapes of people, of droids, of animals appeared on the horizon. Surrounding her, beckoning her yet pushing her away. She stepped towards one group of silhouettes, they disappeared. She stepped towards another, they too disappeared.

She repeated the process for all silhouettes that appeared, but as fast as they appeared they were gone again. A dark cloud of smoke took their place and Kaili found herself all alone again.