Vampiric Biot: Melissa Io

[Laertia Io]

• Intent: To make a Biot for a character I intend to play as

• Image Source: https://m.zimbio.com/photos/Stacy+Keibler/Yjs56FrbkrT/Spike+TV+2011+Video+Game+Awards+Red+Carpet
• Canon Link: N/A
• Permissions: N/A
• Primary Source: Westenra Mina

PRODUCTION INFORMATION

• Manufacturer: Westenra Mina, Laertia Io
• Affiliation: Laertia Io ,
• Market Status: Closed-Market
• Model: N/A
• Production: Semi-Unique
• Modularity: N/A
• Material: Vong Biot Tissue, Psy Pire DNA

TECHNICAL INFORMATION

• Classification: Fourth Degree
• Weight: Average
• Height: Average
• Movement: Bipedal
• Armaments: Lightsaber (Pink Core, Red Aura), Citizen Energy Sword, Citizen Energy Sword, Type 2, Psychic Katana,
• Misc. Equipment: Armorweave Dress/Catsuit, Durasteel Stilettos, Sarka Class Frigate, House Io Corvette, House Io A-Wing
• Resistances
  • Energy: Very Low
  • Kinetic: Very Low
  • Lightsabers: None
  • Electricity: Very High
  • Ion: Very Low
  • Acid: Very Low
  • Flame: Very High
  • Cryo: Very High
  • Sonic: Very Low
  • Magnetic: None
  • Gravitic: Very High
  • Vacuum/Pressure: Very High
  • Biological (Disease/Poison, Radiation): Extreme
  • Force: Extreme
  • Anti-Vong: None

SPECIAL FEATURES

• Biot that feeds on the Psychic Energy of victims non lethally for nourishment
• Possesses immense strength, speed, and reflexes.
• Extreme regenerative capability...can be regrown from a single chunk or a few ounces of blood
• Secretes healing enzymes like that of a Medical Nuetralizer Model 1
• Extreme intelligence and up to date combat data bases
• Able to use it's Energy in its cells to mimic the effects of Force Powers
• Physically indistinguishable from a human internally and externally
• Force Dead and incredibly hard to sense
• Able to become pregnant
• Coded to be Laertia's same age sister
• Upgradeable with limited genetic treatments and cybernetic implants

STRENGTHS

• Why Won't You Die: The Regenerative nature of this Biot makes it absurdly difficult to permanently destroy (It's incapable of feeling pain) , able to regenerate from nearly any wound so long as it has at least a quarter of its brain and five percent of its body remaining it will regenerate fully on its own in a span of either 42 minutes from common weapons like blaster, slugs, and Vibroweapons or 14 minutes if feeding vampirically. If only a chunk of tissue or a few ounces of blood is left, exposing that chunk to Gamma rays will cause it to regenerate fully. It usually leaves a large piece of itself behind in case it dies for this reason. Able to keep fighting even with severe organ damage or even a broken neck or half it's head remaining. It's nature renders it Force Dead and extremely hard to both detect and affect directly with Force Powers. If Split in Half, it both halves will grow into individual Melissas, but can only remain separate for 7 hours before they have to remerge at the cellular level, with one being re absorbed into the other. Otherwise, both break down and die and a surviving, preserved piece must be used to rebuild her.
• Mimic: The nature of its programmable cells and the energy it feeds on allow it to program it's cells to let it imperfectly mimic the effects of basic Force Powers like Push, Jump, and Telekinesis, spending it's absorbed energy to create these effects
• Swordsman: An absolutely deadly killer with Lightsabers and Swords
• The Brains Department: Full range of human emotions and is extremely Intelligent, learning from every encounter and can learn new skills such as how to better manipulate it's psychic energy
• Medic: It's genes are partly adapted from the Medical Nuetralizer, meaning it can secrets healing enzymes that mimic the effects of bacta
• Miracle of Life: Capable of limited genetic to and cybernetic modularity and is even capable of getting pregnant should she ever desire such a thing (Child would be a Organic Psy Pire based off the Mate genetically, an intentional addition from the designer)
• Athlete: Four times faster, stronger, and more reflexive than a human

WEAKNESSES

• Acid: Absolutely no resistance to Acid, which eats through its tissue rapidly unless a counter agent is applied and takes three times longer to regenerate from this damage than other forms of damage
• Vibro: Vibro tears through its tissue cleanly
• Bullets: Can withstand maybe one bullet
• Blasters: Blasters burn through its tissue quite easily
• Lightsabers: No resistance to sabers and takes twice as long to heal from their damage as others
• Magnetics: Magnetics cause curious effects with it's flesh, causing it to adhere to magnetized surfaces, and magnetic weapons disrupt it's ability to regenerate from wounds and it's combat data bases for about ten minutes, as well as slow it's reflexes and speed, rendering it highly vulnerable.
• Ion: Exposure to Ion Weaponry reduces it's regenerative abilities, speed, and Reflexes and strength to that of an ordinary human, momentarily scrambles her combat databases and causes the biot's flesh to slough and sag on the bone for 21 minutes, giving away her inhuman nature and requiring her to feed immediately to avoid
• Anti-Vong: Baffer Pollen causes muscles to severely weaken strength wise and to make her burn through her energy quickly, causing her skin to gradually harden into a stone like substance after exposure. The skin must be then broken off to get free, but the Biot is vulnerable until it breaks free. Alpha Red renders causes gradual necrotization in a matter of hours until cure is applied, leading to it to feed ravenously until cure is found or until body fights off effects.
• Melee Only: It's programming makes it completely unable to handle handheld ranged weapons (Starship ranged weapons are exception)
• Mimicking increases feed: Using Psychic Energy to mimic Force Powers drastically increases the rate at which it feeds, meaning it must be judicious about when to use this ability as mimicking Force Powers too much without an easy means of restoring energy immediately after can leave it dangerously weakened in the middle or aftermath of a fight
• Diminishing returns: If forced to rebuild from almost nothing more than three times without feeding, Her regenerative rate will gradually slow to the rate of an ordinary human and so will her other attributes
• Sonics: Sonic weapons cause her entire system to overheat and shut down for a few minutes if she is hit by more than one sonic bolt, and just one will drastically slow her down
• Garlic: Garlic causes intense, crippling pain that lasts for a few minutes
• Salt: Salt causes intense pain and gives her a Psychological phobia of any area lined with it
• Water: Exposure to water greater than a puddle renders her tissues sponge and amoeba like, rendering her sluggish and easily destroyed
• Feeding: Due to being partly derived from Psy-Pire DNA it either needs emergency nourishment from food or it must feed on at least one person every seven days to avoid shutting down. If it only eats Organic food (which provides nourishment for two days), it will not be able to use any psychic abilities or have its superhuman physical Attributes (though it will still retain it's intellect and combat databases, and will have at least the attributes of a human athlete)

Personality:

Fiercely loyal to Laertia and House Io, Melissa dotes on all her artificial nieces and nephews and is a deadly, uncompromising combatant but is more than willing to show mercy. Even to Jedi. Highly empathetic and will only resort to violence when there is no other realistic solution available or if it's in the name of defending the House. Basically has Free Will, however.

DESCRIPTION

Westenra is a beloved sister of Laertia's, and has always carried an extremely special place in her heart for willingly taking on the role of being her sister, and altering her appearance accordingly and updating her skills for the task. As Melissa, Westenra is one of the highest ranking members of House Io, equal in rank to Maple Harte, The Battalion, and The Amalgam herself, an authority conferred equally on this Biot

Westenra herself helped Laertia construct this back up, so that her beloved Sister may never be without some form of Family willing to protect her. It is based off the Biot technology pioneered by her own creator and is a lesser version of her own design, one permanently locked in its form.

 

[Listib Hibin]

Better buckle up, we got a lot to talk about and if the notification has not surprised you at the result by the end of it, it will at the end. This is a mix of places as I cannot just go in order at this time.

• Biological (Disease/Poison, Radiation): Extreme
• Anti-Vong: None

I am going to point out the obvious: Most Anti-Vong crap is Poison, Disease, things made to simply KILL Vong. I am not allowing this and this is the least of my problems. Biological/Poison is not a resistance to be used at all regardless and yes, I did read your Species...that is below and I know Vong tech does kill. The issue is the overlap and simple confusion on something that needs a deep dive beyond this submission.

• Biot that feeds on the Psychic Energy of victims non lethally for nourishment
  Psychic Katana
  Psy Pire DNA

I had to actually get advice from other Factory Judges on what this was and even read it through several times. I found notes on your Psy Pire only once on Psychic and your Katana is even more confusing. So I figured it out, it feeds on the MENTAL ENERGY, not psychic energy. That is beyond confusing and I prefer you just fix it to where people don't scratch their heads.

I honestly do not mind, one bit of the idea of feeding mentally on someone. This has been wrote on for those who lick on brains in Star Wars, Anzat or even the energy vampires. Reading the katana, I can't even believe it got accepted with that wording...but, here we are. I can't stop the weapon...but I can stop the idea of Psychic Energy as it has no meaning here in Star Wars...I would reword it to where no confusion exists.

• Misc. Equipment: Sarka Class Frigate, House Io Corvette, House Io A-Wing

You honestly do not need to list these as they can't put it in their pocket or attach it onto themselves. This is designed for things on them, not starships, vehicles, emplacements, houses, ect.

• Possesses immense strength, speed, and reflexes.
• Athlete: Four times faster, stronger, and more reflexive than a human
• Extreme intelligence and up to date combat data bases
• Mimic: The nature of its programmable cells and the energy it feeds on allow it to program it's cells to let it imperfectly mimic the effects of basic Force Powers like Push, Jump, and Telekinesis, spending it's absorbed energy to create these effects

Now I don't mind the idea of your strength and reflexes, we talked on this before at length. It is still a bit high but I am fine...however, the idea of one using now this psychic energy to mimic Force Powers, create the same effects....and be this hyper intelligent, is not funny. This is again, a rather minor issue and we are slowly building up the main problems.

• Acid: Absolutely no resistance to Acid, which eats through its tissue rapidly unless a counter agent is applied and takes three times longer to regenerate from this damage than other forms of damage
• Vibro: Vibro tears through its tissue cleanly
• Bullets: Can withstand maybe one bullet
• Blasters: Blasters burn through its tissue quite easily
• Lightsabers: No resistance to sabers and takes twice as long to heal from their damage as others
• Magnetics: Magnetics cause curious effects with it's flesh, causing it to adhere to magnetized surfaces, and magnetic weapons disrupt it's ability to regenerate from wounds and it's combat data bases for about ten minutes, as well as slow it's reflexes and speed, rendering it highly vulnerable.
• Ion: Exposure to Ion Weaponry reduces it's regenerative abilities, speed, and Reflexes and strength to that of an ordinary human, momentarily scrambles her combat databases and causes the biot's flesh to slough and sag on the bone for 21 minutes, giving away her inhuman nature and requiring her to feed immediately to avoid
• Mimicking increases feed: Using Psychic Energy to mimic Force Powers drastically increases the rate at which it feeds, meaning it must be judicious about when to use this ability as mimicking Force Powers too much without an easy means of restoring energy immediately after can leave it dangerously weakened in the middle or aftermath of a fight
• Garlic: Garlic causes intense, crippling pain that lasts for a few minutes
• Salt: Salt causes intense pain and gives her a Psychological phobia of any area lined with it

I am going to sum it up with just this blob. A majority of these weaknesses, are literally nothing. Complete nothing.

Vibro, Bullets and Blasters...don't need to be here. It is explained in Resistances and does not need to be listed!
Acid, Magnetics and Ion can all just be lumped together as they do things very similar.

Mimicking increasing feed...does not apply as a proper weakness when one can go a week and even if decreased to a day, it does nothing and mind you, it is still of an energy that does not exist called Psychic Energy.

Garlic/Salt as a weakness, while humorous, I cannot take seriously nor allow it. Garlic and Salt is nothing something people will just carry around and throw at an enemy unless they have an MRE that has that exact thing, even Salt in such a small packet is laughable. This is talking about Hutts with giant salt shakers to chase them. It does not happen, most won't know and a majority of people ain't going to have the ability to at least take advantage. These are useless and need to be removed.

• Why Won't You Die: The Regenerative nature of this Biot makes it absurdly difficult to permanently destroy (It's incapable of feeling pain) , able to regenerate from nearly any wound so long as it has at least a quarter of its brain and five percent of its body remaining it will regenerate fully on its own in a span of either 42 minutes from common weapons like blaster, slugs, and Vibroweapons or 14 minutes if feeding vampirically. If only a chunk of tissue or a few ounces of blood is left, exposing that chunk to Gamma rays will cause it to regenerate fully. It usually leaves a large piece of itself behind in case it dies for this reason. Able to keep fighting even with severe organ damage or even a broken neck or half it's head remaining. It's nature renders it Force Dead and extremely hard to both detect and affect directly with Force Powers. If Split in Half, it both halves will grow into individual Melissas, but can only remain separate for 7 hours before they have to remerge at the cellular level, with one being re absorbed into the other. Otherwise, both break down and die and a surviving, preserved piece must be used to rebuild her.
• Extreme regenerative capability...can be regrown from a single chunk or a few ounces of blood

I read this and had to walk away. I had to talk to others to confirm what I just read. I have so many things to say about this but it would be some of the most bashing I ever could conceive in my lifetime. So in effort to keep my blood pressure down and not make this a big thing, I will sum it up.

No, you cannot do this. You cannot heal like that, it is beyond anything anyone can do aside from Celestials. Never would I approve it the way I see it, I would never allow this and the idea of you as a character, turning into Agent Smith for even seven hours, is beyond some of the most terrifying...and the most breaking thing I can think of for a PVP scenario with all the abilities it still has. Healing from a few ounces of blood or a small chunk into a full grown body or two is beyond ludicrous. I am stopping here due to getting mad at describing it, I think you get the point. This is unacceptable on nearly every level.

Specialized regeneration. Psy-Pires can regenerate wounds even faster than energy vampires...but only if they are asleep. Heavily injured Psy-Pires can be put into a medically induced coma to regenerate within hours severe lascerations, blood loss, and damage to major organs.

I had to pull that out to simply say: It would need to be in a coma and it negates what it does just on this submission if someone is blown up, how can they be in a coma? All I will say.

• Upgradeable with limited genetic treatments and cybernetic implants
  Miracle of Life: Capable of limited genetic to and cybernetic modularity

I don't mind the pregnancy, I think that is a good idea. What I do think of the rest....this is already, one of the most powerful things I ever seen and the idea it can be upgraded beyond this? No, no way is that happening. The idea of improving upon this is so breaking to this submission, that I can't allow it. This is just already way to powerful.

• Able to use it's Energy in its cells to mimic the effects of Force Powers
• Mimic: The nature of its programmable cells and the energy it feeds on allow it to program it's cells to let it imperfectly mimic the effects of basic Force Powers like Push, Jump, and Telekinesis, spending it's absorbed energy to create these effects

No. That is Not How the Force or any Energy Works. Basic Force Powers, go beyond so many from Telepathy, Speed, Sense, ect. You essentially created a whole new droid, that acts on its own unique Energy that cannot be blocked by Yslamari or any other Force negating entity. No, this is not allowed. This Psychic/Mental energy to produce all of this, does not work and has no Canon basis that any of could find. No, just No.


This is not including also that everything packed together, makes it near impossible to fight someone...that has the Force.

• Electricity: Very High
• Flame: Very High
• Cryo: Very High
• Gravitic: Very High
• Vacuum/Pressure: Very High
• Force: Extreme
• Force Dead and incredibly hard to sense

Force Extreme which negates most...then Lightning, Fire, Cold, Gravity Crushing, and the simple idea of just burying someone under so much rubble that someone should be dead...which won't work with this character anyway because as it is built, it just simply rebuild from that. Also being Force Dead, it has an instant advantage over all Force Users as it cannot be detected.

Add in Four Times Strength, Reflexes, Speed, Custom Powers that cannot be negated like the Force, Mimicry of Combat Abilities against others and skills designed for and only for Swords/Lightsaber fighting, Regenerative Healing that no one can kill with a lightsaber easily without finding a pool of acid....

This makes it to me, like fighting a Celestial. A person with a blaster will still have issue with all the custom force powers, it will be a Neo from the Matrix situation of dodging all the blaster bolts and still stabbing them. This is just laughable for anyone facing it, it is the equivalent of facing a minor deity. This is not even Min/Max, this is just Max...and when I thought it was just one, I noticed...

This is Semi-Unique​

At this point, I have every right to deny this. The only reason it is not denied, is due to the Factory Team believing this can be salvaged with extensive rework. I would say do better, I would say that min maxing is a bad thing, I would say some advice...but I don't believe it do any good when it has been a theme for over six months.

I personally deep dived into Nine Tails Factory Submissions, yes I did that with your Defensive Implant to understand and see how this got to the point. Those seem reasonable, even though the Psychic Energy still made no sense but at least followed a theme to where it could be defeated, it could stand a chance. Every single submission that has mainly gone through Io this year, has been Min/Max, gotten some overt power that is designed to counteract everything of one particular type. This was even a theme near the end of last year and I worked through the whole thing almost by myself and studying for over a month on Vong Biots, reading countless sources to even get a clue how they worked cause I won't lie, most had no clue where to begin with your submissions.

I don't know if someone made you mad, if you are sick of Force Users, you want to prove a point, but this is not it. It is not acceptable.


If you want to improve, here is my advice:

1: A Maximum of 5 Strengths, 5 Weaknesses. It is hard to read when so many are jumbled together and these need to be kept simple or at least, broken apart. It helps even those reading it where to see its proper ones...not some jumbled up 7 Strengths and 16 Weaknesses where most could be condensed.
2: Actual PVP Weaknesses. Not just simply: Blaster Hurts. Things that say it has issues processing certain situations, multiple enemies, ect. Perhaps even that it has no ability to pilot a starship, know how to interact with the general public as a way to identify it when it throws glasses of water on everyone.
3: Think of the Other Side. If a new roleplayer was to fight you, how do you think they will react to this? If it stumps them for a regular person, then it probably needs a bit of rework to explain it better for a new person.
4: Regeneration Neo is Bad Taste: Just because one can heal all their injuries in minutes to an hour like Wolverine from near nothing and is nearly impossible to kill like a T-1000, Advanced Prototype is just bad taste. Yes, Force Users laugh as they die and return all the time, but at least a Force Sword ends that shenanigans. If it takes way more effort to kill one of these beings than a Force Ghost from coming back to life, then it is to powerful. No one will ever find every drop of blood, be like finding grains of sand, it is impossible.
5: Compare Other Submissions for Advice. This is how I started years ago, look at other Submissions and how people were judged on them, look how things may differ or relate to the situation. I have had multiple go through revisions, most notably the Sal Kar Walker due to how much I had in notes previous. Check other warships of similar size, see what people wrote for Materials and how judges reacted.



I will not be reviewing this when it comes back up, I will let someone else look it over. But till then...

This is sent back to the Pre-Factory for extensive rework.
Laertia Io