Private Visitor #1

[Kai Bamarri]

After learning who was there to see him, Kai was in no hurry to go into the visiting area. He moved slowly, but didn’t drag his feet enough to draw the attention of the guards escorting him from his cell. He didn’t want to annoy them.

They guided him to a chair in front of a transparisteel window, the sole barrier between himself and the Mirialan healer who had come to see him. He sank down into the seat, lifting bound hands to press a small button that would allow them to hear each other.

“Hi, Amani,” he said. The disruptor collar around his neck prevented him from using the Force, and that meant no telepathy. His voice was raspy with disuse; he was naturally soft-spoken and used as few words as possible. “Why are you here?”

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani wasn't even sure what she intended to say when she came here. Kai had a knack for getting into trouble, but this was something else. Yet she couldn't bring herself to be angry with him. Frustrated, yes. Disappointed, definitely. But she had some sense of the struggles he had been going through. If they could have just course-corrected sooner, just done better, then Kai had the promise to be something better than the behavior he reflected. And that's what was really at the core of it. She was disappointed in herself, too. Like she had let down a student she was supposed to help. Even still, Amani never went back on her word.

Watching the padawan approach in prison garb and a collar made her frown deeply. She glanced aside reactively, but found her gaze pulled back when he spoke. Hearing his actual voice, audible through ears rather than mind, came as a surprise. Quiet and raspy, making him seem that much smaller in his surroundings. Amani opened her mouth to answer his question, but had yet to put together the words. She shrugged first, then finally added, "...I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

She just wanted to see how he was doing?

Raising his eyebrows, Kai reached up and ran his fingers through his hair in a half-hearted effort to style it. Then held up his manacled wrists, a ghastly smile on his lips.

“I’m gonna be in here for a while, Amani. Does that answer your question?”

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani frowned again as he gave his minimal effort response, "Not really," She sighed, her gaze downcast. Eventually she looked up at him.

"How did this happen, Kai? What could I have done to keep things from getting here?"

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Amani didn’t look impressed. Ah, well. He tried to sum up his feelings in as few words as possible.

Her next couple of questions threw him for a loop, especially the second one. Was she trying to take responsibility for his actions? She barely knew him.

“I’m in here for trying to erase one of Iris’ memories. I did it because I was trying to protect someone. The situation didn’t involve you at all, so don’t feel bad about it.” He leaned back, doing his best to cross his arms over his chest despite the cuffs. “In fact, you should probably be trying to help poor Iris right now, not sitting here with rotten old me. Master Noble said I could’ve done a lot more damage to her than I intended…”

He trailed off, looking away. The whole thing had been stupid from the start. Iris was stubborn, but Kai gave up too easily, resorting to the most extreme option when he should’ve kept trying. Then he could’ve made her understand, or at least stalled for time.

But it was too late now. He had screwed up, and he was paying the price.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Kai made an effort to assuage her guilt, but Amani’s conscience wasn’t so easily put at ease. There had to be more she could’ve done to help his situation. She believed as much, anyway. But the two people didn’t even appraise their relationship on the same level. From their first meeting, on to the harrowingly unforgettable events of Tython, and their mutual work in the New Jedi Order after, Amani had come to feel some sense of connection with the padawan. Or at the very least, a sense of responsibility. Especially after their little chat at his check-up.

“Iris has plenty of support. And I will check in with her. Later.” Perhaps an unintentional acknowledgement of Kai’s lack of a network, but that’s exactly why she was concerned with seeing how he was doing first. Still she was quick to affirm Valery’s own assessment, “Uh, yeah, you probably could have… So, why? You and Iris are… friends,” Amani quick to remind herself. “There had to be some other way.”

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“Yeah, there were other ways. But at the time, I couldn’t see them.” He shrugged. “Hindsight is 20/20…”

It was a lame excuse. Sad and pathetic. Much like how Kai currently felt.

“We found a baby Sithspawn in an apartment here on Coruscant. Iris wanted to tell Master Noble about it. I said no, it was too dangerous. Iris went to leave, and I had to stop her somehow. So I grabbed her and tried to make her forget she had ever seen the kid.”

His body language had become far more withdrawn, his shoulders hunched up as far as they could go despite the collar around his neck.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani pinched the bridge of her nose. Mistakes were understandable in the heat of the moment, but this was a pretty extreme one. Thankfully, Kai did seem to recognize that now, but it was ultimately something that couldn't be excused with just a slap on the wrist. Regardless of how much damage was or could have been done, the mere implication of such an effort was enough to raise some alarms.

She looked up at Kai again, studying his posture, his features, "Where is this baby now?"

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai’s body straightened. “None of your business.”

He was so sick of people asking. He hadn’t told Valery where the kid was, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Amani. If the Jedi wanted to know where the Sithspawn was that badly, they’d have to pry it from his brain with the Force.

“They’re safe, they’re not on Coruscant anymore, and that’s all you or anyone else needs to know.” His lips pulled back in a grimace. “Iris wasn’t even supposed to be there. She stumbled upon me by chance. If she hadn’t butted in, none of this would’ve happened, and I could’ve dealt with the situation on my own.”

Amani would know—she had met Kai while he was wrangling a Sithspawn beast. She had let him go, carrying the still-living creature off with no regard for where he was taking it. But now that she was part of the Order, suddenly she cared.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani blinked, taken aback by his sharp response. She raised her palms passively, "That's all I wanted to make sure of," Sithspawn were a… complicated subject matter in their line of work. By their nature they were tainted by the dark side, but if Kai was any indication, there were avenues to something better. Well, he was in jail now for forcibly trying to mindwipe his best friend, but… At least he wasn't a darksider…?

The mirialan sighed again, "Still getting your… prescription?" It was something she had remained adamant about checking on since she learned about. Making sure his painkiller usage wasn't crossing a line.

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“I should be,” he replied. With all that had been going on lately, he had completely forgotten about his prescriptions. “They’ll probably stop giving them to me, now that I’m not getting injured in battle anymore…”

He heaved a sigh, dipping his head back and shutting his eyes. His pulse was still elevated and his breathing was more rapid than normal. A cold sweat dripped down his back. Was he going through withdrawal, or just angry with everything and everyone? He wasn't sure.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani watched Kai, wondering the same thing he was. Looking for some sign of trouble. Her gaze then settled down to her feet, "I never told anyone, you know."

A long pause, "Should I see if I can… arrange for some new medication? Something to help with withdrawal symptoms?" Silver linings, she supposed. He wouldn't have free access to abuse his addiction. But the weaning off process would likely be... not fun.

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“I know,” Kai mumbled. “The only people worth telling would’ve killed me if they found out.” And he wasn’t dead yet, so she must have kept his secret.

As the topic switched to his drug habit, Kai groaned. Of course. But what the hell. He was in prison, and the Jedi might never take him back after he got out. Why bother keeping his addictions a secret? Why bother keeping anything a secret?

“I’m not only addicted to painkillers,” he said. “I assume rehab for glitterstim addiction is a little bit more intensive.” Or at least, it might involve a different cocktail of drugs to wean him off. “The moment I got a whiff of the stuff, it was like my body remembered what it was like to get so high you never come down again. I didn’t stand a chance.”

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Of course. Of course he was addicted to glitterstim, too. She didn't want to believe but deep down she feared as much. "Yeah, yeah it will." Amani shook her head.

"I'll see what I can get, but that is not gonna be fun no matter how you slice it." Better to be upfront about it then let it be a surprise. Glitterstim was highly addictive, and highly dangerous. No detox drugs would fully diminish those withdrawal symptoms. At least he'd be free of them both when all this was said and done.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“I’m not going to be having fun anytime soon anyway,” was his dismal retort.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

“Because I had a regular supplier, and therefore saw no reason to bother getting rid of my addiction. I liked getting high.” He shrugged. “Now I don’t have free access to any drugs in here, so I might as well do rehab.”

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani's features drooped sadly. Even a little hurt. She bit her tongue, unsure of the right thing to say in the moment. She cared. He didn't. There was at least one other thing making up that disconnect. It didn't matter now. He was in jail. And who knows if he would have any place in the Jedi after what he did. The mirialan sat in silence for a few long moments, before she made the reveal,

"I was going to make a request... to take you as my padawan, you know."

"I know I'm not Dag, but..."

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Seeing her droop, Kai muttered under his breath, “What, do you not appreciate my honesty?”

What she said next silenced him. He suddenly felt cold and heavy, like the chair would sink beneath him and he would be swallowed up by the duracrete foundations of the prison, buried alive by his own stupidity.

But he had been lied to before by other Jedi Masters who said they would train him, only to give up on him. He found it a little hard to believe that Amani had ever seriously considered taking him on as a student, especially given how much trouble he’d proven himself to be.

On the other hand… he could take her at her word. He could accept what she said as fact, and… and then what? Lament the fact that he was his own destroyer?

“Is that still an option?” he asked, his voice even softer than usual. “When I get out, I mean.”

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani winced and shut her eyes. It was hard to lay out all this information for him, knowing the struggles he’d had in the past with keeping a mentor around. She wanted to help him, give him that chance once and for all. Now, who was to say if it would ever come.

The healer sighed, and looked up, “I hope so, Kai.” What happened to him after lockup wasn’t her decision. But permanent expulsion from the Jedi couldn’t be discounted. In fact, that was arguably the more likely outcome. But she didn’t have the heart to say that out loud. “I really do.”

After another beat, Amani slowly stood up, rubbing her hands, “...Anything else you need from me?” She was preparing to leave, it seemed.

Kai Bamarri​

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai knew he was screwed, but it was nice to see a little optimism in this dark and dismal place.

“I hope so too,” he said.

She got ready to leave, pausing to ask if he needed anything else. “Tell Alicio our date is still on, if he’s brave enough to have tea with a juvenile delinquent,” he said.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani gave him a sad smile, grabbing her things as their conversation came to a close. He had one last comment to make, which actually managed to get a soft chuckle out of her, “I will.”

“Take care of yourself, Kai,” With that, she threw on her jacket, and took leave of the visiting room.

Whether any of it had been in her power or not, Amani would be stuck thinking about how she could’ve better helped him for some time.

Kai Bamarri​