Wasted Love

[Anastasia Rade]

Spira

The calming waves of the ocean washed upon the shore as Anastasia sat at the water's edge. Hugging her knees she laid her head down on her knees. The young woman was numb from all the crying she had done the past few days. Ana had no tears left to give. The events of the last few days were a blur to her. Why Cryax left her was unknown.

As hard as the young Jedi tried to get the Chiss out of her head she couldn't. On top of him leaving the nightmares of the past had come roaring back. Anastasia didn't know which way up. There were days she wished to climb under a rock and die while others in which she wished to burn that casino down.

A light sigh escaped her lips as she stretched out her legs digging her bare feet under the sand as the water washed over her ankles. A hand reached down in the sand grabbing a stone and tossing it in the water. She wasn't looking at anything in particular, just staring out over the water.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Spira offered endless beauty to those who visit, hence the high level of tourism. From all over the known galaxy people journey to bask in the warm sun and lay upon its golden beaches after having gone for a swim in the neverending oceans. It is a good place for relaxation, despite the sometimes crowded seasons, and offers some respite from these difficult times. War can never be too far away from comfort, and yet this place allows one to forget all worries and merely be.

Sadly, this Jedi Master was here on buisness rather than for pleasure. Rarely would he journey the Core Worlds as it takes him too far from his family and friends in Sanctum space. Nina was still very much dependent on him, although she was safe in the company of [member="Coci Sinopi"], his beloved bride-to-be. The two could use some time for themselves, to get to know eachother. Grandmaster [member="Iella E'ron"] of the Silver Jedi had tasked Thurion with securing relations with the Spiran government and offer sanctuary for any refugees should war reach these shores. The meeting with government officials proved fruitful, as they greatly appreciated the act of goodwill from the Silvers.

Once the meeting was concluded, Master Heavenshield had yet some time to experience what Spira had to offer in terms of beautiful vistas. Alone he walked the seemingly neverending beach with the sparkling water to his left and the sun hanging low as it prepares itself for the coming night. Before him appeared the footprints of a pair of bare feet, and at the end of the trail sat a lone woman overlooking the might of the ocean. The rock she threw splashed and was immediately consumed by the depths, where it would lie until the waves would bring it ashore once more.

"I do not believe your anger lies with that rock, my dear", he said while stood a good number of feet behind her, hands clasped together behind his back. "Neither do rocks listen to the words you wish to speak. All in all, I'd say rocks make for poor company." Squinting against the setting sun, Thurion offered her a gentle smile.

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

"They make better company than those whom speak. People do nothing but hurt me time and time again." she stated picking up another rock and throwing it in the ocean. Rocks couldn't hurt her unlike people. She was safer amongst the rocks but deep down Ana knew that he was right. The rocks could not help her though this trying time.

Every time things started to get just a little bit better in her life Ana was kicked back down and stomped all over again. She could and would pull herself up again just she didn't understand it all. Hadn't she been tortured enough in her life already?

Sighing she put the third rock that was in her hand back down and turned around. "I know," she half smiled before turning back to the water. "I'm angry at the galaxy for all it does to me. I can't get a break or peace." Ana did honestly need someone to talk to in regards to her feelings and maybe for some advice as well. She couldn't just ask him to sit here and listen to her sob story. Ana knew full well that nobody wanted to hear it.

Despite her sadness Ana couldn't help but notice how beautiful the setting sun was. The beauty of being a free woman wasn't lost on her. She would be alright just needed time to grieve a little.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

As she turned to face him for only a brief moment, Thurion could well see the anguish in her azure eyes. They told him everything he needed to know; the loss of a loved one would always remain close to his heart, that feeling of utter despair constructing emotional walls to ward off any and all to avoid further heartache. It happened to him in his youth when he'd learned of Master Asha's death, after which he'd stay inside his room for days on end without even seeing another living being. But he had loyal friends to help him through his crisis, unlike the young lady who's only company appeared to be exclusively inanimate objects.

Stepping forward, he now stood beside her and watched the sunset while she kept tossing rocks into the sea. "At this rate you would clear the beach of all things but the sand itself. I figure it'd be more therapeutic if you would say what you wish to say to someone who has ears and would listen to your words." Towering above her, he looked down at the distressed blonde. He then took a seat beside her, crossing his legs in the sand despite not having been asked to do so. The last thing she needed was to be alone, at this stage.

"I'm not going to leave you", he told her in calm tone without making eye contact, still looking straight ahead at the sky turning into first orange then a light pink hue.

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Ana silently nodded at him as she knew he was right. A part of her wished to push him away but another part wanted to spill her guts. He seemed nice and she could tell he was a Jedi not a Sith like those she had grown accustomed to during her childhood.

"A majority of my life has been spent as a slave. I was rescued about a year ago along with my elder brother. When we met he told me I was stupid and weak. My other older brother abandoned me on the home planet of those whom had enslaved us." She paused sighing slightly as she ran a hand through the sand. Ana didn't want him to feel sorry for her, only to understand a little why she felt the way she did.

"I met a boy whom made me feel special and took all those nightmares away. I was in love, my first love. He left me without a reason via text. I feel like all the galaxy does is punch me in the stomach again and again. I get nothing but pain."

She felt stupid and silly as well for thinking that anybody would want her. Ana also knew that she needed to pull herself together for the good of the clan. There was much expected of her and Ana didn't want to let them down or show weakness. This was about much more than a silly boy.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

"Ah... Young love, I see", he replied with mild concern on his face. "If you would permit a stranger to share his thoughts, I would offer you this: People are not simple, despite their wish to become such. They have ups and downs, and none of us are perfect. I'm sure whoever caused you such distress had a reason for breaking up with you. Granted, the way he did so leaves more to be desired..." Thurion rubbed the back of his neck, not really sure if what he said made any sense or offered any comfort.

"You should not feel sorry for yourself, young lady. You are still very young and beautiful, and still has lots to experience and offer to the world. Do not let this one obstacle hinder you so. Your heart will mend, if you let it." He reached out to her, placing two fingers above her heart. "Either way - his loss, I would say", he smiled, gently bumping his elbow against hers. Returning his gaze out towards the sunset, the smile vanished. "I am sorry to hear about your brothers. At the very least consider yourself fortunate to have them in your life, still. To lose a brother is... well..." He did not finish his thought, but rather picked up a rock of his own and proceeded to toss it into the crystal waters before them.

[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Ana nodded slightly at his words. She could understand that everyone has issues. She never expected things to be rainbows and kittens. She had thought they would talk things out and be open with each other. If things were not working be honest with each other and not hide. He had hidden from her and sent an cryptic text. She deserved more than that. He should have been a man about it. Told me to my face. I am worth at least that."

She knew crying about a boy was silly and the young woman did feel quite silly about it. Ana was stronger than this yet here she was crying and angry at the galaxy. She needed this though in order to mend.

"Yes, I trust one day they will come around. I refuse to give up on them." If all else failed she had Azrael whom she knew would always be there for her. He sounded sad though when he spoke about brothers as if he had lost one.

"I'm sorry for your loss." She would ask what happened but that was rude.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Thurion's gaze dropped as he smiled. "Thank you. It happened so many, many years ago, now... But you never forget, you know?" Before them at the water's edge crawled a lone crab sideways as they are inclined to do. This only caused his smile to widen. "And neither should we forget. Lost loved ones serve to remind us that we were once capable of love, and that we can become so again. Sometimes it just takes a little while to realise it." A sudden wave flipped the tiny crab onto its back, unable to move. With a poke of Thurion's booted foot the crap was turned upright again, and casually resumed its walk.

While they talked, the setting sun continued its downward course, casting a burning orange light upon the land during its final hours. The wind would not yield despite this, and only served to cool them further. "Here", he told her while unzipping his black leather jacket. "Take this." Removing it from his person he wrapped it around her shoulders.

@[member="Anastasia Rade"]

 

[Anastasia Rade]

Ana nodded in understanding. She was having a very hard time forgetting what had happened in the past. The nightmares still haunted her even now and she had a feeling that these torturous memories would never go away.

She had lost a lot there and had seen many people die including those whom had semi taken care of her. The priests had no use for those whom did cooperate but she was a different story. She had been used as bait to get her brother to do their bidding.

"I was told once that love, emotions make you weak. If you have no connections that your unstoppable. I didn't believe him than and I still don't. I understand now that due to our differences it would have never worked doesn't keep me from hurting less."

A light smile appeared on her face as she took the coat that he reached out to hand her to put on. There was no need to say that statement came from her brother.

"How do you move forward from losing someone? I feel like crying all the time."

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

What she said made him chuckle to himself. "It's funny: I was brought up around esteemed masters of the Order telling me that love was corruptive and would only lead to ruin, but I never believed them. Now I have a family; a fiancée and an adopted daughter. I don't see any evil shadows devouring me, or what have you." He noticed her smile when he gave her his jacket.

"All deal with loss in their own way. Some lock themself inside their homes and grief for hours on end, while others shake it off and swallow their sorrows without remorse. There are no easy ways to deal with it, I'm afraid." He thought back to when he'd received word of his master's 'death' so long ago. He felt like tearing out his own heart to keep himself from experiencing such utter devastation again.

Carefully he put his arm around her. "I do know that it's never good to hold back tears. Never be afraid to show your true emotions. You'd be lying to yourself."

[member="Anastasia Rade"]