Private Waves of Doubt

[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

Unsettled, it was the one word which Justice had been using to describe how he was feeling. He had not talked with Hollis too much, but he did not feel like he could as long as they were around the temple. In the wake of the battle of Exegol, Justice was increasingly uncomfortable with what he had been witnessing. It all created tension he did not know how to resolve.

The scheduled dig he was required to go on as part of his trials would give him a chance to get away. He was allowed to take another Jedi with him, and he did not need to think long before selecting Hollis Orenn. His master, and hers, were not thrilled with that decision, but both had granted it even if they did not fully approve. Neither could deny the strength the bond had given both Justice and Hollis. While such things were often a liability for many Jedi, this seemed to empower them.

Justice landed the ship and offered Hollis a small smile as he walked toward the cargo hold to inspect the gear. He had been uncharacteristically quiet for the majority of the flight. While he was not the most outgoing of personalities, he had never hidden who he was from Hollis. She had always been the safe person he could express himself with, so quiet was not normal when she was close. Their bond would betray his feelings but Justice did nothing to hide them.

He sighed as he finished packing the bag he was going to take with him to scope out the dig site. Hands flattened against the black square container the pack sat on top of. It was cold from the flight and open air of the mostly vacant space. The foremost question he could not help but dwell on was whether he actually wanted to complete his trials. Why advance in an order he was losing faith in?

"Why?"​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

Outfit: xxx​

Tag: Justice Lesan​

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Hollis returned Justice's smile with one of her own.

But her smile faded as she watched him walk out of the cockpit, her eyes lingered on his back. He didn't quite seem like himself. There was a definite sense of silent unease about him recently. Hollis could feel it, but she couldn't quite pin-point the reason why.

Jedi life meant that things were always changing around them. Well, the same could be said for life in general... but Hollis had the impression that something was shifting.

While he went to the cargo bay to make preparations, Hollis went to the galley. She'd already prepared a few meals that they could easily heat and serve while they were camped here. And she'd made a picnic lunch that they could take out with them now – food was absolutely essential in her books. Good food made anything better, after all. Two sandwiches wrapped neatly in brown paper, a pack of crisps and an apple each, water – and some snacks, too. Chocolate would help keep her energy (and spirits) up.

Hollis set foot in the cargo bay just in time to hear Justice utter the word, "why."

Her head canted to the side slightly and she came up beside him. "Why... what?"

Even with their force bond being as strong as it was... sometimes, it was best to just ask.​

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[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

Justice looked up at the sound of Hollis’ voice. She had taken care of making sure they would not starve. It was good that one of their minds was not too preoccupied with all of the things taking place in the galaxy. It was likely Hollis knew the answer to the question if she really wanted to dig, but there was wisdom in talking. If the pair relied on their bond for everything it would lead to other things which neither of them truly wanted to face.

He walked toward her as he flung opened the pack. Justice gave Hollis a moment to put their lunches in the bag as he was not about to let her carry them if he could help it.

“Where to start? The Jedi are complicit in the destruction of a planet. I understand the Maw needed to be stopped, but did we really need to annihilate Exegol?”

That was just one of many questions. Justice was beginning to question the wisdom and competency of the council as well, but for the moment he would keep those questions to himself. While he was certain the pair had similar feelings on many things, Justice was not sure he wanted to go down a line of opinions which would make Hollis feel unsettled, even if Justice was.

Justice was lying to himself if he did not think she could feel his unease through their bond. It had been some time since he had not been a steady place for Hollis to lean against. The truth was they leaned on each other as much as the other. Just was concerned that he was not strong in the ways he needed to be. Perhaps his questioning was what they needed, or even made him stronger than he realized. Regardless, Justice felt conflict within himself. Hollis was certain to feel it as well.

“This is not who we are. Jedi are not killers, not in the way the Maw are. How does what happened make us any different than them?”

Sure it may have been the only way to actually stop them. Justice was willing to accept that inevitable conclusion if he had to. He just wanted to be sure they had exhausted every other line of thought and option before doing so. Justice had been there on Tython. He had fought against the Maw. They were a great evil without any shadow of doubt. The older padawan was simply struggling to defend the actions it took to stop them, among other political decisions among the order.​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

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Tag: Justice Lesan​

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Hollis tucked their lunches into the pack, careful not to let them be squished. She fixed him in an affectionate glance as he started to speak. For her own part, she'd felt immense relief that the Maw were no more. But yes, it had come at quite a cost.​

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A whole world.​

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When she joined the alliance, she hadn't really considered all of the politics that came into play. Even still, it seemed far too complicated for her to truly understand. But, she did know that the council and their decisions did reflect on the Jedi – regardless of whether or not they were in the Order.​

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Her master had reasoned it had been for the good of the galaxy; a victory for the light. Not that Master Nemore hadn't cared about the life extinguished on Exegol, but she saw it differently as a soldier, Hollis supposed. They hadn't been there, but Justice used 'we' to refer to the Jedi as a whole. But it was obvious from their bond and his words that this matter was a weight on his shoulders.​

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Her hand reached for his and gave a squeeze. "It's... it's," Hollis stammered. She didn't even know what to say. "I know." Her eyes closed for a brief moment. "I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it." Indeed it was a complicated mix of emotions stirring within. "Still, I get what you're saying. It's not a good feeling."​

 

[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

It was not going to be anything new to Hollis. She understood how Justice felt on the matters he was expressing. There was something about the way he was talking though which was different. For the first time he was expressing doubt in people he had learned to trust, and had for a long time. Justice felt uncertain because he had never felt this kind of uncertainty before. If he could not trust the Sword and Shield of the Jedi, who could he trust among them?

Hollis, he knew he could always trust Hollis, but was he prepared for the possible path his doubt would take them down, was she?

“No, it does not feel good at all. The Jedi have fought Sith for less.”

The statement was matter of fact and not open for debate or interpretation. If anyone tried to tell him that the needs of the galaxy outweighed the morality of the action taken to bring about peace, he would burst with rage. Oh, he knew his thoughts were taking him to a line he was trying to keep. In the end all he could do was look at Hollis and find the peace which she exuded. As long as she was there, something in the galaxy was right and good.

His feet carried him toward the ramp.

“We should head to the dig site before it gets too late and the sun gets higher in the sky.”

A dig in scorching heat would not be fun.

He stopped just short of walking past Hollis. His lips touched hers in a quick kiss, just to let her know he would be okay.

“I love you.”​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

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Tag: Justice Lesan​

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Like many of her decisions, joining up with the Alliance had been something of a snap decision. Impulsive, but she'd felt it was the best option at the time. The Order had quite a lot to offer in terms of education and experience. However, she felt at odds with her own thoughts now.

How could such a thing have happened?

Still, she trusted Justice and his opinions. He had more experience than she did when it came to fighting Sith. Her head canted to the side slightly, fixing Justice in an affectionate glance. It was all she could offer at the moment. And she hoped it was enough.

She nodded when he mentioned getting to the dig site.

Then, he came close – so close that her heart skipped a beat or two. Hollis leaned forward slightly when he broke the quick kiss, obviously wanting more. But a bright smile bloomed on her face.

"You too," she said, blushing just like it was the first time.

No matter what happened, she'd be at his side to face it. Taking a couple of quick strides caught her up to him, and Hollis took his hand. As they stepped down the ramp and into the daylight, Hollis brought her free hand up to shield her eyes. She drew a breath to calm her nerves, which were a bundle of excitement and anticipation.

"What are we hoping to find here again?" she asked, glancing sidelong at Justice.

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[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

It should not have been so easy to move on from the questions looming in his mind, but for time being it was. Hollis always calmed him, or she made him ramble. A smile pulled at his lips as he thought about their early days together. They had met on a mission which was similar to this. It had been after Tython, and Justice was determined to explore the ruins he had found during the successful defense of the historic Jedi stronghold.

Exegol was different. The worlds which the Maw had left behind were different. They were so washed in the dark side of the force Justice could feel it oozing out of the planet’s core. The sunlight did little to help Justice keep its taste out of his mouth. As a Lesan he knew the dark truth his family wished were not so. Justice could feel the power so easily because the pull to it for his family was strong.

“Anything the Maw left behind that would be a danger if left in the wrong hands.”

That could have meant anything. The soon to be Knight knew his own hands could be the wrong ones, and he questioned if the New Jedi Order’s were any better. He should have been able to trust them, but he did not, no more than the hen trusted a fox in the pen.

“There should be ruins ahead, and that could mean anything. Remember that secret passage we found on Tython…”

Justice let the question hang in the air. She would know the double meaning to that question. If the Jedi were to admit it, that was when he fell in love with the woman. Just about from the moment she clumsily ran into him, Justice knew she was someone he wanted in his life for a long time. He had never once felt odd that he had been able to move on from his infatuation with a certain Sal-Soren either. He and Hollis simply fit in a way he could not explain.

A hand reached to shield his own eyes. The sun was already higher than Justice had hoped, but that was nothing he could control. A force user could do many things, but moving the sun was not one of them. If anyone could, then Justice would question if they were in control of it, or going mad. It was something the Maw would have attempted to do.

“It should be just above the hill there,” he pointed out. “The scenery is a little bleak isn’t it.”

A few minutes of looking around was all Justice needed to know they were in the epicenter of a massive battle.​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

Tag: Justice Lesan​

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As Hollis took a moment to truly take in their surroundings, she couldn't deny the chill that ran down her spine. This had been a battlefield at one time. Now, the landscape was scorched and pock-marked. Though, the somber scene was kept from being too heavy by the light-hearted remark about Tython.

"How could I ever forget?" Hollis asked, her cheeks red.

Her eyes shifted towards her feet for a moment as she remembered falling through the rocks on Tython. She supposed it wasn't all bad being so clumsy. As fond as the memories were, this wasn't quite the time to reminisce.

With everything gathered, it was time to set out for the task at hand.

As they walked towards the ruins, Hollis tried to find the good in the situation. "Someday," she started. "This place won't look like this anymore." Her eyes were set towards the horizon. "It'll get better, won't it?" she asked, but offered Justice an encouraging smile.

There was still a lot to look forward to in the future -- and Hollis would do her part to look on the bright side.​

 

[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

Justice loved the fact Hollis was always looking to the future with a bright outlook. It was hard to be optimistic with how things in the galaxy were shaping to be. All he knew was with the Maw gone another power would rise to claim their place. With how fanatical they had been, and how viscous that had made them, Justice could only imagine what evil would come to the surface next. He could only hope he did not see it in his lifetime.

He shook his head.

“No it won’t always look like this. Maybe the agricorps can do good work here.”

Justice was trying to be positive, knowing there were still some good things with the New Jedi Order.

He nodded.

“I hope you are right. I do hope it gets better.”

His hand went to the pouch on his belt. There were reasons he hoped they could figure out what good would come and what life had in store for them. Reaching into the pouch he pulled out a small viewfinder. Looking through the small scope he located the particular part of the dig he was looking for.

A statue seemed to be one of the few things which remained untouched. He pointed it out to Hollis as he started to move toward it. If they were looking for any sign of a hidden tunnel, bunker, or some kind of artifact room, the stone likeness of the one the Maw had revered was as good a start as any.

“We should find some kind of entrance there. Just be careful, any access is likely booby trapped.”

Justice smirked as waggled his eyebrows. He was being playful, knowing she was clumsy at times, though her training as a guardian was making the moments that it displayed itself fewer and fewer.​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

Tag: Justice Lesan​

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"I hope so," she said when Justice mentioned the Agricorps. Hollis had always admired their work, even if it wasn't as well-known as that of the Jedi. It was still noteworthy, she felt. And maybe because it had always been in the back of her mind... a possibility if her life as a Jedi hadn't ended up working out the way it had.​

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Once more, she let her smile encourage him.​

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Her dark eyes found the area Justice indicated up ahead. "Right," she said, nodding. Hollis looked as hard as she could for any possible points of entry, but she had to admit that she didn't have the archaeologist's eye. A small grin was visible when he reminded her to be careful, but she nodded again. No matter how much she might wanted to have made a joke, now wasn't the time.​

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Her boots brought her up towards the statue that towered above the battlefield.​

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"It's eerie," she said, glancing over briefly to Justice. Hollis crossed her arms, almost taking up a protective stance in the shadow of the statue. As she turned her gaze down, she noticed that some of the scorched marks on the ground formed... a pattern. It was an intricate design, inky black but just visible against the rocks.​

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"Was this... some kind of ritual site?" she asked, visibly disturbed by that possibility.​

 

[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

“It’s possible,” came Just’s quick response, “I will have to investigate a little more to be sure.”

He smiled, this time it reached as far as Hollis knew it should. Even when his mind and heart were filled with doubt, the young Jedi could always be found in good spirits when walking a new dig site. Archeology, the mystery of it, discovering something new, made him happy in a way other things could not. Aside from Hollis, this was what made him feel fulfilled. Justice knew this was what he was meant to be doing, and it was always better when Hollis was at his side.

“The Maw erect statues like this everywhere. Their fanaticism is a religious kind, which is what made it so dangerous. You cannot stop people who believe what they are doing is the divine will of a great power. Not that religion is a bad thing…”

They had never really discussed their thoughts on the matter. It seemed moot when they both had the ability to connect to an all living force which allowed them to do things which many would call divine.

“Just make sure no one ever worships me like the Maw worshiped their leader.”

He chuckled and grinned as he neared the base of the statue. Justice knew what he was looking for. What he had not told Hollis was that he had scoped out the dig site prior to their mission. Getting her to join had been a difficult task, convincing both their masters to allow it, but Justice had his reasons.

He patted his pockets and pouches when he was sure Hollis was not looking. Justice had to make sure he did not forget anything.

That’s when his eyes caught the marker.

“HOL! I found something.”

Once he knew she was at his side he pressed the lever and the base moved revealing an underground passage.​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

Tag: Justice Lesan​

Despite the sun high above them, just being in this place made her shiver.

She continued to look up at the statue when Justice mentioned religion. Hollis didn't consider herself a religious person. Being a Jedi was certainly a lifestyle to her; she didn't worship the force. But she knew that some did. It wasn't right or wrong – so long as their beliefs did not lead to violence.

His follow up comment made her lips curl into a grin. "I'll make sure," she affirmed. Then, she chuckled softly. As Justice approached the statue, she let his presence warm her.

She had just let her eyes start to wander way from the statue when Justice's shout called them back. This time, her eyes were wide when she returned to his side. "What'd you find?" she asked, knowing full well that she was about to find out.

Hollis' foot inched backwards when the base of the statue moved.

Then, she blinked as a passage way became visible – leading underground.

"I wish I had your knack for finding secret passages," she said, smiling. Hollis reached down to her belt to unclip a light rod, and she ignited it. The yellow-hued light didn't do much out here in the sun, but it would definitely illuminate the way for them.

"After you," she said, nodding.
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[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

Was it really a knack? Justice would maybe admit later he had been to the dig site before. He was doing his best to hide his thoughts from Hollis the closer they got where the path would eventually lead. There was a small part of him which felt guilty in even trying to do so. If he could hide from her successfully what might that say about her ability to trust him? It was an odd thing a Jedi bond gave them, and it was another matter entirely the bond they had deepened as lovers.

Justice did not need further prodding to enter the passage. It would give him a chance to show off a skill he had been working on anyhow. For a brief moment his eyes closed and without warning one torch after the other down the entire corridor began to light. It was though someone had flipped a switch.

He smirked.

“Uncle Judah is an elementalist. He is strongest with wind. JJ with water. I’ve been dabbling with them all, but I seem to have found a proficiency with fire.”

His eyes turned back to the path ahead of them as he touched the pouch on his belt again…

…it was still there…

Justice was getting more and more nervous as they entered the center of the chamber. Hollis may have thought it was because of the unknown had she not known him better. The further they moved down the corridor the more Justice was having a difficult time containing what it was he had been trying to hide from her.

This was a dig site to be certain, and there was something to find, but this was meant to be something more.

His boots stopped at the edge of an archway as he leaned against it. He motioned forward with his hand as a ring of fire circled the perimeter of the room, save for the entrance. In the center of the room appeared to be a dias on the floor, and ancient saber forge built upon it.

It was lined with roses, a bouquet of them resting on top of the table with Hollis’ name on it.

“Ladies first…”​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

Tag: Justice Lesan​

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As they descended, she couldn't help but notice something about this place felt... strange. Hollis narrowed her eyes slightly in the dim light, thinking to herself. Was it truly this place or was it something else entirely?​

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Her gaze shifted to Justice, and her eyes lingered there for a long moment.​

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However, her attention was quickly diverted as the torches suddenly lit up. She made sure to close her mouth when Justice provided an explanation. "That's pretty wizard. Maybe I ought to book a lesson with your uncle," Hollis said, grinning. It might have come across like a joke, but she was serious. Judah had been one of the first Jedi masters that'd she had met, after all.​

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Hollis' eyes darted about the tunnel before them, too busy to notice that Justice had reached for the pouch on his belt again. She'd felt similar 'jitters' before on digs with him. It was just a bit of excitement, wasn't it?​

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Though... the feeling intensified as they reached the chamber.​

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Hollis swallowed. Her hand had even reached down for her saber, just in case... but there were no Mawites or Sith hiding in the shadows here. "What's going on?" she wondered aloud, the scene set for her made Hollis' heart skip. Her boots carried her forward, and she cast a small glance over her shoulder at Justice as she made her way into the center of the chamber.​

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She stopped at the dais.​

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Slowly, she reached out and touched the rose petals. A bouquet of roses with her name on them. Surely these hadn't been left by the Maw. Her brows arched high as she turned another puzzled glance Justice's way. Then... it hit her.​

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"Oh goodness," she murmured. "Just. Is this... are you..."​

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Hollis smiled, but her face was pale.​

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"...Just," she whispered.​

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And fainted on the spot.​

 

[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

The anticipation and excitement of the moment had been boiling to the point Justice knew he was going to burst. Had his earlier mood been a ruse, no. He still held the feeling he expressed about what the Jedi had done. Perhaps it was the fact he knew what his mind had been set on for the day that had him doubting whether the New Jedi Order was a place for them to remain. His mind was more focused on the future than the present, and that made him question their current reality.

Hollis was piecing it all together. Justice almost chuckled when she reached for her lightsaber, and yet he could not blame her. The setting was not exactly a Jedi friendly atmosphere. Maw runes and other images littered the walls, and a certain feeling of darkness and dread filled the place. It was the least likely place that Hollis would ever suspect Justice to propose, which is exactly why it was perfect.

He had been intentional about everything, the flowers, and the fact the dias contained a saber forge. It was meant to draw Hollis back to their first meeting. Just had mentioned it on purpose earlier. Everything was accounted for, every detail planned to perfection…

…except the fainting.

Justice rushed to catch her. He should have known better. A belly laugh escaped his mouth as he just held the brunette, slowly coaxing her awake. It was so like her to respond that way, and it was so like him to run like a clumsy fool to keep her from bashing her head against the ground. Just smiled as he fumbled in the pouch, first for a smelling salt, and next for the velvet box he had been carrying around inside of it for weeks.

His eyes found hers when the finally opened.

“Am I proposing?”

Justice opened the box to reveal the ring.

“Yeah… I am. I found some time on the walk with your dad when we visited them for Life Day. I’ve been in love with you from the moment you bumped into me, and I cannot imagine life with anyone else. I don’t want to.”

A smile pulled at his lips.

“Hollis Orenn, will you be my wife?”​

 

[Hollis Orenn]

Tag: Justice Lesan​

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Hollis' eyes finally fluttered open.

Though, her vision was blurred slightly. Justice had just opened a small box, and the stunning engagement ring slowly came into focus. She couldn't help but smile.

This was it.

Justice was proposing.

She'd have been lying if she said she hadn't imagined this moment before. Of course she had... but, it hadn't included fainting, of course. Her perfect proposal had included tears though. Hollis sniffled slightly as he spoke about her father. It really did mean the world that he'd spent some time alone with her father when they were back on Naboo.

From the moment they met, she'd felt something -- a connection. It had been instant and completely unexpected. During their time together, that connection grew into something sure and strong.

Hollis held out her hand and let the ring slide gently onto her finger.

"Yes," she affirmed, smiling wide. "I will."

She dabbed at her eyes, then took a moment to admire the gorgeous ring that Justice had just given her. Her heart felt like it might explode – in the best possible way. "I love you." Hollis hugged Justice, both of them still on the ground by the dais.

And it couldn't have been any better than that.
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[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

Love was a simple word in its construction, but the implications of it were so much more complex. Jedi were told to avoid the complications from the attachments the feeling could bring. Justice had certainly taken after most in his family, and many of the New Jedi Order, in embracing what love could add to a relationship. While it was not always easy when Hollis’ assignments and his kept them away from each other, the benefits far outweighed the inconvenience.

He was happy to hear her express her feelings.

“I love you, too.”

It was really the only thing left to be said. Justice followed his words with a kiss on her lips.

Perhaps a younger version of Justice would have stumbled and stammered more, or missed what was happening in the background. The scratching and clicking which had been in the background seemed to be getting louder. It was similar to the same things he heard the night he lost his arm.

A sudden shudder ran down his spine as the taint of the dark side filled the room. While the area was supposed to be abandoned, Justice could always count on something interrupting whatever moments they had off world. A saber forge was a powerful draw to whatever the Maw had left behind, and now the strength of the bond which existed between him and Hollis only added to the room.

They were being hunted.

“Do you hear that,” he asked Hollis, being careful not to move too quickly.

If it was not just him, then Justice would be ready to spring into action. His lightsaber was ready, and it would be a strong test of their bond. Whatever had been left behind felt strong, and the pair would work together to defeat it. All it had to do was reveal itself. Still, Justice hoped it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
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[Hollis Orenn]

Tag: Justice Lesan

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Hollis returned the kiss, her arms still wrapped tightly around Justice.

As the kiss broke, her lashes fluttered as she fixed her beautiful ring in a teary-eyed gaze. Oh, she couldn't wait to holo-call her mum. She was going to be so happy. And, now that she knew Justice had spoken to her father, she knew that he'd be happy for them, too. Everything was so right in her world.

Well, until it... wasn't.

Darkness seemed to close in around them.

Her eyes went wide, and Hollis looked to Justice as if to confirm that this was definitely not part of the proposal. “Yeah,” she confirmed, her voice hushed next to his ear. Hollis' breaths grew slow and deep as she prepared herself and resisted the urge to let fear and anxiety take hold.

This was time to be brave.

Slowly, she moved to a crouched position, her hand hovered ready above the hilt of her saber. Whatever was out there was closing in. Her presence would brush against Justice's, like her hand giving his a squeeze – I'm here... I'm ready.
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[Justice Lesan]

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Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Hollis Orenn

A roar tore through the chamber as a Terentatek burst through a wall. The beast was large and oozed in the dark side of the force. Justice could feel the taint of it, and almost smell it on the creature's breath. His instinct was to ignite his saber and step between it and Hollis. Even though she was there in an official capacity to be his shield, Justice’s nature was to stand between danger and those he cared for. The habit would likely get him killed one day, but if it meant another survived then so be it.

Just had already lost an arm, what was his life.

He looked to Hollis, her stance and everything about her screamed that she was at his side. Justice had just asked the woman to be his wife, and while everything in him wanted to stand between her and danger, Just knew they would stand better side by side. He was stronger because of her.

A nod was his answer.

“Why don’t we show this thing that he crashed the wrong proposal.”

With that Justice ran to action. He charged the beast head on knowing that he could be an easy distraction. The orange glade of his double bladed lightsaber came to life. One blade was all he needed for the stunt he was about to pull. It may have seemed like he was leaving Hollis behind, but the exact opposite was true. His actions simply laid the groundwork to let her finish the beast off.

As the beast took a swipe at Justice, he slid under the beast and cut at its achilles tendons. The monster cried out in pain as it began to fall forward. Reaching his hand out, Justice used the force to slow its descent creating an opportunity for Hollis to land the killing blow.

“It won’t hold for long. This is not my best ability by a long shot.”
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