Private Welcome to the Void

[Aeris Lashiec]

And there it was.

Aeris' fingers had rubbed against her eyebrows in frustration as she read the report. Technically she wasn't Kai's legal guardian, but there were certainly times when she felt like it. At the start she had pressured a lot for people to keep an open mind about it. At first as an act of compassion, then a fascination, and then out of genuine care. As far as darkspawn went there was plenty that she could say, but Kai had proven to be different over time.

At least, so she had thought. Disappointment burned against her chest with a weight far heavier than she had expected it to be. That spark of pride still glowed inside of her, but it certainly had diminished a little. The kid had been through a lot, and as Aeris had gone through some of the heaviest events of her life, he had been there to pick her up again. To fail him now when he needed much the same out of her would be straight up wrong to such an extent that she knew that she would never truly forgive herself.

As the guard called up to let her pass through the gates to the cells she couldn't help but feel for the souls trapped in here. Some were genuinely criminally insane, but she found it difficult to believe that what Kai had done was enough of a cause to bring him here of all places. It wasn't a fate she would wish on anyone.

She stepped into view of the cell and the guard punched in the combination to get her in.

"Kai?" She asked as she took the first inside the cell. "Hey."

Kai Bamarri

 

[Kai Bamarri]

When they told him who was coming to visit him, Kai almost asked them to send Aeris away. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, he was just afraid it would be too painful for them both.

Ever since he was transferred to Azrael Asylum’s juvenile center, the amount of people coming to visit him had trickled away to almost nothing. Most of them had seen him merely as a novelty; once their curiosity was satisfied, they didn’t bother coming back. Only Alicio Organa remained a regular visitor. Everyone else seemed to have forgotten about him. And of course, Iris Arani had never come by at all. Not to forgive him, not to rage at him, not to cry over him. From the girl who had once been his best friend and his victim, he found only indifference. That hurt him the deepest of all, though he wouldn’t admit it out loud.

Aeris was among the last to come, though he didn’t think she meant anything by it. She was his first friend, and the only one whose abandonment had been outside of her control. Her ship had passed through some freak space anomaly that threw her months into the future.

He was sitting on his cot when he heard the guard unlocking his cell door. The cell was… a cell. There was certainly nothing luxurious about it. He was grateful to be out of the containment field they used to keep him in, but the collar around his neck remained a nuisance, keeping him from feeling the Force.

Aeris entered and spoke a greeting. He raised his head and looked up at her, feeling like a child again. A little boy wearing the form of his hero like a disguise, sneaking out of his holding cell through the vents to explore the wide world beyond.

“The cells in the Temple were easier to get out of,” he murmured, almost under his breath. Then, in a small, soft voice, he said, “Hi Aeris.”

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

A small pain panged against her chest at the murmur. Aeris' eyes darted around the room to take it in, although much like any other cell she had seen there was not much of note in there. It would seem 'personality' was not part of what constituted 'rehabilitation' here. Aeris had her gripes with it, but perhaps now was also not the time to air such grievances.

She took a seat next to Kai on the cot and let out a sigh.

"Not much color in here, huh?" She joked to try and lighten the mood. And yet underneath her skin she could feel her nerves tangle despite her best wishes, but there was no need to outright show that. She extended her arm, reached around Kai as if to invite him to a hug and let him in again.

"I am…" Aeris swallowed. "I am sorry."

"I wish there was something that I could do to get you out of here."

Kai Bamarri

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Aeris sat beside him on the cot. Kai’s eyes flicked toward her, but he remained in his hunched position.

“No,” he whispered. “Not much color.”

When she reached for him, he leaned toward her, folding into her side. He wasn’t desperate or pleading; he simply took what comfort he could get these days. From Aeris, it felt good. Better than anyone else's attempts at reassuring him so far, anyway.

“I deserve to be in here,” he said. “I did something bad, and this is the punishment.” He assumed that she knew what had happened with Iris. She had to know by now.

“I thought it would be easier to do good as a human than as a Sithspawn. But it’s really about the same.”

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Kai Bamarri

It was a relief to feel him press against her even if it was in a manner far more distant than she was comfortable with. Kai was willing to let her in as much as she wanted to have him back again, or so it seemed.

Aeris' thumb brushed back and forth on his shoulder. This was the part where she knew that she should have allowed herself to cry, but it wasn't that easy. Instead a small yet warm chuckle blew through her nose and rumbled in her throat.

"The fact that you would say that," She said and turned to face him. "Shows a lot of wisdom, Kai."

"I… Might not agree that the word 'punishment' is appropriate. I would prefer—" Aeris stopped and glanced towards the door and then back to Kai. "Hope. That they are helping you through this."

"... Are the staff helpful at all? Do they seem to care?"

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“‘s appropriate,” he muttered in half-hearted disagreement, nestling against Aeris and closing his eyes. Being with her felt safe, and with that feeling of safety came the desire to sleep. He hadn’t slept well in a long time.

“They try to help,” he said. “But I don’t think many of them can really relate to my problems.” He sighed. “I won’t be a Jedi when I get out, master. They won’t let me back in.”

His voice carried a note of finality, as if he had peered into the future and already knew the outcome for certain.

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Aeris had planned to argue the point of incarceration being rehabilitation and not punishment. She didn't do that. Instead her brows furrowed in frustration. What was this nonsense? Not a Jedi? Aeris recoiled as soon as the words had parted Kai's lips.

"What the hell are you on about, Kai?" Aeris asked, her frustration quite evident in her tone. "I thought I had taught you better than to assume being a Jedi was tied to a place or the people in it."

"So you had a lapse of judgment, you—" Rant mode was close. Aeris stopped herself and let out a long sigh. Her demeanor softened, her shoulders slacked.

"I have known you for long enough to know that the emotions you are feeling right now are tied to the fact that you know that you have done something wrong. You are accepting the sentence you were given even when it clearly tears at some part inside of you."

"In spite of what put you here, I am still very proud of you, Kai."

Kai Bamarri

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“So much of being a Jedi is the camaraderie, though,” Kai said, looking up at her. “Even you have to admit that it isn’t the same when you’re all alone, with no Order to be part of or even a friend to share it with.”

He didn’t care if it was the NJO, the Silvers, or some far-flung Jedi enclave no one had ever heard of. Kai still needed companionship. He was already the only member of his species—he couldn’t walk as a Jedi alone.

Aeris said she was proud of him. Kai felt a pang in his chest, and his eyes stung. “Aw, not again,” he whimpered, sniffling and quickly wiping his eyes. “Sorry. I do that a lot now.” He sniffed again for good measure. “Um, I… thanks. Nobody else has said that. In a really long time…”

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Kai Bamarri

"I…" Aeris wanted to argue against the camaraderie but stopped. "Yeah."

As his eyes began to gloss up, Aeris shifted over yet again to wrap her arm around his shoulder and pull him in to allow him to let it all out if he so desired. Given the circumstances of where he was and why, she would say it was warranted to ease on the pressure a little.

"Never apologize for your emotions, Kai." She whispered and gently tousled his hair. "You have helped me through a lot, and I would be damned if I failed to return that favor."

"Because you matter, okay?" In an unprecedented move in recent years, Aeris felt a strong burn tear at her eyes. "As a Jedi, as something Jedi-adjacent, even if you fall off the path… Emotions are always going to be a part of who we are as individuals."

"And as long as I am alive, I will be there to pick you up again if it becomes too much, okay?"

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Aeris seemed determined to turn him into a weepy mess. Kai felt more tears flowing, worse than any he had shed previously. If others had perhaps put cracks in the dam, she blew it wide open with her simple kindness, letting the deluge flood in.

“Okay…” he managed to whisper, before he lost control. Holding his head in his hands, he completely fell apart, letting it all out. Not merely his emotions regarding his crime, arrest, and sentencing, but many more pains which had been building up over time. It tore through him with a ferocity that made him glad for the collar for once, since it kept him from bleeding over into the Force.

When it was over and the hurricane within him had passed, he felt… different. Perhaps not quite made new, but washed clean. Slowly he raised his head, wiping the water from puffy eyes and snot from his nose. He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing.

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Kai Bamarri

"Hey…" She hushed and gently swept away the tears. "You're alright."

Aeris let her arm rest around the boy's shoulder as she slowly rocked them both back and forth to weather the storm. She was no stranger to grief and remorse, and a whole other wave of emotions that followed in their wake. While she liked to say she could carry them on her own, she also knew that was a lie.

As Kai slowly but surely perked up again she pulled him in for another hug.

"I think one of the dumbest things I have ever heard of was a Jedi afraid of catharsis." She said and let in a deep, calming breath. "I would say that this kind of outlet is as natural as breathing."

"You are doing good. We will work all of this out."

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai had a few moments of respite after the release of his emotions… then guilt returned, rearing its ugly but perhaps necessary head. The peace was disturbed. After all, why should he have peace? He was a criminal in prison. There was no working that out. He'd serve his sentence, and then...

Struggling to find the right words to say, he sat up in Aeris’ embrace. Finally, he settled for one word:

“How?”

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Kai Bamarri

"I do not know yet," She nodded and pulled him back in. "But we will."

"Between serving a sentence and me coming by to visit, we will have plenty of time to think that one through."

"Wouldn't you say?"

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai was quiet for a while, trying to think of the best way to put his thoughts into words. “I already have plans,” he said at last. “An Alliance Senator offered me a job as a bodyguard when I get out. And I want to go back to Chaldea. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while. I think there’s something there I need to do…”

He wet his lips before continuing. “And… I want my old Sithspawn body back. I want to be the Doppelganger again.”

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Kai Bamarri

The words 'alliance', 'senator', and 'bodyguard' did not belong in any sentence Aeris would ever care for. The chain had hardly parted the kid's mouth before she froze up in terror. On instinct she found it hard to trust them. Politicians were scum. Backstabbing, self-serving idiots that even if they had pure intentions were corrupted by their power. While seemingly uncharacteristic of Aeris, the view came from having lived through enough Jedi Order collapses in which the good word of politicians had ultimately mattered very little when worlds burned around them.

Still, Kai was his own person. Aeris eased up and slowly began to nod.

"Can't say I approve of working for a senator." She muttered. "But if you trust that they won't abuse your trust, I won't hold it against you either."

She separated, turned to look Kai right in the eyes, searching for any indication about why he would even want it, what kind of lies he had been sold on that would convince him being anywhere near that pit of snakes was worth it.

"Who are we talking about here? What do you need on Chaldea?"

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“I’m talking about the Senator of Alderaan, Alicio Organa ,” Kai said, giggling a bit at Aeris’ reaction. “The dude’s a human teddy bear who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life. Been visiting me in here every week just to keep me company. Even you’d like him.”

He sobered. “I don’t really know. It’s one of those call-of-the-Force things, where you sense that you need to be somewhere and do something, but you don’t know what exactly. I just know that I’ve got to go.”

He was surprised by her lack of reaction to hearing he wanted his old body back. On the other hand, she had always been the most accepting of his Sithspawn nature. In her mind, she must’ve hardly noticed the difference.

Aeris Lashiec

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

Kai Bamarri

A teddy bear senator was about as likely as a vegetarian nexu. It took a special kind of mind to make it in the political scene, this was a fact, but given that Kai was his own individual Aeris would simply have to settle for leaning into that aspect of it all. When this ' Alicio Organa ' discarded Kai by the side of the road like a piece of broken and used up trash, she would be there to pick up the pieces.

She sighed with an uneasy exhale. The worried sigh of a mother, almost.

"Then I will trust your instinct." Aeris said and gave the kid a nod. On instinct she reached out to grab his hand again. "Just promise me the whole 'want my old body back' isn't because he told you to but because it's something that you genuinely want."

"I want you to be comfortable in your own skin, but I also don't want you to become something you're not." She squeezed. "Or used for someone else's nefarious purposes."

 

[Kai Bamarri]

"He didn't tell me to do it," Kai reassured her. "In fact, he tried to convince me not to."

He stared down at their joined hands, weaving his fingers between hers as she spoke.

"I know it must sound strange, after all the suffering being the Doppelganger caused me... and others. I thought that people hated me because of what I was. But when I became human, they still despised me. Not because I was a Sithspawn, but because of the things I did and said. Because of who I seemed to be, in their eyes.

"Now, I don't care if they hate me. But I feel the loss of my old body keenly, and this new body was never truly mine to take anyway. It belonged to someone else."

Aeris Lashiec​

 

[Aeris Lashiec]

"Good." She smiled from his reassurance.

"Kai, I…" Aeris then frowned, but the exhale she pushed through her nose seemed to say she was amused. "The first and only person I loved, Alex, was a shapeshifter." She reminded him let herself wallow in the brief moment of pain before she continued. "I know the importance of having a skin that you feel comfortable in, and I know that sometimes the idea of what that skin is will change."

"One day it was Alex the Human, the next it was Alex the Rodian." She latched onto the hand in hers with a squeeze. "I don't care who you take, borrow, or steal your appearance from, Kai. I care about you — the person, the individual."

She let in a deep breath.

"That said… Where did this body come from?"

Kai Bamarri

 

[Kai Bamarri]

"Oh, so is that why you kept calling him 'them'?" Kai asked. "I thought you just had multiple boyfriends named Alex."

It was hard to tell if he was joking or not.

He did appreciate her kind words, smiling a little. "This body was dead when I found it. Drug overdose. His name is Leon Fairmount. He was a singer in a band, and had a spice problem. I was a little pressed for options, and his was available, so..." His expression grew somber. "He has an older brother named Brent, who tracked me down not too long ago. He wanted his brother's body back, so he could bury him. I told him I would figure something out, but now... I'll just have to wait until I'm out to take care of it."

Aeris Lashiec​