Private What if?

[Allyson Locke]

//: Yavin IV //:
//: Adriana Fortemps //:
//: Hurts So Good //:

​

Before the invasion of Korriban​

​

Quiet. Careful. Reminiscent. ​

​

It had been several months, possibly a year, since she had set foot on Yavin IV. It looked frozen in time; the shops she had visited, the buildings she had wandered into were still there. Bastion, on the other hand, changed. A small inkling of memory reminded her of a clothing store; she wondered if the owners had survived and were enjoying their new lives under the thumb of Iveric Tavlar. Allyson had her reservations about the Imperials; she saw them no better than the Sith - but their ideals were what the galaxy cried out for. ​

​

Thinking about the New Imperials was the last thing she needed to be doing. She was deep in Sith territory once more, trying to glean anything for the coming invasion of Korriban. Instead, she found herself reminiscing about another time in her life. While she knew it probably wasn’t as real as she wanted it to be, Allyson found herself missing the haughty Echani woman. Guilt hung in her heart as she leaned against one of the railings of the overpass bridge. Speeders drove underneath, not caring that an Alliance Spy was watching them. It seemed her face had been forgotten, which was a relief. ​

​

Rae Cooke was no more, just a memory and another persona that faded and folded into the host. Allyson could feel the warmth the entity had when she walked the familiar streets, but part of her healing was to accept each and every face she wore. Knowing that they no longer existed beyond the emotions she felt when those lives were reminded of something hurt her deeply. The cuts of those memories bled, but only for a moment. ​

​

A soft breeze blew against the Corellian as she leaned on the railing, looking down at the traffic. For once, she allowed her mind to wander into those memories. The ones that were unfinished, unrequited, and curious. What had happened to the Lord Inquisitor after Dubrillion? Allyson sighed softly as she removed the scarf that blocked her face; she inhaled the air of Yavin IV deeply and smiled softly. She hoped she was okay, even after their tryst.​

​

The light began to fade into the evening. Allyson continued to stand on the bridge as if to be waiting for something or someone.​

 

[Adriana Fortemps]

// Lord Inquisitor Fordyce //
// Yavin IV //
// Allyson Locke //
// Smoke Signals //

​

The streets of Yavin were quiet, as they always had been. The war front war far away from here, only the rhythmic pattern of a pen tapping upon the desk echoing in her office. Her mind had begun to wander again recently, amber eyes staring out of the window and into the distance. The Lord Inquisitor had been trapped in her own thoughts for much of the past few months, war and security second to thoughts of what was missing.

Ughhhh...

Her head was thrown back as she let out a loud sigh, frustration groaned into the wind as the Lord Inquisitor found herself unable to control her thoughts. It wasn't fair to the Empire that she wasn't performing her duties as diligently as she should be able to, and unfair to herself for not being able to push them to the side and continue growing her influence as would be befitting her status. But as her face fell into folded arms on her desk, she knew what it really was.

It was unfair to what she felt to not worry about Rae.

Even with some of the suspicions the Echani had held before the war separated them from one another, Jorryn couldn't deny how much she wanted to be back with Rae. How much she needed her. And living months without knowing if the Corellian had been killed or captured or worse had been silently eating away at the Silver-Haired Sith far more than any agents from the ISB or SIA believed they could.

Her head pressed into her arms further as Jorryn realized she couldn't spend all day moping over a soldier, no matter how pretty she was and how much the Lord Inquisitor just desired to be held by her again. "Hold any calls for me in the office, I need a walk." A black coat was pulled over the Echani's shoulders as she exited the Saaraisash office, the timid weather of Yavin racing across her clothing as she stepped outside.

A deep breath filled her lungs with the brisk air as she stood awhile, eyes aiming up to the skies one again.

Then her dark heels began to tap against stone, with no mind for where she was heading. She just knew she needed to walk.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Yavin IV //:
//: Adriana Fortemps //:
//: Hurts So Good //:

​

Exhaling, it was really all she could do at this moment as the Corellian found her mind wandering. It was an odd sensation to feel Rae again or the emotions that Rae held to this planet. It was also a strange sensation to give the alias a reality. Fingers pressed into her forehead while Allyson tried to straighten out her thoughts. It had been some time, and she couldn't expect anything. Whatever had happened was the past, and that was it. ​

Once more, breath condensed in front of her creating a faint cloud that puffed and soon dissipated. Sorry Rae, but no more. Allyson pushed the warmth away from her heart and leaned away from the railing of the walkway. She couldn't keep letting her mind wander from her mission. Hands once more, finding warmth in her pockets as she walked along the overpass. Skipping down the stairs, the Corellian hummed happily along to herself. ​

Knowing the planet better than most, Allyson was able to find a nearby shop that had chairs and such out. Upon getting comfortable and finding the right place with a signal, she quickly got to work. Searching through the network, she was able to see that most of her back doors into the Saaraisash directories were still in place. She wondered if they were traps or if the Empire's Intelligence branch didn't' bother to check through the Yavin IV devices. ​

Frowning, Allyson felt her mind wanting to trail back to the memory of how she could invade the network the first time around. Fingers tapped, navigating through the directories till she found her way through to the Academies. There she would be able to filter any schematics she needed to distribute to the NJO. The mission was easy, especially with the holes in the network, and a smile crossed her face. At least she would be able to leave Yavin IV a lot sooner than she expected. ​

Some time flew by, and everything was soon closing up. Allyson made good on the promise that she had given the SIA and NJO, hopefully rebuilding any trust they had lost in her. It was an uphill climb, but it was worth it, it's where she belonged. Standing, she slung the messenger bag she brought with her over her shoulder and paused. A soft breeze blew, and an all too familiar scent brushed against her nose. Looking up, Allyson caught a brief glimpse of the woman that was walking absentmindedly her way. ​

Panic set in, but she doubted the Ecahni even remembered her. A small smile crept along her face as she internally cursed the Force. Either way, she spoke the woman's name as she moved closer. ​

"Hey, Jorryn."​

 

[Adriana Fortemps]

// Lord Inquistor Fordyce //
// Yavin IV //
// Allyson Locke //
// Smoke Signals //

​

The walk did little to clear the fog that clouded Jorryn's mind, a noise abuzz as the Silver-Haired Sith could only move forward and look down at her shoes. Wondering. They never helped truthfully. No air on Yavin, nor any planet in the galaxy could help rid the Echani's minds of the time that she and Rae had each other. It shouldn't have ended the way it did, responsibility pulling them apart from one another. Jorryn should have done everything in her power to make sure that Rae could stay by her side. And she did.

But Rae had gone missing after Dubrillion, no corpse, no identity logs. Nothing. So all the Inquisitor had left was a longing and a hole in her heart.

Heels tapped their way against the stone of Yavin's streets, the rhythmic tapping not reaching it's way up to Jorryn's ears. Her mind was trapped in a fog that no sense of the world could penetrate. Until something familiar began to ring in the Sith's ears, a beautiful sound that she had spent too long waiting to hear.

"Hey, Jorryn."
​

Amber eyes darted upwards before the words could even finish coming from the Corellians lips, a look of shock in the stunned Echani's eyes as they lifted to meet Allyson's own. Part of Jorryn thought that it was some trick of her mind, another part began questioning why Rae was here. How she was here. But both mist and questions subsided as they always had when it came to the Corellian, a usually controlled Jorryn instead ran towards the woman. Quickly wrapping her arms around the Corellians waist as she pressed her face into the cloth over the woman's shoulder.

"How are y- I thought you..." Flustered words came from the Echani's dark lips but never finished themselves, holding back from fully breaking down as she pressed herself further into the woman's shoulder. She wanted answers, she wanted to know where Rae had been and why she hadn't come sooner, she wanted to understand.

But in this moment, she needed to be held. So no more words came from her lips. At least for this moment.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Yavin IV //:
//: Adriana Fortemps //:
//: Ruin //:

​

The closeness was warm, and the Corellian was taken back. They had always fit well together; Jorryn had been the comfort behind enemy lines. She hesitated, knowing that this was something forbidden, especially since people like Taeli Raaf knew who she was. It seemed Jorryn was still in the dark about the entire matter, which made sense. Taeli had promised to protect Jorryn; Allyson wasn’t expecting to this extent. The hesitation only lasted a beat, but arms slowly wrapped around the lithe Echani woman. ​

As Jorryn buried her face into Allyson’s shoulder, Allyson hid her face into the woman’s neck. The familiarity between them only took Allyson back to their time together. She had missed this more than anything. Was this what she was missing? Allyson didn’t know, as her mind wandered to another for a brief moment. Her heart tore in two, but this felt right. Still, Jorryn was in the dark as to who she was; to the Echani, Allyson was still Rae.​

“I’m good, better now.” Allyson paused, letting the truth flow from her lips, a rare moment for the Corellian. What she felt for the Echani was true even though her reason for their initial meeting was a lie. Allyson kept Jorryn close as she tried to think of what to do next. Did she blurt the truth or ease the woman into it. She couldn’t continue to let the lie continue. ​

A hand moved along the woman’s back, adding comfort that was desperately needed between them. Allyson could feel the strain that Jorryn had been dealing with since Dubrillion. She felt guilty for it, never contacting the woman knowing it was for the better. Pulling away slightly, the same hand trailed down the porcelain cheek of the Lord Inquisitor. A thumb crossed her chin as viridescent eyes stared into the endless pools of amber. ​

Don’t get lost. Allyson had to remind herself as she smiled softly. “There’s nothing to worry about, Jorryn. I’m here.” The urge to kiss the Sith was rising, but Allyson fought it. The rush of old emotions was overwhelming, and the Corellian smiled and sighed softly. “I’ve missed you.” ​

 

[Adriana Fortemps]

// Lord Inquisitor Fordyce //
// Yavin IV //
// Allyson Locke //

​

Hands ran down from the Corellian's back to her waist with a step back as Rae pulled back slightly, a pensive look across the Echani's face not affected as the woman ran a thumb along her chin. The feeling of her hands was familiar, but something was different. Jorryn wasn't so oblivious as to not understand the whole scenario was suspicious, but every fibre of her being wanted it to be explained as simply as possible.

But that wasn't going to happen.

She feigned a quick smirk as Allyson told her there was nothing to worry about. A lie. It didn't matter to the Echani, she wanted to live in a world where there was nothing to worry about. Where they could just return to Jorryn's apartment and pretend that the months they were apart could just fade away and everything would return back to normal. But it wouldn't.

The Lord Inquisitor didn't need the experience that she had to see that the woman in front of her was holding something back, her own lips quivering in an attempt to ask what. But those words never came out. She couldn't ask the questions she needed to, nor could she just ignore what her gut was telling her.

"I missed you too..."

The words came weakly from her lips, frustration and sadness both barely being held back. If Rae's face wasn't able to hide how she was feeling, then the Echani would be a thousand times more obvious. Instead, she just pulled the Corellian close to her once again, amber eyes turning down and looking away into the distance. She couldn't look Rae in the eyes and talk to her. Jorr needed the comfort of her arms to find the right questions to ask, it was too difficult otherwise.

"Where were you?"

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Yavin IV //:
//: Adriana Fortemps //:

​

Allyson felt herself going down the road of no return, feeling the emotions fueled by what had happened between them during the infiltration mission. Jorryn was her target; she was supposed to be the weak link in the Sith Empire's intelligence branch. Even though the intel had been spot on about the Inquisitor, Allyson found herself finding everything the woman did endearing. A part of her wanted to believe that she was just someone caught up in a path that they assumed was the only path for them. ​

Duty and the heart were always at war when it came to Jorryn. Even with their time apart, Allyson had assumed Jorryn would have forgotten the Legionnaire. Compared to the people the Lord Inquisitor would have encountered and could have fallen for, it seemed Rae had left a more significant impression than expected. Allyson felt her heart ripping at the seams. A part of her belonged to Jorryn while another had begun to fall for the Kiffar detective. ​

The tension that lingered in the air between them was thick; Allyson could feel her lungs choking on them as she tried to look the Echani in the eyes. Training had told her that the Sith lied, but she didn't feel that with Jorryn. The only liar that stood here was the Corellian; once more, the words Loske spoke to her on Bastion sounded.​

“Stop it...you..you don’t get to go out like this. Why can’t you just be,” sniff “F-f--” the words failed, stuck on her quivering lips until they spilled out down her chin and into the air between them. They sounded wet and fragile, caught in the junction between anger and grief. “--ucking honest for once.” ​

Damn who she was, damn everything that she had become, and she knew most of her problems stemmed from the fact that honesty wasn't her best quality. Lies flowed from her lips as smoothly as water poured from a faucet. Allyson Locke was a liar by trade, she was good at it, and it was hard to find the truth. Feeling the weight of the Echani woman once more against her body, she hugged her tightly. They both needed the warmth of another, funny they were able to find each other again. ​

Enemies, mortal enemies, and here all the Jedi wanted to do was hold the Sith. They both had their issues. Muffled words, Allyson understood them, but how could she explain that she went back to the Alliance. Loske had ended her mission on the streets of Bastion, a place she had found herself falling in love with the Echani only months prior. Allyson pulled away, her lips curled into a soft smile, another lie, "I was…" She trailed off, not wanting to tell the lie she had formulated. ​

Jorryn deserved the truth above all else, even if it was something neither wanted to hear or admit. Allyson was prepared for this to end terribly and explosive. Though she wasn't ready, she wanted to live this fantasy a bit longer - at least give the Lord Inquisitor the comfort she sought from the arms of the wolf in sheep's clothing. ​

They were enemies. ​

A hand cupped Jorryn's face as she pulled the woman's attention to her, forcing those amber eyes to stare into the endless pools of green. They closed as she pulled her into a kiss, forcing the unanswered question from both of their minds. Allyson pressed Jorryn into her as her hand rested in the small of the woman's back. All those old emotions returned, and Allyson pulled slightly back, "Your place, we can talk there." She whispered softly before pressing into another kiss once more against the Echani's black-stained lips. ​

 

[Adriana Fortemps]

// Lord Inquisitor Fordyce //
// Yavin IV //
// Allyson Locke //

​

The warmth of Allyson's lips did little to fade the mist surrounding Jorryn. Old feelings were brought back, begging her to come back to a few months ago. And as deeply and as much as the Echani wanted to retreat back into her old self, go back to when everything was new and bright. But she couldn't. Everything in her longed for this touch to tell Jorryn that everything was ok, that they would be able to return to how things were.

But even the warmth of her lover's lips couldn't convince Jorryn that there wasn't something wrong.

"No..." The words came without confidence as she pulled away from the kiss, words struggling to find themselves behind her lips as she continued to look down at the stone below them.

There was too much wrong with everything surrounding Rae, and Jorryn tried as hard as she could to ignore all the evidence that told her that something had been wrong for a long time now. The Lord Inquisitor had searched for Rae, there was no body and the Echani couldn't just let her love disappear in the fog of war. The doubt that Jorryn felt had started in Borosk, back when she had to chase Rae down to go find her.

Desperation clouded her mind at that time, but she knew how wrong everything had been there. Why had Rae been there? Why was she assaulted by three of the most famous Jedi of the New Jedi Order? And finally, how was she able to use the force? At the time, Jorryn justified it quietly to herself. Rae must have tapped into some dormant power of hers out of necessity, beset by enemies much stronger than herself.

But that was an excuse. They all were.

"Please..." The words rolled out of her lips, weak and disheartened. There were no accusations nor anger spilling into the words she spoke, only a begging tone that desired to be dragged out of the lie that they had both ravelled themselves in. "I need you to be honest with me." Amber eyes pleaded as they looked up to the Veridian eyes she had sought for so long, desperation no longer hidden behind cloth or facade.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Yavin IV //:
//: Adriana Fortemps //:

​

Allyson felt it; she knew that the time, to be honest, was here. She could see the desperation in Jorryn's face; the woman wanted what she suspected not to be true. They both knew, though, that Rae wasn't who she said she was. Rae didn't exist; she was a persona that the Corellian had thought up when she encountered Jorryn. The smile faded softly as Allyson exhaled softly and nodded. "Honesty? Are you sure?" Allyson asked gently what she would be revealing could destroy everything, but it was necessary. Nodding, Allyson already knew the answer, and she brushed back loose strands of her brunette hair. ​

"I'm not who you think I am." There was no easier way to say it; Allyson had played out this moment over and over in her mind. She couldn't say anything that would make this moment anything but a mess. She thought of trying to tell another lie, maybe that would be better, but she remembered Loske again - knowing that another lie would just prolong the inevitable. Jorryn had already caught on. Allyson wished they had gone somewhere more private for this moment, but the quieting streets were starting to clear out for the evening. She looked past Jorryn, then to her as she continued. ​

"I'm a Jedi, a Jedi Shadow - my name is Allyson Locke. I was originally sent to Dantooine to observe and report back." Her hold on the Echani loosened as she expected the woman to pull away even more. Allyson kept her voice quiet as she continued the story reminding Jorryn of their first meeting. "I grew impatient, so I impersonated a Legionnaire. I had only expected to fly under the radar, not become your personal guard. During the meeting with Taeli and Djorn - she recognized me." The Corellian bit her lip; telling the truth, the retelling of their past only made her stomach twist. Every word that came from her mouth felt like poison, and Allyson felt the weight of her guilt. ​

The truth of her mission would never pass her lips again; she was an assassin to the former Emperor of the Sith Empire. That information could get Jorryn into trouble as well. Allyson continued. "I stayed longer than I should have; I stayed because of you. Borosk happened, Dantooine happened, and finally Bastion. After Dubrillion, I let Rae fade away and continued quietly. On Bastion, one of the Jedi nearly killed me, unaware of my being undercover. After that, I returned to the Alliance; I had hoped that you would have forgotten Rae and returned to your life before you met her." Allyson knew that despite everything, her mind would wander to Jorryn, wondering if the woman was safe if she was happy. ​

Not hearing anything didn't mean the worse, but already having suspicion on her, Allyson couldn't reach out to the Sith Inquisitor. A hand-rubbed the back of Allyson's neck as she sighed heavily. She remembered the reason why her blade faltered on Bastion. The betrayal of the New Imperials on their Sith allies shook the Force. Allyson's mind could only linger, wondering if Jorryn had gotten caught up in the mass murder. The joy she felt seeing the woman again wavered; this was not what she had planned on doing today - maybe the Spy should have turned and walked away. Something made her say Jorryn's name.​

"So the reason why you couldn't find out anything on Rae, if you looked for Rae - its because she didn't exist because she never really did, but," Allyson stopped herself as she knew she had already said too much to the woman. At the end of the day, they were enemies fighting on opposite sides of the war. ​

"That's the truth. I'm sorry, Jorryn." As she spoke, Allyson stepped closer. There was a hope that lingered that everything was going to be okay. That something could move forward from this now that the truth was out. Allyson reached out to brush her fingertips against Echani's cheek, though she was hesitant, knowing the weight of her confession. ​

Whatever they had created as Rae and Jorryn was a dream that died when the reality of truth sunk in. ​