Private What It Feels Like to Burn (Kaila Irons)

[Kirie]

Location: Varanin Residence, Jutrand
With: Kaila Irons

Kirie stood outside the front steps, at the centre of an island of orange light the flowed down from above her, fighting against the ink of the moonless night. She stood leaning against the facade, hands tucked behind her back, holding her body away from the cold stone. Her dark eyes peered out into the night, watching for a sign of her late-night visitor. Would she even come? Kirie had thought so, but as the minutes stretched longer, she wondered.

Darth Anathemous. The woman had become a strange figure in her life. She too had escaped from enslavement in the Kainate, she too struggled against dark forces struggling to control her. She too cared for Quinn, perhaps in the same way Kirie did.

But, Darth Anathemous was not like Kirie. She was strong, for one. She had not been freed from her chains, but had broken them. She had turned her pain into power, where Kirie only felt burdened by it. In the fire that was the Kainate, Anathemous had been tempered. Kirie had only cracked and broken. She could never compare.

Reaching out to her pained Kirie, but she saw no other option. Her slavers had been watching for who knows how long, and the moment they observed Kirie unguarded they had attempted to drag her back into their service. Why? She was not special. In fact, the only remarkable thing about her seemed to be that she had escaped. Maybe that was it, the source of their obsession. Whatever the case, their brazen attack meant that Kirie was out of time to find an elegant solution to the problem of her brand. Things would have to be handled practically.

Kirie recalled how the red scarred symbol had twinged with pain the evening after Quinn's kidnapping, how mere minutes after, she had been attacked, in the place she had come to think of as her home in the Empire. The Varanin residence had been her secret place, the kingdom she shared only with Quinn. No longer. It was tainted, and inviting Anathemous here only added to that sense of wrongness.

She heard a sound, perhaps the scrape of a footstep against the flagstones, or else a figment of Kirie's beleaguered mind. Not for the first time since she had stepped outside to await Anathemous, Kirie's senses twinged with fear.

"Are you here?" Kirie called out, her voice scarcely above a whisper, but nevertheless booming across the silent street. "Anathemous?"

 

[Kaila Irons]

To find Darth Anathemous approaching oneself in the dead of night was an occurrence that increasingly few would wish of themselves, yet here Kirie was, summoning the empire's problem child.

It was no command which brought the defiant lord of Echnos nor offer of alliance to advance her unknowable schemes, but rather that the escaped slave had somehow drawn upon the three emotions at her ever darkening core. Curiosity, as was often the case, hate of her former master and... empathy.

And so she was here.

The young Darth stopped in her tracks as Kirie called out, her durasteel boots, black like everything her order wears, teasing the edge of the light's boundaries like some night creature of legends waiting for permission to cross the threshold.

Perhaps it was fitting they meet again after all, the servant in love with a princess, and the sorceress after the very same.

They were all parts of a different fairy tale, those fateful three.

"You called," she answered, pulling down her silken hood.

Yet in the darkness, only eyes of molten gold could make themselves known, aglow with a sharpness that could not be helped.

"And so I am here."

Her voice was soft like frayed silk, but belied a controlled quality shaped by rigid conformity that was almost natural.

Even the eyes in the dark seemed to dart shiftily for a time before settling on the girl.

"We are alone then...?"



Kirie

 

[Kirie]

Location: Varanin Residence, Jutrand
With: Kaila Irons

The soft scrape of Anathemous' words made Kirie jump involuntarily, as did the blonde Sith's sudden appearance, crossing the treshold of light. Kirie pressed her lips together and forced herself to nod respectfully. She rubbed her arm with one hand, suddenly cold.

"We are." said Kirie. "You should come inside."

Kirie supposed she should thank the Sith for coming, but she didn't really have the words yet. She was glad that Anathemous was here, but her presence at the apartment felt wrong, especially since Kirie had told nobody else what she was planning. Kirie respected Anthemous, but she resented her too, feared her. Every part of her being was screaming that this was a terrible idea, but she had literally nobody else to call. so she opened the door and stepped aside, motioning for the woman to step carefully and avoid the splintered planks at the centre of the atrium.

"Don't mind the mess." Kirie said. "Someone's coming to fix it up tomorrow. Here- follow me." Kirie led Anathemous down the hall, not upstairs, to the room she now shared with Quinn, but to the quarters that Quinn had given her on her first night on Jutrand.

The room still looked much the same as that night. The bed was made, and it was clear Kirie hadn't slept in it for some time. There were a couple of simple garments hanging in the closet, and on the vanity Kirie had left a couple of knickknacks she had collected: a dark round stone she'd found, the cup that had had been given to her by the Sith on Echnos, and a twine necklace she was braiding for Quinn. Beside those was the black plasteel case, open, the silver-hilted saber that had saved her life sitting out. Beyond that, Kirie had no personal effects. No identification, no photos, stuffed toys, favourite books, nothing.

The most eye-catching thing in the servant's room was the tray at the foot of the bed, upon which rolls of bacta strips and gauze, a couple of vials of antiseptic, and numerous kitchen knives, even a small vibroblade, that she had gathered from within the house.

"I need you to do something for me." Kirie said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and looking up at Anathemous with dark eyes.

Kirie took off her shirt, leaving her clad in a simple black singlet. She patted the bedspread, inviting the woman to sit besider her, on the side closest to the tray.

"They came for me." Kirie said, her voice low, eyes downcast. "Here. While Quinn was... Away." Kirie's fist clenched involuntarily. The imposition had done more than scare her, it had shattered the illusion of safety that Quinn and her house had provided. Kirie had grown careless, and had nearly lost everything. She couldn't allow that to happen again.

"I thought I had more time to properly figure out how to get rid of it." Kirie's eyes fixed on the woman again. "Anathemous. You need to help me remove my brand. Tonight."

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Kirie

"Hm. Very good."

Anathemous seemed almost pleasantly surprised by the privacy, yet she continued to linger just beyond the light's reach until Kirie had opened the door, and only then did she approach, the whole of her form wrapped in a silken cloak, appearing to almost glide towards the porch more than walk.

Inside she narrowed her eyes at the broken floor, following the splinters to their origin up to the missing railing as she passed, until led into a near empty room moments later.

It reminded Anathemous of her own quarters aboard the Malsheem in that it was utterly devoid of anything which could be described as holding sentimental value with only the bare minimum exception, if even. Save perhaps two things which drew her attention;

A tea cup, and a... lightsaber.

Even as Kirie spoke, her curious gaze remained fixated on the two things the words "they came" reached her ears.

Her glare turned towards the girl even before her features, the former Kainite knowing exactly who "they" were, and a concerned focus taking coming over the sith which even the presence of so many knives could not bring.

I thought I had more time

Those words however caused her eyes to drop, knowing that she had thought the very same upon realizing that she could no longer aid her apprentice, Tamsin Graves , and even Quinn Varanin ...

Time, it seemed, was as much her enemy as fate.

You need to help me remove my brand. Tonight.

Then they widened.

The gauze. The knives.

Impressed. horrified, it was hard to tell what she was expressing in that moment, but she knew what Kirie was asking for. She knew because it had been her first thought, her first instinct, upon learning of the brand.

But she was not Kirie, she had endured so much worse.

Kaila took a deep breath, and an even longer exhale, before approaching the bed. She tossed her cloak back as she sat beside her, revealing the inky black, snug bodyglove beneath. No armor, although a lightsaber remained upon her hip as it always had since building her first. She wasn't expecting battle, judging by the choice in equipment or lack thereof, but she was always ready for something.

"You..." she hesitated for a moment.

"...are braver than I thought."

Kaila ran gloved fingers through her hair, not exactly thrilled with the idea of cutting up one of Quinn's dear friends.

"I... does she... know about this? Are you sure you even want this...?"

Her face scrunched with uncertainty.

​

 

[Kirie]

Location: Varanin Residence, Jutrand
With: Kaila Irons

"You..."

"...are braver than I thought."

Kirie gave a rueful smile, tears springing into her eyes despite her best efforts to remain measured. She dug her nails into her palm. When it was done, she could cry. Not before. If she faltered here, Kirie doubted she'd have the strength to continue.

"Not brave." she murmured. "Just desperate."

That had been what had defined Kirie's experience amidst the Sith. She didn't regard herself as particularly courageous. It was just that whenever Kirie had faced danger, she'd never had anywhere to run. There was nowhere else to go, nothing to do but stand and hope she lived. It was this stubbornness that was Kirie's only real point of pride. She was determined that the Sith Empire would neither break her over its knee, nor mould her in its image. In all the depravity, all the violence and fear, she had never let them take who she was. Perhaps she and Anathemous were alike that way. Maybe the flickering core of decency she saw inside the Sith would be all that remained of Kirie if she stayed.

"I... does she... know about this? Are you sure you even want this...?"

"She doesn't." Kirie said, her jaw set. "Would you tell her, if you were in my position?" There was a glimmer of anger in Kirie's eyes, and even she couldn't quite place where it had come from. It dissolved the instant she saw the uncertainty in Anathemous' eyes.

"What choice do I have?" Kirie asked, pain in her voice. "I have considered every option. Even if... I wanted to stay, it's not safe for me here."

Kirie sighed. For weeks she had felt like she was being pulled in two different directions. Increasingly, there was an instinctual urge to stay, to remain in the comfort of Quinn's embrace, protected, and weather the storm until those hunting her grew tired or were defeated. But, the attack, and Quinn's kidnapping, had woken Kirie to the foolishness of this fantasy. Kirie's relationship with Quinn was complicated by a range of factors, and the Kainate droid's attack proved that the protections afforded by the Princess had their limit. She could no longer drag her feet and live in the delusion that she could have it both ways.

Still, she knew leaving Quinn would all but break her.

Maybe, if they had found a way to truly free Kirie from her bindings. Maybe, if Kirie didn't have her mum waiting for her on Weik. Maybe, if the Governor of Echnos had not swept the Princess of Eshan off her feet, Kirie might have found a way to stay for good.

Her fairytale was not so simple. Whatever Kirie chose, she suffered. She always suffered.

"I think 'want' would be too strong a word. But it's what I know I need to do."

Kirie placed a hand on Anathemous' shoulder, and for a moment it looked as if she was going to embrace her, but she didn't. Kirie leaned forward, past Anathemous, rummaging around the cart and coming back with a silver bottle. She sat back, letting Anathemous go and pulling off the cap with a soft pop. Immediately, the harsh smell of white liquor permeated the small space.

"I think it'll help with the pain." said Kirie by way of explanation. She turned the bottle up and chugged it for several seconds, breaking away only when the burning liquid made her cough and sputter. A warm glow began to spread through her body and her cheeks flushed. Already, her head was beginning to buzz pleasantly. Her thoughts, however, remained sharp, alert, focused. Kirie didn't offer the bottle to Anathemous. She needed the Sith at her best.

"Besides, if things continue as they are it's not just me who's at risk, it's her too." Kirie trusted Anathemous would understand the 'her' to whom Kirie was referring.

Another swig. Kirie placed a balled fist against her head, knocking on it hard enough to make her wince. In a few short months, Kirie had witnessed things she had only read of in stories, been dragged through mass suffering, had people killed in front of her. Nearly died herself. There had been good moments, but they had almost all been confined to Quinn Varanin 's apartment. Now, even that had been desecrated.

"Gods, this place is just... Insane. I need to get out of here."

And I'm sure you'll be happy when I'm gone.

"C'mon Doc, I'm ready. How are we gonna do this?"

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Kirie

Anathemous was silent for a time. Unresponsive even, in fact the only sign that she was listening at all was that over time, that mechanical stare of hers subtly changed from it's forcible neutrality to the look of someone who had broken enough times to see the writing on the wall, yet too many times to do it themselves despite being in no position to help Kirie through it.

Kaila wasn't exactly taking her own struggles well enough to advise.

"Besides, if things continue as they are it's not just me who's at risk, it's her too."

"God, this place is just... Insane. I need to get out of here."

She couldn't bear to look her in the eye.

It was like... Looking at Kaila Solus in the mirror, watching the realization in her once-silver eyes as she curled up inside the empty acolyte quarters, knowing that she must escape her master. But there was no escape, not for little Solus, and not for Kirie.

Not yet.

Anathemous swallowed, glancing between the girl's reddened eyes and her brand, and for the first time in quite awhile, she allowed a stranger to Kaila, and not merely the black wall of sith steel she'd constructed to protect herself.

The fire in her eye dimmed as she pulled the glove away from her slender fingers between her teeth, but instead of reaching for the knife of brand, Kaila gently wiped away one of Kirie's tears. Yet instead of the deathly cold touch that one might expect of a pale sith lord, hers was warm. Perhaps even unusually so.

"I think... it would hurt you both," she said with a sad smile.

"If you left."

When she turned away, it was to release a shallow, shaky breath.

"...I've seen the way she looks at you. And you her."

She closed her eyes a moment, and though she could see in her minds eye that Quinn looked at her in the same way, so too could she see how the princess in her arms, lifeless. She had failed her, sat aboard some blasted ship to plan a war not her own, to build a warband of armed strangers, leaving Quinn alone to rot away in a cell when she needed her most.

And she didn't want Kirie to make the same mistake.

"Quinn is not a Sith. And I believe now more than ever, she needs someone in her life who shares that in common, Kirie."

"So I will help you," she sighed shakily, turning to her with an almost hopeful look.

"But please, before you leave, consider very carefully what you both stand to lose."

​

 

[Kirie]

Location: Varanin Residence, Jutrand
With: Kaila Irons

Kirie looked at the floor for a long time, unblinking, just sitting and processing Anathemous' words. As so often happened to Kirie, her Sith companion had managed push past all her stoicism and defiance, and expose what actually troubled her, the thorn in her heart. She didn't want to talk about that. She didn't want to think about that. She wanted to be sad, and angry, and stubborn. But, Anathemous had voiced what Kirie had tried so valiantly to ignore, so there was no avoiding it now.

So, Kirie thought about it. What it would mean to leave, and as she did, she wept openly, tears falling onto the red carpeted floor.

She would go back to Weik, to her small life, to the town that hated her, living in the shadow of the Kainate, wondering if one day they would come to find her. A nothing life, and all without Quinn. For better or worse, Kirie was no longer the same person who had almost died in the crash on Bordal. The Sith had changed her, and that bell could not be unrung. Kirie couldn't just go back. Not for good, anyway.

"You're right. It would kill me." she said finally. A thousand other words danced on the edge of her lips, but she kept them pressed together. She had said enough already. A long silence stretched again, as Kirie anxiously kneaded her hands together.

"Ugh." Kirie swiped and her tears and rolled her shoulders as she sat up. She let the silver bottle slip out of her fingers and fall to the floor. "The self-pity is not a good look. Sorry, I'll pull myself together."

"...I've seen the way she looks at you. And you her."

"Quinn is not a Sith. And I believe now more than ever, she needs someone in her life who shares that in common, Kirie."

Kirie gave a small pained smile, because Anathemous saw the same things in Kirie that she saw in the Governor. How many hours had Kirie spent thinking about all the things Anathemous offered Quinn that she didn't. She wondered if her heart carried the same heaviness too, or if she also woke up terrified, having dreamed of being left behind. Stars, I wish you were easier to hate. Kirie thought. That would make everything a whole lot simpler. But, maybe there was a way to move past those feelings.

"We have something special." Kirie agreed, looking at Anathemous earnestly. "I can tell you two do as well. And... That's okay I think." Kirie tried to put aside her worries for a moment, to quell the ugly, jealous voice that had grown inside her, and seeded her with insecurity. "I know that she has room in her heart for both of us, if you can abide it."

Kirie sat back and closed her eyes, conscious of the drying tear tracks on her face. She felt more level after the emotional release, but still a little raw. She would need to steel herself, and soon, for the knives still glinted hungrily beside her. There was still work to do.

"There's something else I've been meaning to ask, if you're comfortable sharing." Kirie said, a touch of curiosity tingeing her voice. "Do you have a name, other than Anathemous?"

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Kirie

She could feel the girl's pain, so much so that even Anathemous frowned at Kirie's tears.

But she allowed them, for a time. Anathemous herself had cried more times than any other sith in recent history, or so she suspected. Seeing the lady in waiting so distraught, in such surrender to her own emotions, it reminded Kaila of her younger self.

But she knew from experience that Kirie needed to admit and confront these feelings

"The self-pity is not a good look. Sorry, I'll pull myself together."

"...you may see it as a weakness. Certainly most sith would." she said somberly.

"But I think there is no shame in being weak. Only in staying weak. You have what it takes to make that decision."

Maybe it wasn't the rousing speech Kirie needed, nor sagely advice, of which she'd not even asked for. But it was all she could offer her in these trying times. But she hoped regardless that the servant girl would take it as encouragement as much as a sign that Anathemous was, like Quinn, different from many of their kin.

Kirie, it seemed, needed women like them in her life as much their princess.

"We have something special." Kirie agreed, looking at Anathemous earnestly. "I can tell you two do as well. And... That's okay I think." Kirie tried to put aside her worries for a moment, to quell the ugly, jealous voice that had grown inside her, and seeded her with insecurity. "I know that she has room in her heart for both of us, if you can abide it."

Yes, both of them.

Anathemous afforded her a faint smile, despite the melancholy witch which they'd been stricken.

"Do not misunderstand my meaning, but..."

"...where I come from, it was not uncommon to share a heart." she chuckled nervously. "Life is short and trust is scarce, if she is capable of sharing, of trusting us both with her heart, then... I will not intervene, nor cause the two of you undue grief."

"Even if I was jealous of you, once." she added with another awkward laugh, and a shy glance away.

But truth be told, even if she didn't know exactly how this would affect the strange dynamic between herself and Kirie, Anathemous had come to this decision even before Susevfi.

Whether they served the princess together or apart, If Quinn really did choose between them, she would make the right choice.

Even if that choice was not her.

"There's something else I've been meaning to ask, if you're comfortable sharing." Kirie said, a touch of curiosity tingeing her voice. "Do you have a name, other than Anathemous?"

"Oh."

She chuckled, realizing that Kirie had never learned the name.

"I've had a few, but..."

"I was called Kaila, once. Not many know the name now, few are close enough for me to share it."

​