Private What Lies Ahead

[Tamsin Graves]

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Theme: Brain Stew
Equipment: Twin Omens | DE-10 | Combat Knife | Multi-Tool | Circlet of Projection
Tags: Kaila Irons

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Her eyes were heavy with large dark circles around them against her abnormally pail skin. Tamsin hadn't slept well for days, her mind ravaged with the thoughts of Susevfi, Zunjo, and Woostri so much information to process in so little time. Her mind whirled with all the new knowledge she had gained, what she had learned, and just how misplaced she was in this Galaxy.

Her tired and heavy eyes stared forward at the training dummy in front of her, made if she worked out hard enough, she would just pass out from exhaustion. She was a clone of the thing inside of her, and Dathomiri whatever that meant. She had seen exactly what the demon inside her was capable of on Woostri, was all that blood on her hands because she was essential that thing. Not a real person, just made in the lab of a monster that wanted everything dead.

The Demon's revealed so much to her on that war-torn world, showed her exactly what she could be. The power it had, it's true destructive nature…..to think she was capable of or built to do those things in the name of a Demon she did not yet know the name of. Just an old and lost title Darth Sokar, meaningless almost like it had been expunged from the records.

She stared at the dummy some more in the training hall Kaila Irons had set up for them on Echnoes. She brought a fist up to the dummies head slowly putting it right up to the dummies face, she just stared at the hand next to it's face. Not her hand but the small hand of the monster inside her. Everything about her unoriginal, just a copy of someone who wanted back into this reality to destroy it and it all. What was her purpose or meaning?

Was she just the vessel for this things return nothing more. Kaila was strong and she allied herself with even stronger people. Yet when she had seen what was in the mind of the Demon she wasn't sure any of them could truly stop it or if she herself would be strong enough to fight it when it got to full strength. Plus, it was her in reality even if they somehow defeated it, would she not just become it in time. She didn't want to be it, it felt like enslavement all over again. A fate she could not fight she was this thing on a genetic level, the very demon that possessed her won no matter what. It was born into this reality again and only time mattered now before it tried to crush it weather by it's hand or Tamsins.

She stared at that fist up against the dummy's face, the rage, the anger that she could change nothing. That the will had beat her, trapped her in in a no-win choice, it frustrated her and with rage she cocked back her fist. "Who the hell am I!" She screamed her eyes flaring orange with her anger as her fist came forward fast with the strength of duracrete and slammed into the head of the practice dummy as it touched a force blast erupted from her fist, the dummies head exploded into stuffing and leather bits. "Just a figment of a monsters desires to live forever." She sighed as she looked at the destroyed training dummy. Unaware there were eyes watching her as she was lost in her own thoughts.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Wearing: Sith robes
Tag: Tamsin Graves

"Good kill."

Said Kaila, standing in the doorway.

But there was something to be said about the enthusiasm in her tone, or lack thereof. She sounded mournful, distant, despite the gentle, whisper-like quality of her voice.

It hurt to see her sister, clone or not, pained so. Kaila knew the pain of identity well, all those questions.

"We'll have to replace it. That's okay, I know the answers hurt. I did the same, when my stolen memories were revealed."


"You're my sister, Tamsin... and we are so much alike." she reminded her.

If no other truth would comfort her, let that be the one. Gods please, let that be the one.


Kaila's soft yet monotone voice never really changed as she approached, cradling a little wooden tray with that familiar tea set in her arms. Nor did she ever lose that understanding, concerned frown.

She sat down a few paces from Tamsin, arranging the whole set, pouring herself a cup.

The kettle spout was left dangling over a second cup as she looked up at her, wordlessly pleading with her to take a short break, to share a soothing, warm cup her sister. It was Tamsin's choice however, and she wouldn't press the matter. The girl had been robbed of choices all her life, Kaila no longer wished to push.

"Hm. Can't say I know that trick though."​

"Do you want to talk about it?"

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[Tamsin Graves]

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Theme: Brain Stew
Equipment: Twin Omens | DE-10 | Combat Knife | Multi-Tool | Circlet of Projection
Tags: Kaila Irons

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"Was it?"

She looked at what was left of the dummy and at her fist. War and all the Gala events had kept her mind occupied, distracted from what was really going on.

"Better the dummy I guess then one of the combat droids." She knew her sister was trying to understand and find common ground. Stolen memories of a life one lived or in Tamsin's case one she never lived someone else did. Yet what if those memories told a story of something you wished you never knew of a person you never really were.

"We are in more ways then should be possible. Both slaves created by demons of sorts, our pasts hidden from us by those demons."

It was true the demon inside Tamsin had created her in its image, and Carnifex had tried to mold Kaila in his image. They both had so much taken from them, but Kaila was able to escape her demon but Tamsin was her demon or her demon was her.

She finally turned to face her sister and looked at the tea, to which she nodded and moved to take seat as Kaila poured her a cup.

"Between Susevfi and Woostri when…she…me whatever?" She shook her head as she tried to find away to describe the thing inside her, the thing that had been her in another life and body. "When it was flooded with so much power. Some of her memories bled over."

She looked at her fist, again sitting across from her sister.

"The de..her..me I guess? Was trained to by a face I cannot make out, but it was someone I know have met and someone actually important to her." Her eyes went to the tea now sitting in front of her.

"This man tells her…me that you strengthen your body or body part. That it helps to have a thick bone structure. Then you speed up your movements…that part I haven't gotten totally down." She was still figuring out some of the fragmented memories that bled over there was some truly terrifying things she had seen and felt. It was better to try and focus on these little memories rather than the really bad ones.

"Then you strike once you do you focus a force blast from that body part to make the impact even greater. I used my hands because that is what you taught me with but in the memory the man used his skull on rock and destroyed it."

Tamsin tried to let a small smile cross her face as she looked at her sister.

"It's one of the better memories that bled over. I don't think she...me whatever was ever really what you could call happy they hated this reality saw it as cruel and not worth living in. Yet she I guess me did have a few good moments."

 

[Kaila Irons]

Wearing: Sith robes
Tag: Tamsin Graves

Kaila poured another, and offered it with a sad smile.

Then she sipped her own, staring at Tamsin with that same eerie focus that she always seemed to, though more saddened than usual. A bit more like her old self, back when she was still a Kainite pawn. But it wasn't her own captivity which bothered now, only Tamsin's.

Her lips twisted bitterly, despite the sugared tea, with every instance which Tamsin addressed herself and that thing as one in the same. But she listened carefully, gave Tamsin the full attention which she deserved yet so often Kaila failed to provide. It was not her turn to teach, even if she may offer guidance here or there, nor was it her turn to tell stories, insightful as they may be.

But the insight which her sister provided into her mind, were painful.

"She was experienced then," Kaila chose to pursue a different thought.

"But not enough to survive." she offered a faint smirk.


But another sip, another sigh, and Kaila couldn't quite shake those bothersome thoughts from her little metallic head.


"Tamsin..." she looked up at her, lips slowly twisting while she fought for the right words.

"You are a clone, yes... But you are not a vessel. An empty thing. You are a person, with your own thoughts, your own feelings."

"Your own... you."

Kaila sighed into her cup, and drank deeply. She was usually better with words than this, the fact that she struggled with these emotions, with supporting the woman she had taken in as her own kin, bothered her. They were Sith. Nothing should be beyond their grasp, not dispelling that foul voice in her head, and not comforting her own blood.

Yes, blood...

"You... are Tamsin. Tamsin Graves, Tamsin Irons, Tamsin."

By it's doing or not, Tamsin's blood flowed in her veins, and hers in Tamsin's. She was family, she was sith, she was so much more than she gave herself credit for.

"One day you will take a Darth name, I am sure of it. It will be your name, not hers. Not anyone's, only yours."


"And when they erect your statue in the Eternal Church, it will be your face set in stone." she hummed.

It was a sweet, sour sound. One which spoke of inevitability and pride alike.


She closed her eyes then, finishing the last of her tea.

"Your anger makes you strong, you felt it. She is right to teach you the value of hate..."

"The fear... the sorrow... it can be made to serve, to become hate."

She reached out to gently squeeze her shoulder.

"But do not give in to despair, dear sister..."

Her grip tightened, just barely.


"Hate her."

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[Tamsin Graves]

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Theme: Brain Stew
Equipment: Twin Omens | DE-10 | Combat Knife | Multi-Tool | Circlet of Projection
Tags: Kaila Irons

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"Experienced….she proclaimed to the angel on Woostri she had destroyed worlds before." Tamsin did not know the name of the angel she had seen or what Katherine Holt 's species was just that it looked like an angel. "Also, that they had died before and came back. Which means I am probably not even close to the first clone." Tamsin wasn't even sure if that was better or worse knowing that she wasn't the first or even possibly the last.

She listened to Kaila's words of being her own person, her own thoughts, and her own feelings. She looked deeply at the cup of tea before her, not sure if those words were true.

"Even if we defeat her, I consume her or you do. I could still become like her and that scares me. I do not know what twisted her so. I…" Tamsin wasn't sure how exactly to explain what she meant or felt exactly. "If I don't know what made her that way I won't know how to stop it from happening to me. She cares about nothing and no one I have felt it so many times she looks at you and everyone else like you are nothing. It's deeper than even the way some sith look at people, some sith see people as tools still useful, she will look right through a person like they aren't even real to her."

It was something she couldn't exactly describe the way the demon stared at people, it wasn't hate or even malice it just didn't think what it was looking at truly existed. Almost like looking at a hologram you could see right through the image standing before you.

"Tamsin Irons….." she whispered as she lifted the tea to her lips to take a sip. The warm liquid touches the skin, the sweet flavor permeating as it touches the tongue. The soothing flow as it slides down the back of the throat with a soft gulp.

She drank to hold back and stop the cracking in her voice had she chosen to speak in that moment. If she had anymore tears left to cry surely there would have been some but some of joy at the sound of that name. They were family an oath of blood, to share a name would be a great honor to that oath. That alone meant more then any darth title or statue that Tamsin knew maybe one day would make Kaila swell with pride.

"The demon had a Darth title, I couldn't find it in any of the archives though it was like it had been expunged or they never gained any notoriety. One of the memories leaked onto me was her being bestowed it, it was Darth Sokar." Tamsin was still trying to figure out the meaning of Sokar but it had something to do with life and death but their was a deeper meaning to it Tamsin still was not sure off.

"Hate and anger are powerful on Woostri, when you called to me, I tried to fight her. I was angry that she tried to keep me from you. That she wanted me to feel that isolation again, she believes sith only know betrayal that it is better to be alone then the victim." It was strange now that Tamsin spoke it out loud it followed strange route of logic it was the Jedi that shed attachments but so had the demon. Yet the demon had done it to avoid being betrayed or at least to Tamsin it seemed that way. Nothing in any of the memories it had shown remotely lined up with jedi or suggested the demon had ever been a jedi. "No not a jedi, a slave…?" Tamsin remarked out loud as she realized then the demon had been a slave.

A slave does not trust, a slave does not get close, for the master whip is meant for another slave not you. It is what divided slaves and kept them from revolt distrust in their fellow slave. Your fellow slave would rat you out for the masters favor and to avoid the whip or worse. "I hate her, Kaila I do….but part of her is me." Maybe more than she knew. "So I hate myself which is despair is it not?"

 

[Kaila Irons]

Wearing: Sith robes
Tag: Tamsin Graves

"When a priest loses his religion, does he hate himself, for being made in the image of his god?"

Kaila glared with questioning intensity, as if it were the most important question she would ever ask of her.

"No! we turn on our gods."

She took one more sip of her tea, hand shaking with a newfound rage. The young Darth set it aside then, standing, clenching interlaced hands behind her back. This "Sokar" had been allowed to poison her sister's mind long enough, and she was beginning to hate this wretched spirit almost as much as Tamsin did.

Because it was trying to turn Tamsin into the same thing she once was.

"I do not care that she has destroyed worlds, that she has cheated death nor survived betrayal."

"She is nothing."
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"Just like Solus was nothing..."


Anathemous turned away, jaw visibly clenched in a quiet, seething rage.

"In her paranoia, Kaila Solus, left herself with nothing, and no one. Like Sokar, she was a child, lashing out at all in her path. She was nothing, and to her, the others were even less."

"Her master, her maker, taught her this. She let herself be molded by Him, she turned away every ally, convinced that she was not worth their time, that her only value was to be used and betrayed. So she killed them. Every apprentice in her class, until only she remained."

"Her self loathing and her paranoia nearly got her killed, surrounded by enemies, refusing help."

Anathemous took a deep breath, and for a time, the fire seemed to cool as her gaze softened on Tamsin.

"Until one day, she was struck by revelation... It wasn't her fault. How could it be, when she did not choose this life? But she could choose to make the most of it. And so she allowed herself to be loved, and turned her hatred outward. She turned on her god, and created a new one;"

"...Anathemous..."

she whispered.

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With slow, almost enchanted steps, she steady closed the distance, gently tracing Tamsin's cheek as if wiping away tears that weren't there, not in the physical realm, at least.


"Your body is a temple, Tamsin, and you are it's god now. Sokar is but the foundation, the rubble atop which you will build something new, something your own."

"And I will be the first of a great pantheon at your side, something she never had."

Finally Anathemous returned to her seat, taking a sip of her warm tea, thinking carefully of how she would support this newest demi-god of the sith faith.

"Tell me what you know of the Eternalist church."

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