When Push Comes to Shove

[Damon Riggs]

Inquisitor's Revenge​

En ROute to Indupar​

w. [member="Teyla Ee'everwest"]​

---

---

---

​

---

​

Riggs looked at the thick gauze which wrapped his hand to protect the fresh cut from the elements of his ship. A shot of Bacta had been applied to the site of the cut, but it was still going to take the better part of their trip to Indupar before it would be healed. The pain was intense because of the location of the cut, but it still failed to mask the hurt of losing his children and the uncertainty of where he stood with Teyla. She had still not come out of the cockpit despite the fact she likely had the ship on autopilot after the jump to hyperspace.

Damon had to excuse himself from Arekk. There was nothing talking to him was going to do to help get Teyla where she needed to be by the time they got to Indupar. Oh, Riggs knew that what he was about to do might piss her off entirely, but it still had to be done. There was nothing else he could do. Since the children were taken she had not come to him. Any attempt at touch was by his initiation and it was barely recognizable as anything loving a couple produce.

She was keeping it out. Even if it was for his own sanity he had to know if she blamed him for all of this. Teyla had said nothing one way or the other, and that bothered him.

He sighed as he knocked on the door of the cockpit. It was his ship so there was nothing she could do to bar him from coming. The knock was simply a warning. His fingers entered the master code for the lock and the familiar woosh and hiss of the door opening and closing sounded as Damon passed through the entry.

Two years ago, Riggs would have been in the lounge drinking himself though the pain, but Teyla had helped realize the bottom of the nearest bottle was not the best way to deal with the pain of his past. She had done so much to help him become a better man and to deal with his demons that now he knew it was his turn. What kind of lover would he be if he did not support her in the ways she had supported him? Riggs had to carry her pain because she had spent a long time carrying his even after they had decided their partnership meant more than business.

The sound of his feet went silent when Riggs came along the back of the pilot's seat where Teyla seemed to be oblivious to his entry, or just ignoring him. She could move, shudder, or shrug it off, but Riggs started to massage the base of Teyla's neck with his healthy hand. A short sigh passed from his lips as he tried to decide what to say... maybe nothing was best, but they had said a whole lot of nothing for the past few days.

"Talk to me... please?"

 

[Amz]

Teyla’s shoulder jerked away at Damon’s touch, keeping her gaze turned toward the star-filled viewport. “I don’t want to talk.” She had no wish to talk with him about any of this right now, she’d rather flee from anything that might remind her of her grief, of her guilt. The thought alone couldn’t pass without making her stomach clench in terrible knots.

She pressed her fists into the grey leather of the pilots seat, raising herself a bit and easing to the side where she could put more distance between them.

The stakes were too high to allow her own emotions any play. For the sake of their relationship and their children. That meant all the background noise needed to be closed off, and she was determined to do whatever needed to be done.

What else could she do?

The thought made her remember the other difficult times they’d shared together, almost since the first day they’d determined they meant more to each other than a simple partnership, there had existed a trust between them. They’d always shared each other's burden.

A feeling of desolation swept over her and she shut her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

“What good will talking do? Can it give me back my children?”

[member="Damon Riggs"]

 

[Damon Riggs]

Inquisitor's Revenge​

En Route to Indupar
w. [member="Teyla Ee'everwest"]

---

---

Of course she didn’t want to talk. Riggs had never really wanted to talk when got like this. Usually he was the one trying to keep Teyla at a distance or pushing her so far that all he did was anger him. Riggs sighed as it hurt too much for him to watch her pull away. This time she was making the distance, creating a distance that he couldn’t bear in the moment.

The relief he felt when she finally said something almost made him cry. He knew better than to lie, so Riggs just nodded.

“Nothing. Talking won’t get our kids back. It’s just...”

Damon sat in the co-pilot chair. He let out a sigh.

“You’ve always been there when I needed you, and I want to be the same for you. Tell me please... how can I help?”

 

[Amz]

She struggled to keep her face turned away, listening, but not looking. She feared the sight of him might draw her from the bottomless pit she’d let herself sink in. If she didn’t look, she’d stay safe.

What remained of her wouldn’t shatter.

But hearing him talk, trying to anchor her still. Teyla felt the soft gray numbness that covered her, quiver, and she realized in a panic that just his presence was ripping it away from her. She’d die if that happened, like a flower plucked from the soil and left without water, defenseless to the sun.

She felt the despair and desperation in his voice, striping the wrappings away. Felt the pain shoot through her like a lightning bolt. Just go away, she kept thinking, leave me in peace!

Teyla sat frozen, hands now gripping the console, her eyes closed.

“How will you help me? What will you do? There’s no comfort to be had in this!” she said after a moment, not yelling, but a hard edge to her voice. “I tried to get to them, but I was so weak and the blood was everywhere - I tried, but I couldn’t even walk from the bed. I could not.” she swallowed hard and a tremor passed through her.

“I pleaded and cried...I could feel their fear and confusion, hear their weeping echo through the estate as he took them.”

The tremor went on, and she bowed her head pressing red eyes into her palms.

“After all of the experiments and everything that happened with Ferian...I never thought anything would hurt as badly as that. But this? Losing Marcus, losing Karina? It hurts worse than the scars on my ribs. Do you understand? There is nothing that can take this away.”

[member="Damon Riggs"]

 

[Damon Riggs]

Inquisitor’s Revenge​

En Route to Indupar​

w. [member="Teyla Ee'everwest"]​

---

​

---

Riggs shrugged. It was honestly the best answer he had. She still refused to look at him, and he was not going to be make her. This was something he could not understand and never would. Teyla had this connection Riggs did not. The force was something he never really paid much attention to until Teyla entered his life.

Damon simply shook his head.

“I don’t know how I’m going to help you, but damn me if I don’t try,” he said quietly with a bit of passion. “I won’t pretend to understand this connection, what you felt from the kids. The force or whatever... I don’t work that way, but I know you did what any good mother would do. This isn’t your fault you know. I went with Kintel despite knowing better. I should have been there to...”

His voice trailed off for a bit. It was quiet for what seemed an eternity even though t was only a few seconds at most.

“...I should have been there to protect my babies... my family. You should have never had to chase after them.”

 

[Amz]

Teyla sat there, still keenly aware of his close proximity from the warmth of him near her. She felt other things as well, the grief that he was trying to hold tightly under lock and key and the courage that made him come and speak to her in spite of it. Teyla shook her head and she gathered up her own courage, feeling it settle around her shoulders like a thick shroud. Her hand reached for his and she lifted her head to look head on into the sun.

She sat there, hands clasped, unmoving, unspeaking. Nothing but the hum of the Revenge and the coldness of space between them.

“Damon...it...it’s not your fault,” she said softly, at last, tears brimming in her golden-brown eyes. She swallowed hard again, how long had she left him to sit alone in the same sunless misery she’d buried herself in? Alone, with nothing but the hope that their children might still be alive, and the vengeance to drive them. Her lower lip wobbled and Teyla leaned towards him to place a hand against his chest. “I don’t blame you for what happened.”

She was silent a beat, feeling the numbness she’d built around herself shatter entirely.

“It was me, who asked you to go into Theed. It was me, who let her guard down. It was me...who decided to follow you on to this ship in the first place. I should have never left Kinooine.”

[member="Damon Riggs"]

 

[Damon Riggs]

Inquisitor’s Revenge​

En Route to Indupar​

w. [member="Teyla Ee'everwest"]​

---

---

​

---

​

The sensation of her hand taking his was more reassuring than anything Riggs had felt in his life up to this point. One gesture reassured him that they would be okay. Things were going to be hard, but they were going to be okay. He needed to hear that she did not blame him, but in the same breath she continued to blame herself for what happened. In truth this was nothing either of them could control.

What Riggs had not expected to hear was the fact she believed she should have never left Kinooine. His other hand when to her cheek to draw her gaze toward him.

​"You cannot blame yourself, and you definitely should have left Kinooine. For all that has happened, even in this moment, let me tell you something. You make me better. When we met, both of us were a mess. We both needed someone, something, anything to give us a purpose. I was lost and you were just surviving. Okay... this sucks I admit it, but I do not want to imagine the person I would be without you, and I am pretty sure you wouldn't like the person you would be without me. I'm gonna get us our kids back, Teyla."

Riggs took a breath and let it out slowly. His thumb started to wipe the tears away that had fallen from Teyla's eyes. He tried to flash her one of the cheesy grins he was known for, but it still didn't reach up to his eyes as it once had. It would once they found their kids, but for now, Riggs knew he had to be the one who was filled with hope. Teyla needed him to be strong, so he would be.

 

[Amz]

Hearing his words, and feeling the gentle brush of his thumb against cheek, silenced her. He was right. In so much as they had made each other better. But she still could not help but feel that the cost for healing, for redemption, had been too great. She'd known Ferian had been after them, the minute the Barabel had shown up. Now, their children were missing. She couldn't bring herself to smile.

"I don't know what I would have done without you, where we would be. But if we don't get our children back? What, then? What will become of us, then?... How can we ever come back from this? How can you not blame me, if something has happened to them? Damon...I can't even feel them. What if it's already too late?" she asked, not wanting to know the answer, but unable to stop herself.


[member="Damon Riggs"]

 

[Damon Riggs]

Inquisitor’s Revenge​

En Route to Indupar​

w. [member="Teyla Ee'everwest"]​

---

---

​

---

​

"Teyla, look at me," Riggs said reaching for her chin and making her find his eyes. They were wet as tears threatened to escape once more. Both of them had done their fair share or crying, Riggs had been doing more of it recently as Teyla seemed to not allow herself to feel it anymore. Yet here they were. "I don't know. And as much as I want to sit here and tell you that everything will be fine, I can't. Here is what I do know, it is not too late. For all we know the reason you cannot feel them is because we are too far away. Maybe there is something blocking them. I don't know how the force works, but what I do know is that you and I... we have beaten everything that threatens us, and we will beat this."

Both hands cupped her cheeks in his palms as he let his blue eyes rest in her gaze. Riggs drew in a deep breath and let out slowly through his nostrils. The exhaustion he felt was worn on his face and audible in his sigh. Still, Damon was not going to give up on the hope they would find their children.

"I'm not going to make you any empty promises, but what I can promise is that I will never be able to blame you for this, and that I will be right here, no matter what. I am not leaving your side."

 

[Amz]

He had hit the trigger point and everything she'd switched off in her mind so she could only see her goal, came pouring down her face. Teyla was beyond despair, beyond anger, and the Revenge shuddered at her rage, at the empty arms of a mother who longed for her children. There was familiarity in this dark feeling, and Teyla recalled that this vengeance had filled her once. She crashed into Damon's shoulder, recoiling at that emotion and gasping for air, taking several breaths as she tried to calm herself before she lost control, holding onto him in a white knuckle grip.

Equal measures of fear and hope stirred within her mind as she let everything she'd been holding in the thick-walled chambers of her heart, out.

"You're right," she said after what seemed an eternity, feeling heavy as she rose from his tear soaked shoulder, summoning calm into her thoughts. The love of Damon was essential to what grounded her again. Hope and despair warred on her features, letting him see every emotion as she reached for his hands, entwining their fingers together. Teyla pressed a kiss to his lips. "We will beat this." Everything they'd been through, was a testament to that fact. They were not ones to accept the vagaries of fate without a fight, and they would decline what had befallen them now. Teyla needed desperately to believe in Damon, in them.

Whatever came next, they would face it together.

And the Force help those who stood in their way.

[member="Damon Riggs"]