When She Was Young

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx walked the dirty and crowded streets of Nar Shaddaa, his helmet helping him avoid the toxic air. He didn't care much for the people, then again the people didn't care much for him, nor each other for that matter. It was a world of smugglers and scum, villainy everywhere. The largest moon of Nal Hutta still held the infamous glory it did during the days of the Old Republic, that is the glory of being a world of thieves.

He walked off to the side and into one of the large apartment complexes, not stopping his strong and hard pacing. His footsteps echoed through the building, obviously showing signs it was empty. He moved up the stairs until, eventually, he reached the roof of the building. He walked over and sat against the edge, looking down and over the city world. Although his mask concealed it from any bystanders, his eyes fell shut and he let out a heavy sigh.

He reached into his cloak and pulled out a small holodisc. Upon tapping the center button, a holographic image of Serana appeared. "I failed you," he whispered to it. He could feel tears forming in his eyes. He clicked the center button and a different image flashed, this one being his longest and closest friend, as well as greatest enemy, Darren Shaw. "I promised you I wouldn't fall," he shook his head, tears now starting to roll down his pale face, and against the inside of his helmet. "I did."

He clicked it a final time and one more image appeared. It was SARI, the artificial intelligence that he fell in love with and had children with. "Our kids will know what I did, and they will hate me," he stopped a moment and pondered on that thought. "Good."

He clicked if off and held it in his hand for a moment. He shook his head and again turned his gaze to the city. He knew the end was near. He sensed it. He wanted it. He just didn't want it yet. Right now he enjoyed this nice peace, regardless of the violence the world offered. It seemed the world was at peace with him. Maybe it was. Or maybe it is just fear of death finally catching up to him or his mind playing games.

Either way, good or bad, he enjoyed it.

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

It seemed that, whenever Sayl was trying to find an excuse to escape from the general havoc of things on a lawless planet such as Nar Shaddaa, trouble had a way of finding her. Well, this time it wasn't as if she hadn't had anything to do with it. As it happened, most people weren't fans of another taking their credits right under their noses. It was something she'd been aware of before, but typically getting caught wasn't in her vocabulary. Usually it was far too easy for her to pocket the credits and walk away with no one being the wiser. This time she hadn't been quite so lucky, and she supposed she should have seen something like this coming eventually.

Lately she had found herself distracted rather easily, whether by her own thoughts, surroundings or a combination of both. A week or so previous it had been due to the presence of a Jedi on the nearby planet of Nal Hutta, and before even that she had introduced her current boyfriend, Dair Cotarin, to her twin brother, an ordeal she was still questioning the wisdom of undertaking. It hadn't helped anything, and likely had only widened certain divides with the two siblings that were better off untouched. It was that which had been on her mind for the past few weeks, something she knew she was better off pushing off and forgetting, at least for the moment.

That preoccupation brought her back to the present, where she was currently running through the streets of the Smuggler's Moon, ducking and dodging through crowds of people, miraculously managing to stay on her feet. The same couldn't be said for a few sentients here and there, but she wasn't concerned with them so much as she was about getting away clean for the moment. Speed had always been an advantage of hers that was necessary to retain for her survival on the streets, and she was just as nimble and quick as she had been since leaving these streets for a more favorable mode of living. But she still had them memorized like the back of her hand, something that would never change.

It seemed that even her memory was failing her this time, or her old hiding places had simply been worn down and washed away as the years took their toll. That still left her with no place to go, something that continued to frustrate her by the second. Finally she spotted what looked to be an abandoned apartment building ahead, and forced herself to speed up, taking the stairs two and sometimes three at a time in her haste to lose her pursuer. Following the steps up to the rooftop, she turned to determine she was no longer, taking a long few moments to catch her breath. "Meeto toe kanway." The comment in Huttese was directed towards her would-be pursuer, as she hadn't noticed that she wasn't quite alone just yet.

Turning with a crooked grin she stopped and started slightly upon spotting the other individual sitting on the edge of the rooftop. A few tense seconds passed before his appearance became vaguely familiar. "Can I help you?"

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

A freeze washed over Onyx as the tone of a young girl fell upon his ears. His heart raced as he lifted his head, looking at the city. "Sayl?" His body slowly turned towards the voice. There she was. Sayl Bane stood before him, a young girl whom he shared a deep bond with. Yet, regardless of their bond, they did eventually end up leaving each other. Emotions flooded Onyx. He didn't know what to do. He only stood their, staring at her through his mask.

He slowly walked over to her, he still was a tower compared to her. He reached out and gently grabbed her shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find any words. He was filled with fear and sorrow. He left her when he said he wouldn't and it made him sad. It angered him as well, he left her for trivial reasons that, in truth, never really mattered. He left her when he said he wouldn't.

Their history wasn't complicated. He had met her several months ago at a bar. She was a wanderer who only had a brother, a brother who she wasn't on good terms with. So, while she did have someone, she really had no one. Onyx identified with it. He saw in her himself when he was a young man, lost in anger and searching for something greater. Only he turned out to be this, a monster who had more enemies than friends. But he didn't just see himself. During the Clockwork Rebellion, during his years as a young Sith Knight under the command of Emperor Moridin, he rescued a young Jedi Padawan on Coruscant. He remembered how she was, how she was rescued and how she turned into a true Jedi Master years later. He wanted that for this young girl, he didn't want her to follow the dark path that he did. So he took Sayl as a apprentice and raised her in the force.

It didn't last long, as, eventually, Onyx again sought revenge against the Sith and their dark powers. It had been a month or two since he left her. Regardless of him seeking to keep his promise of always protecting and being with her, he broke it. Now here she was. As he snapped back to reality he looked at his hand and back at her face. She was, indeed, truly there. He struggled for a moment but finally jumped forward, holding her in his arms. The hug destroyed the inner sorrow and hate, replacing it with joy at the sight of such a friendly face.

As he broke apart from her he looked down at her, his eyes, though hidden behind his mask, locking with hers. "What are you doing here?"

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

It was rare for Sayl to ever truly and honestly care about another sentient. In fact, she could count the number of people she felt a bond with on one hand and still have fingers left over. Her life hadn't left her time to become exceptionally close to any individuals, and she wasn't exactly sure when that had suddenly changed, but it had. This was someone she had become close to on a more personal level that rivaled even her brother, though she knew nothing could transcend that connection, and that her twin would feel threatened by even the mere thought of it. But it was still there, stubbornly, not quite reminiscent of one that brought blood relatives together, but close enough that it made little difference.

Never had she been one to allow herself to become so easily attached, and with him she had held off as well. But the ethereal was another matter, and the shock at seeing him again, the man that had promised to always be there for her, left her at a loss for what to think or say, let alone do. So when he hugged her she merely stood there, slowly returning the embrace just before he released her, seeming to collect himself shortly afterwards into some semblance of order, slowly becoming the one she had known before their separation. That same embodiment of quiet power, sinister in its undertones but otherwise neutral. Power he had offered to her and she had accepted.

Then came the age old question that no one ever seemed to tire of asking. And it was a good one to ask, really. What was she doing here. The only credible response was a shrug, and she did just that, shoulders rising and falling in a split second gesture of nonchalance. "Walking around. Sightseeing. Pickpocketing." A crooked grin with no shame at her less than legal actions behind it broke out on her face. Long ago she had learned to let go of her empathy when it came to that facet. Now it was just another fact of life, as easily explained away as breathing. "I dunno, I got bored. Jedi training gets boring sometimes, and I don't think my Master really cares about my stealing." Oops, that was right, he didn't know about that. Whoops.

Looking up at him she frowned slightly, her eyes flickering crimson like a broken holoprojector for a few seconds. "What's your excuse, then? Don't think I didn't miss you. Yeah, the Master I do have isn't too bad, but he isn't you. I mean, I'm not really mad at you either, but...it's not the same, I guess. I don't know." She shrugged again and shook her head, unsure of what to say. It wasn't often she found herself speechless, not even in the presence of her twin brother, but this was a special case. "So, let's see. My brother's a Knight of the Sith now, I'm dating a Jedi...life's been decent, really. Nobody's attempted to kill anyone. Yeah, I'd say I'm doing pretty good. How about you?"

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx reached up and removed his mask as she finished talking. His face was pale as ever. His bright blue eye was easily missed by the sight of his bright red, cybernetic, eye. All along his cheeks and forehead were scars, deep and visible as always. Tear marks from his one working eye could be seen running down and over his chin, which was now showing some metal from burnt off skin, revealing his cybernetic implants farther. He gave a warm smile as she explained things to him but still kept it small, able to hear the sadness in her voice as she asked why he had left.

He turned back towards the city and leaned against the edge, looking down at the streets below. "Excuse," he replied, "I've only had excuses. Since I arrived on Korriban all those years ago I had nothing but excuses for my actions." He shook his head and closed his eyes, remembering it all as if it was yesterday. He wasn't lying. From the minute he started training, through all the battles, all the wars, all his life he was making excuses to leave his friends and allies behind, to move onto something grander when, in reality, it was the same plan reworded or reworked. He couldn't help but be honest with her about why he left. He couldn't lie, he wouldn't allow it. He didn't understand, though. Why wouldn't he? Why not? Why convey the truth when he could easily convince her, with words and the force, that he left for something with good reason.

He didn't though. He couldn't. Reopening his eyes he tilted his head up and his view stretched across the city. "I don't have any excuse," he chuckled at that thought. "I left thinking it was the right thing. That I wasn't a good enough master. Thinking that you would follow my path if I stayed." He stood up and faced her once more. "I'm sorry."

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

A solitary blink of surprise was her only response to those final two words. Never had anyone that had left her actually apologized for their actions. Sayl had expected a half-attempted explanation, a brushing off of the question and a shift to a less important topic. That was how things had gone in the past, and she didn't have a good reason to expect them to go any differently this time around. So when he sincerely apologized, looking her in the eyes as he spoke with all of the genuineness one could expect, she was taken aback. In fact, she wasn't sure what to say in return. Events such as this were so rare that she really had no proper response formulated. Maybe there wasn't one.

A shake of the head in defiance was her only retort. "Would you stop it? I told you there isn't anything to be sorry for, and I meant it. Chit happens, trust me, I know that better than anyone in the galaxy. I've been living it lately, it feels like." And then some. But she wouldn't elaborate on her own issues, not just then. There was a reason he had come here, a reason much larger than just another social call. It boiled just beneath the surface, so tangible she could almost reach out and grab it; read his ideas through as fi they were her own. But her lack of control over her Force abilities left her lost in that plane, and she had to settle to waiting for him to reveal things in his own time.

It was strange for her to actually empathize with another. This entire thing was strange, now that she thought about it. Since when did she actually, genuinely care about what someone else was feeling? It hadn't happened at any other point in her life, other than with her twin. But that was beginning to become scarce as well, with his own attempts to drive her away in order to supplement his new connection with the Dark Side of the Force. The only real person she had left to rely on was herself. It was the way things had been for years before, and the way they had to be now. It was the life she knew, the one she was familiar with, but not necessarily the one she liked.

"You don't really have to worry about being good enough. No one does, really. Why should anybody care about that? It's stupid, but I guess by default that makes everybody else just as idiotic. You just...I don't know. You don't need to worry, or apologize, or whatever. I've been fine. I will be. I kind of have to be, at this point. And so do you. So shove off with being sorry and cut to the chase. You didn't come here to talk to me. What's happening? And don't lie to me, Onyx." Her use of his name was intentional, something meant to grab his attention and hold it there, on her, where it belonged, as far as she was concerned. He wasn't leaving until he at least explained things to her, that much she was certain of.

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

He wasn't taken off guard by the use of his name. His mind was in so many other places, she most likely detected that through the force. Or she just knew him that well. Either one would make sense. Although her tone, in his opinion, seemed slightly hostile near the end of her statement. It was only slightly true. He was here to tell her of the upcoming events, which would impact both of them severely. Though Onyx wasn't ready to tell her, not yet. He needed to get one other thing out of the way first.

"I'm here," Onyx started, clearing his voice, "because I have a gift for you." Onyx reached into his robes and pulled out a small holodisc, like the one he was viewing just before she had arrived. It was the normal size and had his color scheme, black outline with a red inner and outer trimming. He extended his arm slightly for her to take it. "It's to say I'm sorry." He nodded to it. "Don't activate it yet though. Wait till the time is right."

Onyx returned his gaze to the city once more. It entranced him. He loved it. The big city was always his home. He smiled. "It's good knowing some people will miss me." He cursed in his mind. His plans would now come out. He knew she would catch onto his implication. He gave a sigh, only farther providing her reason to question him on the statement. He shook his head and turned to her, ready for whatever she had to say.

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

It was her first instinct to question him, that much he was correct about. That had always been how she operated, acting first and considering the consequences later, if she ever did at all. "Miss you? You're smart enough to know what you're implying." That last sentence was a simple statement of fact, and she stepped closer, standing directly in front of him and looking up into his mismatched eyes, one artificial and the other organic. There wasn't anything to say, and she knew in the pit of her stomach that he was referring to his own death. "Why? Why now, why at all? What's so impossibly fething terrible that you're convinced there isn't another option?" Her expression was set, stubborn, her brow creased as she watched him. "I've been through hell and back plenty of times, once literally. I know how it is, and I'm still here to tell the tale. Now it's your turn to let me in on what's been bothering you." It wasn't posed as an inquiry so much as a statement made knowing he would follow through, if not for himself than for her.

A few tense seconds passed before she took the proffered holodisc, turning it over in her hand before pocketing it, an action most unaccustomed to her preternatural speed in her doing so wouldn't have noticed. Her hands formed fists and then relaxed again, and finally she sighed, running a hand through her hair, her confusion and frustration at not knowing what to do or say evident not only through her actions, but the Force itself. "I told you, you don't have anything to be sorry for. You're the closest I'm ever going to get to having a father figure in my life. I'd say that's a pretty amazing thing. You shouldn't be sorry. I should be thanking you." Her voice was an octave quieter at the end, and she briefly glanced to the ground, frowning slightly, before looking back to him, eyes once more flashing red. "It's all complicated, alright? Nobody can take the blame for this. We all have chit to deal with. Everything's been hectic lately." Always when she became frustrated she began swearing perhaps more than usual, but something told her he wouldn't mind.

"So, okay," She lowered herself to sit on the edge of the roof, legs dangling off the edge, leaning back on her hands. With her head she gestured for him to sit next to her, whether to explain, just talk or simply relax together. "There's obviously something up that you won't or can't tell me about yet. And if you need to, you can wait and tell me later, when you're ready. But I don't like being in the dark." For a moment she fell silent, looking out over Nar Shaddaa, reveling in the familiarity. "I'll break the ice, if it helps. Sage joined the Sith since we last talked, and he was Knighted somewhere along the line. That just makes him more volatile and easy to miff than he was before. A time or two after that I met a Jedi, we talked, and now we're dating. Of course, Sage had to meet him, but things have been going fine after that so far. Now comes my new Master. He's a Jedi too, I guess, but not your average type." And she left it there, allowing him time to catch up.

"I met him on Nal Hutta. Judah. I guess he'd been following me for awhile, saw me pickpocketing and decided it would be a good time to strike up a conversation. We talked in an alley for awhile, it turned out he actually made sense, unlike the others, and here we are. I guess you could call me a Jedi now. I don't really feel like one." She knew, however, that most people wouldn't split hairs, likely including him. "That brings us up to date. Now it's your turn." And she would wait, patiently, however long it took for him to come around to maybe revealing a thing or two about just what thoughts had been plaguing him lately. No matter how he wanted to act around others, she was aware that if he was going to tell anyone anything, it would be her. Either that, or she would figure things out on her own time. There were still people out there that would do that sort of business for the right price. It so happened that she had one of them in the family as well. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx could feel tears forming, only in his non-cybernetic eye. He could feel the pain of her needing the truth, it chewed away at his insides. He almost couldn't breathe. While she stood directly in front of him, he kept his chin up and eyes forward, his tall shape easily viewing over her shortness. She called him a father, in a sense. The word brought back the painful memories of SARI and their kids, his kids. The kids he left believing it was the right thing to do.

It suddenly hit him. He left the three of them because he felt it would help them, that it would bring danger, fear, and harm to them. He left Sayl with the same mindset. The mindset of wanting to protect her at all costs and to not get her involved in his various schemes. He wanted to protect her the way he protected his kids. Though it went deeper than that. It wasn't just the natural instincts that he had, he rather didn't care for most people and wouldn't have done it for one of his "friends". No. It went deeper. He thought on it for a few moments while looking over the city, the small framed girl still standing in front of him. He looked down at her. He gently grabbed her shoulder as she finished her story of recent events. He gave her a warm smile.

It was at that very moment it clicked and he fully realized what was happening. He didn't see her as another apprentice he trained, or as a friend even. He saw her as someone like him. That look he had when they first met flowed into his living eye. He took her on as a apprentice because she was like him, she reminded him of himself when he was younger and still in training. It was for those reasons he no longer saw her as an apprentice now and why he left her to protect her. He saw her as something else. She saw him as a father, as she confirmed . His smile died slightly. "Sayl," he started. "I'm not your father," he replied to her, grim tone in all. He let go of her shoulder and shook his head, letting out a sigh. "My father was a man of hate," he explained. "My father made me who I was; a monster. A demon who spent his entire life bringing pain to all his enemies. But it changed. I changed."

He looked off and over the city once more. His memories rushed into his mind. The time he rescued that apprentice being the first flashback he had, he remembered all the wrongs he tried fixing after that. He remembered wronging Serana and trying to fix it. He remembered wronging Spencer Jacobs and Ashin, the Lord of the Fringe included, and trying to fix it. He remembered meeting Sayl. "I left," he continued , his eyes meeting hers. "I left because I want the closest thing I've had to a daughter to be safe."

He turned around and sat down, again at the edge of the roof. He lowered his head, watching his feet dangle and the many civilians below stride on with their nightly lives. "Death is a natural part of life," he stated calmly. "We all make choices in life..." Onyx stood up and looked down at her. He gave her a warm and gentle hug. As he broke apart from her he shook his head, sorrow and pain in his eyes. "But in the end, our choices make us." He motioned towards the sky. "I've been fighting for so long. I've been seeking to be things I'm not. I can hear the force calling me. My time is almost done. And I am leaving knowing that I have someone I trust to carry on my legacy."

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

There wasn't anything to say that would change his mind, that much Sayl knew. He was like her, he'd said so himself, and that inevitably meant he was just as stubborn, if not more, given that he was older than her. There wouldn't be any talking him out of this, convincing him that there was a better way to go about things. All she could do was talk and offer to listen in return, however much she wanted to do more. He deserved at least that much. "You aren't your father, just like I'm not mine. My dad's denied the existence of me and my twin since we've been born, and denied that we're his for just as long. He never came by, never bothered to check up on us, and here we are now. But I'm not him, and you're not like yours. We all make choices, yeah. And you've chosen to be better." This sentimental talk really wasn't her forte, so just as with everything, she was improvising and making much of this up as she went along.

The credits that had gotten her to this very rooftop forgotten she stood once more, still unwavering in how she faced him. "Don't start going all philosophical Jedi on me. Yeah, I get that everyone dies eventually, whatever. I guess if the Force is...telling you this is right, it makes it easier to understand. But I'm not sure how much I believe in all that mumbo jumbo yet. You just need to sit down and talk about it with me. So we can both understand. Because right now all you're doing is talking a bunch of nonsense that halfway makes sense, and I'm not sure how much I'm following." She reached out to him, this time through the Force itself, touching on his aura in a manner reminiscent of giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. Her control over the ethereal may have been spontaneous, but she knew enough of him and herself to manage. "Let's just talk. At least for a little while."

The air around them was still, almost deathly so, the noise of the streets below them a distant thing, as if they were in another world altogether, separate from the larger galaxy. It was a strange feeling, alien in a way, but at the moment they both needed to be alone together to process these thoughts and feelings that seemed, at most times, entirely foreign. "What's your legacy, then? If you won't explain anything else to me, then at least tell me what you mean when you say that. If I'm your daughter, or something close, then I think you owe me that." After all their time spent apart they both owed the other something more than what could be repaid. But he was already dwelling on that much, she could tell easily, and it wouldn't do good to press the issue. "Come on, Onyx. Please." This sincerity was entirely new to her.

"And you don't have to worry about my safety. I've made it for this long alone, and we both know I can do it again. Don't worry about me, because I'll be fine. It's you I worry about, not myself." Well, him, her brother, her place among the Jedi...but he didn't have to know about the rest of it. It was habit for her to keep these things tucked away, not allowing anyone else time to concern themselves with her issues. It simply wasn't in her nature. From a young age she had learned to harbor a dislike for any sympathy, sincere or faked, favoring a cynical mindset that was shared by her twin as well. It was the way of thought that made the most sense, and the one she would keep until given a chance to think differently.

"You can talk to me. You know you can."

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx knew she was right. He did owe her the truth. It wasn't fair he wasn't giving it to her. She was begging and pleading for him to be honest and straightforward. Though it was something he had always struggled with in his life. He struggled trusting people, even close people. But he did trust her. Then why couldn't he tell her? He didn't know the answer. He just found it hard to form any sort of statement that contained the slightest bit of truth within it.

He shook slightly as he felt the force wash over the two of them. It was a place he had seen before many times in his dreams. He had witnessed it before but never truly felt it. Now he felt it. He felt their bond tighten and he felt the sudden urge to scream out all his problems. His head turned towards her. He sighed. He reached down and grabbed his mask. He held it up for her to examine. "This is who I am, who I always am. Who I was the moment I started letting my rage control me. This was his legacy. Now it's mine."

He placed the mask beside her. He slid it into her lap and gently tapped it. His hand slid off it, pain obviously present while he did so. He looked back into the void world before them. He closed his eyes and breathed heavily for a few moments. Each breathe was a memory. He always found himself dwelling on the past. Always thinking about what he did instead of what he was going to do. He could hear the voices of those he loved, of those he lost. He could feel the end nearing inside their saddened tones. "Here's the truth," he spoke, his eyes shut tight.

"The truth is I saw myself in you. When we met I saw myself- young, cocky, stubborn... alive. The truth is I didn't take you under my wing to train you. I took you under my wing so I could protect you," Onyx opened his eyes and turned to her, a single tear rolling down his cheek from his only real eye. He put his hand on hers and firmly grasped it. "I wanted to protect you from becoming me, from following the path I did. The truth is I wanted to feel like something I'm not, a hero. And the truth," he let her hand go and placed it once more on her shoulder. It wasn't a tight grip, but a nice and gentle squeeze. A warm smile appeared and his eyes grew heavy. "The truth is, you have always been like a daughter to me, and I've always loved you as such. And so you deserve nothing but the truth, as you said. I'm going to die," he said sternly. "I'm old. I've been fighting for a very long time. I've never stopped fighting. Sometimes giving up and dying doesn't mean you are weak, it just means you are strong enough to let go."

He let her go and stood up, returning to the reality of the rooftop on the city planet. He sighed one final time "You were my greatest creation," he let out, another tear flowing. "Out of all I've taught, I like to think I taught you the most. Not about power, or control, or anything else. But about life, and the values it has." He helped her up and smirked. "I know you aren't sappy," he chuckled. "But it's worth learning- that within all this chaos, there is something more than just another face."

[member="Sayl Bane"]

Spoiler

OOC: Found myself listening to this while writing, figured it's worth posting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjManTRsyeo

 

[Sayl Bane]

If there was one thing Sayl wasn't, it was overly emotional in any sense of the term. But at the words he spoke her jaw clenched, her eyes flashing that transparent red and remaining the shade of blood for a long few seconds off and on, never remaining one singular color for more than a moment or two. It was the only outward sign of all the emotion built up inside of her, and for a long time Sayl remained like that, silent, looking down at the mask in her lap with a slight frown. "It's not who you have to be. It's never who you have to be." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she set the false face aside, no less than needing to do so, lest she throw it off the building entirely. It was another manifestation of her frustration, and one he would likely recognize, if he'd been paying enough attention in their time together previously.

Her eyes squeezed shut, and she exhaled shakily, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks almost hesitantly, as if they weren't certain of their place there. After a time her eyes opened again, finally returned to their natural dark shade. Already the tears were beginning to dry on her cheeks, as if they had never occurred in the first place. The signs of her being upset were already waning, and she stood when he pulled her to her feet, still uncertain when it came to everything. "I've already lost enough people in my life." Her gaze lifted to meet his, what defenses she had left slowly wearing down into nothing as they continued talking. "I don't need to lose one more. Promise me that you won't let yourself do this alone. Let me help you, however I can. Because you don't have to be alone." Not as long as I have any say in it.

What a different side of her this was, her honesty. Even when the Jedi had approached her on Nal Hutta she had been hesitant, taken aback by his asking for honesty after their having just made each other's acquaintance. But she knew, from simply scanning the surface, not to mention deep down inside, that this was different. He was different. "You're a father to me. You might as well be my own. And that alone makes you a hero. It's hard for me to trust anyone, even harder to open up to them and actually talk about things that actually mean something. So shut up about not being good enough and being nothing more than a danger to the galaxy, or something stupid like that, because you're far from it." He knew her just as well as she did herself, and that thought brought a crooked smile to her lips.

"I'm still the other Joker, remember? There's always a pair in a deck." That was a callback to their first encounter, the very first conversation they'd had, in some nameless bar late at night when neither of them had nothing better to do and no better company to keep. It was almost ironic, how that encounter with a man she had hardly trusted had turned into something that she would have never imagined. Now she was standing with that same man on the rooftop of a planet that had become a second home to her next to Nal Hutta, and he was the closest thing she had to a father figure, and nothing was how it had been before. "I feel like I'm just as old. I feel ancient." A wry chuckle escaped her lips at that. "I feel like I've been fighting forever, too. Always against the odds, always with only myself having my own back. It gets old."

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx shook his head at her words. If there was one thing she was trying to do right now, it was convince him that he was wrong about what he was doing. Perhaps she was right, she had been fighting her whole life like him. But she hadn't, regardless of what she said, done what he had done. Almost every memory he had was one regarding the death of one soul or another, whether friend or foe. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that it wasn't his fault. Everything was his own doing and everything that happened had him directly involved.

It was a sad fact he couldn't accept ever. Though he now tried denying it, his feelings of the past quickly overcame that doubt. "You can help me," he started, "By accepting the inevitable." He trailed off for a moment, his eyes scanning the streets below once more. He wanted to somehow let her know that he was trying to help her. She believed, obviously, that his death wouldn't solve anything. However it was something that Onyx always saw- his death would bring some peace to those he knew. His friends would be relieved that his pain and suffering had finally ended while his enemies lay defeated, being upset that they weren't the ones to end him.

He shook his head and leaned forward onto his arms, his hands holding his head up. "I'm just another person. As I said: whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger. Eventually, though, you do die."

OOC: Was on my phone, explains short post

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

-ignore-

 

[Sayl Bane]

A slow nod was her only response for a long while. "Yeah. Yeah, I get it, and I understand why you feel you need to do this. That doesn't mean I have to like it. But I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about that." That was her favorite thing to say, 'I'll be fine'. It allowed her to stay independent from others, and distance their concern until they forgot why they were worried about her in the first place. And it was just the way she wanted it. Her way of life was easier to maintain without the outside interference of any individual, and Sayl knew full well that he already had enough on his plate without including her own difficulties with coming to terms with all of this. "Let's try not to focus on it, alright? Not on the dying part, at least. Let's talk about your legacy, what you'd like me to do to help with that. Something that can at least be a bit uplifting."

With a quiet exhale she blew her bangs off her forehead for a brief second, looking out across the neon nightlife of Nar Shaddaa. It would have been almost peaceful, had she not been aware of just what went on in those streets each and every day and night. "You want me to continue on your legacy. I'm not even sure I know exactly what it is." Here she looked to him with a faint smile, one that was genuine. "I'm a troublemaker, you know that much. A pickpocket, nothing more than a street rat to some. And something of a Jedi, you could say, after everything. And...a daughter." That final word was something she had never really applied to herself. In truth, she wasn't even sure how to go about being a daughter, as if there was a certain code to abide by. This family thing, however makeshift it was, was completely new to her.

"I know better than everyone that people die eventually. No one can stay lucky forever, and your past catches up to you. It's only a matter of time. I don't need to have this talk about death. I've lived it since childhood." Early on she had learned the consequences of getting too attached to another, and had severed those close bonds quickly. Despite her better judgement that had changed with Onyx, the only one outside of family that she had so much as given the time of day. And now she was losing him, just as she had everyone else. It wasn't fair, but she knew by now that it was how life operated. "I'm just not ready to go through it again. But I'll manage. Let's move on, huh?"

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx smirked as she described herself. As she finished describing herself as a troublemaker, pickpocket, and street rat, along with Jedi, he chuckled. He had his share of crazy schemes, outlandish ideas, and impossible mission standards. He was a troublemaker who knew about it better than most. He related to her on all levels except street rat, as he was raised in a wealthy house, on Coruscant no less. He did know how it was being alone and loosing those closest to him- just another reason why he cared for her the way he did. He knew how it felt and wanted her to know that she didn't have to feel that way, because he was here for her. Even after his death he'd be there, through the force guiding her.

He tapped the mask. "This mask was worn by Darth Revan- my ancestor," he explained. "I wore it to promote fear in my enemies, to let them see what death looked like. But this is only a mask. I'm giving this to you so you may do what you wish to it. You may destroy it, wear it, or just have it as a souvenir to remember me by. It's just a mask," he reached down and grabbed his two lightsabers. He activated them, one being red and the other purple. He held them for a moment then deactivated them. "This is my legacy- the in-between of Light and Dark. I wasn't ever truly Jedi or Sith, I see you headed down that same path. Though I request you do follow one thing I didn't: don't allow yourself to fall into the darkness for to long. I learned the hard one; you'll never fully escape once you reach that depth."

He sighed as she continued talking about how she didn't want to discuss death. He was one who always lived on the edge, who always lived near death. He wasn't scared of it nor was he nervous or worried when he talked about it. But he understood. She was young, and scared at the thought of loosing someone she cared for.

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

Contrary to what he seemed to believe, Sayl wasn't exactly scared of death. That wasn't to say she necessarily liked the idea of it even generally, but like any other fact of life it was something she had to learn to deal with. However, when it came to those close to her, that attitude of apathy was lost and replaced by one that was more stubborn than she had ever been. It was something he had become familiar with over the months, something he would recognize. Though there were times when she knew that even her obstinate attitude wasn't enough to prevent what could be called the inevitable. So, for once, she would refrain from objecting and simply let things take their course, whatever that might be.

"I don't believe in either, that much is true. But I'm not sure what needs to be done to get to the point where I can be considered belonging to neither path. Right now I'm on my way to becoming a Jedi, and I don't know if I want to abandon that path yet. It's nice to have a place to return to at the end of the day, to have someone to talk to, and I don't think I'm ready to give it up just yet. I've spent my entire life having nothing, and I've not reached the point where I'm ready to give up the something that I've found in all of this. Out of everything that's happened in the twenty-two years of my life, meeting you was one of the best. I don't want to give that up yet." Loss was something she had a difficult time dealing with, for more reasons than one.

"Sometimes I don't know if I want to follow anything. It doesn't seem like it's worth it, most times. I've seen what both sides of the Force can do to someone, and I know that following neither is different, but it seems pointless most times. If it's all going to end like this, then there really isn't a point." Never had she been so open about her deepest fears with anyone, not even her twin, someone she trusted above all others in the galaxy. It was a new feeling for her, this openness, and she wasn't sure just how she felt about it just yet. But she trusted Onyx nearly as much as she did her brother, and that was enough. At this point it had to be.

[member="The Onyx"]

 

[Darren Onyx]

Onyx smiled as she described wanting to give the Jedi a chance. It was something that he couldn't bring himself to do, but her doing it only furthered his feelings for her. He didn't want her following the same path as him, that was true. And he may have made it seem that way. Instead he was implying she attempt to do what he couldn't; see the light and not fall into darkness. Though he knew Sayl wasn't spiritual about the force the way he was. She felt it was just words on paper, that it didn't make that much a difference. At least, that's how Onyx saw it.

He didn't believe that though. Like his ancestor, and millions before him, he believed in something more. That the force wasn't just a power, but that it was the single thing that kept everything together. While studying on Korriban Onyx came across some writings about the Sith Empire during the time of Palpatine and the Galactic Civil War. A famous Jedi, Obi Wan Kenobi, had survived the Great Purge and trained the one who brought the Republic back to life. He told the hero during his training, "The force is what binds the galaxy together." Onyx believed it. He couldn't ignore that this power of the force would just exist for the sake of it. It must have a reason and must be worth something more than a means to do whatever one wants.

"You being a Jedi, Sith, Rogue, it's your choice," Onyx said. He put a reassuring smile on and gently put his hand on her shoulder. "You'd be honoring me with whatever you do. So long as you believe what you are doing is for the best."

[member="Sayl Bane"]

 

[Sayl Bane]

"For the best. Right." Sayl frowned slightly at that, looking out over the edge of the roof where she sat, considering his words and comparing them to her own thoughts. At this point, she wasn't certain where her place was among the thousands of Force orders that dotted the galaxy. Attempting to categorize each and every little thing seemed a pointless endeavor. After all, there would always be those like her that didn't quite fit, no matter how many splinter cells were designated in an attempt to allow her to. People like her didn't really belong anywhere, and in that sentiment Onyx was the same. It was what had attracted them in the first place, and what continued to keep them together. Still, that feeling of displacement got old after awhile.

Her legs swung gently from where they hung over the ledge, and for a time they remained silent in each other's presence, each confined to their own thoughts but comfortable enough with the other to stay as such. "I'm not sure if I know what that is yet. I want to make a difference in the galaxy, and change things for the better. That much I'm sure of. And so, logically, I'd join the Jedi or some similar sect. But I know already that I don't fit there. Not with the dogma, not with the lifestyle, none of it." That constant alienation pursued her consistently. "It feels like they spend too much time talking about achieving peace and not enough time actually doing anything. And the Sith..." She trailed off, leaving it at that for a moment.

"The Sith are too domineering and controlling. They say they're seeking out order and peace, but at the end of the day they enslave and commit needless slaughter." Or so her experience had told her. "Being rogue seems like the best choice, in the end. Neither and both, and ideally the best aspects of both. Balancing on the edge and not swaying either way while trying to do the best for the galaxy. Working with the Jedi, maybe, but never joining them." Brushing a strand of hair out of her face, those thoughts verbalized, that was the end of her own observations. "To do what you have. Make a difference."

[member="The Onyx"]