Private While You Were Gone

[Justice Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Briana Sal-Soren

The last training session had been brutal. JUstice was tired, but he was progressing much further than he even expected. Whatever insecurities Justice had when he first joined the Jedi order seemed to be melting away. It had started with realizing he did not have to be like his uncle or cousins. What made them who they were was not what made them a Lesan, and it did not make them the same kind of Jedi either.

Perhaps it had been a blessing, losing his arm. Judah would have never visited him, would have never taken the time to tell him exactly that. Despite his uncle’s words, Justice had to come to the thought himself. That had only come when he realized he did not need to compare himself to anyone, not even Bri.

It had been a difficult thing to realize, that Briana was not coming back, or that she did not care for him in the same way he had. For some reason she could not give up the part of her which kept pulling her away from the Jedi, the same part that made Justice feel she looked down on him at times. Maybe she did not mean to, but it had hurt when she seemed to all but ignore him whenever nobility were involved.

He certainly made her notice when he danced with that Hapan girl…

Justice had no idea why he was thinking about her. It was not like she was there, and he was more than happy with his newfound relationship with Hollis Orenn . Something was pulling at him though in ways that only happened when the Corellian was close. All he could do was shake it out of his head and keep moving forward. He was running late and needed to change into his robes for some ceremonial thing.

The people he rushed past were a blur, all of them except…

Justice stopped dead in his tracks before turning around slowly.

“Bri?”

Justice certainly hoped not. What would he say? What was there to say? She had left without much of a word. She never visited after he lost his arm protecting her. Briana was not there after Tython. Once again Justice had been left to recover alone. Certainly she had heard about what happened there. It was mind boggling to him to think that she could view their friendship in such a low light.

Did that even make them friends… or was Justice just someone that played a fictional role in her life. Seeing her made everything confusing again, but there was one thing he was not confused about.

His life had been better without her in it.​

 

[Briana Sal-Soren]

​

Wearing: XOXO
Equipment: N/A
Location: Jedi Temple, Coruscant
Tag: Justice Lesan


It felt like years since she last stepped into these hallowed halls, even though it'd only been months. Months of un-guided passage that had slipped through her grasp as she struggled to come to terms with everything that'd happened on Naboo and with her family, attempting to wrangle her families assets back from her scheming Corellian relatives, which felt nothing short of the equivalent of trying to tame a raging rancor.

She had her reasons for why she'd been away, but even still, Briana worried about the effect her absence had on those she'd been closest with, especially after what she'd heard had happened on Tython. And though Iris had accepted Briana's apology, she doubted that the others would be half as understanding. Especially when it came to Justice.

The thought of once again being absent during his time of need sent a strike of pain through her, not knowing until recently what he'd endured. Would he even want to see her again? Briana didn't know the answer, yet here she was, standing within the halls of the Jedi Order, a place that she was unsure of whether or not she would return back to - searching for the boy who'd once saved her life on Ossus.

She could feel him somewhere in the temple, their bond still intact, actively reaching for him. Surely he must have sensed her arrival.

Blindly, she made her way through the crowded halls, following her feet rather than her eyes until she heard her name.

"Bri?"

Turning on her heel, she faced Justice, her chest rising and slowly falling in a strained breath as she took him in. "Just." she began, her voice strained as the words choked in her throat. "Listen I..." she swallowed, her stomach churning with nervous dread, "could we maybe talk?"

​

 

[Justice Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Briana Sal-Soren

She wanted to talk? Now she wanted to talk. The question certainly stirred up the conflict he felt within himself. If he were honest, he still liked her. Briana was still the charismatic and confident person he grew to call a friend. He knew he had a massive crush on her, and that there had never been an opportunity to tell her. He had showed her however. Saving her life, being there on call anytime she needed him, small gestures that showed he was more than a simple friend. Unfortunately the feelings had not been reciprocated.

“Follow me,” he said with a nod.

What was he going to say to her? He was not about to get into what was on his mind in front of everyone that could watch. No, the hallway was a bad idea, but one of the training rooms that was open would be a good place to get some privacy. What Just really needed was time to think about what he wanted to say. Where did he even start?

“You disappeared.”

It was all he knew to say, for now. What his words did not say his eyes did. The way he stood when he finally faced her was guarded, showing that he was holding something back. He crossed his arms without realizing it. Something about him was more agitated than she would ever remember him being.

Justice realized he made a statement. He had not actually asked a question. Did he need to? She was the one who asked to talk, but did he want to hear what she had to say? All he knew was that it seemed she could have cared less about his sacrifice. What he really wanted to know was why. Why had she left? Why had she never visited when he was in recovery? Why did he not matter?

A small tear fell down his cheek and onto the mat without him knowing it. It hurt, everything about what their relationship had been hurt him deeply.

She had hurt him deeply.

He finally relaxed, waiting for her to talk, to say whatever she was going to say. His life might have been better without her in it, but he still could not imagine a life without her being part of it somehow. Even if the romantic feelings he had for the woman were gone, it did not mean he did not care.​

 

[Briana Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: XoXo
Equipment: Lightsaber
Location: Jedi Temple
Tag: Justice Lesan

Following Justice, Briana wasn't sure what to expect. The strain in his voice, the tension in his posture... it didn't take the Force to figure out how he was feeling about her reappearance. Not that she could entirely blame him for that, she only hoped he'd be open to listening to what she had to say.

"You disappeared."

It was a loaded statement with unasked questions hanging in the air between them. Pain jabbed through her and settled around her shoulders like a dark shroud, guilt twisting and writhing her stomach into knots.

"I had to..." she answered quietly, her eyes glazing over with tears. "My family needed me... after Naboo... I had a responsibility, Just."

​

 

[Justice Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Briana Sal-Soren

Family. After all the time and distance she was going to blame her family. That did not make up for being gone after he lost his arm, and all the time after. Certainly he could understand her being gone for some time, but what Justice could not understand was why she never visited him. She had not been called on right away, and even then she could have still come to explain in person.

His look, she would know. It was disappointment.

Justice was not satisfied with her answer, or the attempt to pass everything off on duty. All he could think was she had a duty to him, especially after what they had been through. It was not that he felt entitled, but he did feel it was what a friend should have done. Did the fact she made no attempt to reach out mean they were not as close friends as he thought they were.

“Naboo was a tragedy. I am sorry,” he said with a genuine sense of condolence.

Justice leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“I just don’t understand, Bri. It was just that you disappeared, but you never even tried. It was almost like after I lost my arm you checked out, and I liked you… I mean, really liked you too.”

Justice rambled as he usually did when he did not really know what to say.

“You gotta help me here Bri, because I am having a hard time here. I don’t want to be mad, but you hurt me.”​

 

[Briana Sal-Soren]

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Wearing: XoXo
Equipment: Lightsaber
Location: Jedi Temple
Tag: Justice Lesan


Briana gave Justice his time to talk, sparing him from her usually loud and boisterous opinions, making no attempt to save face in return. He had every right to say how he felt and the least she could do was listen.

Yet, the harshness of his words were unexpected. Even his condolences for Naboo, while likely meant well, seemed offhanded, easily brushed aside. But then, how could anyone who hadn’t seen it for themselves, truly understand the horror it'd been? The mark it left.

“I wanted to see you after the incident, but I was…” She inhaled, remembering the one time she’d gone with Valery to see him. Watching him suspended in Bacta, wired to a machine that kept him alive after the severe blood loss. Frail. Hanging by a thread as the doctor explained what his options would be after recovery. Knowing that she’d been responsible. In all her life, she’d never felt so useless. She’d never had to face the hard realities of the dangerous Galaxy they lived in.

Fear overtook her in those moments, so she ran.

Naboo came swiftly after.

“You don’t know what it’s been like for me and I don’t know how to make you understand, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for hurting you. If I could go back, I would.” sorrow etched into the lines of her furrowed brow, her lips pulled down into a thin frown.

She didn’t know how to respond to his admission of his feelings towards her and it was difficult to judge looking back on how things might have been different if he admitted it to her sooner, but it seemed like a pointless thing to dwell on now, so she chose not to directly address it.

In the present, she didn’t share those same feelings.

He was her friend, and that had always been enough for her.

“After Naboo I was informed that my brother was missing. It already felt like I’d lost everything, but once they said Brandyn was gone - that’s when I knew that I truly had. Every time I picked up my lightsaber after that, I doubted myself. I was breaking, everyday was another piece chipped away. When my sister, Blaire Sal-Soren , holoed to tell me the state of things back home, it was easy to pack up and leave. And honestly? I wasn’t sure I’d come back. Being a Jedi was Brandyn's dream, I only came to support him. So what point was there, after he was gone?"

​

 

[Justice Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Arm: xxx
Tag: Briana Sal-Soren

“Scared? Busy? Indisposed? Guilty?”

Justice questioned Briana hoping to get her to admit whatever it was that had held her back. He wanted to understand, but until she could be honest about what happened, honest enough to say it out loud, he would not. It wasn’t that he was refusing to. He just did not. Just understood the other. Her family needed her. Sure maybe he thought she could have said something at least, but it seemed as though she was already gone when her sister reached out. There was grace for that.

Maybe he was being too stubborn, looking for an answer. Justice felt he deserved some level of honesty. He was not going to hang his injury over her head, but considering she was alive because of it, and with help from Iris and Valery, he was at least entitled to something.

He sighed.

“Bri, you have to understand the part of me that was mad at you has long moved on. Did it hurt when you didn’t show up, yeah. Was it worse when you disappeared, sure. And I was soooo mad at you.”

He was trying, but as usual the youngest of the Lesan family tree was having a hard time putting to words what he was actually thinking.

“It just seemed so out of character for you. You were always so confident, way more than I ever was. I used to think that you weren’t afraid of anything. I looked up to you. You made me want to be better, and in a lot of ways I am because of you.”

Justice seemed to be stammering and rambling as he usually did. He was afraid of hurting Briana anymore than his words likely did. On the other hand he wanted her to know why it had hurt him so much. It wasn’t even about the feelings he had harbored for her. He had already moved on from those particular desires. Hollis was far too perfect for him, and she seemed to return what Briana never could.

“It’s just… what you did… it made me feel like I didn’t matter, that our friendship didn’t matter. When all of that happened the only person I wanted to see was the one person who never came.”

He sighed again, leaning up against the nearest wall.

“I am sorry for what happened with your family. I would have been there to help if I had known.”​