Writing Critique

[Helios]

Its been a while since I posted this, but I thought why not?

I'm looking more for critique of my actual writing rather than my character. Since returning from my most recent hiatus, Rhuza/Helios has only lived in private threads as I believe I'm getting ready to put him to sleep and gear up an alt of mine. And this critique will help me transition over to him more easily. I've had Rhuza for a few years now across a few sites and I think its time to move on.

So, what can I do better, what do you like, or dislike? Improvements to be made? etc.

 

[Dune Rhur]

The first thing I'd do as your editor would be to split your larger paragraphs up for ease of reading. A paragraph is roughly about four sentences, and thought it's not a hard-and-fast rule, it does help things flow. Not that you're a bad writer, but I find some of your posts a little verbose. I'd suggest trying to think about what you want to say and saying it more concisely.

[member="Rhuza Kingpriest"]