Yes and... clarity and brevity

[Siriwook]

Breaking character for the moment, I'd like to talk about clarity in writing. My writing has been notoriously dense. I try to summarize, but I just have so much to say... and so prettily... that I have trouble paring down into digestible chunks.
Recently, I wrote a roleplay in which I inserted a little reverie to give background. http://starwarsrp.net/topic/99919-jail-is-nothing-to-a-wasskah-survivor/?view=findpost&p=1445365

Note that I am initially talking about how the situation of being arrested and put in jail reminded me of being abducted as a child, then, when the reply comes, I "Yes, and" my way into a plot where I really am being abducted a second time. Improvisation in a positive way is an excellent alternative to correcting course in a cooperative roleplay environment, but I'm wondering how I can better frame the scene next time so we can start out moving in the right direction.

Or, more briefly: how do I initially set the scenario more clearly without breaking character?

I am, of course, grateful for those who participated in the roleplay with me. No criticism was intended there. I simply failed to set the scene.

Help me, O' B-writer know-be.

 

[Jsc]

I'm no paragon of RPing. However. Here's some tips for easy writing.

1. Start with your location. Just post it like a header. And while you're at it? Skip the nitty-gritty details. Paint in broad strokes. Ex:

The Planet Denon
Julio's Academy of Robots

It was a metropolitan cityscape. A high rise building made of glass and transparasteel. Modern and luxurious. Inside the lobby and behind the front desk lay row after row of turbolift doors. One of them was even special. It alone went all the way to the top. To the garden terrace where all the magic happens. All the way up to the green grass balcony where the CEO himself was standing. Julio Fapfap'ta. The wealthiest man in the world.

2. Brevity is the soul of wit. Or, keep it simple stupid. Or, Tolkien was a windbag. Ya know. Whichever motto takes your fancy. I won't judge. Lol. As, this is just hobby writing and I have no time to read a novel right now. Ugh. If your post is longer than 4 paragraphs. Meh. I'm skimming it. And badly too.

3. We don't need to imagine the same thing. Your Julio's Academy of Robots ain't gonna look like my Julio's Academy of Robots. And that's okay. The use of wild and free imagination is a boon to this website. Improvisation by your readers is a good thing. Be descriptive yes. But relinquish control. Let the words be free. Give your audience the benefit of the doubt. We don't both need to imagine the same building to be playing the same story.

4. I'm tired. I just got back from work, ate cold pizza for dinner, and sat down at my computer to RP, right next to my huge pile of phone bills. Shakespeare, I ain't. So while I am committed to replying to you. (And maybe even making it half good.) I've also got babies, bills, wives, husbands, kids, and the holidays to do too. Keep your RPs in perspective. If your in this for respect and for perfection? Get published or go away. I'm tired. I don't have time to reply to try-hards. I've got Call-of-Duty after this post anyway.