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Mark IV-X1 Planetary Particle Accelerator

- - - - - Particle Accelerator

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#1
Xanthum the Mighty

Xanthum the Mighty
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Mark IV-X1 Planetary Particle Accelerator

 

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

 

PRODUCTION INFORMATION

  • Manufacturer: Precursor Glitter-tech
  • Affiliation: Cathay
  • Model: Mark IV-X1 Anti-Material Particle Accelerator
  • Modularity: None
  • Production: Unique

  • Material: Durasteel, Alusteel and Quadranium

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

  • Classification: Particle Accelerator 
  • Size:Extreme 
  • Weight:Extreme : 300,000 Tons 
  • Ammunition Type: Power Cell / Fuel Rods
  • Ammunition Capacity: 10 Shots per fuel rod
  • Reload Speed: Average : 1:30 Reload Speed

  • Maximum Range: 238,000 Miles 

  • Rate of Fire: Average : 10 Shots a Minute
  • Stopping Power: Extreme 
  • Recoil: Extreme, Recoil Compensated with Hydraulic Actuators

SPECIAL FEATURES

  • N/A

Strengths:

  • Precursor Technology: Built from technology where attempts at reproduction have met few results, The cannon itself is extremely difficult to reverse-engineer thanks to Precursor Technology.
  • Variable Power Levels: Depending on the power fed to the particle accelerator the damage that could be inflicted by it could vary heavily.

Weaknesses:

  • Large Crew: With a minimum crew of 1000 or more the cannon itself requires a massive number of Military Troops to use in combat. This can also be a double edged sword, if the crew numbers dip below 1000 the gun itself becomes far less efficient in reloading. If the numbers arise over 1000 the gun's efficiency can increase. 
  • Large Target: Despite being extremely powerful if fired in anger, if the defenses are breached it would make a large target to orbital bombardment or attacks from snub fighters. 

DESCRIPTION

Designed hundreds of thousands of years ago by the Humanoid Precursors which once built Cathay's Cities before the Rakatan Empire's rise. The Particle Accelerator was a culmination of the most destructive forms of weaponry devised by this species of half men to be used against large star-ships such as star destroyers and dreadnoughts. Its original purpose was lost to history, but the running operation theory was that it was supposed to be used against Large Asteroids which once were common in the Catharian System. 

 

When it was rediscovered by Xzaien's Colonists, it was test fired against a Hammerhead Class Heavy Cruiser, common in old Republic navies at the time. The first of which was tested with shields and the second without. During the first trial with the Cruiser with shields on. Observers stated that the ship was horrendously damaged, with large sections of its superstructure bent inside of the of the various crew compartments. The second shot completely disabled it, with almost half of the ship being crunched inward. 

 

The second test, where the Cruiser's shields were deactivated a far more substantial damage process was sustained by it. With observers stating that once the beam impacted with the Cruiser's Hull, it literally cracked along its midrib and then broke in halves. 

 


Edited by Xanthum the Mighty, 03 December 2019 - 07:52 PM.


#2
Visanj T'shkali

Visanj T'shkali
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Under Review.


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#3
Visanj T'shkali

Visanj T'shkali
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Xanthum the Mighty

 

Hi! I am Vis and I will be reviewing this submission. I always love a good piece of artillery!

 

First, I am going to ask that you link the source page, i.e. deviant art, art station, etc., of your image. We really like to give credit where it's due here, so if you could please, that would be great.

 

Next, I like this: It's a good, clean, well-done sub. My issues come up in the description portion however. As you know "Superweapons", be they animal, vegetable, mineral, or something altogether bizarre, are a 'no-go' on Chaos. This includes Death Stars and Death Star accessories. In your description you write:

 

Once impacted, the destructive force can outright pierce straight through any ship's shields.

 

In Chaos combat, defenders select the amount of damage they take. So you might want to consider phrasing this differently, maybe suggesting that the power of the weapon is 'enormous and could possibly penetrate the shields of even the largest, toughest ships' or something along those lines. Pro Tip: When writing a Factory sub, the words "will" and "any" and "impossible" and the like are dangerous. Vague is the way to go, as that way you neither limit your submission nor do you paint another player/writer into a corner. Talk about things in terms of potential instead of absolutes, it will save you a lot of grief going ahead.

 

With that in mind, other elements of the description get kind tap-dancy close to 'red flag':

 

The ship could literally be torn in half by the sheer forces of the ion cluster impacting at the speed of light.

 

If the weapon was brought to bear on a planet's surface, the damage would be absolute catastrophic.

 

I like that you maintain this is just a really big, really old, really powerful and one-of-a-kind gun. But I would urge you to consider softening or loosening up some of the language you use to describe it, to pull back from the world-shattering cannon of death a little bit and avoid that pesky 'superweapon' stamp, and also to allow for wiggle room for other writers in RP. Maybe, since this enormous hunk of super-cool artillery really can't be fired at other planets, you might remove that second line altogether, and for the first line I quoted, consider something like, "An unshielded ship, struck amid-ships by the full force of this weapon, would quite possibly experience massive damage, potentially even punching through it and leaving numerous decks in ruins or maybe even tearing it in half!In any case, the full force of this weapon makes it possible to engage even the heaviest and largest of super-star destroyers effectively."

 

I know this seems all hair-splitty, but it does make a difference as language like I am suggesting gives another writer a firm understanding of just what your 'technological terror' can do, but also provides some options for just how much it's gonna hurt. Words like "maybe" and "possibly" and "potentially" can do that, and still let everyone know that you have a weapon here which isn't to be taken lightly!Same for your second strength, where you might consider dropping the "near super-laser" and say something "devastating levels" instead.

 

Okay, last of the nit-picky stuff:

 

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS Classification: Particle AcceleratorSize:ExtremeWeight:300,000 TonsAmmunition Type: Power Cell / Fuel Rods Ammunition Capacity: 10 Shots per fuel rod Reload Speed: Average : 1:30 Reload Speed Rate of Fire: Average : 10 Shots a Minute Stopping Power: ExtremeRecoil: Extreme, Recoil Compensated with Hydraulic Actuators

 

You're missing a few points, namely:

 

"Effective Range", between "Reload Speed" and "Rate of Fire" 

"Weight", while I appreciate the actual tonnage, still needs you to make a rating, which in this case "Extreme" is apropos.

This actually gives you a lot of points to play with, as you come in under the wire, so you can bump up some stats if you'd like or else once the other changes are made, we can approve it as is. You tell me what you want to do!

 

Thanks!! When you have made these changes, tag me here with a mention and we'll go forward! If you have any questions, fire away!

 


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#4
Xanthum the Mighty

Xanthum the Mighty
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Xanthum the Mighty

 

Hi! I am Vis and I will be reviewing this submission. I always love a good piece of artillery!

 

First, I am going to ask that you link the source page, i.e. deviant art, art station, etc., of your image. We really like to give credit where it's due here, so if you could please, that would be great.

 

Next, I like this: It's a good, clean, well-done sub. My issues come up in the description portion however. As you know "Superweapons", be they animal, vegetable, mineral, or something altogether bizarre, are a 'no-go' on Chaos. This includes Death Stars and Death Star accessories. In your description you write:

 

 

 

 

In Chaos combat, defenders select the amount of damage they take. So you might want to consider phrasing this differently, maybe suggesting that the power of the weapon is 'enormous and could possibly penetrate the shields of even the largest, toughest ships' or something along those lines. Pro Tip: When writing a Factory sub, the words "will" and "any" and "impossible" and the like are dangerous. Vague is the way to go, as that way you neither limit your submission nor do you paint another player/writer into a corner. Talk about things in terms of potential instead of absolutes, it will save you a lot of grief going ahead.

 

With that in mind, other elements of the description get kind tap-dancy close to 'red flag':

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like that you maintain this is just a really big, really old, really powerful and one-of-a-kind gun. But I would urge you to consider softening or loosening up some of the language you use to describe it, to pull back from the world-shattering cannon of death a little bit and avoid that pesky 'superweapon' stamp, and also to allow for wiggle room for other writers in RP. Maybe, since this enormous hunk of super-cool artillery really can't be fired at other planets, you might remove that second line altogether, and for the first line I quoted, consider something like, "An unshielded ship, struck amid-ships by the full force of this weapon, would quite possibly experience massive damage, potentially even punching through it and leaving numerous decks in ruins or maybe even tearing it in half!In any case, the full force of this weapon makes it possible to engage even the heaviest and largest of super-star destroyers effectively."

 

I know this seems all hair-splitty, but it does make a difference as language like I am suggesting gives another writer a firm understanding of just what your 'technological terror' can do, but also provides some options for just how much it's gonna hurt. Words like "maybe" and "possibly" and "potentially" can do that, and still let everyone know that you have a weapon here which isn't to be taken lightly!Same for your second strength, where you might consider dropping the "near super-laser" and say something "devastating levels" instead.

 

Okay, last of the nit-picky stuff:

 

 

 

 

You're missing a few points, namely:

 

"Effective Range", between "Reload Speed" and "Rate of Fire" 

"Weight", while I appreciate the actual tonnage, still needs you to make a rating, which in this case "Extreme" is apropos.

This actually gives you a lot of points to play with, as you come in under the wire, so you can bump up some stats if you'd like or else once the other changes are made, we can approve it as is. You tell me what you want to do!

 

Thanks!! When you have made these changes, tag me here with a mention and we'll go forward! If you have any questions, fire away!

All set

Anything more I could Change?



#5
Visanj T'shkali

Visanj T'shkali
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Xanthum the Mighty

 

I appreciate the fast turnaround and your corrections, thank you.

 

If you could, please hyperlink the materials used in this ub to their wookieepedia pages, and - and I know you tried - but the image credit only links the image, not the creator's page, art station, deviant art, etc. You might wish to try just putting this there: https://www.devianta...def-2-414355828 

 

;)

 

Let me know when you have those links changed and we should be good to go!

 

Vis


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