Jump to content

  • Log In with Google Sign In
  • Create Account

Connor Harrison

Connor Harrison

Member Since 01 Apr 2014
Offline Last Active Mar 25 2019 08:12 AM
****-

Connors' Christmas Message 2018

24 December 2018 - 03:31 PM

Hi everyone!
 
Yes, yes. It's me again. Been absent from the site for over half the year but still pops up like a festive cold to wish you all glad tidings, glad tidings to you and your King.
 
It's that time of year when the world slows down a little more heading into Christmas and the New Year, or whatever holiday you may celebrate.

Chaos as ever has fun, dramatic, exciting and unpredictable for another year. Lots of changes, opinions and drama along the way but it’s all been part of the process of RP and your individual personalities that make this site special, so a pat on the back to you all your time, your effort, your passion and support as writers, as characters and as Staff for making this place a home away from home for many.

You've all been through so much change, Major and Minor Factions alike, but its all shaped the board to offer new opportunities and forge new relations to explore in 2019 and we have lots more new faces to welcome and corrupt.

If you’ve been here for years or just literally days, it doesn’t matter. You each play a part in how everyone else progresses with your unique skills and interpretations in the growing Star Wars galaxy we play in, and I’m glad there is such passion and creativity out there that is evidently growing and growing. New or old, there is always time to learn.
 
I always say to be daring, and I stand by it. Be daring in 2019. Talk to those you haven’t talked to you. Create Open threads to fuel your own RP ideas. Ask others you haven’t written with before to write with you. Make a Faction. Who knows what we’ll find out there! Take chances! Be outrageous!
 
I hope you, your family and friends are safe and well. If you have lost friends or family close to you, know we send you our strength for this difficult time. Let us all try and wish away the negatives of 2018 to embrace a happier and hopeful 2019. The good thing is, no matter where we are, we’ve all got this place to come back to for support and escapism.

And so, regardless of your race, religion, sex , age – it doesn’t matter. You may be celebrating Christmas, you may not – what matters at this time of year is a general feeling of unity and hope for the future. It is time to rest, relax and have fun. Spend time with friends and family. Forget any troubles or worries that have held you back.

And for Chaos? Heck. Forget about this place for a day or two and give those near that attention you’ve not done yet. Go for a short break or a long walk. Talk to real people once more! We’ve all said and done things we regret here and wish we could take it back, but that’s what makes us human I guess; learn from our mistakes, and move forward as a better person and community – it’s time for a clean slate; a fresh start; another new chapter.

I’m not speaking on behalf of anyone, this is just something from me, Chris, a writer from the UK who sadly hit a wall of depression for the first time in my life; diagnosed in May and only just really coming back after an unplanned LOA. It has changed things for me, but I am determined to not let it beat me and find my way back here fully next year for lots more writing and adventure. 

You are the spirits of Chaos past, present and future. Let’s raise our Blue Milk / Corellian Ale / Jawa Juice in a toast to the site, the community and the future – it is what you make it.

Happy Christmas guys.

May the Force be with you.

giphy.gif

Tear It Up

31 October 2018 - 08:10 AM


171_large-thumbnail_medieval_town.jpg

City of Fridheim
Midvinter


At least Midvinter had different weather than just snow and sun.

Now, came the rain. Cold, fat rain that thundered down from the heavens as dusk drew over the planet and, there itself, the city of Fridheim where he had arrived only this very morning. It was time to seek out the Heavenshields, which didn’t think would be too hard, but right now he had the rest of the waning light to use as he wished before the big day tomorrow.

Connor stuck as best he could to the walls of homes and taverns in the street he was on when the rain came. Lanterns illuminated the way, and up above the city walls, guards kept their city – and royalty – safe. A large windmill rotated slowly outside the city and dominated the skyline to the South.

A few souls used to this rather refreshing shower simply walked through it, one even pulling a cart behind him full of soil and roots. Another couple seemed to be engaging in hearty conversation. Sounds from the taverns gave an inviting atmosphere, a few smells teased passers-by to stop for refreshment and ale. Connor watched all this from under a small outcropping of building, running his hand through his damp hair and flicking away water droplets from his fingers.

He would wait until the rain died of a little before moving on.

He could be waiting a long time if the rain fell as much as the snow did here.

With a small sigh, he jogged out from the shelter, across the street, past a well and over to the other side to stand under a large arched bridge that connected the higher walls and guard stations of Fridheim.

A good tavern would suit him and a hearty warm dinner. Yet, there was something calming about the rain. It reminded him of his old quarters on Voss; when the rain fell, Connor always watched it from his room. Window open to feel the breeze and rain droplets, it was a peaceful moment in what could be a rather hectic day.

So standing here in a world he had visited as both ally and aggressor, he just listened and watched the rain fall over the dimly lit silhouette of the city and took it all in.

Valae Heavenshield

Bijou

17 October 2018 - 09:27 AM


tatooine_by_z0h3-d4qae6t.jpg

Tatooine
Dusk


If there was a bright centre to the universe, Connor Harrison was stood on the planet that it’s farthest from.

To be honest, there was no evident bright centre anymore. For all he knew, Tatooine could be the brightest place to be. Five galactic months had passed since the depression had taken hold and the breakdown reduced the man to a wallowing shadow. Funny thing, the mind. It had lasted through so much abuse of both good and bad forces, conflicting sides of the battle and amassed so much knowledge over the years. Yet it was finally during a time of mild peace that Connor had probably let his guard down and it collapsed.

There was suddenly no point to his being here. He wasn’t the man he once remembered, and the scary part was he couldn’t even remember when that occurred. He only knew it was scary, and he was worse than any dark force he had faced because it was the enemy he could never escape from – himself.

Weight bore on bare shoulders. Hollowness etched away at the brain. There had been no drive to do anything, or be anyone. What was the point? The point had taken months to find. And here he was, still trying to find that point, but knowing at least what direction to head in.

Tatooine had been a special place for him at one time. A great many adventures had been had on these burnt orange sands beneath twin suns’, so it was the only neutral place he felt at home in. Nobody knew him here, so he was able to centre himself and strip back the façade of who he thought he was and find who he really was. And the Force was calling to him. He still had control of the age-old power that had once been a curse to him, but now was an empowering energy.

He had taken long walks, read many books and met many new faces and tried to see the galaxy in a new light rather than his narrow minded own. Everything had changed around him, but he was still here. He was alive, trying to become somebody again and find his bijou once more. It was daunting, but inside there was a droplet of excitement at the possibilities that would arise now he had survived his lowest point.

Lilla Syrin

Back To Business

27 September 2018 - 06:43 AM

So with my unplanned LOA since May, I'm pretty much out of the Chaos loop.

Believe me, looking at the map sure was a shock to the system!

But I'm here with a desire to find my old writing muse again; to enjoy writing, to enjoy making stories and write for myself once more.

Only three characters remain now - Connor, Stephanie and Dalton.

Connor will be heading back to the Light. He's treaded both sides and sees there is only one calling for him to make a difference.

Stephanie is continuing her journey to become a Jedi Master one day, helping all she can and understanding the horrors out there.

Dalton is the General for the CIS, eager to push back those who want to take everything from good people, and he'll do what he must to protect them.

I hope we can write some good stories and draw out engaging characters, so please shout if you can lend me an arm to hold or point me in the direction of any threads you have so I can dip my toes into the murky Chaos water once more!

Thanks :)


My Steady Return

21 September 2018 - 06:11 AM

giphy.gif

Ahh. I can't even face hiding behind semi-amusing GIFs. If I said it’s taken me just over two months to write this, that’s because it has.

I’m on a long road to recovery and while you don’t come here to dwell in other people’s grim reality, I would like to share this with you to put things into perspective and also explain some things.

In May this year I was diagnosed with depression. And at one time if I was reading this about someone I’d be the first to admit to being all “I bet it’s not REALLY depression” or “Another one over-reacting”. So, to you all who have suffered mental health issues such as this, I doth my hat to you and am sorry for those who ever judge you.

Thankfully I felt myself spiralling into some state that I didn’t recognise. I didn’t feel like me – whatever the old me felt like – and I reached a point where I knew I had to challenge this or else god knows how much upset or damage I would bring. It was affecting my personal life, my family life, my work mood and even my writing here. I’d like to apologise to any and all of you here who noticed I wasn’t myself over the last few months before May. It was horrible, and I feel I was becoming someone else and probably acted like it too.

With the help of my doctor, tablets and a counsellor (just discharged for three months since yesterday following 2 months of work), I want to try and work things through for myself. I’m on the anti-depressants, and while I was in major denial at first and even tried to come off them myself – which made me worse – I’m admitting they help and I’ve delved into over 10 years of events in my life that may have led to this moment. I don’t need to go into them, but it shocked me when I tried to put the puzzle together and admitted how much has happened that probably bottled up due to me trying to gloss over things.

For the first time, I had to look back at myself and question everything.

Anyway.

It wasn’t nice or easy. I lost interest in so much that I used to do. I’ve struggled to even go to the cinema just 5mins away because I found excuses not to, and I bloody love the cinema. I even found excuses or just talked myself out of playing some Xbox now and then or reading. It was horrid, and a real struggle. Hence why I just vanished from here. My apologies to you who I left in the dark.

I withdrew from everything and I didn’t miss it for a few months. Maybe part of me still doesn’t miss it and sees how, in the wider scheme of things, you don’t need things as much as you think and you’re not as important or valued as you make yourself out to be. It’s all fiction. It’s all a hobby. It shouldn’t add to stresses, worries, fears and doubts to your already important real life. It was sobering and refreshing, but still hard. My decision to leave was drastic, urgent but crucial to do.

Yet four months later, going cold turkey for the first time in three years writing on the site near daily, the hardest part has been this, today. Coming back to a place I now feeling totally alien in, already seeing so much happening and so much new material and faces that I feel like the newbie once more. The anxiety is there. A hollow, stupid, daunting feeling that I won’t be able to find my muse and creativity once more and crash and burn to fade away.

But I have to try. I have to push myself, and cross this high hurdle to try and get better and back to some normality. I love Star Wars and I love creative writing; to lose that would be sad and a dark hole in my interests.

So, hello, again.

I’m slowly going to try come back to action. I hope a new burst of life will be seen via my attitude and writing, and I hope you can give me chances to become somebody I feel I want to be, rather than someone I felt I HAD to be. I can connect with old and new faces again for something special.

Thank you also to the ones who have reached out just to check in and say hello. My absence has been drastic, but I’ve replied when I could and I truly appreciate the messages. Thank you also to the Silver Jedi Order staff team who have been supportive and understanding in my absence, something that has not gone unnoticed and will be something I address with them all in good time.

I hope you’re all keeping well and are doing ok. I look forward to writing with you and getting back into the galaxy far, far away again soon for more adventures.

MTFBWY.


TL,DR: I’m fighting through depression. Feel stupid, but am back to try find normality!