I think the confusion comes about due to the piece switching between the two POVs of Auteme and Ryv. I got reamed for this same issue by beta readers back in the day. Basically, unless you are Supremely Skilled and very, very careful, you should stick to just one character's viewpoint, or else the reader will get confused while hopping from one person's head/perspective to another every paragraph or so. Given that this particular short story is very metaphysical/spiritual, using metaphorical imagery, I think this issue is highlighted, because we're already not used to this sort of out-of-body experience.
TL;DR I know you love writing with ya boi but for ease of reading I would recommend narrowing the POV to just her or him, not both in the same story. What works in a thread isn't going to work in a short story like this.
TL;DR I know you love writing with ya boi but for ease of reading I would recommend narrowing the POV to just her or him, not both in the same story. What works in a thread isn't going to work in a short story like this.
