Private A lesson in balance

[Reggie Faayare]

Reggie would laugh along with Josh when Jason gave his responses. Napping wasn't too bad an idea though, especially considering what Reggie's sleep schedule can be like sometimes. He would keep that to himself for now though.

Soon after this thought, the Jedi Master asked his Padawan about his story. Reggie slightly hesitated since his "story" wasn't really an interesting topic.

"I'm gonna be honest, there isn't much to tell for me. No epic tale to knock your socks off."

Reggie gave a humorous smile, then looked off in thought.

"I was just a kid who helped his parents run a little shop on Tatooine. Nothing too interesting happened there for me really. Oh, I guess getting attacked with the result of my eye being destroyed is something."

Reggie shrugged. That part of his life felt so distant now.

"One day while at the shop, a Jedi named Jessica Matthew found me and saw my potential. She offered to train me as a Jedi and I took it. Talked about it with my parents and packed up. They always supported my decisions, so they let me go."

Reggie paused to think about them. With everything going on, it'd probably be best to get them off that desert planet and bring them here. Something he should have done long before instead of just visiting them routinely.

"Master Matthews took me here on Kashyyyk and trained me for awhile. At some point, she kinda disappeared though. I always worry about her since I'm still not sure where she is. Anyway, I began learning and training, taking every opportunity to explore the galaxy and see whats beyond Tattoine. Met many people and learned under a few others for a bit. I have some adventures I can share from those times, but I don't think any of them will be as interesting as other Jedi who were born on desert planets."

Another smile appeared on his face. During his personal research, he found that that there were a few prominent Jedi in history that hailed from Tatooine or a planet like it.

"As a young padawan, I struggled with the fear of facing opponents. That took awhile to get through. I've grown though, and now I worry about keeping up with my peers. I'm pretty average compared to the other Padawans. The only thing I have is experience, but the others have been catching up on that as well. To make sure I'm not a weak link, I do everything I can reasonably do to keep up. I'm no good to anyone if I hold others back."

Reggie didn't feel bad about being average or envy his peers for their abilities. There will always be others better than him after all. He just wanted to make sure he could be there for them when the time comes.

"Other things about me I'm sure you know. I like to research and learn, explore what the galaxy has to offer, and talk.....maybe a bit too much sometimes. I assure you I've worked on that though."

In the past, Reggie had the tendency to talk and ramble too much. Even him and Josh's first encounter involved him rambling a bit.

"So, I think that's everything unless you had something specific you wanted to know."

The padawan noticed that he probably talked about more than Josh actually asked for. Yeah, he's worked on talking less, but it seems like he still had a ways to go.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

The Jedi Master laughed when Reggie said that nothing epic could be found in his tale. "Oh please. I'm sure I've got a far more boring story than that. So come on, let's hear your story!" Josh encouraged as the Padawan soon began his epic tale. Or not epic, depends on how things go, he supposed. Ah, Tatooine. Why did every story start on Tatooine? Though he said his eye had been destroyed... He quirked a brow at that, shifting a bit to get a better look at him and see if he could figure out just which eye had been replaced.

So he had begun his training during the Silver's era. Made sense. Most Jedi these days did. But it reminded Josh just how old he had become. And just how far out of his time he now was... It was a bittersweet feeling. Knowing he'd survived this long, long enough to help many a Jedi find their way... And yet, in a way, he didn't really belong, did he? He'd been able to make himself a fit in the last era with the Silvers. Hell, he had been a better fit than even with the Republic... But this era? No... Not so much.

He had a previous Master, he noted. Interesting. He wasn't the first to come to him in order to finish his training. And likely wouldn't be the last. He hoped he could make his old Master proud, though. Though Reggie then tried to base himself as average, and was unsure if he could keep up.

"The best thing you can do for yourself, is to work at the pace that will get you to where you need to be. While keeping you healthy and happy. The best Jedi are strong physically and mentally. And there is no rushing in this game. Not for a Jedi. You'll grow into your own in time. So don't worry about it. We may all work at different paces... But we get where we need to be in the end. Some better than others. But I find that the ones who did it at a pace best for them live longer."

He finished his tale soon after, and Josh considered whether he had anything else to ask. He thought he was rambling, but Josh didn't mind. It was a good peak into his Padawan's psyche.

"Well, it was definitely a good story. Don't sell yourself short. You keep doing that" he pointed out. "I've got nothing offhand. But what about you? We've got time, and clearly I owe you one for giving one of your own stories. Anything you want to ask?"

Reggie Faayare

 

[Reggie Faayare]

Being encouraged to tell his story by someone who had much more interesting stories to tell was nice, made him feel as though he had some worth. More concerned with letting others speak their mind rather than speak his own, Reggie didn't have many opportunities to tell others about his background. He didn't really mind, but it was nice to have the chance every now and then.

Reggie also appreciated the encouragement Josh gave about working at his own pace. With the other Padawans jumping leaps and bounds ahead of him sometimes, its hard not to feel average sometimes. Reggie knew his strengths and weaknesses, but felt as though the strengths weren't enough to keep up. However, the Padawan would take his mentor's words to heart and not sell himself short anymore, or at least work on stopping that habit. Instead, he would work on building his skills and confidence at his own pace instead of working himself to exhaustion trying to keep up. It'd be hard to stop that fully, but he had it in mind to make progress on removing the habit. Reggie smiled and nodded towards Josh, his resolve strengthend from the encouragement.

Now Reggie had to think of something to ask the Jedi Master in return, which was difficult since there was so much he wanted to ask the seasoned Jedi. Anything from a difficult situation that he got passed, or how he skillfully took down a tough enemy threatening to take down innocent civilians. Reggie thought for a bit, his hand on his chin and head slightly tilted to the left. Then, a thought struck him. Why ask about a time where he triumphed in battle, something that he can hear from any Jedi and get the same lesson learned? Instead, he'd ask something more personal. "Was there ever a time when you had doubts about being a Jedi, or had trouble finding out who you really were? And if so, what happened to help you put those doubts behind and grow as a person?" Reggie's interest was plainly shown on his face, showing that this question was more than just a Padawan wanting to learn how to be a great Jedi. This was to learn how to be a great person as well as a Jedi, and how to grow from past any shackles that hold a person down.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Reggie Faayare



Jason listened quietly as they spoke, senses perked up as the Master and Padawan spoke back and forth. The child didn't understand a whole lot about what was being talked about, but the energy that Reggie spoke with resonated with him at least. Josh meanwhile, hoped that Reggie would heed his words well and grow for it. This was his responsibility after all. If he could not help his Padawans grow, or at least nudge them in the right direction, then he wasn't fulfilling said responsibility. But on top of that -- he just -liked- being able to help where he could.

Then it came to his own question, and boy, was it a doozy. There was only one example he could think of, and he didn't think Reggie was going to like it. Josh looked from Reggie, then to Jason, who had also looked to him with interest. And he sighed. Well, he might as well know. Maybe the story would help him one day.

"Yes" he spoke softly. "Yes. There was. You see, when I was young, before I was part of the Jedi, my parents got into it with a bad crowd trying to make ends meet to feed my younger brothers and I. We were constantly on the run, until finally it caught up to us, in a speeder on Coruscant. Hunters didn't care who lived or died, they blew the damn thing to pieces. My parents, it seemed, didn't survive, but... My siblings and I did. I don't know how, but I suspect our parents did their best to protect us even at the cost of themselves. But we wound up separated. My younger sibling James was adopted by a couple on Coruscant, and eventually made his way to the Jedi. You might know him as Master Gherron Dragovalor. Meanwhile, I was taken in by the Republic's Jedi Order, raised by the Jedi Order and indoctrinated in their ways at an early age. But my youngest... Well, I don't know for sure what happened to him. But years later I found him, I could sense him, I knew it was him. My youngest brother Nick had been indoctrinated in the ways of the Sith at some point, and was being used as their weapon. And all I wanted was to get him back. I'd made friends in my time in the Order, but nobody who'd stay at the time. It was... Lonely. I never felt like I was able to make a genuine connection, and that loneliness made me desperate to want to be a family again in some measure, and piece together what little scraps of my broken family that I could. I tried, and I tried... But he was so far gone that even he admitted he didn't think he could come back if he tried."

He scratched his head uncomfortably. It was never a fun story to tell, and he didn't tell it often. "So I took a desperate plunge. I enlisted the help of a Sith Lord. She was looking for her next apprentice, and thought she could use me to become her next. Feigning interest, I used her right back, and learned to utilize my anger, my hatred... It was a risky, stupid thing to do. But I was young and desperate, and I had confidence that I could come back from it. And at first... I did. I defeated my brother with the dark side. It wasn't fun, and I still have nightmares about the training to this day. But before my emotions could overwhelm me, I managed to bring myself back from the brink and remember who I was. He couldn't believe it. It was the breakthrough that I so desperately sought, as he realized that it was possible. He didn't know if he could do it too, but... He wanted to try. And that's all I could ever ask for."

He bit his lip. "But the Sith don't take kindly to defective toys. Our reunion wasn't long. We were ambushed, and in what at the time I thought to be his last act, he sacrificed himself for me. At the time, it seemed he had died to save me. But in doing so... It broke me. I had given up everything that I stood for, for my entire life... My pride as a Jedi, my strength in the light side of the Force, any right to call myself a Jedi... And I had nothing to show for it. Sure, the Jedi didn't know about what happened. The only people to know at the time were myself, and my first wife. But I couldn't face them. How could I, knowing that I was no longer like them? Pure, unsullied, free of hate, and focused on what needed to be done to protect people. In my eyes, I had completely disgraced them, and I couldn't dare go back after that. And even before that, I'd been struggling with feeling like a tool, a droid... Something to be used and tossed aside when I was defective. As that is very much how the Republic's Jedi treated each other. It was a mindset I never fully got over, even as it faded away and the Silver Jedi took their place. So in my eyes, I couldn't ever go back. For I was defective, I was broken. I was a worthless, used up tool. And if I didn't have the Jedi... Well, I didn't have anything left to live for."

A long silence followed, as he let Reggie digest this scandalous admittance, before he continued.

"But something brought me back from the brink. And that was finding out my first wife, Shmi, was pregnant."

He looked to the completely lost Jason, then back to Reggie.

"He probably won't understand this until he's older. But it was Jason who saved me. Who reminded me of why I got up in the morning to do my duty as a Jedi. The families that couldn't protect themselves, my responsibility was to keep them safe. And... I realized that I still had things to live for. Besides duty. I was about to be a father. And it was the most wonderful feeling in the world."

He smiled softly. "It still is. So I took some time away to just... Take a step back, be a father, get my head back in order. Around when Arisa Yune was the Grandmaster, I returned to the Silver Jedi Order properly. And then, and only then, did my career as a Jedi really begin. I feel more confident as a Jedi now than I ever have. Because a Jedi is not a tool, a weapon or an instrument... We're people. People with flaws. We selflessly sacrifice a great deal for our responsibilities, it's true. But on the other hand... The happier and healthier you are as a person, the better you'll be as a Jedi. That... Is the greatest lesson I've ever learned as a Jedi."

 

[Reggie Faayare]

Reggie listened intently, though could notice that the story that was going to be told was one that may not be the most comfortable for the Jedi Master considering the change in his voice and atmosphere. He would assured his mentor that he didn't need to relay the story if they didn't want to, but was sure they already knew this.

One thing that Reggie realized almost immediately was that Josh has dealt with a lot even at a young age. Being on the run, losing ones parents, and siblings being separated wasn't an everyday thing, it was a tragedy. Despite them being separated, Gherron Dragovalor; who Reggie knew of but never really met, and Josh were still able to make their way to the Jedi, or at least different groups of them. But the youngest brother not being as fortunate, and Josh feeling lonely as well as the need to bring his brother back was heartbreaking. What it led him to do was even more so, especially considering the outcome of it all. Reggie never would have guessed that Josh had fallen and become a broken man. Feeling defective, as he said, to his own Jedi during those days must have dragged him even further into the ground. There was a brief break in the story that Reggie didn't fully notice, taking in all the information and thinking over it.

As the story continued and Josh began to speak about his return from the brink, his son helping him to continue living for the people he cared for, to protect them at all costs. The lesson learned was one of self growth and a changing of views. As he listened, Reggie's intense expression slightly changed. A smile now accompanied him, Josh's story of tragedy turning into one of growth.

"Thank you for telling your story Master, the lesson you learned as a Jedi is one of importance, and one I'll try remember myself from here on" There was something to be learned by almost everything, but the lesson from Josh's story was one that Reggie would benefit from learning now. His mentor's story reached him. The Padawan's expression changed to an sorrowful one though, feeling as though he should apologize for having his Mentor tell a story he wasn't comfortable with telling. "I do apologize if it was difficult to share such a personal story with me though. I didn't mean to bring back any bad memories to you." Reggie's apology was genuine, his concern for his mentor clear.

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

TAG: Reggie Faayare



It was quite definitely a tough story to tell. It was a show that his meeting with the Jedi was far from happy, and that inside, he was a broken man who in some ways still missed the family he was never able to grow up with. But it was a struggle that he had done his best to overcome. Even if he needed a little help. There was a clear message there and he'd tell the story time and time again at the risk of his reputation, if it meant teaching his students so that they would not fall victim to the same fate.

Reggie felt bad that he had told a hard story to teach him. He shook his head. "Don't be sorry. Just make sure you heed the lesson from it well" he brought up in return. "I suffered, but that doesn't mean others have to. If it means I wound up the guinea pig so others can be better, so be it. Life's cruel that way. Gotta make the most of it."

Jason stood nearby with a tilted head, not really understanding the story but seeing that it upset his father. Or perhaps he sensed it? Either way, Jason sidled up and buried his head in his father's chest. Josh smiled softly as he wrapped an arm around Jason gently.

With that, Josh noticed that Reggie's line had fallen below the waves. He cocked his head to notify him of it.