A lesson in defiance

[Sha'so]

Sha'do had not been at the Academy for long and she'd already taken great pleasure in skipping as many lessons as she could. Her instructors had been informed that she came from a troubled past and most were patient enough to give her time and space to get used to her new surroundings, and she had taken full advantage by roaming the grounds and exploring the surround forestation. She felt at peace out there, she never wanted to leave...

But Sha'do was not so at peace now. If anything, she was downright amused. She was laying draped across the shoulders of one of the tall statues that dotted the courtyard, watching with a grin as one of the Masters searched for her. She was supposed to be with him learning the art of meditation, but thus far his attempts to help her clear her mind and follow the guided meditations he offered had not been successful. He had not been so accepting of her flighty disposition and wanted her to focus on what he and the other Masters were trying to teach her, but he was getting frustrated with her attitude. As he searched, he did not seem angry with her, but she had a feeling she was pushing the limits of his emotional control; this wasn't the first time she had run away from one of his lessons...

Just then, she felt his aura brush up against hers and he looked up to see her on one of the statues. She could see a vein bulging in his forehead. Yep, he was finally angry with her!

"Get down from there this instant!" the Master said sternly. He knew she was just some uneducated waif, but he could not believe she would be so disrespectful. Sha'do's only response was to yawn dismissively. She was not overly fond of this man; he had a tendency to talk at her, not to her.

"Sha'do, if you wish to continue your education here, you cannot keep acting out in this way," he continued in an attempt to reason with her. "You will not be allowed to stay here if you continue to refuse our help."

Oh, so their acceptance was conditional after all? Sha'do scoffed and rest her chin on the back of her hands, closing her eyes as she ignored his continued attempts to talk her down. Figures he would threaten to kick her out...

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

Uri passed through the courtyard just as the master was calling up to the cathar. Uri paused behind him looking up at her as well watching as the girl simply yawned. Yet another defiant padawan. They were common and sadly most foolishly fell to their deaths. It was a sad truth.

And then the master threatened to have her removed from the academy. It has happened before. It was rare. Although the decision is not his to make.

"The grandmaster and the high council members are responsible for that decision," Uri sounded almost like he was scolding the master which didn't sit well with him since he was already peeved.

"Then maybe the grandmaster should over see her training, Padawan Aureleos," the master calmed himself but only slightly.

"Knight Aureleos," Uri correcting him then bowed. "Grandmaster Raaf is a busy woman. The war isn't getting any easier."

"She is the only jedi with enough patience to tend to this level of defiance," the master pointed up to the cathar as he spoke. Uri's eye followed the finger. "We shouldn't waste resources on such wasted potential."

Uri clasped his hands behind his back watching as the master left in frustration. Most likely to tell the grandmaster about the girl. Didn't she have a saying for this? Of course, but Uri knew too many to cycle through them. They seemed to simply come to her so he expected the same thing.

After that moment, his eyes went back to the girl studying her for a second. Even in the force he took a glace at her signature. It left an impression on him - one that he couldn't ignore.

"Escuse me, padawan," Uri called up to the girl on the statue. "Would you care to take a walk?"

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Sha'do looked down at the man who had called up at her, toying with the long braid over her shoulder as she considered his offer. He was an an unusual one. He had a slight glow about him, and she didn't mean that figuratively; his skin was literally luminescent, something that had her curiosity in overdrive. For some reason, she really wanted to know what he smelled like because of that glow... And his aura wasn't like the others. It was calming and she felt a pull towards him. Maybe that was just the curiosity, though...

After a moment, Sha'do finally shrugged and rose from her position draped across the statue. She could oblige him a walk as thanks for standing up for her. She lept down from her perch, landing neatly on her feet like the agile feline that she was, then took a few dainty steps closer. Tucked inside her robes was a small datapad that she used to communicate. She retrieved it and quickly wrote out her greeting.

'Thank you, Knight Aureleos, my name is Sha'do. And as I understand it, I am not a Padawan just yet.'

She handed the datapad to him and let him take the lead on this little walk.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He assumed he may have to coax her down, but no she came down willingly on her own. He held the same expression on his face as he waited calmly for her - then waited again as she pulled a datapad out of her robes and clicked away at it. Subconsciously, an eyebrow rose as she handed the datapad to him. He read it quickly then handed it back to her.

"Sha'do, you're just an initiate then?" Uri posed the question as he began to walk. It wasn't odd to see an older initiate however he usually didn't pay much mind. He came to the academy at a young age and was very fortunate to have his master before he even left his home world.

He paused again eyeing the datapad in her hands. He wasn't fond of electronics himself and even neglected to learn how to fly a starship. It was a valuable skill, but it was one he actually had no patience for. It seemed cumbersome to him so instead he reached out though the force sending his own thoughts to her.

"Don't be alarmed," he spoke to her in her own mind. "I'm using telepathy to connect to your thought. You can do this as well, but we might need to mediate first. Feel the force connect to my mind and then channel your thoughts to me. Think whatever you would like me to know."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Sha'do nodded at his query and kept in step beside him. Actually, she didn't really know what she was. She would be nothing to the Jedi if she kept skipping out on her lessons. But she couldn't help it! She had been captive for so long, she just wanted to exercise her newfound freedom before she was made to submit to another Master...

Then suddenly, his voice was filling her head. It was a foreign sensation, and it made her tail puff up in agitation, though she quickly calmed this reaction. She stopped walking and brought a hand to her head as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing. She looked at the golden Knight; she was so confused. Telepathy? That was so- It felt so strange! But she seemed to understand what he was trying to do; he was trying to give her a voice.

Sha'do closed her eyes as she focused on his words and the instructions he had given her, feeling what he was doing with her and trying to do the same. Feel the Force, connect to his mind, channel her thoughts, feel the Force, connect to his mind, channel her thoughts, feel the Force... Oh, but what to say?!

"Hello?" she settled on saying. This small telepathic utterance was so soft and timid, like she was afraid of being punished for saying such a simple thing.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He barely heard her so he paused for a second his mind final processing he greeting. It was faint almost inaudible. He wasn't sure if it was mainly from her or if the connection she made with the force wasn't as strong as it could have been. He assumed a meditation lesson might be in order.

"Hello," he curved his lips upward as he glanced over to her. "With training and meditation, telepathy could become as easy as opening one's mouth to speak. The effort doesn't take too much. You're not trying to over take one's mind only softly access it. The ability has further applications where you can implant thoughts to others and even alter their emotional status. As Jedi, we should be careful with the minds of others. It's a delicate thing. We are not sith who destroy minds. For now we should focus on simply communication."

Uri paused in his gait glancing up at the meditation pavilion in front of him. The place was a favorite of Grandmaster Luke Skywalker and also of the current grandmaster as well. He motioned with his hand to an area for them to sit then sat down in seiza with his legs under his person.

"You strengthen your connection to the force through meditation and training. The stronger your connection, the easier it will be to access it. Keep in mind the force is endless, but you are not. You must know your own limitations and know how far past them you can push yourself."

Uri stopped with the thoughts he sent her then opened his mouth to speak, "Am I talking too much?" This question seemed strange considering he hadn't said a word since arriving. "Perhaps we should try meditation? If you skip the master's lesson on it, I'm sure it's for a reason. For some it comes easy for others it's hard to clear your mind. Just close your eyes and relax. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. If you have any thoughts in your mind shoo them away. Think of a blank slate. Smooth with nothing on it. When you feel yourself in a trance then let the force flow through you freely. Feel it in you and then feel it in me and everyone else here at the pavilion."


[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Sha'do pouted. She didn't want to be in this place, she wanted to be outside! No one ever asked what she wanted, it was part of the reason she was skipping out on lessons and acting this way. She understood Valkren's reasons for bringing her here, but he had talked to her like a person. And since she'd been here, no one had bothered to ask if she wanted any of this. She had a datapad, she could respond! She could nod and shake her head, but no one seemed to care what she wanted. Some would try to relate as Knight Aureleos had done, but it always ended the same way, more instruction without bothering to ask if this was something she wanted to do. Even though it angered her, Sha'do sat down in the pavilion, tucking her paws up underneath her.

It was easy to clear her mind, easy to think of nothing. Years of abuse had made it easy, because if she was 'absent', she couldn't feel what was being done to her. Regulating her breathing also came easy; her Master had trained her to be in control of her body to be a stronger hunter. But the Force could not flow freely through her. The emotions, the misery, were blocking that flow and choking the light within her. She didn't want to do this anymore, but she didn't have the courage to ask to stop. It's why she usually ran away...

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

Uri felt his connection to the force and then her reestablishing his connection with her mind. Gently touching it. It was like listening through the door at a conversation that wasn't meant for him. He could sense her feelings. The want she had just to take of running. That and fear, discomfort... Pain. Not physical but still even on the outside the pain seemed crippling. His breathing grew rapid as he tried to make sense of it.

He didn't need to. He understood this now. In his attempt to help her, he was becoming one of the masters she avoided. She didn't need him to be her teacher. He shook his head lightly. He was so caught up in trying to be more than a padawan he lost track of everything else. He wasn't a master so he needed to stop pretending to be one.

"Sha'do, you don't have to meditate anymore," Uri stood up brushing off his robes before giving her a light smile. "Perhaps we should try that walk again? I would like to get to know you better if that's alright, or if you want you are free to have the rest of the evening to yourself."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

"Thank you," Sha'do replied softly, rising and dusting off her robes as well. Her 'voice' was still distant and soft. Maybe with some practice, that voice would become stronger, but mostly she was still afraid.

"What do you wish to know?" she asked timidly as they left the courtyard. The courtyard and the surrounding building were beautiful, there was no doubt; it was peaceful and she could easily lose herself in the libraries, but what she really loved of this place was what was just outside the grounds. The moment they left the temple and entered the forest and wilds, all the tension and sad feelings melted away. This was peace for her, feeling the joy and life of the forest. It require so little effort for her to connect to the soul of the forest as she had with Uri; it called to her, spoke to her, saw her as no one else did. Her mind was calm and clear, and her heart was light. In here, her past did not haunt her, there were no expectation and she was free to play to her heart's content, though for now she settled for a calming walk with Knight Aureleos.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He kept a steady gait beside her and yet followed her. He let her chose the destination this time. It was clear that is what she really wanted to do. She wanted to do her own thing. Uri stayed by her side but he didn't sway her in anyway. Instead he kept a close watch over her checking her movement and her emotions.

"Whatever you wish to say about yourself," He glanced up at the trees as they wandered into the forest and away from the temple. "How you answer when some one asks who you are. For example, My name is Uri Aureleos. I was raised by monks on the planet Agamar. Among the jedi I'm know as a healer and consular."

He took a moment to noticed her disposition changed. She no longer appeared to be in distress. Instead she appeared quite free. The forest made her feel safe? This was important. Slowly but surely he was beginning to learn.

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

"I am Sha'do and I grew up on the streets of Nar Shadda. I have been a slave for a Morgukai crime lord since I was twelve. I have never seen the sky, smelled fresh air, or felt grass or real earth beneath my paws before I came here. I like it here very much," Sha'do answered with a gentle smile. As they walked, she discretely leaned in and breathed in his scent. She wondered what glowing smelled like, but she was disappointed to find that he smelled like a normal person. Well, at least for a normal person he smelled pleasant.

She led him to a small grove near a stream where she sat at the base of a large tree. She spent a lot of time here when she wasn't exploring. She found her datapad and tipped it towards him. "I do not skip out on all my lessons. When I am told to read something, I bring it here. I actually enjoy it, though I have trouble with some of the big words," she admitted sheepishly. Her voice was getting stronger. Whether that meant she was getting better at communicating this way or she was simply more comfortable talking in this setting, even she couldn't tell.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

"You were a slave. You're not anymore. You no longer have to return to that life unless you really choose to. You're free to do as you wish," He followed her along his eyes admiring the green of the trees and the calm atmosphere. He smiled as the birds sang their morning tune to them. He didn't even notice her smelling him which was probably a good thing. Uri still didn't understand the common practice of other species. The motion might have made him very uncomfortable.

There were things in this world that most took for granted. The beauty of nature was one. Hearing her speak of never experiencing it before gave Uri a new light about it. There was nothing more beautiful in his eyes and he had grown to forget that. He took in the sights as she sat down and told him about her reading.

"With practice, you will be better than I," He laughed lightly speaking out loud. "I have a bad habit of skimming as I read, but as my master told me when I was a padawan, knowledge can be true power. For a Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

"I know I am free now, but I am still afraid that he might find me come to take me back. But the Academy and all the people make me feel very safe," Sha'do admitted. She made no attempt to hide her fear; her Master might very well be alive and it was a very real possibility that he might track her down and take her back to Nar Shadda. "I am afraid of many things... I am afraid to hope that this might all be real. I am afraid that tomorrow I will wake up in my cage again. I am afraid that if you and your people at the Academy knew the things I have done that you will not let me stay here anymore. I am afraid of what will happen if I displease your people, what kind of punishment I may receive. But I am also afraid of pleasing your people and finding myself under another Master."

All these fears had been building up in her since her arrival, so the cathartic rush of confessing it all had been much needed. But by the end of it, she had dropped her datapad and had started crying. Just a few small tears at first, but they had grown into full sobs as she hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in her arms.

"I do not want another Master, I want to stay free, but in the courtyard he said I would be made to leave otherwise! The rules here are so confusing, I just want to be good, but I'm afraid I do not know what that is!"

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

Uri stood still. His expression gave no inkling about what he was thinking about or what he thought of Sha'do's recent admittance. He only watched as she let her emotions flow freely - as she opened her insecurity to Uri. Has he ever cried before? ...Yes. When he was very young and still just a boy on Agamar.

"Be mindful of your fears. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering," Uri took a stern tone with her before breathing the air out of his lungs and kneeling. He placed his hand on her shoulder and returned to her mind. "Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy. Jedi use their powers to defend and to protect. Jedi respect all life, in any form. Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the galaxy. Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training."

"The path of the Jedi is a selfless one and because of this it is a path that you must choose for yourself. Should you chose this, I will oversee that you do not fail. I will help to guide you down this path, and you shall be a Jedi. This is my promise. With that, a new master. The galaxy shall be your master. Not because I say so, but because you chose to protect and defend her people. Do not think this is a task you must undertake by yourself. I will be with you. The Jedi Order will be with you as long as you trust in the force and hold true to the Jedi code."

He opened his mouth and spoke one more time, "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no death, there is the Force."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Sha'do sniffled as she looked up at him. His words about the Jedi were calming, as was his promise. It was clear to her now that she had misunderstood what the Jedi were, something that she resolved to remedy. Protect and defend... Yes, she could do that...

But why would this fear turn to anger? Yes, she had been angry enough to hurt her Master and his Nikto minions back on Nar Shadda, but she was not on Nar Shadda anymore! Uri and the Jedi and the Academy had done nothing to deserve her anger. So why would this make her angry? And for all her anger, she could not hate her Master, he was simply a product of his people, as Nar Shadda was the product of the Hutts. If she could not be angry with them, why then would these emotions now make her hate? And hate had certainly not been the source of her suffering before...

What truly confused her was what he recited at the end. It was somewhat... numbing. It brought her no comfort, though she sensed that somehow it was meant to. But to her it made no sense!

Somehow, after he was done, she felt empty, so she hugged her knees to her chest again. At least this time she wasn't crying.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He exhaled. It wasn't a frustrated sigh but one that signaled his defeat. He stood slowly. She wasn't ready just yet the trauma from her life as a slave appear to have taken a toll on her. He body language showed Uri that she was shutting down. She wasn't ready for everything that he was telling her.

"It's okay," Uri pat the cathar's head before turning and walking back to the academy. "You're not ready to be a jedi yet, but you still have time despite what the other master says. All I ask of you is that you take this time to meditate. The force will guide you and show you what you need to do if you wish to join the jedi. I fear I have nothing left for you until then."

His eyes examined the surrounding trees as got far enough away to where she was no longer visible. He removed himself from her thoughts and closed his connection to her. Despite being closed there will always be a bond there. One establish just by communicating telepathically and also a bond similar to what he shared with his own master just not nearly as strong. It was forming however, and for that he planned to help her for as long as he could. For this leg of her journey however, all she had to rely now on was the force. Her own being would deceive her. A jedi's place was not to dwell on the past and it's pain.

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

No! Don't go!

As Sha'do watched Uri walk away from her, she suddenly found that she did not want to be alone, but he had closed that connection and her mind grew so frantic, she couldn't focus and form that connection again on her own, she couldn't call out for him and ask him to stay. But she didn't want to be alone right now! She felt so vulnerable, she shouldn't be alone...

Suddenly she bolted from where she was sitting and quickly caught up to him, grabbing his sleeve to stop him, her eyes silently pleading for him to understand.

"Peasch, ngo go." The garbled words that spilled from her lips sounded rough, which was no surprise considering she hadn't used her voice in years. The med-droids at the Academy had been working with her to learn how to speak without a tongue, and it was frustrating work and the progress was so slow, but it was a start. 'L' she couldn't manage at all, and the 'S' was caught in her throat and the 'N' didn't sound any better, but still she had managed to articulate her thoughts; she didn't want him to go. So far he was the only one here who had managed to make any significant connection to her, he couldn't leave now, she didn't want to be alone anymore!

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He frowned as he felt her approach turning as she grabbed his sleeve. He was surprised to hear her speak for some reason he assumed she wouldn't ever speak again.

Her body language proved just how unstable she was. He could see the desperation and fear in her eyes. He radiated a soothing feeling to her suggesting a calmness to overtake her. How effective would it be? He wasn't sure. He hoped she would relax and feel at ease.

"Should you need me you will always be able to find me. Trust the force, Padawan," He placed his hand on her shoulder. "The force is alway around you. It will never leave you."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Sha'do drew closer and rested her head against his shoulder as she let his aura calm her. She wanted to hug him, or maybe she just wanted a hug... but she could sense a tension in him; maybe he didn't like her invading his personal space? Sha'do sighed. How was she feeling so calm now, she was frantic moments ago! It occurred to her that Uri might be doing something to calm her, and part of her was irked at that. How dare he impose what he wanted on her, hadn't she been through enough of that?! But on the other hand, she did feel much better, and she knew he only meant well. Her head kind of hurt from her crying earlier, but even that was ebbing away.

"I am sorry for my behavior," she finally said to him, now calm enough to reconnect to him and speak to his mind. She let go of his sleeve, letting her hand rest at her side, but she didn't pull away from him, maintaining the small contact of her forehead to his shoulder. "But I am still afraid," she continued calmly this time. "The Light inside me has been my only companion for so long, but it did not save me from slavery, it did not stop my Master from hurting me... And what if he's still alive? What if he comes for me? I think I would die inside if I found another collar around my neck..." Her fears were still a very real and pressing matter to her, they could not be dismissed simply my meditating.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

His body stiffened as her head landed on his shoulder. He didn't think he would have this much of an effect. He wondered if this was the same as a hug. He could count the number of hugs he received in his life on one hand and still have 4 fingers left over.

He gently but firmly removed her from him. Holding her at an arms reach with his hands on her shoulders. His brow furrowed slightly as he opened his mouth to speak, "Trust the force. It will protect you. It will clear the doubt from your mind if you will let it. The only thing stopping it from helping is you. I know it's hard for you to banish these fears but you don't have to do that. All you need to do is place your trust in the force. Let it give you the peace of mind."

[member="Sha'do"]