A lesson in defiance

[Sha'so]

His words sounded so easy, yet it made Sha'do wonder if he had ever known any suffering. It was easy to tell someone to trust when trust had never be so deeply violated as it had in Sha'do's case. Words were always so much easier than action.

"How?" she asked softly. "You make it sound so easy, but I know it is not. It just feels like it shouldn't be that simple." Sha'do didn't know how to trust in anything, not even herself. How could she when she had given in to the madman who had enslaved her, done his bidding without a fight simply because she had given in to his madness. Life had been so unkind to her that trust was a foreign concept to her. But she wanted to try. She wanted to believe Uri's pretty words.

"I want to try, I do, but I don't know how..." she continued sincerely. "No one here talks to me like a person. Your Masters speak and instruct, yet they don't ask me if I understand. I have overheard talk of how uneducated I am, yet they just expect me to understand like all the other Initiates. No one has shown any interest in discovering what I can and cannot do, no one has bothered to ask me what I want out of all of this. This 'force' you keep talking about, I do not even know what it is, no one has bothered to explain it to me. But you talk to me. You start explaining things to me, but then you just become like all the others, unwilling to listen in return. I do want to try, Knight Aureleos, but what reason have you given me to believe it is worth it to trust in... anything?"

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He didn't. He didn't know suffering, but he knew compassion. He tried his best to understand. He had never had to be so careful with how he said things. He dealt with her with patience or so he thought. She saw him in a different light. How do you ask someone to do something if they don't want to consider it?

"It will become easy, Sha'do," Uri huffed then smiled. "Aren't you even willing to try the first time?"

Her reply to his question wasn't exactly what he was expecting, but he listened all the same taking in every word she had to say. He frowned when she finish talking.

"You're not the only one who is learning," he curled his lips. For a moment, he wish he could have his master's wisdom. She was the same age he was when she took him as a padawan. Perhaps it was the books, Uri should have spent more time reading. "Do you tell the masters when you don't understand? Do you ask them to explain it for you? How do they know otherwise? I will listen every time you speak, Sha'do, but If I don't know you do not understand then I do not know when I need to explain something further. It's not shameful if you don't understand. It's more shameful if you pretend you do and then find yourself in a situation where you need that knowledge. If you ask the question, then that question will not harm you. Only the questions that go unasked will."

"As for the Force, the Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together... Does that make sense? Those are the words of Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was a master 800 years ago and a favorite of my master. Expect a lot quotes from him," Uri grinned.

"You want to try... Would you like me to help you connect to the force?" Uri patiently waited for her reply smiling warmly.
[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Was she even willing to try? Did she bother to tell the masters that she didn't understand? Did she ask for explanations? These questions, could he insult her intelligence any more?! Would she be so frustrated otherwise? She was about ready to run from him the same as she had run from all her other instructors when she decided to just show him that she was capable.

Sha'do's eyes took on a hazy gaze as she looked inside herself to find her Light. In her mind she cradled this Light as she had often done during the lonely nights in her cage. As she held her Light, she became very aware of the air around her pressing against her skin, and the more she focused on that feeling the more it felt like the edges of her being we blurring until there was no boundary between herself and the rest of the universe. She could feel the Light and the flow of energy through herself, the forest, through Uri, and even through the Temple and beyond. For her, tapping into this energy had nothing to do with trust. It was like trusting that space would always be a vacuum, it was a constant that didn't require trust. She didn't need to trust this 'Force', her Light, it was a constant. Even when she was collared and the Light was dimmed, it was still there, her only companion, the only thing that truly listened when she spoke.

"I am more capable than anyone here has given me credit for," Sha'do said as her aura grew in strength. It was more than a little overwhelming to feel so much; she had been collared before so the response have never been so strong before, but it still felt wonderful, a thrilling rush that at its center was calm and serene.

"Until you taught me how to speak from mind to mind, all I had was a datapad and some crude hand signs to communicate, which has made expressing my lack of understanding very frustrating for both me and my instructors," Sha'do said as she pulled back her awareness to the area they were in. She could feel every plant, every animal, every insect, and it made her smile. "Not to mention that I have had silence and compliance literally beaten in to me, so when I get scolded for interrupting a lesson, I tend to not want to speak up again. Is that truly so difficult to comprehend?"

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

For some one who had silence and compliance beaten into her, Sha'do seemed to make it look easy when it came to scolding Uri. Still he didn't find it her words harmful. He was instead preoccupied with something else. Her force signature. He felt it reach out to him. Not because he nudged it first but because she did so on her own. She found him in the force. He focused on his signature himself watching it grow.

"It's a safety net..." He forgot for a moment that she was invading his mind. "Do you know what you are doing? You're opening yourself in the force. You're connected to it. I can feel your signature."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

"I know..." Sha'do said in answer to all of his points, even the safety net comment. "I know there is a lot I don't know. I know I need to learn control; I have accidentally hurt people when I let my emotions get away from me. I know I get so frustrated and running away is so easy... But..." Sha'do sighed, clasping her hands over her heart. She hoped Uri could appreciate how difficult it was for her admit to all this. "I know I am not a very good student, but I want to learn. I think need time to get used to not being a slave anymore. I'm still afraid my Master will come for me, and I'm afraid my instructors will use force to teach me or strike me when I do something wrong as my Master did even though I can sense that none of the people here would ever do such a thing... I don't trust this feeling of safety here, not yet."

Even though Sha'do was frustrated enough to run from Uri just a moment ago, she was still desperate enough for someone on this rock to understand what she was feeling that she was willing to stay to convince him. He had started off so well, had talked to her like a person, she wanted him to understand! All she had received for her efforts from her instructors so far were lessons on trusting the Force or controlling her emotions; she just wanted to be heard and not have her concerns brushed off. She was practically begging Uri to understand at this point. Trust had to start small and right now she was trying to start with Uri.

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

"As long as you are on Ossus no one will hurt you. I can make sure of that. If you wish, you can have both time and training," Uri smiled at her. "All of your concerns will be lifted. I know this myself from experience. I too was once a newcomer. Not of the same circumstance but still similar in the way that I left something behind and I was timid and afraid of what was forward."

"You can ask my master. Up until just before I made knight, I doubted myself. Since I was 12 until now, I convinced myself that I was too weak to be a jedi. The only time I had any confidence was when I was by another Jedi's side. Even if they were convinced hope was lost, for some reason, I still had hope. It was odd to say the least."

"For you," He nodded to her. "As long as you are willing, one day you will be a Jedi. I can feel this. The force is telling me it is true. Rough now is your path, but soon the path will be smooth and easy to walk. If you fall, we will catch you. I and the force. It knows you and holds you just as tightly as you are holding it now. As long as you cling to it like you are now, it will not leave you."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

Sha'do smiled and released a shuddered sigh. Finally, someone heard her! "Thank you," she replied softly. His attempt to relate to her was clumsy, but that made it no less genuine and she appreciated the effort. "Thank you for hearing me when no one else would..."

Sha'do finally let go of the energy she had been holding onto. It was like the forest released a sigh, leaves and grass around them quivered in response. "May... may I stay by your side?" she asked timidly. "Will you teach me?"

[member="Uri Aureleos"]

 

[Uri Aureleos]

He nodded to her then smiled, "I would be more than willing to oversee your training as a jedi. Anywhere I go you may come as well. When you are ready, I would also be honored should you call me master. The term isn't to show that I own you. That's not the case. It's to show that I am recognized as your teacher. I gift you the name Padawan Sha'do. My Padawan learner. Hopefully the term brings you as much happiness as it did when my master said it to me."

[member="Sha'do"]

 

[Sha'so]

"Thank you... Master," Sha'do replied softly, just to try it out. She thought that saying it would fill her with disgust, but instead her heart felt light. He had recognized her fears and sought to ease them, and in return she had attempted to meet him halfway and found that calling him Master was not so bad. She wasn't sure if she was ready to use the title on a regular basis, but she could at least recognize this once his mastery of the skills he would teach her...