Private Absolution

[Kyra Perl]

It would be now that Caedyn learned his next lesson about his padawan. Dont show Kyra stuff you don't intend to give her. "I don't care," she stated firmly. She took another stubborn step, her face setting into a determined pout. She felt where this was going. 'Need greater control over the force' was synonymous with 'meditate more and then we'll see'. It was infuriating, to leave that lesson behind with the promise of getting to stab things-- only to have it all fall back on sitting still and being bored again?? No. She wouldn't have it!

"You said I was ready. You said I could do this! What's the point of starting this form if you don't even let me try-- takes practice? Well duh! Show me," she demanded. "I can't practice if you don't let me try."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn sighed, deactivating his lightsaber and returning the hilt to his belt; "Suit yourself, but if you get hurt don't tell me I didn't warn you" Caedyn replied, moving over to the side of the sparring mat in order to give his Padawan the room to attempt the maneuver. "Do me a favor and try it without your lightsaber though, Padawan" he further suggested, not overly feeling confident about this attempt she was determined to make.

Caedyn had to acknowledge the fact that his Padawan was a teenager, and not a child. She still had a long way to go but teenagers made it a habit to experience everything the hard way, at times pushing their boundaries and getting themselves into some nasty situations before learning a valuable lesson or gaining the experience needed in life. For Kyra Perl , this seemed to be one of those times.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Ha!

Kyra shot him a prim look, turning off her saber and tossing it his way to hold for her. She pulled to the end of the mat, biting her lip as she tried to remember what he did. Ideally, he was suppose to show her. Give her a step by step instructions. That was what she had asked for, but now faced with a challenge— well, she’d make do on her own.

She coiled her body, doing a few testing flips in the air. A back flip. A summersault. Basic acrobatics, testing her body’s finesse. When she felt warmed up enough she tried tossing in a bit of force assisted umph. It was clear at once that this skill was no one well practiced. She could jump high. She could use the force to pull her far. But to control her body through a series of whipping flips?

Her stomach squirmed, her inner voice speaking up. She ignored them both, her face set with determination. He’d feel her muscles tense in preparation, really for the real maneuver. It had all looked a little like...

She sprang into the air, a massive shove of the force helping her whip in a series of circles. It wasn’t far off from what he had did, but jostled as she was, she stuck her feet out at the wrong time. Kyra didn’t even feel the force’s impending warning. There was no time to process, her head smacking into the ground instead.

Her limbs followed suit, falling awkwardly into a limp heap as she was knocked unconscious at once. The force she had used was too great. Like being set flying from a sling shot.

It had not looked like that at all.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

One hour later.

Caedyn stood with his back to the wall of the medical ward whilst his Padawan Kyra Perl lay upon one of the beds, tended to by the nurse and her assistant medical droid. She had been carried there by her Master, only once ensuring nothing vital had been broken and that moving her wasn't to do any further damage.

She was stubborn and proud, and had attempted something she wasn't ready for. While the result was dramatic and far more than Caedyn himself had wanted to see become of her, hopefully she'd be taught the importance of learning to walk before trying to run.

The Jedi Knight himself had been given something of a lecture by the Doctor whom had first looked her over upon their arrival. That of which Caedyn took on the chin, the conversation in which he'd been criticized for allowing this to happen in the first place; Yet they didn't know his methods, nor did they understand the relationship between the Knight and his Padawan.

As long as she would recover and it was only her pride that was bruised, then they could move forward. That said, it hadn't stopped Caedyn from rushing to her side in a panic when the incident had happened.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra groaned, pushing and pulling at things as she tried to sit up. Ouch. "Thisdoesn'tcount," she slurred to the air. Truth was she wasn't entirely she what didn't count in that moment, but the vague sensation of being proved wrong hung heavy in the air. The world spun viciously around her, and next thing she new she was on her side vomiting up her breakfast into a bucket.

A concussion then.

Nothing bacta couldn't get to in time.

She didn't appreciate the hands on her, the girl fighting blindly through tears and heaving and utter disorientation to get them off her. Just stop. Stop. Stop.

The world slowly settled, the girl panting on her side. She didn't have a stomach flu, but the physically of vomiting helped a bit to clear her senses and still the disorientation. Caedyn fell into her line of sight then, her lips drawing into a pout as the nurse stilled her long enough to check her vision and other vitals. She was fine!

When the nurse left to fetch her more liquids, Kyra finally grumbled again. "I don't wanna hear it."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I'm just glad you're not seriously hurt, you gave me a bit of a scare there...".

Caedyn replied with a weak smile, moving to take a seat upon the end of Kyra Perl 's medical bed once the Nurse had left, being careful not to disturb her feet in case she were hurting in the legs or he otherwise might trigger some sort of discomfort in her present condition.

"I don't think a lecture's going to be helpful right now, don't worry" he added for her reassurance; "It's more important to me that you take it easy for the time being".

Kyra's training would have to be put off for the time being, only for a small amount of time, but none the less. She needed to recover, both physically and Caedyn also suspected the down time would do her some good mentally and emotionally too.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra turned into her pillow, trying hard to mask her disorientation from him. It didn't take a clear head to want to protect her ego around him. Nor did it take a genus to realize her injury was a self inflicted over sight. Like when she touched the saber. A pattern would be emerging now, one that started with Kyra not taking things seriously enough.

She just wanted to reach the fun parts without the hard work in the middle, was that so much to ask for?

She groaned at him. "Stop being kind, you know you wanna say it. But I dun wanna hear it," she told him again, smushing her face into the pillow. She didn't believe his kind gesture of letting them move past it. Whatever it was.

She brought it right back to the topic, ready for a fight.

Oi her head.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn shook his head, not wanting anything of the sort. An argument between them while she was suffering from a concussion was the last thing that would help her condition at the moment. "No, I mean it Kyra" He reiterated, watching over her with concern in his gaze; "Training isn't everything in this life, it's important to me that you're safe and able to recover without any further stress".

What's done was done, and there was no going back. Caedyn didn't feel much like debating the issue, not when someone he cared for was sitting there in the medical ward suffering from pain and nausea. Since he had first accepted Elise' request to watch over the girl, Caedyn had looked to it with a professional perspective, yet it seemed that she was quickly becoming something more than a responsibility, and someone to train. He felt protective of the girl, especially now where Kyra Perl seemed so vulnerable.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra groaned in protest of his continued patience, a part of her wanting to shove at it and see how far it'd really last. He could count himself lucky that she lacked the energy, her skin clammy and chilled as the bacta slowly spread through her. "Much rather you yelling at me," she grumbled, not looking his way. "Least then I know what to expect-- Why does it all have to be hard, it's not fair. I just wanna do this- I-"

The nurse came in with water and a final dose of pain medication to settle her, a thing the girl begrudgingly accepted with a teary gaze and wavering bottom lip.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"If it was easy then everyone would be doing it" Caedyn remarked while the Nurse tended to her, "But only those with great potential are able to train here as Jedi, and those who dedicate themselves to their time here, do eventually succeed. I've full confidence that you can be one of those people, Kyra...-With a bit more patience and self discipline" he concluded his statement apprehensively, feeling that she'd focus on the criticism as opposed to seeing the compliment and the faith behind his words that he held for her.

"You shouldn't be in such a rush though" He continued, speaking his further thoughts aloud while he watched the Nurse closely, studying and ensuring he followed what treatment was being offered to his Padawan; "We all progress in our own time, and there's no limit to how soon we need to complete our training. Everyone's path is unique to them".

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

With the medicine downed and a simple thing like ice offered, there was really nothing left for the nurse to do. Accidents happened all the time, and Kyra could count herself lucky she hadn't broken anything. They would have kept her down for much longer.

Kyra's lip only wobbled more as they found themselves left in peace, a deep sense of wounded frustration filling her. "It's not fair. I bet Acaadi could do it. Acaadi can do everything. It's not fair-- we take all the same classes together-- and he--"

He was going to be made a knight soon at this rate. She could sense it.

And she? She'd be left in the dust.

She sat up, ignoring her body's protest as she tried to get out of bed. "I want to go back, try again!"

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"You'll do no such thing" Caedyn reprimanded her, his left hand raising in gesture for pause; "First of all, you're only sixteen. I wasn't Knighted until my early twenties and you can likely expect the same" he informed her, soon to continue; "Not to mention you've already injured yourself and I'm not going to watch you torture yourself. You'll stay right where you are, Padawan".

"Not so long ago, you didn't even want a Master, now you're wanting to reach Knighthood as quickly as possible..." Caedyn spoke, sounding bemused; "If you spend all of your time rushing through things, you're going to miss the important lessons and pleasures in life. I think you need to learn to take things as they come, day by day and focus on trying to simply enjoy yourself...-Jedi training doesn't have to be such a chore, you know".

No matter where they ended up, or what their situation was, he and Kyra always ended up having these sorts of discussions. Caedyn wasn't at all speaking in disapproval of her, but seeking to try and guide her in a way that would prove far more beneficial. Whether Kyra Perl would see things that way however, was another matter altogether and one of the greater obstacles in their path.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra was left frozen on place, emotions playing across her face in tell-tail tics of struggle. Whatever fight he was about to get from it, it was washed out in a weakening wave of pain. She groaned softly, turning away from him then, the ice pack used to block him from her sight as she fell back into the pillows.

"How," she demanded, her voice a soft croak. "How do I do that- how do you all- I don't understand what anyone ever says, you guys talk about things like its so easy-- but its not-- and you leave me- in the dust-- and I-" She made a frustrated noise, for the first time trying to impart to another how she saw her interactions with the world. Kyra's sparse attention or flickering bouts of anger didn't come from a lack of dedication.

She interacted with the world very differently than the others. And like a child does when they have a emotions they can't put to words-- her lash outs were a cry for help. Patience. Meditation. Practice-- she didn't get how to apply herself to it.

She needed a hand.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I'm not leaving you in the dust, Kyra" Caedyn replied gently, "I'm going to be beside you every step along the way" he hoped to assure her, to give her some small comfort of at-least knowing that she wouldn't go it alone. But then, that also very much depended on how she felt about him, as to how much the sentiment may mean to her or otherwise go amiss.

For a moment, Caedyn fell quiet in thought. He wanted to make things easier for Kyra, to see things work out for her, yet he was having trouble seeing things on a mutual level with her. All that he sought to express, to guide her through had thus far been very 'hit and miss'. He had learned that she was easily encouraged by giving in to her desires, saber practice for example, however she also seemed discouraged. Perhaps due to the fact that he had performed skills that she wasn't yet able to perform herself; Subsequently, she had taken this as a sign of her inability, where as these were simply acts that Caedyn had used to defend himself in their training. Kyra Perl was an extremely sensitive young woman, and perhaps this was mostly due to her being an empath, yet Caedyn also couldn't ignore the fact that she seemed to lack a certain sense of individualism and self-identity. Something he'd discovered during their meditation session together.

"Can I ask why it's important to you, to keep up with your fellow students?" He asked. Competition among students was natural, however there was more to the question that he would elaborate on; "Does it matter that they know some things that you don't? I'm sure there are things that you can do, that they also don't know, or aren't capable of doing..." His words didn't exactly convey what he was trying to express. Caedyn wanted to encourage Kyra to focus more upon herself, to learn of who she was in her own eyes, rather than the eyes of her peers.

"How you feel about yourself, matters more than what others might be thinking...If that's something you're worried about" he took a stab in the dark, assuming a possible reason behind her anxiety.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra placed the ice pack over her eyes, blocking him and his stupid words out.

"That's not true and you know it," she grumbled. "Everyone cares. You care, that's why you're here and no off doing other things. I make you look bad. All my sisters could do this. I- And-" She made a frustrated noise, his shot in the dark correct. This all stemmed from comparisons and perceived family pressure.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Of course people care about you, but that doesn't mean they're judging you or that you should be held to their standards. Your life is unique to you, and what you do with it is something only you can determine" Caedyn replied softly, not wanting to lecture her but explain and gingerly coerce her into hopefully understanding.

"You're not making me look bad at all. All students struggle...-Hell, even Jedi Knights struggle and screw up regularly. It's part of being alive, human" he said, knowing full well that he himself had made his share of mistakes and would still do in the future. "I've no doubt in my mind that your Sisters probably had a hard time learning at the start as well. I know I certainly did. Getting to where I am today wasn't easy what-so-ever".

Kyra Perl hadn't spoken much of her Sisters prior to the day. Caedyn knew of the name, but wasn't certain what Kyra's relationship was, or whether she was an only-child or held other siblings. It was interesting to note that she did indeed have Sisters. Perhaps one day he'd have the opportunity to meet them and hear some of their thoughts on her progress, and prior youth.

 

[Kyra Perl]

As per Kyra's unique style of listening, she heard one thing and one thing only.

"....You've made mistakes?" She peeked out from under the ice pack, lips pursed as she considered him. "...Whaaaaaaaat'dyoudo?" She asked, her voice subdued. She didn't accurately expect an answer, at the very least nothing honest. She herself wouldn't own up to her shit in public, and with Caedyn the urge to be vulnerable was even more nonexistent than it was with all the last.

Still. Nosy her asked, wondering if she could sense any flaws from her would-be-...okay fine,-- her actual Master.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Well, for a start your Doctor gave me grief for letting you attempt that aerial maneuver" He replied, frowning as he still felt somewhat guilty for having let Kyra Perl attempt the Kata while being quite certain she wouldn't be able to pull it off.

"But when I was younger, I got myself into all sorts of trouble with my Sister, Lori" he continued, "Some of the things I did hurt the feelings of others. I've unintentionally insulted some of my fellow Jedi Knights before, and made assumptions that weren't my place or business". Caedyn wasn't proud of the mistakes he'd made in life, yet it was easier to discuss with Kyra knowing that there was a point in revealing some of them.

"My relationship with my parents suffered because I struggled to deal with emotions relating to my families past..." He added, and on that note decided that perhaps that was enough said. "So yeah, believe me when I say that no one's perfect and while Jedi do their best to be role-models to the Galaxy, we are still very capable of screwing up".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra slumped, his confession as vanilla and boring as she expected. Still, the fact that she had gotten him in trouble for letting her do the move brought a bit of redness to her cheeks. She really thought she'd be capable of it. The face that she had failed so significantly... well...

"....I don't wanna stay in here," she confessed, her voice tight. "I wanna go back, I wanna practice. Can you please break me out of here? I'll be good, I swear."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I can have you discharged to your quarters, but you've got a concussion, which means you can't be left alone. You can rest up in your Dorm, but someone will need to be there to watch over you just in case" Caedyn answered, giving Kyra Perl a gesture of good will. If she promised to behave herself, then he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, and the opportunity to prove herself trustworthy.

"Either I can look after you, hang about, or you can spend time with a friend or two, as long as they're aware of your condition" he cautioned her, knowing that she'd not exactly be keen to have him hanging about her room.

"Unfortunately, training's off the table for the remainder of today".